I found out this weekend that G.T Autos, the dealership where I'd made my success in the car business, is now for sale. While I haven't sold cars in years, I found myself sad at the news.

Most of all I am sad for Elvis, my old boss. When I started, as you can read in my older posts, we got together with the intention of making a boatload of money...and we did. I remember checks and piles of cash stored away as we claimed ourselves as kings of the car sales world. His goal was to create a large enough business so he and his family (I'm pictured with his dad above) could be set. I only wanted to pay off my past debt and prepare the way for Capuchin life.

Even though my Bosnian boss couldn't understand who the Capuchins were or why I was going, he fully supported my in my decision. He and his family were Muslim, and while they were not of my faith, they respected my choice to follow this vocation. He was energetic, funny, and I knew he would succeed at his dream.

With the bad economy and the hit to auto makers, part makers, and sales lot across Michigan, I suppose it was only time before he closed up shop. I feel bad for him and his family. All of us have dreams, and when those dreams are taken away it forces us to change direction and find a new way to live.

In a way I also feel guilty. Perhaps my leaving was so well-timed, I wonder if I sub-consciously knew what was going to happen and made plans for it. It seems ridiculous, yet I feel that I found a way out of the business before I faced any of the loss.

I also realize that my "fall-back plan" is now gone. Where I to leave the Capuchins, Elvis always promised me a job at the lot. With the lot gone, I am at the mercy of the economy should I try make that decision. I've never considered leaving religious life, yet I'm a person who likes to have "all bases covered." As selfish as it sounds, I have a sense of anxiety about the closing of G.T Autos.

I remember my last discussion with him: "You're lucky you got out when you did. Things have gotten really bad. I don't know how much longer I can keep the doors open on this place."

Sometimes it's hard to feel you've done the right thing when you know others you care about are suffering hundreds of miles away.

My first round in the sales business was at the store everybody knows. I wore the blue shirt and khakis, I told people how I wasn't on commission, and while I was never paid extra I worked my butt off to sell those Extended Service Plans. Fun Fact: If you ever get into one of those high-pressure situations and the sales guy tells you he's not on commission, tell him: "Lucky for you then, huh?" and walk away without saying another thing.

One of the first things "Big Blue" taught me, as with any other large business, is how to actually sell something. The process is as old as the first caveman traded a spear for a woman, but the fundamentals never change:

Greeting: "Hi, welcome to G.T Autos. My name is Vito, and you are...?" Make a good first impression on the customer, make them feel welcome. Try to get them to smile, even laugh. Find common ground.

Gathering Information: Your customer is at your store for a specific reason. If they are looking for a computer, find out what kind? Desktop or notebook? Who's going to use it? What are you using it for? As you ask, you learn more about what the customer's needs are.

Recommend - Isolate: After listening to the needs and wants of your customer, show them the item that best fits their description. Should the customer object, reiterate their wants and needs and explain how this item is better than the others around.

Close: After showing the customer the item that best suits their needs, get a commitment to buy from the customer. Your product knowledge as well as your gathered information will help you overcome customer objections.

In any sport or competition, if you know what your opponent is doing, you'll have the edge. While we're not engaging in physical acts of strength and agility to buy a used car, there is a level of competition that can't be ignored. Because of our egos, we don't like to be tricked into buying something. We like to earn a deal, we don't like to be given one. We'd rather buy from someone we know, even if they're clueless about the product, then buy from an informed stranger.

Sales people know this, and these are tools that they use to "push" you in the direction they want you to go. The best can gently push you so far off your target, you end up buying something completely different than what you planned. There is a way to avoid this, and I'll get further in detail later. For now, let's agree that if it benefits the seller to know the buyer's actions, the same must be true in reverse.

Here's another example: Studies and market samples show that car buying habits are broken down into 4 major decisions. Depending on the buyer, those decisions can take as short as a day and as long as 8 months. Whether it be a widget, a service, or personal property, all purchases must go through this 4-step decision before a customer buys:

Exposure (Average time - Instantaneous): You see a commercial for the new BMW M5. You're buddy tells you about the new pair of Nike's he bought. You see your neighbor's new deck and think you might want one yourself. Something sparks your interest in a particular item. In most cases, a need for a new or second vehicle (gas prices, child leaving for college, growing family) is the initial exposure to buying a car.

Gather Information (Average time - 2 weeks to 6 months): You've accepted that you need a new vehicle, but which one should you get? Do you want to buy/lease a new vehicle, or just a used car? How much can you spend? Should I buy a domestic or an import? Since the decision to buy a vehicle involves so many choices and considerations, the gathering of information should take the longest part of the entire process.

Decision to Buy (Average time - 3 days to 2 weeks): After examining all the options, making a list of the pro's and con's, and maybe even settling on the specific make and model of vehicle you want, so begins the process of buying the car. You are still gathering information, but this process is more of a personal decision to spend the money and make the purchase. Will it cost more than you have? Where will you get the best bang for your buck? Do you truly need a car, or do you just want one?

Act of Buying/Delivery (Instantaneous - 30 minutes): This is the awkward climax that some of us love and others hate. This is the reason you bring friends along and why you feel nervous about the vehicle. This is why companies like CARFAX, Edmund's, and Consumer Reports make money hand over fist. This is why we tell friends we bought something and lie to make it sound like we got a better deal. This is the knowledge that you will buy this item, and you need only give them the funds to end the transaction.

The big question you probably want answered: "What do these things have to do with my car buying experience?"

