Most people have already heard that on May 3, Starbucks will offer a Trenta size 31 ounce cup for coffee. The human stomach only holds 900mL; the Trenta will max it out at 917mL. But what you probably didn't know is that there are other horrible things for your body, too.

While searching through alternet.org for a homework assignment, I stumbled on to an article: 5 Ridiculous Fast Food Creations That Should Never Have Been Invented.

I don't eat the healthiest...any of my brothers can tell you that. But looking at some of these food choices makes me wonder if we hate our bodies so much that we're willing to buy into some of these outrageous food choices.

Maybe I'll just eat a banana for lunch.

Enjoy the article!

www.alternet.org article

Sometimes it's the small things that bring us pleasure. As a discerning friar, I can be so focused on the big things, that I'm surprised when something little is recognized as a gift from God.

Today at class, I was talking with a few of my classmates. When I told them I was 35, one of them remarked: "I thought you were only 25!"

While some might consider my happiness an appeal to my pride, there is something to say about being accepted and perhaps integrated with the younger culture of college life. As someone trying to identify myself as a strong student, a discerning friar, a Mexican American, a functional person with Epilepsy, and the many more pieces that make me who I am, it's good to have those moments when you no longer feel on the margins.

So while his statement may have been non-chalant, small things like that make this process of school and integration a little bit easier.

I was recently in Milwaukee at the reception of our new Postulants. Events like these bring many of the friars together. One of the older friars came up to me and said: "You write great stuff. But sometimes you go a little long."

"You sound like a parishioner after Mass!" I told him jokingly, and we had a good laugh.

it's good to know that friars from my Order keep tabs on me, even if they have some helpful criticisms along the way.

One of the things that people find annoying at Mass is the people who leave early...usually right after receiving Communion. I understand that the church is packed, parking is a pain, and the game (whichever sport that may be) starts 20 minutes after Mass; but going to Mass is a committment of one's faith not an extra that is squeezed between a night out and a day of vegging out. It's disrespectful to God, the presider, and the gathered parish community.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I attended a recent Mass and heard the presider say:

"Out of respect for our Lord and for the Lord's people gathered here today, I ask you all to stay until the Mass is finished."

I found his statement to be thought-filled, respectful, and in keeping with the spirit of the Liturgy. People leaving early is something all parish priests have to deal with. As I am still discerning a calling towards the priesthood along with my vocation to the Capuchin Franciscans, innovative and respectful priests such as the one who presided on this occassion inspire me to continue considering a life as a priest.

After the blessing, he pleaded again. "Before you go," he called to the people trying to sneak out, "Stay a while! Grab a hymnal...and join the rest of us in song for the Christmas Season." Unfortunately we were sitting too far up front to see how many people were trying to leave early.

It was a respectful and challenging attempt to reach out to parishioners...definitely something for me to remember for later days.

I'm still recovering from having my wisdom teeth pulled. I'm a little woozy and kinda cloudy at the moment, in all honesty! While the Vicodin manages the pain, it puts me in a weird place that I don't like to be - one reminiscent of the days when I did drugs.

But rather than dwell on the effects of the pain killers, I wanted to let people know that my operation went off without a hitch, and that I'm only able to eat Jell-O, pudding, apple sauce, and similar substances for the next few days. Thanks for the many prayers and words of support before the operation.

On an unrelated note, I have a conference call scheduled on Monday with the PR director of our province as well as the the person who does the PR's web work. The goal is to look at what can be done to improve the functionality, aesthetics, publicity, and other components to my blog. I recognize that not every blogger is lucky to have a person on-hand to help with technical issues, but as my faith journey continue to moves from a vocation of "just the priesthood" and more into the realm of Franciscan spirituality, I recognize the need to change the face and make everything look just a bit more "professional."

One possible inclusion is a link to Fr. Marty Pable, OFM Cap. Fr. Marty is a priest-psychologist who's been a parish priest, a professor at St. Francis University in Milwaukee, a preacher for retreats and workshops, a spiritual director, and a published author. He is still active and lived at the Postulancy house with me last year.

Along with these ministries he's had a lesser-known internet ministry for several years. By making himself available to questions regarding faith, Church teaching, Biblical teaching, and all things concerning faith (regardless of someone's faith), he's been instrumental in helping people on their own spiritual journey while being respectful of the person as an individual. This specific ministry he does just by email. See Fr. Marty's old page here...his email still works.

I don't know if it's just the Vicodin, but I'm excited to see what the next few weeks brings in changes to the blog.

With the dramatic increase in readers that I have on my blog, I've decided to try and make this site more functional, eye-pleasing, and navigable. I have no idea how to do any of those things, but like this entire faith journey, I'm gonna try and figure it out along the way.

Most importantly will be a name change in the blog. When I first started to record my thoughts in this format, I entitled the work: "The Road to Faith." It was an appropriate title at the time, but as I discerned longer, I changed the name to "The Long Road to Priesthood" as I started to explore different vocations in the Church.

