I've started counting backwards now from when the Postulancy begins in the fall. 21 weeks is all that is left of me being on the "outside." 21 weeks to finish paying off $1600 in debt. 21 weeks to get my affairs in order. 21 weeks to prepare myself for a year of community living, soul searching, and ministry.
It's funny...all this time I wanted to hurry up and be in the Order; now I'm feeling nervous. Am I ready to share my life with 9 other guys as well as the other professed brothers in the friary? Am I still doing this for the right reasons? What if I meet a woman between now and then?
The Order requires all paperwork to be submitted no later than March 3tTh. I still have transcripts that need to be sent, a dental exam to take, and I need to get a notarized affidavit regarding my personal debts. Simple letters that need to be sent, except my mother's printer decided to take a dump and now I think I'll have to email my friend a few .doc files to help me out.
My days are pretty much the same at this point: I practice guitar, I do housework, I work at the poker room. On Fridays I help at God's Kitchen, On Sunday's I spent most of the day at church. I pay on my bills, I network with other people, and I offer myself to anyone in need...whatever that means.
Perhaps now that my life has settled into a rhythm, time is moving faster and faster. Near Christmas I couldn't wait to get closer to August 1. Now, I wish I had just another month to get everything in order.
Oh how the time flies.
I've been excited about this for over a year. But for the first time in my life, I think I'm not just getting nervous. I might be getting a little scared.