These last four steps are key to any salesperson's approach. If you walk on the lot and I know you're still at step two, I tailor my approach to match. A guy walks onto the lot and tells me: "My buddy got a Honda last week, says it's great on gas. What can you tell me about that Civic over there?" Obviously he's just been exposed to the Honda brand; closing a deal on this guy would be considered offensive. My method of attack: become a walking Mexican of Knowledge, give him product knowledge, acclaims and benefits of the vehicle, show him the history of the car, and perhaps even let him test drive the vehicle. I may ask a few "closing questions," but I know that aggressive sales will backfire.

One day I met a woman who was looking at our Honda's in the pouring rain. As we stood outside in the storm, she told me how during the closing at another dealership, the owner changed the price at the last moment, hoping she'd be fed up and pay anyway. She left angry, depressed, and with $6500 in her hip pocket. She was on Step 4 already and suffered from the same problem many of us face: we don't want to do the whole thing again. Within an hour she left with a 1995 Honda Accord with good mileage and warranty for under $5500. By knowing which part of the sales process she was at, I adjusted accordingly.

In much the same way, you can use the sales process to your advantage.

Answer to the Greeting: If you're absolutely sure you don't want information, there's ways out. Keep in mind, if you want questions asked about a car later, you may be labeled as a "tire kicker" and have to come back another time:

• Start a fight with your boy/girl friend. Nothing's more awkward than trying to talk about cars with a couple who are obviously having a tiff. If you're with your significant other to browse for cars, plan to act mad at each other. If you don't drive off the sales guy, he'll definitely back off.
• If you have your iPaq or Blackberry stand at the front of the cars and walk with it in one hand and your stylus in the other. If you're approached, just wave, smile non-nonchalantly and tell them: "I'm just grabbing VIN numbers." If you've ever worked in the car business, you'll know why this trick works.
• Look like a salesman. Walk fast, talk fast, and have that "I want to sell you something" grin on your face. Dealerships are bombarded daily with people who are trying to sell them something. If they think you are a solicitor, or you're just stopping for your lunch hour, you'll be left alone.
  

Answer to Probing Questions: This part actually is beneficial to you. Information is what you are after, and if the person you're talking to is truly benefiting your shopping experience.

It's been a while since I updated my blog. I like to use the "I've been busy!" excuse, but that's just another cop-out. I apologize to all my active readers.

Seriously though, I have been amazingly busy. With the continuous rise in gas prices, I've sold more Honda Civics and Toyota Corollas in the past month than ever before. Last week I got a check for over $2000...another reminder of what I am giving up. I try to get into the dealership in the morning to handle emails, update inventory, secure financing, and eventually handle all the other small details before I can even get ready to sell cars. Elvis' future brother-in-law will soon be working with me to take over my position; I'll have more things to worry about.

In my free time, I've been playing a lot of soccer as well as walking. I'm unsure about the walk to Milwaukee for several reasons now, but I haven't stopped working out. In the past 2 weeks I've lost 10 pounds simply by eating a little less and being more active. I've yet to give up my "Beef Jerky and Gatorade Breakfast," but I think being active is doing a lot to help shed the pounds.

I've continued to save my money, but I'm a spender at heart and I've tried to find constructive ways to spend my money. I continue to give to whatever causes I can find, but things like golf outings and support walks cramp my work schedule. Even now, 72 days away from entering the Postulancy, I worry about work before anything else. Either I'll be a workaholic Capuchin or I'll run wild with my newly found freedom.

The funny part is that I don't worry about work for the money...perhaps that's also the best part. By the first of July I should be done working full-time at the dealership. People ask why I work as hard as the owner to make sure everything is working properly. I know I wouldn't like to continue this line of work, but since I'm here, I feel a sense of responsibility to ensure that the dealership continues to grow and remain profitable. In the grand sense of things, my big paychecks mean that the business is growing; if I am making money than so is everyone else.

I've already saved more money than ever in my life. I've bought some pretty outlandish things along the way, but I've tried to keep my expenditures limited to things 1. I can take with me to Postulancy, 2. things I intend to share with the others in the Order, or 3. things that will help me grow. Let's take a look at what I've bought so far.

1. NikeiD shoes. Looking back, I probably should have skipped these and just bought a pair of Birkenstocks, but I thought it would be cool to get an extra pair of shoes for soccer (and there will be lots of soccer when I leave.) For those of you that don't know, NikeiD's are the shoes where you customize them over the internet. Not the most practical of purchases, but not the most expensive. Cost: $160 (included was a blue/maize soccer ball with Ronaldinho's signature on it.) Check them out here.


2. New Glasses. The old glasses I have constantly fall off my face, and my eyes feel like they're on fire each time I try to put in my contacts. I know that the Order will pay for any new eyeglasses, but I figured I might as well buy some myself and save the Order some money. I actually did pretty good on these; Lenscrafters tried to charge me over $500 for a set of glasses when Pearlevision was able to get me rolling for $375 with everything included. I think my frames, while a little retro, will fit on my face and last a little longer than the old ones.

2. Instruments. A while back I wrote about the thrill of finally getting a Les Paul. However the attaining of the item wasn't as much of an experience as I'd hoped. The Les Paul was a thing (a beautiful thing, be that as it may), but that didn't mean I wasn't interested in music. Last Friday I stopped into Guitar Center to see a beautiful Ibanez eCoustic (acoustic guitar with built-in pick-up, EQ, and outputs). It was used but was in excellent condition. I played it and fell in love. I walked out the door with it that day. $250

I don't know if I thought about what I'd do with both guitars or whether divine inspiration took a hold of me once again, but I realized that I needed to buy a bass guitar as well. It was as if I'd ordered fries and not gotten the ketchup. This Monday I called up Firehouse Guitars, asked them to get a bass guitar for me and I walked in to get it.