That was almost 2 years ago.

But like my faith spirituality, this blog has grown into more than just a focus on becoming a priest. As a novice of the Capuchin Franciscans I am concerned with much more than just being ordained. My thoughts are about community life, how to live obedience, poverty, and (Lord, help me!) celibacy. The events that have brought me to this point are the topics of meditation, the stories I use in faith-sharing, and a bridge I use to build relationships that I'd never have made were I anything but a Capuchin friar.

Last but not least, I've started to find God in the most unlikely of places. On the radio, when driving on the freeway, while sitting at a hockey game, or just when I'm sitting alone. My desire to find a God beyond the church doors has given me an insight into living the Gospel, while sometimes worrying my more conservative friends and brothers.

So with all those thoughts in mind, I'm attempting to revamp the blog to reflect my specific experiences as a Capuchin friar in formation - a task a salesman would find easy (one would think). So over the next few weeks, changes in the format and the style of my blog. I apologize for any trouble in advance.

The only thing I don't intend to change: the content of my thoughts and posts.

As always, thank you for your prayers.

Peace and all good,
-V

I haven't been able to write and post much as of late. The schedule here in Allison Park is starting to ramp up, making computer time and and blogging harder to do on a consistent basis. As always, I'll try to keep people informed about what is going on here in Pennsylvania at the Novitiate house.

Yesterday was Thursday - our day off. Rather than go out and eat, a group of us bought 4 huge bags of chicken wings, plenty of Tabasco sauce, and a few other goodies to make buffalo wings. They turned out to be a success, however I think our cook was annoyed by our monopoly of the kitchen, especially when she was supposed to start making dinner while we were finishing making lunch!

I've also been worrying about my mother. She fell last winter and injured her shoulder. Last week she had surgery to fix the pain she was having; the rehab will keep her at home for 3 months and then put her on restrictions when she returns to work. She says she's healing well (even though she hates taking the Vicodin because it makes her "woozy"), however living in Michigan can redefine your sense of job security. My prayers are that she heals and is able to return back to work without any issues.

I've spent 15 minutes of my allotted 90 internet minutes already. May you enjoy a wonderful weekend. And on this day, may we remember that Christ has already given us His peace - it's up to us to share that peace with everyone else.

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” -Karl Marx

“Let us preserve a common life and willingly share among ourselves whatever we receive as individuals.” –The Constitutions of the Capuchins Friars Minor

I start with these quotes because they describe an aspect of my current life. I doubt the Capuchins used Das Kapital in the formation of the Constitutions - any more than I think Marx used the 4th chapter of Acts in constructing his economic theory. Yet the uses of these two quotes provide two great axioms as how we as friars look at money, goods, and the sharing of our funds.

My present dilemma surrounds a ColdGear™ mock t-neck made by Under-Armor®. To prepare for the winter months, I want/need to buy something to wear under my habit. Sweaters are too bulky, shirts don’t always get the jobs done, nor do I own a single brown shirt. (I often can be seen wearing a yellow or blue shirt under my habit.) Under-Armour® provides a great solution for that problem…at the cost of $49.99.

Disclaimer: Product currently displayed may not reflect how it looks on you. "Washboard stomachs" are not a feature.

Before entering the Order, the process of buying this shirt would be simple: I want, I can afford, I buy. Even families who live on a budget have a sense of freedom with purchases, with needs and wants partially determined by what is left over after the bills are paid.

As I ponder over the purchase of this shirt, many questions have to be answered in my mind before I feel comfortable purchasing the shirt…as well as determining which funds to use:

1. Functionality – Will I wear this shirt enough to validate its cost, or will it sit in the closet? Am I going to use it strictly for an undershirt while wearing the habit, or will I wear it when working out as well? Will it last longer than 6 months? Does this shirt suit the purpose I need it for?

2. Aesthetics – Am I purchasing this because it looks nice? If so, how much of that fits into the decision? Would I be just as happy if it had an Adidas® or Nike® emblem on it? Should I even be concerned by those things? Is it made of a material that I can wear, or will it feel awkward?

3. Buying Ethics – By paying $50 for the shirt, do I feel confident that I will not have to replace the shirt within the year? Do I feel that Under-Armour® is diligent in its buying ethics from third party distributors?

Obviously not all my spending has this same dilemma. My dentist appointment and following wisdom teeth extraction requires little discernment. I have tooth pain, they need to be removed. Very little room for discussion.

However with the Under-Armour® shirt, I try to quantify my need versus my want, and compare that to what the intention of the donor had in mind for my use of the money. Perhaps other guys would have less concern buying a shirt like this. For some, they would see it as a necessity and the question would be finished. Others would see it as an affront to poverty, and choose either to save up for it or find a cheaper way to solve the problem.

