Undoubtedly everyone's heard about the new sins decreed by the Vatican this week. As always, there are those who are either ignorant or patronizing of anything related to the Catholic Church. As such you get comments such as: "Who does the Pope think he is to make up new sins?" or: "Why is the Church meddling in social issues instead of concerning itself with the souls of men?"
As a "left-leaning" Catholic myself, I feel that the social injustice sins have been a long time coming. We're connected like never before in the history of the world, able to affect so many people at once. As far as I can tell, they've simply expanded on the idea of the Seven Deadly Sins to include those acts which affect others on a much broader scale.
What is a good Catholic with a sense of humor to do when everyone around him is taking these new sins either too seriously or no serious enough? Come up with a list of my own.
While I don't foresee becoming an Archbishop or Pope anytime soon, this is the list of sins I would add. They aren't really "deadly," let's call them something else:
The Seven Vexatious Sins
1. Sending Email Spam - I can't stand weeding through endless amounts of junk sent to my email address. If you're spreading fallacious emails like "Barack Obama is secretly a Muslim," you're bearing false witness. If you're trying to convince me I won the lottery in Nigeria, you're stealing. For those of you spamming porn emails, I think you know where you fit in.
2. Not Merging In A Construction Zone - You've been there. You see the "Lane Closed Ahead" sign, you merge into traffic like a good Catholic driver, and while you sit patiently in your vehicle, you watch others speed by and try to sneak into the lane at the last possible moment. If you are one of these drivers, you better go get absolution right away...but you can only drive 20 mph.
3. The "English Only" Movement - Just a bit of history, when scared Americans try to "push" undesirables out of this country, language is one of the tools of the trade. We did it after World War 2 on the West Coast with the many people speaking Japanese, we did it with the French after the Louisiana Purchase, we even did it to the Germans in colonial Pennsylvania. Oh, and those pesky natives that were around, we kinda alienated their language as well.
The "English Only" movement stems from fear of the unknown. When we turn that fear into oppression, we're not being open to all of God's people. That and I have a hard time dealing with pretentious folk who think that language makes them "more American" than someone else.
4. 24" Rims - While on the road to Damascus, Saul of Tarsus was blinded by a brilliant light. While Jesus chose this time to reveal Himself to Paul, the blinding light came from an '87 Cadillac Fleetwood rollin' on 24" wire-wheel Daytons.
Perhaps there's no Biblical foundation for the sin, but cars with oversized chromed-out rims look ridiculous. It lowers the gas mileage (if such a thing is possible for a Caddy), it's a stiff ride, and it's a waste of money. If Moses were around today, he would've given us the commandment: "Thou shalt not throw D's on it!"
5. Half-Eating Snacks From the Lunchroom - It's someone's birthday; they brought in doughnuts. But you don't want a whole doughnut, just a small bit to satisfy your sweet tooth. Whether you pull off a piece or use a knife to cut off a small part, you feed your craving. Meanwhile, the next person who comes in sees a half-eaten treat which looks completely gross.
Please, if you're gonna take something from a community food basket, don't leave half of things behind. I know you didn't take a bite out of it and put it back, but we all work with someone that could. Either share, eat it all, or have a Mentos instead.
6. Watching South Park - While I not only find this show devoid of any comedic value or original ideas, I think the viewing public has become less intelligent after watching too much of this show. Since this abomination could last even longer than The Simpsons, we must protect mankind from turning into a society of bumbling idiots.
Keep in mind this sin is soley in regards to South Park. Family Guy, American Dad, and Futurama (yes, new episodes of Futurama are coming!) are perfectly acceptable.
7. Wearing a Blue Tooth Mic - I get the fact that you're trying to be "hands-free" and that it just looks cool to just talk without holding a phone to your ear, but I'm sick of feeling stupid cause I think someone is talking to me, and they turn their head and I see the big electronic piece in their ear. Instead of talking with a Bluetooth, get a big sign on a string and hang it around your neck that says "I am cool." It's the same thing.
Consider thineselves tagged, and feel free to let loose.