The bass is something I started playing a LONG time ago; I set it aside soon after I got my first electric Lyon guitar. But soon after I got the bass, I remembered what I had missed: that feeling of notes as well as rhythm. Instruments like the flute, the violin, and the trumpet require notes to be in tune and follow within the parameters of the chords. Percussion instruments require no notes, but only the proper time in which the sound is created. But the bass is the perfect fusion of both types of instruments...setting the backbone for the songs melody as well as establishing a rhythm for the song.

Instead of getting a regular bass guitar, I decided to go with a fretless bass. The sound is slightly different from a regular bass, sounding more like an upright bass. The sound is more warm for jazz, but I already knew that I'd use it mostly for Liturgical music.

Since I didn't have a bass guitar and I wanted something that was going to give me the option of 1. having nice amps for my guitars/bass, 2. something that would be reasonably priced, 3. something that wouldn't take up much room, and 4. something I could play my bass along to "I Will Survive" by Cake and other favorites. Along with the bass I bought Guitar Rig 3...a software program that allows everything I just listed as well as providing an abundance of sounds for almost any instrument I wish to plug in. Also included is the CUBASE software for software recording. It seems that things have changed so much from the days of sitting in a recording studio and spending a ridiculous amount of money. Total cost of bass, software, and other goodies: $600


I don't have much left to buy...my time is running out at the job and my work may be done after June. I have plenty of money in the bank so I'm not worried. It's just the realization that all this buying is the result of hard work at a job that has provided everything for me. Would my life be about buying more small things, or would I be looking at a house, a large investment portfolio, or maybe reinvesting my money into the dealership? Perhaps I'd repeat my life and decide it was time to find a woman to "complete my life." Or maybe without the constant chase of money, I will realize my true calling from God. Maybe this money I've spent is the building blocks on which my ministry will begin. Perhaps in Milwaukee I become part of the local parish musicians. Perhaps there sprouts an idea about using music to reach out to people, to encourage under-privileged kids to experience what it's like to learn an instrument instead of learning how to sell drugs. I'm just rambling, but maybe, just maybe, I'm not spending...rather I'm investing.

The mood was perfect so I added a new track to my playlist. "Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin...a great song with an awesome guitar and bass line.

Things are still going well for me at the car dealership. Just yesterday, I was here until 10PM. A customer drove from Madison, Wisconsin to Grand Rapids in order to purchase a 1999 Mazda Millenia S.

Last week I wrote about finishing the Vocations Update that the Capuchins have asked the candidates to write for the Order. It was a way for guys like us to introduce ourselves to the rest of the brothers, but a way to express our expectations and desires of why we are applying.

Not only is mine finished, but it has been typed up and is now available at the Capuchin Franciscans web page: http://www.capuchinfranciscans.org

On May 1, the Admissions Board for the Capuchin Franciscans will convene, and I will finally have the last word on my application. 14 days left to worry, hope, and pray.

Lately I feel like a millionaire: I make more money than I know what to do with, and I always have that urge to go out and just spend. Ever since coming back to the car business, I've been extremely busy selling cars. My commission check have been monstrous, my bank account is fat, and all day at work, they hear me singing to Rick Ross: "Everyday I'm hustlin'!"

Last week I got a check for over $2000. This week I didn't make as much...only $1500. I don't mean to brag about the money I'm making, but last month I was dealing cards for $50 a day. It took a week's worth of work to make $250. Yesterday I made $350 in less than an hour.

The dynamic of the car business is that this is my chosen profession. Were I to continue to work for Bossman at his dealership, my income would continue to grow as the dealership grows. I could easily make $50,000 in 9 months of work, have plenty of vacation time, a company vehicle, and wake up everyday feeling like a pimp. Who in their right mind would turn away from such a promising career?

Even if my paychecks double from where they are now, money is no longer a factor in my life. I think it's hard for some people to understand, and people think I'm lying when I tell them money doesn't matter to me. I've already lived the high life, I've grabbed the American Dream. Even at $100,000 a year, I'd still walk away without regrets. It sounds crazy, but it feels wonderful.

Last week I finished paying off my entire debt. One check did it. As I continue to make money for Elvis and myself, I've started "ear-marking" charities and organizations for sizable donations.
I've donated to my church, National Public Radio, The Epilepsy Foundation of Michigan, and several others. My church's food pantry is in need of food; I told them to make me a list - a big list. I have a charity golf event next month to attend, and I want to help my mom pay off her car before I leave for Chicago. I buy myself clothes or shoes when I need them, but after paying off $18,000 in debt, it's hard for me to "go nuts" at the mall anymore.

My friends find it unreal that I can make so much money and not let it affect who I am or who I want to become. It's my greatest method of testimony, to show people that money and objects are not the source of happiness, that no matter how big your paycheck is or how many rooms your house has, if you can't find that inner peace you will never be happy.

I'm happy working in the car business, but I know I can be so much more. That greater desire in my heart, that calling, is what brings me peace.

I would happily walk away from this job for a chance to follow my dream.

I know my returning to the car business is probably not the prime example of discernment in action, however life has its own twists and turns, and rather than try to understand everything that's happening, I've accepted that things are in motion, and God's Will shall lead me wherever I am bound. For now, I will re-educate myself with the tricks of my trade.

Walking back into the office this morning felt no different than it did 5 months ago. I stopped by Speedway for breakfast and a drink; it was the first real urge I had to buy a Monster Energy Drink since giving it up for Lent. I walked into the office and frantically tried to pick up the pieces from where the other sales guy had left off. There were new finance companies, new inventory, customers already waiting to come in and purchase a vehicle. I was finishing deals I'd not even known existed.

I called all my car sales buddies. Yes, I was back in the business. No, I hadn't given up on the "priest thing." I'm only planning to help Bossman for a few months, and then I'll continue on my path.

I had to call and cancel some other arrangements I'd made. When you have all the time in the world, you can promise your time to everyone. When you have a full-time job once again, it makes it hard to do simple tasks during the daytime.