After living a life in poverty and then achieving a sense of wealth, questions like these present interesting moments of thought. Knowing what it’s like to live without many “necessities” that others had (car, color TV, cable, dishwasher, laundry facilities, etc.) my definition of need is somewhat skewed. Even sitting here, in a Novitiate setting where we are to live a life without much distraction from the outside world, I type on a computer and prepare to load it onto my blog via the internet. Is that truly a necessity, or does need refer to the 4 staples: food, clothing, shelter, and love (human contact)?

Again, the purpose of this post is not to challenge current standards nor preach about poverty, fiscal responsibility, or how we should all be willing to share our goods to help others. I put forth only the new way I live life and how I make my purchases…a stark contrast from the days of selling cars or dealing poker.

This stuff is giving me a headache. I need a Monster®

(Under Armor and Monster are trademarked items. Their use here is not an endorsement by the me, the Capuchin Franciscans, or the Youth for International Socialism.)

Jesus said to his disciples:
“If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." Get the rest here.

"Where two or three friars are gathered, there is bound to be conflict."

Community living holds a significant difference from the corporate world. If you've ever been to a corporate meeting or a "team building" event at your work site, you realize that the theme is: "Let's do this together...but let's do it my way." One must prove themselves worthy, beneficial, or important for their opinion to be heard by management. Because of this mindset, we often work at jobs where "...my boss is a complete idiot!"

Oh, how we wish for the days when our opinions were heard and things could truly be done the right way!

As a friar living in community, I sometimes miss being told what to do. "But isn't that what obedience is...doing what you're told?" you may ask. Yes, however the Order soon realized that living obedience is easier when you follow someone's directions...and much more complicated when forced to come to a group consensus. But treating each other equally as brothers-in-Christ, we (try) to achieve solutions that benefit everyone.

For example: In the car business, I was not simply told to sell cars. I was told how to sell cars, what habits and tasks would improve my chances of selling cars, I was chastised for not selling the proper amount of cars, and if I challenged what was being taught...the sales manager has many years of success at the car business, and it's hard to tell a successful person they are wrong.

In a religious community, the emphasis is on being obedient to the community. Discussions of house jobs, liturgy, politics, where to park the cars, how to use the dishwasher, how to live poverty, and the ever-violent question of: "Is this what Francis would have wanted?" have existed since the beginning of the Order. Perhaps that was Francis' ultimate challenge: we're not called to live obedience - we're called to live together as brothers in this community.

Yet perhaps the most confusing (and possibly the hardest to live ) part of this Gospel passage is that when everything else fails, you should treat your brother as if he were a Gentile or tax-collector. Knowing that Jesus broke bread with such people and called such people his brethren, what message does that give me when everything I try fails? Perhaps the reality of today's world would rewrite the passage as: "Treat them as you would a telemarketer or one of those drivers that waits until the last second to merge in construction areas (those people give me an angry face!)."

So day to day we try to live as Gospel people and as brothers to each other. There are times when I fall short of that ideal, but my decision to live in community provides me the example and the strength to work with others in ministry. At the best of times we exemplify the Christian community as written within the Bible. Our task is to make everyday a task in living in community.

Parts of this blog post may have been stolen from a homily given by my Novice Master. While I forgot to get permission to use his words for my reflection, I feel this blog post is proof that I in fact DO pay attention. -V

This weekend has continued to be horrible as I try to battle this nasty cold. I have more phlegm than I know what to do with, and I've missed out on some great days to play soccer, go to the gym, etc.

One thing that I have accomplished, however, is that ability to write a few blogs on paper. When I am feeling better (hopefully tomorrow) I will be back up to speed.

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend (I have pictures of my weekend at the beach to show), and you may want to get out the Purell when visiting my blog, in case you catch my cold!

Peace

From thinkpress.com:

State Rep. Cynthia Davis (R-MO) provided several “commentaries” to a press release from the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services on a summer food program. The program provides “food during the summer for thousands of low-income Missouri children who rely on the school cafeteria for free or reduced-price meals during the regular school year.” Davis, who serves as the chairwoman of the Missouri House Special Standing Committee on Children and Families, questioned whether the program is “warranted,” and extolled the hidden benefits of child hunger:

Who’s buying dinner? Who is getting paid to serve the meal? Churches and other non-profits can do this at no cost to the taxpayer if it is warranted. [...] Bigger governmental programs take away our connectedness to the human family, our brotherhood and our need for one another. [...] Anyone under 18 can be eligible? Can’t they get a job during the summer by the time they are 16? Hunger can be a positive motivator. What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work for McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your break. [...] It really is all about increasing government spending, which means an increase in taxes for us to buy more free lunches and breakfasts.

Rep. Davis' newsletter can be found here.

The article comes at an ironic time, as I've been reading Caritas in Veritate.

For most people, July 4th is a time of celebration. And since it hasn't completely turned into a day/weekend of binge drinking (e.g. St. Patrick's Day or Cinco de Mayo), something tells me that many people feel there is an importance to the date that supersedes us as individuals. It's a day that we can celebrate our freedom from oppression from the British rule...