By the time 7PM rolled around, I wished I had more time to finish up some projects. Just like 4 months ago, I was swamped with work, I was busily handling customers, inventory, outside sales reps, cold calls, and trying not to screw anything up.

In a brief moment of irony, as I stood outside the door to the car lot and looked at "my" lot of cars, I realized I'd made more money today than I made all last week, and I felt like I did 1/10th of the work. They say when you are doing a job you love, you never notice the time go by.

It's good to be home...if only for a little while.

Car sales is the closest thing to the mob. Everytime you think you're out, they pull you back in. Everyone knows everyone else, you're always watching out to make sure no one's cheating you, there's always plenty of drama, and the money...oh the money.

One of the first things I learned in training so many years ago was that a car salesman never had to look for a job very long. If you're a good salesman, there's over 1 million dealerships in this country to choose from. Sales is a trade skill, and as such that skill is highly marketable and always in demand. A good salesman can improve company profits, create new business relationships, expand present areas of service, and build a loyal customer base ensuring years of continued profits.

In a way, I'm not surprised when I got a call by Bossman at the old dealership, asking me to come work for him again for a few more months. Apparently his last salesman left him high and dry, and the past few days he's had no one there to talk to customers or process transactions.

I stopped by the dealership yesterday to talk to them about a few things. "My postulancy is the most important thing," I told them, "but I can help out up until the end of July." There are a few dates I asked for time off in advance, just because I'd already made prior plans. He said that was no problem. "When can you start?" he asked me. "You're old office is ready and waiting!"

I told him I'd already made plans for Saturday, but that Monday morning I'd be there bright and early. Spring is an excellent time to sell cars. People are getting their taxes back, as the weather warms up people look for the the sportier vehicles, and especially for this car lot, as the price of gas keeps shooting up the demand for more fuel-economic vehicles goes up as well.

Overall, I feel I'm helping a friend. I did miss the sales business, and I've grown continuously agitated with the poker thing. I found it ironic how poker players, loaded with money, could find far more to complain about than homeless people at the soup kitchen.

What have I learned? The road to my vocation has many paths, and while there may be no right and wrong, some roads are easier and more exciting than others.

For the past fives years, I've been "schlocking" out everything from golf packages, computers, cell phones, and eventually cars. I'm not quite sure how my life will be after today, but it's the start of a new beginning, and I'm really excited.

Bossman, who will now be referred to as Elvis, is happy for me, but understandably nervous about his future. He just took my order; he's buying lunch for everyone today because it's my last day. In truth, I know he's concerned about who will be the next person to sell cars. There's someone I've been training to replace me, but running a lot takes years of experience...he's sold cars for 2 weeks.

In thinking about this decision, I asked myself "What did you learn at this job that will help you in life?" Every opportunity has not only broadened my resume, but opened up some personal revelation about myself. At J.D. Byrider, the previous car lot I worked at, I first realized that chasing money doesn't equate to personal happiness. Working for Best Buy taught me how to "sell myself," not just to customers, but to use my gifts and experiences in a way that I can connect to those around me. Selling for T-Moblie taught me that even when you enter into a new field of work, it's always scary but usually for the best.


I finished up paperwork for a 2000 Volvo earlier; the final deal for a guy who used to feel like a conqueror - the guy who holds the record at a dealership for "Most Sales In One Day." Even yesterday I was giving tips to NewGuy about positive attitude, goal-setting for success, and how sales is no different from meeting women at the bar. On one hand, I'm teaching him the skills needed to excel at this business. On the other, I can't stand the B.S. any longer.

It's going to be an interesting day. Not one of sadness, even though Elvis will be the best boss I ever worked for. Nor will it be a day of regret, even though this was the highest paying job I'd ever gotten. It will be interesting because it's the first in a giant step down the road I want to travel. From here on out, my life has but one goal: debt relief by August 1, 2008.

I mentioned learning things at each job. I'm still not sure what I'll take most with me when I leave here. Will I tell people how I worked for a Muslim who congratulated me on my decision to pursue a religious life? Will I speak of how I reached the summit of a career, only to realize the mountain I climbed was a staging point for an even greater challenge. Or maybe I'll look back at this part of my life, and remember how I opened up about my discernment - an important step towards accepting His call.

Perhaps it's simpler than that. It could be just like Fr. Hugo said: "If you're that good at selling cars, think how great you'd be at selling The Gospel."

This week I got a promotion.

When Bossman originally hired me a few months ago, the plan was for me to be the Sales Manager of the dealership. Now, it's hard to be a manager when there's no other sales guys but yourself. I did financing, F&I, clerk work, and I sold the cars.

Yesterday we hired our first sales guy. He's a quiet guy that knows very little about selling anything. However he has two things going for him that always makes a sales manager optimistic: he's driven to work hard, and he speaks Spanish as well as English.

Bossman and a few others joked about the competition that would arise between me and my new sales guy. We're still a small car lot, even though we've grown since I started, both Newguy and myself will be working the lot to get deals done. Oddly enough, I'm not feeling jealous or greedy. In fact, I'm quite adamant about giving him most of the up's so he can learn the sales process.

While I still consider myself a workaholic, my determination has little to do with money. If Newguy starts to sell a bunch of cars, I'm happy for him. He has a family that lives below the poverty line, and I have first-hand experience on how a job like this can drastically change one's tax status. In fact, I want him to do so well that I don't feel obligated to stay...should God call me to a more religious life.

The boss of the Poker Room is offering me a top spot as well. I've dealt cards for him so long, I've learned most of the operation. Instead of actually dealing cards, I spend more time enforcing the rules, chatting with the charities, and managing paperwork. I suppose the title of pitboss is an appropriate job title, and hopefully something I can share with others later in life.

As I spend 18 hours a day working to pay off debt, I feel more like I'm using my debt as an excuse to bury my personal time with activities. Perhaps if I keep working, I won't have to make a decision. Maybe if I keep working, I won't have time to sit and reflect on how my grandmother's death really impacted my life. If I stay busy, I keep my mind focused on work and not on how hard it truly is to understand where God is supposedly leading me.

So for now I will work my two jobs, come home tired at 2AM, get up for work at 7:30, and do what I can to pay off my past debts...or at least that's what I tell myself. I've had weeks where I've made 1500, yet I have no idea where all the money went. I've not played poker in over a month (my new position restricts me from playing) no have I spent any real money on material things. As I mentioned before, my "success" is reminiscent of years past, where I'd make my money then simply spend without any thought of savings. This is a personal discipline I've tried to hold myself towards.

The oddest thing of all is that while Michigan's had the highest unemployment rate in the country (source) , I've been bombarded with job offers. Even when I tell people that I may not be in the workforce after next fall, they still topple over each other, trying to give me a job in some managerial spot. What's most ironic: even when I mention my vocational calling, people still try and tempt me with more money to go work for them.

Until later....

Instead of taking lunch today, I spend the hour at my desk as a finance company rep tried to make me smile in order to earn his business. A young guy from another lender, promising to help impaired credit customers, spoke about his company. I felt out of place, being perceived as a person with power. It's not something I'm used to.

Immediately afterwards, a rep from a warranty company stopped by, complimented me, then asked to sit and speak with me regarding service contracts for the cars we sell. He spoke like the iconoclastic salesman: telling stories, using "business jargon," and doing his best to build rapport so he could get a sale. I found the whole thing quite entertaining.

While the guy talked about the other 84 dealers he worked with, I thought about the beginning of The Godfather, and how people lined up to ask Don Vito Corleone for a favor "on this, the day of my daughter's wedding." I sat behind the large, wooden desk...listening to each of them silently. They asked for my advice, they asked for money, they asked for patronage.

I wondered if they'd kiss my hand, were I to stand and extend it.

Power. If they could find a way to bottle that taste, no one would ever drink beer again. Truly, it is the opiate of the masses.

As I sit, considering the power I have at my new job, I'm reminded of the life of St. Francis, eagerly trying to establish his simple rule while Pope Innocent III and Emperor Otto of Brunswick feuded over control of Europe. Both men were perfect examples of how power can cloud the mind. Yet despite his new-found powers, St. Francis of Assisi never let it go to his head.

Why?

Francis understood that the true purpose of power was not to serve oneself, but to serve others. He realized that John the Simple, Giles, Bernard, and his other followers were not underlings, but his brothers. It was up to him to look after their physical and spiritual well-being, even to the detriment of his own.

I don't have the capability nor the grace to do anything as great as Francis did, however I am aware of power and it's warm caress...drawing me to surround myself with it more and more. While my position in the car business will do little to help the Catholic Church, perhaps just being aware of that power is a step in the right direction. Perhaps my awareness is proof of my "growth," and that I can't fall in love with material things like I used to.

Maybe I've finally realized that money, power, and things will never make me truly happy.

Too bad St. Francis didn't write more about living a celibate life. That part of my life is getting complicated.

It feels good to be slingin' whips again.

I'm still getting over my cold, but today I sold my third vehicle. In two days of work, I've made $600 and have tons of working leads. We're so busy that Bossman worries about running out of cars.

Everyone here is laid back, even the customers. Bossman's dad comes around often as well...even he is laid back. Last week he had his shirt off and was vacuuming out the cars. There's an Uncle who claims to just look after things...but I've quickly learned he has some serious pull around here. I don't know if he's a silent partner or the muscle of the business. Either way, his influence is present.

Part of me has that sense of fulfillment. I've found a job where I can continue to learn, where my boss praises and encourages my growth, and where I don't feel like I'm committing a mortal sin every time I sell a car.

If this is all a test, this is gonna be tougher than any final exam.

It's good to be the king again.

I went into work coughing, hacking, and sweating from my cold. By the end of the day I made $475. That's real money.

Were I still at my old job, I would still be settling for $400 a week.

(break. Slept for 6 hours.)

It's 2 A.M. I feel better. Hopefully I won't have such a rotten day at work. My mind races when I'm sick. For the past hour, I keep thinking about selling cars over and over. Selling cars is always a good thing, but right now I just want to sleep.

The possibilities are endless at this new job. Bossman is excited. I'm excited. I made $475 in one day...and today was a total fluke. I have two customers coming back tomorrow. Bossman and I can make a lot of money together.

No matter how awesome the job is, that calling is still there. Despite the money and the pipe dreams, it hasn't faded into obscurity. This may be the greatest opportunity I've ever had in my life, yet I can see myself being bored...just like the last job. Regardless of the money, I'm still seeking something more.

I'm sure the Chopper would call me crazy.

OK, back to bed.

Blogging after dark is the new standard these days, since my days are continuously busy. Just today I met with Bossman for a few minutes, stopped at my current (soon to be leaving) dealership, ran by the other apartment to drop off some furniture and schedule a time to replace the carpet, planned a lunch for Thursday, ate lunch with my Spiritual Director, and booked lunches and meetings for the next three weeks.

I just got home an hour ago. Finally had some time to sit down and blab about everything happening.

I realized my situation is merely an introduction to how my life will be for the next year: changes, goodbyes, "lasts," (a great blog from a future seminarian), worries, heartaches, surprises, and joy. Today has been a day of worry, but for things I'm already used to dealing with - unworthiness and how others see me.