...and then use that power to enslave, eradicate, displace, conquer, acquire land, then expel the indigenous...all in the name of Manifest Destiny.

I struggle with the sins of founders, and recognize the imitation of other leaders to achieve what we have through the same means. We wonder about the evils committed today, yet explain away the evils of our forebearers. In 100 years from now, will we forget the drive to end abortion, saying only: "That's how things were back then." In 100 years, will our descendants see any kind of evil in stem cell research with human embryos, or will we tell ourselves: "Yes it was bad, but look what we've done with that knowledge!" I realize I am making broad arguments, but I wonder if we as a country have found a way to explain away our bad deeds...so we can feel proud to wave our flag and to love our country.

All of this can surely be debated, however it is not the prime example of why I do not share in the usual July 4th celebrations:

When I was 16, my mother and I went downtown to see the fireworks on the 4th of July. It was our first year in Grand Rapids, MI...a much bigger town than Davenport, IA. I wasn't the out-spoken challenger of authority that I am now; I spent most of my childhood as a quiet poor kid surrounded by wealthy white kids...some of which had no problem telling me where I "belonged."

That evening when we got downtown, we found a place to sit and watch the fireworks. This (white) couple behind us starts making comments.

"Why do they always get in the way?"
"Why do illegal immigrants need to be here on the 4th of July?"
"I bet they don't even speak English."

There's two ways to experience this sort of thing. Being a quiet kid, I chose to not do anything. Underneath, I felt horrible...even guilty for having been "in their way."

My mother, on the other hand, whipped around and tore into the couple. Ironically enough, it was a middle-aged family with their 7 year-old son listening intently to the argument that now ensued. I remember hearing the man threaten to throw my mom into the fountain that was nearby; I remember the wife to tell her to "Shut up!" I remember the boy watching intently...all while the "Star Spangled Banner" played and the sound of fireworks filled the sky.

"United We Stand." No thanks, I'll pass.

Unfortunately, I've been forced to view my world without the rose-colored glasses. And if by reminding people of our past transgressions as a country labels me as "unpatriotic, unthankful, or even un-American," it won't be anything I haven't already lived.

May your day be spent with friends, family, and those you love.

-V

Finding things to do in Nowhere, Kansas can be tough...especially if you're used to living in a metropolis such as Chicago, Philidelphia, or the Bronx. For most of us, the only entertainment for our Saturdays here is dinner and a movie. I've never been much of a movie buff, but it seems that "movie-going" is a common activity when you have limited funds and options.

Yesterday about 8 of us went to see the new movie My Sister's Keeper, a story about two sisters: Kate who is battling cancer and the other, Anna, who was genetically engineered to be a perfect donor to keep her sister alive. It is an extremely powerful movie; and I found two specific parts that gave me pause and gave me the opportunity to contemplate on my own thoughts and actions.

Warning: I'll never give a "complete spoiler," however I may discuss parts of the movie that are not in the previews. If you want to be completely compelled by the story, you may want to stop reading here. If you're okay with knowing a little more, I invite you to keep reading. -V

In contrast to the other movies we've watched since being here in Kansas, our drive home was done in silence. 8 guys sitting in complete silence in one vehicle might be unnerving, however I found it to be quite peaceful. As the van rolled down the freeway in a comfortable silence, my mind retraced the movie I'd seen. I was surprised at how much it had affected me, in spite of myself.


When we got back to the friary in Victoria, I decided to walk out into the field. I looked into the sky and all around me. Rather than seeing buildings, street lights, cars, or the things I've been used to seeing...I saw the beauty of being in a place like Kansas. I thought to a scene in the movie where Kate (Sofia Vassilieva) is taken to the beach to spend a day with her family. In the scene, you see Kate taking in the beauty of her surroundings, happy in the fact that she is with her family and spending time enjoying life instead of battling cancer.

As I walked under the big Kansas sky, I wondered why it was so hard for me to simply enjoy the beauty and peace that existed way out here. Does one need to be completely removed from all beauty in life before we value it? How am I able to better see the wonder of God in all around me?

The second part that truly got me thinking was the part played by Alec Baldwin. As Campbell Alexander, he has been hired by Anna (Abigail Breslin) to represent her in a suit against her parents for Medical Emancipation. Mr. Alexander is shown as an injury lawyer who's commercials appear frequently on TV. His representation of Anna pro bono is considered to be an act of gaining notoriety.

Later in the story, this movie shows something not often seen in modern media: Alec Baldwin has a grand mal seizure. And as people in the court watch with horror as he goes through an epileptic episode, Abigail speaks a truth that only someone in my (or the lawyer's position) could understand:

"[He] wanted to help me because he also knew what it was like not to be in control of your own body."

As I think as to how I approach my faith, my ministry, and my future with the Capuchins, much of my plans and desires surround the concept of power. Giving power to those who don't have it, using power to bring about needed change, empowering others who have no voice. I wouldn't say I am "power-hungry," rather I am "power-conscious." I know who is in control, I seek to understand, to work with it, and if need be - to undermine and subvert it. This is not a unique spirituality, however it is something that has been in me for a long time. I never knew why I saw the world in such a way...until now.

The fact that I could have a seizure here, or while driving, or in my sleep, or doing any host of things is always a possibility in spite of the control that medicine provides. For all the control and power in the world, I cannot control my own body. It is disempowerment at it's most basic level. Viewing my world from that aspect, from a movie shown on a big screen, I found a way to make sense of why I am the way I am and why I look at the world as I do.

I never imagined that this movie would provide me with such an internal look at my own self, and for that I am grateful. For years I have found God in the unlikeliest of places. Songs, artwork, the ramblings of homeless person. There are several other scenes that I found inspiring and worthy of reflection. But if I keep talking about it, you may never get the same pleasure I got, Dear Reader.

Rich Reinhardt is one of my postulant brothers in the same level of formation as I am. He is also the director of the New Sanctuary Movement in Milwaukee, WI as an outreach to immigrants in this city. Working with the grass-roots group Voces De La Frontera, he has done major work in advocating for the cause of undocumented immigrants living in the U.S.

This evening he gave me a fact sheet that addresses many of the concerns that people in this country have about immigrants living in the U.S. borders. I decided to share this with all of you, in hopes that many myths surrounding immigration policy can be shown false and true dialogue can begin on the topic of immigration reform.

Myths and Facts on Immigration

"The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived, and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
-John F. Kennedy

MYTH: Increased border enforcement is the solution.
FACTS:

1. From 1986 to 1998, border patrol's budget increased six-fold and the number of agents doubled.
2. During the same time period, undocumented immigration doubled.
3. "Tougher enforcement" that pushes people to cross remote desert has lead to a humanitarian crisis on the border.
4. Experts, including the U.S. Government Accountability Office, have concluded that the continual and exponential increase in border-deaths which began the mid-1990's is directly related to an increase in U.S. border enforcement/border militarization. From 1995-2004 between two and three thousand bodies were found along the U.S.-Mexican border.
5. Causes of death for immigrants crossing from Mexico range from exposure and hypothermia to murder by vigilantes.

MYTH: Immigrants don't pay taxes.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants pay income, property, and sales tax using an ITIN (individual tax identification number.)
2. They pay between $90-$140 billion a year in federal, state, and local taxes.
3. They contribute $189 billion worth of wages recorded in the suspense file over the 1990's and two and a half times the amount of 1980's.
4. They contribute $6-$7 billion in Social Security tax revenue and about $1.5 billion in Medicare taxes per year.
5. While, as above, immigrants pay $90-$140 billion in taxes, immigrants receive only $5 billion in benefits, mostly through K-12 public schools and emergency medical care.
6. "Our assumption is that about three-quarters of other-than-legal immigrants pay taxes." (--Stephen C. Goss, Social Security's chief actuary, using the agency's term for undocumented immigrants.)

MYTH: Immigrants take jobs from American workers.

FACTS:

1. Immigrants have no net impact on unemployment rates. In states with the highest concentration of undocumented people there are actually lower unemployment rates.
2. Immigrants help create jobs through consumerism in automotive sales, electronic sales, restaurants, etc.
3. The Pew Hispanic Center has reported that, "Rapid increases in foreign-born population at the state level are not associated with negative effects on the employment of native-born workers.

MYTH: Immigrants don't want to learn English.
FACTS:

1. Demand for English classes at an adult level far exceeds the supply.
2. Within 10 years of arrival, 75% of immigrants speak English well.
3. 98% of Latino/Hispanic immigrants say it is important to teach their children English.
4. The rate at which immigrants today develop proficiency in English mirrors that of 19th and 20th century German, Italian, and Eastern European immigrants.
5. 91% of second-generation immigrants and 97% of third-generation immigrants are fluent or nearly fluent English speakers.

MYTH: Immigrants increase the crime rate.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants commit fewer crimes than native born Americans.
2. From 1994 to 2005 violent crime decreased by 34% and property crime by 32% as the immigrant population doubled.
3. First-generation immigrants are 45% less likely to commit violent crimes than Americanized, third-generation immigrants.

Sources

This fact sheet borrowed heavily from the website of Justice for Immigrants: The Catholic Campaign for Immigration Reform (under USCCB). Their website is www.justiceforimmigrants.org. Most of the original sources can be found there.

www.immigrationpolicy.org/index.php?content=B070201

After spending three hours at the local H & R Block, working on last years taxes at the car dealership and at the poker room, I got home to find that my habit had come from the tailor in Washington. We had our habits made in advance that they would be ready by the time we made it to novitiate. To make sure the habit and the hood fit properly, I had a chance to wear the last suit I will ever have to put on!