I'm still scared about this opportunity because I don't know everything Bossman needs me to know. I'm walking into this job under-skilled, under-experienced, and under-qualified. When I told the other salesmen about my new position, the underlying tone I got was: "What makes you think you can do that job?" As excited as I was yesterday, I have this sense of trepidation about taking this new responsibility on. What if I suck at it? What if Bossman tells me "I had to hire brother-in-law because he need job. Sorry." What if I'm stuck without a job, and I have no way to pay off debt?

I took a moment today to really examine my feelings about this. I imagine myself not taking the position of a car sales manager, but a parish priest. The thought excites me; I'm invigorated by the idea of helping others in the community. I feel at peace with that kind of vocation.

But what happens if I were told today: "We'd like you to help our parish as a live-in acolyte." I'd be scared out of my mind! What if they wanted me to help Spanish-speaking parishioners? My Spanish is terrible! What if they want me to help with liturgical music? I just picked up my guitar for the first time in years, and I sound like a dying cat when I sing. How would I deal with the other parishioners that feel jealous or envious of my role in the parish? What if I was asked to lead meetings, prayer groups, or youth ministry? I'm terrified of small children!

Strength. Wisdom. Courage.

In times of struggle or doubt, these are the things I ask of God. In times of joy and content, these are the the things I give thanks for. Strength to handle any change that happens in my life. Wisdom to discern any issues or troubles. Courage to do what is right, even if it is uncomfortable. These three gifts from God have helped me overcome my worst fears and doubts.

I know that for the rest of my life, I will be put in positions where I am under-qualified, under-educated, or under-experienced. I know there will always be someone better than me no matter what I do. I must accept that.

What I must also accept is the faith and encouragement I get from those around me, including God. People believe that I can do this job. They're excited for me. They want to know when I can get them hired in. Whether I do good or I fall flat on my face, they cheer me on.

There are people that cheer me on as I continue to discern God's plan. "You'd make an excellent priest/Franciscan/Capuchin." I like hearing that. It fills me with joy. But I have a bad habit of looking for people to tell me I'm wrong. I worry about people telling me not to be a priest, or people who think it's just a weird joke. I feel defensive when I talk about my vocation; I don't want to hear someone tell me I'm not good enough.

So perhaps all of this is happening as some kind of learning experience: an opportunity from God to stop worrying about what other's think. Maybe He just wants me to just "be me." Maybe when I can achieve that level of self-awareness, God will reveal the next part of His plan for me.

I'm glad I wrote all this out. I feel better already. =)

Strength. Wisdom. Courage.

(Sorry for any grammatical errors. It's late, I'm tired, and I have another busy day tomorrow. Peace -V)

I apologize for taking so long, once again. The hit-counter on my website is screaming with visits, so I know some of you have been patiently awaiting some information. Thank you all for visiting and caring.

As with all stories, one must start at the beginning:

For the past few months, sales at the dealership have been low. Michigan's economy is tanking, gas prices keep shooting up...it's hard for the lower-income to afford to pay for a car. My dealership works with bad-credit/no-credit customers, charging higher costs and interest rates.

One of my struggles has been this line of work. On one hand, I'm helping poor customers who've fallen on hard times. On the other, I'm charging double the worth of the vehicle and a percentage rate that rivals biblical usury. It's hard to be a good Catholic and work in this type of environment.

Monday I came into work like any other Monday. I did my morning walk-through and stopped in my General Manager's office to say "Good Morning." The office was empty, and the desk was clean...a little too clean. There were no knick-knacks, pictures, or paperwork. Interesting, but I let it slip my mind.


I ran to Speedway to grab my morning coffee Monster Energy Drink. On the way back, I stopped at a dealership across the street from where I work. A poker buddy works in the back; I wanted to be neighborly and see how their weekend was.

We talked for a few minutes. During the discussion, my buddy surprised me:

"You know, Bossman is looking for you."
"Uh oh," I said jokingly. "What did I do?"
"He's looking for someone to do sales. He wants to be buying cars, not selling 'em. I told him you were a good guy, and I think he wants to ask you if you wanna run the show here."

For those not familiar with the car business, not every dealership looks like King of Cars on TV. Small dealerships usually have one guy (or gal) doing everything: sales, finance, title, and bookwork. My buddy's dealership had near 20 cars, mostly German and Asian imports, with a few techs in back to service the cars. Because of gas prices and popularity, the dealership gets a tremendous amount of floor traffic. Since the owner is the only salesman, he is not always there, and misses out on customers and possible sales.

The sound of Vito: General Manager sounded great. I knew the money would be excellent. But was I ready to make that huge of a commitment? Should I change jobs when I'm this close to paying off all my debt? Should I consider a job that loses me health insurance, retirement benefits, and 3 years of seniority (if seniority actually exists in the car business), but offers me much more money? Would I handle the extra responsibility? What about next August?

I happily considered the offer, then went back to my dealership.

Soon after I returned, the finance manager has a quick meeting with the sales staff: "The GM is no longer with the company. We've decided to move in a new direction. There's more changes coming as well. I'll keep you informed."

"Oh shit," I thought. "I know what more changes means. My customers have repossessions because their company wanted to make more changes." I considered the options, and the possibility that I may soon be out of a job. I've been on the receiving end of a "company restructuring" before. Should I stay and chance it? Should I jump on this opportunity? Again...what about my personal debt and August of 2008? Is this a roadblock, a fork in the road, or the path I'm meant to take?

As I tried to discern a decision in the midst of a business day, I thought about what my feelings were: I was at odds with my current job, despite the security it offered. Only weeks before, I was ecstatic about the poker place announcing plans to play seven days a week (check out that alliteration!). Was this opportunity any different? Did I want out of the car business altogether, or just the BHPH game? Is this an answer to my prayers of concern, or the devil's way of tempting me away from thoughts of priesthood? Oh, if I only had more time!!!