Now everyone from my mother to my friends have been waiting in anticipation to see me with my habit on. And trust me, I already have a few good pictures. However, since we have not been invested in our habits, a ceremony that is a huge part of becoming a novice, it is not proper that I should publish pictures of myself en habitus.

The habit fits, and I've already folded it up and set it aside for when we go to Pittsburgh from Kansas. I may sneak a chance at putting it on again; it's one of those things that helps me focus on where I want this journey to go.

I only wish I could share the excitement with everyone. I guess you'll have to wait a few more months!

Today as I drove back from Mt. Calvary, WI I decided it was time to do what every good Catholic does after an Easter celebration:

Binge on everything you gave up for Lent!

So after taking one of the postulants to the train station, I decided to go out for some food at Taco Bell. I'd been jonesing for some fast food for weeks, and decided today I would order more food than I could possibly eat and sit in front of the TV for the rest of the day. A standard Easter for most people in the US.

Along the way through downtown Milwaukee, I saw a few guests from the St. Ben's meal walking by. I hadn't seen anyone from St. Ben's in over a week; their appearance was a quick reminder of my ministry. So rather than just honking, waving, and driving by, I decided to drive around the block and park.

I got out and spoke with John and Laura, asking how things were going. They were headed to this side of town after the continuous harrassment from the police. They couldn't understand why, on this day, the police chose to harrass them and the other homeless that resided in this part of the city. I told him that with the Easter holiday, and so many people going to the Gesu Church at Marquette University, they didn't want the poor people panhandling to the pretty-dressed people as they walked in/out of church.

Without thinking, I told them that I was going to get some lunch, and did they want to go. When talking with the homeless, inviting them somewhere means that you are also treating them. They happily accepted, and turned around to their friends who they'd been traveling with. Again without thinking, I asked if they wished to go along as well. They were a little shocked by the invite, and I had to introduce myself as the chaplain at St. Ben's before they felt comfortable.

"Vito, I'm black," John said to me, laughing. "I don't eat burritos. I eat me some chicken!" And with that, we headed out to a KFC at 12:30 in the afternoon on Easter for a Sunday brunch.

As we entered the KFC (it was one of the ones with the full sheet of bullet-proof glass between the cooking area and the dining area) it was clear that the worker was not happy about working during Easter. I tried to make the ordering as painless as possible, and I think that our joy was infectious. She started out being crabby, but eventually warmed to a Mexican and four homeless people who were sitting in her dining area...enjoying lunch and life.

Halfway during the meal, an older lady walked into the restaurant, only hoping to rest her feet. Knowing John and Laura, and knowing that they could not buy food at KFC, they told her about me. She humbly asked for something, not wanting to be imposing, and I gladly gave her my mashed potatoes and a Snacker from my order. She thanked me and with a devilish smile asked if I was married...to which everyone laughed.

Later on that day, I would stop into St. Ben's as they offered their Easter meal to the guests of Milwaukee. I had a chance to meet with many volunteers, one of them being a girl whom I'd met at a Lenten retreat where I'd given a talk. She remembered me and what I had said...something that made me feel proud.

After the St. Ben's meal, I was invited, along with the other friars of my community, to eat with some hospitable parishioners of St. Martin de Porres Church...the parish that exists next door to our friary. With a wonderful dinner and great stories, it was the perfect capstone to a wonderful Easter.

And sitting here at my desk, later at night and with time to reflect, I can see where I found God today. This Easter holiday, where we celebrate the greatness of the risen Christ, I was able to see that glory at work in my life. I could see it in the joy of being surrounded by good people. I could see it in the hospitality and caring of others. But most of all, I saw it from it's very beginning: a selfish act that, but for the grace of God, became an opportunity for me to live the Holy Spirit on the most important day of all.

Today, like the disciples, I saw Jesus again. And the joy of having seen Him today is so great, it moves me to tears.

May you all find the risen Christ in all that you do this Easter Season.

(taken from our Triduum Retreat, directed by our Provincial Minister John Celichowski)

First read John 21:1-19

During his years as the head of what was then the Soviet Union,
Nikita Krushchev denounced a number of the policies and atrocities of
his predecessor, Jozef Stalin, who was responsible for the deaths of tens
of millions of his countrymen. Once, while he was criticizing Stalin,
Krushchev was interrupted by a heckler who cried out, “You were one
of Stalin’s colleagues! Why didn’t you stop him?”

“Who said that?” Krushchev roared in response. The room was
absolutely still. Nobody moved a muscle. After a long moment of tense
silence, Krushchev said quietly, “Now you know why.”

Fear is a powerful motivator in our lives. It drives us to do some
things: we cram for a test because we fear failure; we turn the car
around and return home one last time to make sure we didn’t leave the
oven or iron on; and we build our arsenals and armies to protect us from
attacks or threats to what some call “our way of life.”

But just as it compels us to do some things, fear also keeps us from
doing others: we fail to apologize for fear of appearing weak or getting
into another fight; we don’t ask some one out for a date or for their hand
in marriage because we fear rejection; we stay in the comfort zones of
our current lives and ministries rather than risk being or doing something
different because we fear failure. As we saw in the example of Premier
Krushchev, fear can also prevent us from stepping forward and speaking
out when we should.

What are you afraid of right now? Which fears are driving you,
and which ones are holding you back?

Jesus knew fear. He confronted it very powerfully in the Garden
of Gethsemane the night before his death. Most of the gospels describe
it as “anguish,” a feeling so powerful that one of them describes him
almost literally sweating blood. Throughout that night and just before
his arrest, it drove him back and forth from the place where he was
praying to his disciples, only to find them asleep and overwhelmed.

The disciples had to face their own fears; and “when the chips
were down,” they failed. All of them, save the beloved disciple, fled and
went into hiding.

None of them, however, failed as spectacularly as Peter, who
denied as many as three times that he even knew Jesus—the same Jesus
to whom he had vowed only hours earlier that he was prepared to die.
He couldn’t even admit that he knew him! Confronted at once with his
own cowardice and failure, Peter could only run away and weep bitterly,
entombed in his fears.

It must have been emotionally exhausting and perhaps became
even more so when Peter and the other disciples—driven behind locked
doors out of fear that those who killed the Lord were coming after
them—were confronted by Jesus, wishing them peace and showing them
his wounds but also challenging their lack of belief.

In the gospel passage we just heard, Jesus came once again before
Peter and the other disciples. The resurrection stories remind us of
something we easily forget: Jesus reveals himself to us, personally, over
and over again. He shows himself to us as communities at least as often
as individuals; and he often does so in the midst of our ordinary lives. In
this particular passage, it was in the midst of Peter and the disciples
engaged in their regular jobs, doing something they’d done thousands of
times before.

Like Peter and the other disciples, however, we so often fail to
recognize the Lord’s presence or action…until something unusual or
miraculous happens. Perhaps we’re still afraid, in the midst of the
increasing secularism and skepticism of our age, to acknowledge him.
After all, to do so has consequences. For Peter, the biggest consequence
seemed to be being reminded of his failure.

For the church today, perhaps the biggest fear is not so much that
Jesus is no longer present and working but that he is no longer doing so
with us. If the gospel is so powerful, how is it that fewer people seem to
be following it?

I sometimes wonder whether its this fear, along with the stated
concerns about Catholic identity, that are causing such a stir at Notre
Dame about President Obama’s commencement address and honorary
degree. Our Catholic teaching on abortion and the sacredness and
dignity of human life—not only at conception and in the womb but also
in the refugee camp, the AIDS hospice, the pre-school classroom, and
the prison—is pretty clear but even many of our Catholic elected
officials do not seem compelled to follow it, much less our non-Catholic
President. Indeed, more often than not our politicians on both sides of
the aisle seem far more persuaded by their respective party platforms.

Yet even in the face of this, the Lord’s voice to Peter and the other
disciples in the upper room and behind the locked doors, echoes to us:
“Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you” (John
20:21). He has sent us; and, if we look at it honestly and recall the rest
of the New Testament and the first several centuries of the church’s
history, in a world far less hostile to the gospel.

Symbolized in the disciples miraculous catch of 153 fish (said by
some ancient scholars to mark the number of known species and thus the
universality of the Church—our mission remains to gather all together,
and Jesus continues to feed us in the midst of it. Despite our failures,
Jesus invites us to make the risk of love and to feed and tend those
whom he has placed in our care; and he asks that we surrender our own
wills and lives to that mission…just as he did.

Like he did with Peter, he never admonishes us, “…and don’t
screw up again.” Instead he simply asks, “Do you love me?” and urges
us to feed and tend to those in need, who belong to him, not us.

In December 1914, a terrible fire swept through the laboratories of
Thomas Edison in West Orange, NJ destroying over $2 million in
equipment and much of the great inventor’s life’s work. His son Charles
later reflected on the experience of witnessing his father’s white hair
blowing in the cold winter air and his face glowing as he gazed upon the
inferno. “My heart ached for him,” Charles said, “He was no longer
young, and everything was being destroyed.”

Rather than being overwhelmed by the tragedy, however, Edison
told his son to call his mother. “Find her,” the inventor said, “Bring her
here. She’ll never see anything like this again as long as she lives.”

The following morning found the 67 year-old Edison walking
among the charred remains of a lifetime of work, hopes, and dreams.
Instead of mourning what had been lost he remarked, “There is great
value in disaster. All of our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can
start anew.”

Happy Easter!

Yes, today I turned another year older today. I actually celebrated my birthday on Thursday, as we celebrate all events on our community nights. I had plenty of cake (twice), was sung to by many different people, and even had a burly man with a mustache make a comment about birthday spankings. So despite being in religious life on my first birthday, it was pretty normal for me.

My mom and my Godmother called me, both to remind me of the story of when I was born and I was "so little then!"