I took a few moments, saying: "God, give me strength. God, give me wisdom. God, give me courage." I knew a decision had to be made that day, and that any decision would wrench me from my comfort zone. I had a plan, now I had to make a new one.

I was working with a customer when my buddy from across the street walks into my dealership.
"Hey, whats up?" I asked, already knowing what he wanted.

Rather than saying "Hey, Bossman wants to see you," he tilted his head towards the other dealership across the street. I knew what he meant, and I knew it had to be done soon. I told him I'd be over as soon as possible.

Perhaps by dumb luck or divine intervention, I answered the phone soon after. On the other line, I hear a familiar message:

"This is collect call from (enter name here) calling from County Corrections Facility. If you would like to accept the charges..."

Normally, one would deny a collect call. However the person that called was the owner's son.

He was slightly frantic, and wanted to speak with his sister, the finance manager. I don't know what was said, but that day, his sister was gone for several hours...presumably to post bail. I looked online to see the arrest charge. The listing said "Public Intoxication."

It was the final piece of the puzzle. If they fired my current boss, this kid calling from jail will be my future boss. Do I want that? I won't judge another for being in jail, I know what it's like. But if he's responsible for my job and sales, I'm no longer confident about my position.

I walked across the street again, expecting to speak with Bossman. He is Bosnian, so his English is somewhat broken. He's a great guy, always has a smile, and seems to think I'm the perfect candidate for running the dealership.

"VEE-toe!" he says when I enter his office. "You are good guy! When do you want to start? I already sell four cars today!"

I was fishing for more information, but I could tell he was doing the same. My hands shook just a little because of the hectic day. It got his attention. We were examining each other, hoping get a better read on each other.

"I let you be Sales Manager," he tells me. "You run things how you feel is best. I prefer to buy cars. I can't be here to sell. Look at all the people. I can't keep cars on the lot!"

And he was right. His lot was busy. I looked across the street to my lot; I could almost see tumbleweeds blowing across.

"Let me talk to my Manager," I finally told him. "I want some time to think it over."
"Does something scare you?" he asked.

He'd already seen me shaking a little. I didn't want to tell him I was scared out of my mind, but he already knew. To save face, I told him about insurance coverage, and how important that was to me. He agreed that it was a serious concern, and something to think about. He said he could not offer insurance yet, but he hoped to within a year or so.

"Haha! We'll make all kinds of money! And I take care of my people. Ask any of them!"

My friend already told me: Bossman was generous with his money.

It's near the end of the day, and I'm frantic about what to do. I want to call my spiritual director, but I lost her number when my phone was stolen (Monday was also when I got my replacement! Very cool.) I called my Mom, letting her know my dilemma. She didn't really give me any advice but to really think about it. I called my best friend, hoping for some pragmatic insight.

My friend Jay is a very methodical thinker. He has a unique way of objectionably looking at any problem, regardless of the emotion involved. If I ever have a question that I need a logical answer to, he's my man.

I presented him with three options via game theory - which choice offered the greatest reward with the lowest amount of risk:

1. (Drastic Move)I take the job and don't look back. I may lose a lot of benefits and this job may turn out to be a lot less money than where I'm at now, but I've secured a job regardless.
2. (Conservative Move)I stay where I'm at, do my best, and hope that I'm not fired. The pay plan would change, some of my co-workers would change, and my current job may become something drastically different. Make $5000 as fast as possible before they fire me.
3. (Open Move)I talk to the manager, let her know my concerns regarding more changes, and perhaps get some better information to help me decide on a course of action.

My buddy answers fast: "Number three. Most managers like when you're direct, they like knowing about personnel changes before it happens, and they're willing to work with you if you're straight-forward. Not to mention, you might be one of the people they intend to keep."

I take my friend's advice, and ask the finance manager for a brief meeting after work...

Wow, I've been typing for about an hour. I know I need a break. If you're eyes aren't bleeding and you're ready, continue on. Otherwise, enjoy with me this brief interlude: the latest remix of Chocolate Rain:

After work, I spoke candidly with the manager: "Okay, my boss just got the axe today. Obviously I'm interested in my future with the company."

"There's a lot of changes that need to happen," she told me. Thankfully, she tried to be as straight-forward as she could. "This is my lifetime job here. I have to look out for me and my dad. The current situation is not working. We're not making any money. Things have to be changed. Some people need to pick up their sales or we'll have to let them go."

When I asked where I stood, she said: "Your numbers are low. I don't want to get rid of anyone, but we can't have low sales anymore. I'd like to see everyone have the opportunity to prove what they can do." She was being sincere, which perhaps made my next statement so easy to say.

"Just to let you know where I stand, sometime in next year I intend to leave. I've considered a religious life for some time, and I'm strongly considering the Capuchins, an order of the Franciscan Friars. I also have another opportunity to run the shop across the street. My question is this: do you think I should stay, or do you think I should take advantage of this opportunity, since it's may not be available for too long?"

The statement rocked her for a moment. In one breath, I told her I wanted to be a priest, I'd quit in less than a year, I was being offered a better position, and I wanted her opinion.

I gave her a moment to sink in all the information, and let her respond. I'm not 100% exactly what she said, but what I heard was: "We may fire you. If you have an opportunity, jump on it before it's too late."

I thanked her for her candor, and immediately walked across the street. I walked into the office, saw Boss Man sitting at his desk with some others around, and said: "So when do you want me to start?"

"Yes! We are going to have great time making money!" he says.

We spoke for about an hour. We talked about payplans, floorplans, police books, and all sorts of other car business things. We talked about what he wanted out of me: someone to keep things in order, sell cars, and do follow up. He wanted to buy cars, expand, and sell more cars. He wanted someone he could trust, someone that came recommended, and someone that would be as laid back as he was. I told him I was his man, and that while I was still a little nervous, I'd do what was needed to sell some cars.

He said "We eat lunch tomorrow, talk about more things. Alright?" We shook hands and parted ways.

Last night I drove home wondering if I'd just followed God's plan or made a deal with the devil. Boss Man is a great guy. Has his family over a lot. I think he likes me because I came recommended. Otherwise I'm positive he'd hire another Bosnian to do the job. Perhaps he sees something in me that I still find hard to see: the ability to rise above my current level and do something great.

Perhaps he's not the devil, but someone helping me further down the path I'm intended.

Tomorrow: lunch, signing a Separation of Employment Form, and a possible high school reunion.

Stay tuned!

(Because of everything going on, I've put my Discernment and Music blog aside for this week. The next installment will continue this weekend, or when things slow down. Thanks -V"

People assume the car business is a lot like they see on A & E. You find a customer looking for a car, you show them an expensive car, agree on a price, and after you shake hands, your customer hits the gong after buying an '04 Charger.

Unfortunately, this business is more than dream cars and slick talk.The reality is that no everyone has perfect credit like on "King of Cars." People with bad or no credit are exempt from this wonderland of car buying and must fend for themselves against a swarming pack of sub-prime lenders, eager to put the customer into anything with four wheels.

My three years in the car business have always been in sub-prime lending. I take pleasure from helping people who wouldn't normally be able to finance a vehicle. Many of my customers come to me depressed, dejected, and cynical. They've been "pre-approved" five times before sitting down at my desk. They're just waiting to hear those familiar lines:

• "I can get you approved if you have a co-signer."
• "Do you have $2000 for a down payment?"
• "You're approved for $3000, but we don't have any cars that cheap."

In those years, I've created an equilibrium between morality and salesmanship. I'm still good at what I do, yet I'm honest enough to sleep well at night. I've rationalized charging 21% interest on a car loan, I'm not surprised to see an '03 Ford Taurus with 120,000 miles, and when a customer objects to their vehicle choices, I kindly remind them of their credit situation.

Most times, I don't feel like The Chopper. I feel like Kurt Russel,
wearing a checkered jacket and luring people to the lot with a dollar bill at the end of a fishing pole.

I've never sold a Hummer,a Cadillac Escalade, or one of those fully loaded Dodge Chargers you see at Tobwin Dodge. My cream puffs are Pontiac Grand Am's, Oldsmobile Alero's, and the occasional Ford Explorer. A few years ago, we were elated to have a '99 Dodge Durango hit the lot. I took a deposit on it before it was even ready to sell.

I've never had a customer with a 700+ credit rating. As a result, I've never sold a vehicle at or near Blue Book value. I've never given "$1000 for your trade, no matter what you owe!!" And only once in my life have I ever done a deal with zero money down. I stand at the edge of a cliff each day; one wrong step and I could lose all my scruples.

I swim with the sharks, compete to sell the most cars. For years, I fooled the others into thinking I was one of them, ready to strike any helpless prey. But after years of pretending, my disguise is wearing thin. Co-workers see how I struggle to "bend truths" or "overcome objections." I wince at training rhetoric such as: "Do what you have to do to put those people in a car," or "Buyers are liars. Put your selling shoes on!"

My drive, other than being debt-free before entering a seminary, is knowing that even in this polluted shark-tank, God exists. God exists because I try to be truthful to my customers, and I tell them how expensive it will cost to finance a car. God exists because people at my desk don't see me as another salesperson, they see me as someone who is trying to help. God exists because I've had customers hug me and cry on my shoulder, overwhelmed to be given a chance when normal banks tell them they aren't good enough. God exists because each time I sell a customer, I'm reminded of my own second chance.

So for those who feel a prospective priest has no business selling cars, please take your guilt elsewhere. We're all full up here.

Apologies for my lack of update. This week has been highly chaotic.

Yesterday was the monthly meeting with my spiritual director. Despite my initial worries of enlisting the help of a trained spiritual director, I find that she (yes, she is a woman) has a great perspective on things, and often makes me think twice about lingering ideas in my head.

Today I mentioned my standing invitation to stay at St. John's Abbey, a Benedictine Monastery in Collegeville, Minnesota. I had the privilege of visiting the abbey when I was very young, but I remember its beauty makes it an ideal vacation spot for those who really need to take a vacation.



During our session (I use the term loosely, as our discussions are very informal), she asked me why I hadn't taken advantage of the invite. She knew about my compiling issues, and she felt I was using money solely as an excuse to postpone a trip to Minnesota.

"Work's been crazy," I told her. "Sales are down. I feel like I'd be jeopardizing my job if I decided to take a vacation right now."

"What you should do," she responded, "is set a date a few months from now, when things are less hectic, and make a conscious effort to take that trip. It will do wonders for you...trust me."

Before devoting her time to Spiritual Direction and helping the church, she was a workaholic just as I am now. She knows what it's like to burn the candle at both ends, to put work before everything, and she knows what it feels like to burn out.

I told her that if things got better at the dealership, I would schedule the date and make plans for a week. My sales manager's been working us pretty hard, so I didn't expect to plan anything.

As I entered work today, a customer was already waiting for me. She found a car she liked, said she would return tomorrow. Immediately after, a couple came in, found a car they liked, and put down a deposit. No sooner had I said farewell than 2 more customers came in....both also finding vehicles.

By the end of the day, I tallied 8 customers with 7 of them committed to buying a vehicle this weekend. For a small dealership, seven cars for one salesman in a weekend is a feat. If all goes as plan, I will have sold enough cars to cover my draw and feel comfortable about my job again. It's entirely unexpected, as I had no working prospects before Wednesday.

I guess Someone decided to intervene on my behalf...