Maybe I just have other things on my mind this year, but I'm not all that excited about my birthday. I don't fear or loathe aging at all, I just see it as passing time now...another birthday that will occur as I try to decide how to spend the rest of my life.

I appreciate all the well wishes and birthday cards I got this year. While the day wasn't as exciting, I realize that this year is the most time I've ever been wished a happy birthday.

It's almost ironic: I could have cared less about anyone myself only a few years ago. Today I carried on as if it were no more special to me, yet others continued to remind me that I was in their thoughts and prayers on this day.

Well really I'm moving downstairs, however I did check my compass, and indeed I am moving to the east side of the friary. Rather dorky, I know, however I'm excited about the fact that I've moved out of my old room and into this new room where everyone else is!

Originally I lived on the 3rd floor of the friary. Our rooms were randomly picked out, since they differ in size, layout, and in some instances, amenities. I was lucky enough to get the nicest and largest room in the friary on the 3rd floor. Walk in closet, full size bed (instead of the singles), room for about everything, close to the bathroom and showers...this room was definitely a good place.

As the year progressed and postulants began to leave the 3rd floor (and the Order entirely) I was left by myself in my corner of the friary. It was rare that anyone ever knocked on my door. I knew I could go and hide in my room if I wasn't feeling good or in a mood, because no one would come up to see me. It became me refuge from community life, and eventually I felt it became a hindrance to my participation here in the friary.

After the most recent postulant left, I made a decision to move closer to where the other guys' rooms in the house. I felt that if I were closer, I wouldn't feel as removed from the happenings of the house as I do now. While I still have the door shut at times, I feel I am right in the middle of everything, and I won't be left out just because I'm so far away.

I find that little things like this make a difference when living in community. Some of the people who are friends now are friends simply because their rooms were closer, and they were the ones who talked to each other the most. In many ways, it is a reflection of our own lives. For those we choose to interact with more, talk to, and even include in our daily routine, those are the people we will learn to understand even better.

Last week our assignment was to write a psalm about something we experienced in life. It could be about a sad moment, something that helped us feel serene, a time when we completely felt God's presence...the choice was ours. The only thing that mattered was that we wrote our psalm as they'd been written in the past: the psalm should express our feelings to God, rather than just stating "what happened."

There were a lot of moments I could have used to write about. I looked through the Book of Psalms to get an idea. The first psalm I happened to open up to was psalm 18: a song of praise with rather war-like imagery. For the time they were written, and also for the context, it made sense to write and converse with God in relation to war...something a little more confusing today. So rather than write something sappy, or completely praise-worthy, I saw this psalm and wondered what I could tap into in order to write a psalm such as this.

So looking into my past, I wrote and shared this with the others in my class. No one was able to figure out what I was exactly describing, however they said they could see the emotions that were shared in the psalm. When we known the original meaning and/or context of a psalm, it takes on an entirely different interpretation.

In the sense of fun and sharing, I thought I'd post my psalm here. What I won't post, at least not yet, is the actual event or part of my life that this comes from. I will leave that for you, Dear Reader, to investigate yourself. The question is this: does this seem like someone's genuine feelings? Do you see a time when this psalm could be used during a prayer? What does this psalm mean to you?

After a few days, I'll describe the story behind my psalm, an odd change from the Book of Psalms. But I think the important part is to realize that a psalm was a way for people to share their emotions with God; if you can see or relate to these emotions , I see that as more important than just my meaning.

I.

"Hail Almighty!" I exclaim with all my breath,
You have gifted me with strength and wisdom,
Your mighty arm has extended across the universe to guide me as I train;
You have fashioned me into your righteous soldier.
I strive to be your reflection.

As I stand ready before my enemies, I invoke your holy name,
Your spirit echoes in my voice as I shout across the battlefield.
Your eyes see and your ears hear, your lips whisper into my ear.
You choose us to be your flaming sword of justice.

While war raged all around me, I could not tell friend from foe,
You gave me sight so that my aim might be true.
You gave me speed that my legs prevent my enemies' escape.
I need only say your name, and you reveal my foes to me.
My Lord keeps me from falling to the ground.

Your blade is just and far-reaching; we wield your power with precision,
Like a symphony of minstrels or choir of hosts.
What foe can stand against the power of the Lord?
What test cannot be overcome with you on our side?
By your mighty arm, we stand victorious in battle.

"Hail, Almighty!" I exclaim, and you make me a king of people.
I am both a master of slaves and an elder of brothers.
I offer tribute that I remain in your favor.
Grant that I should not fail my people; and they will know
no other god is Lord but you.

II.

I have left your comfort, Lord.
Everything is black in front of me.
I feel only dirt under my feet, stillness in the wake of triumph.
Your once-great warrior is gone.

Why did you tease me with glory and victory, Lord?
Help me to always know that you are my God,
Show me that your greatness exists beyond the gates of discord.
And keep me always as one of your own.

Enjoy, and feel free to add any comments you wish to. I'll talk about the meaning later. =)