By far, the most universal and popular saint in the Catholic tradition is Francis of Assisi. Due to the many stories about his life, he's been given many different titles: Francis the Peacemaker, Francis the Nature-lover, and of course Francis: a Model of Human Liberation. Yet as an ex-car salesman, it was Francis the Playboy that would draw me into his story. I was encouraged by Francis' conversion from his old self to the saint.

From 1 Celano:

Maliciously advancing beyond all of his peers in vanities, he proved himself a more excessive inciter of evil and a zealous imitator of foolishness. He was an object of admiration to all, and endeavored to surpass others in his flamboyant display of vain accomplishments: wit, curiosity, practical jokes and foolish talk, songs, and soft and flowing garments. Since he was very rich, he was not greedy but extravagant, not a hoarder of money but a squanderer of his property, a prudent dealer but a most unreliable steward. (1C:2)

 As a Capuchin friar who used to spend time hustling deals on the car lot, I can relate with a lot of the adjectives used to describe Francis' early life. This was the man I was trying to be several years ago. Yet here I am years later, a Capuchin Franciscan Novice...preparing to take the vows of obedience, celibacy, and poverty.
In studying the life of Francis in conjunction with my own faith journey, a model for conversion arises. For if conversion is "the renouncing of pervasive egoism and the turning to an altruistic love for objective truth, goodness, and beauty" as Thomas Dubay writes, (p22) than this is surely what Francis experienced. Reading these stories of his conversion - the "God moment" on the way to Apulia, the renunciation of his father, the kissing of the leper, and many others - provide us an avenue to view our own conversions through a modern lens.

I discovered the necessity for such a model of conversion not just in my life, but as I started working with other people in ministry. As Chaplain and Volunteer Coordinator at St. Ben's Community Meal in Milwaukee, we often had groups of high school/college students come in to experience a meal with the homeless of Milwaukee. The effects of these experiences on the visitors were real, but I had no way to help these people reflect on these experiences as a way to explore conversion in their lives.

In the book by William Hugo OFM Cap. "Studying the Life of Francis of Assisi" a psychological vision can be applied to those stories of Francis and allow for personal reflection. By using the tools of Dubay and Hugo, a 4-stage approach to conversion emerges. It is a tool I have used not only to understand my own experiences, but in talking with others as well.

 Old World View - We each have our "subjective selfish" ideals of how the world works. On occasion we have experiences that "offend" this world view - experiences that make us feel uncomfortable and uncertain. I am reminded of a girl on of these Immersion Experiences. She saw a man sleeping outside in the snow, yet she couldn't comprehend why he was there. Couldn't he go to a shelter? Weren't there agencies to help him?

Francis' experience was no different. The Kissing of the Leper is a prominent point for this stage. While his world has already started changing, he meets a leper on the side of the road. Lepers in the 13th century were considered to be "away from God," objects of terror and disease. Yet his experience tells him that God can be found in the poorest of the poor. Struggling between a personal message from the Divine and the social and cultural norms of his time, his world is fractured.

Introspection - Several times during his life, Francis disengages from the rest of the world. After his experience at the San Damiano church where the crucifix tells him: "Francis, rebuild my church," we find Francis pulling away from his old life as he tries to process these new conflicts. His desires for worldly things and vanity have left him. He gives away things that were once precious to him. His friends don't know him anymore, his father is unhappy with this change of attitude. Francis focuses on himself as he pulls away from the rest of the world.

When I first started to experience the reality of poverty and homelessness in Milwaukee, I spent a lot of time gathering information. I looked not just at arbitrary numbers, but I looked at the things that had given me pleasure and how they were in contradiction to what I saw in the poor around me. I treasured the fact that I was away from my home in Michigan, as I lost interest in many of the old things that connected me to those friends. I struggled to deal with my privilege versus the plight of the homeless, the desire to enter into their experiences, and to find the ultimate drive for wanting to do something.

Integration - Many of the stories that we hear of Francis are just this: him integrating his new thoughts into his life. One of the pinnacle events is the renunciation of his father and all hereditary rights in front of Bishop Guido II. He chooses to live a life of voluntary poverty, relying only on God to provide for his needs. His decision to dismount his horse and kiss the leper is another key event in Francis' Integration. It is through these acts that he begins to re-insert himself into society as he attempts to reconcile the conflicts he felt in his old world view.

Upon entering Postulancy, I remember passing a homeless person in my vehicle and turning away. I was preparing to be a follower of Francis, yet I was unwilling to look for Christ in one of His poor. But I carried that experience with me, and sat with it at times during the year. As the year went on, I made different attempts to "make up" for that decision: spending Easter with several homeless, spending time outside in the cold with a couple living on the streets, listening to people talk about their lives, and just being present and viewing them as human beings.

New World View - After those experiences during my Postulancy, I returned home to Michigan, only to find that what used to bring me joy was no longer of importance. My outlook of the homeless had not only changed, my self was changed. My family and my close friends said they noticed a "difference" in me, but they couldn't understand it. They experienced me as a warmer, more-caring human being...someone who cared about their interests and took time to listen (a stark difference from my days of selling cars).

In his Testament, Francis writes:

When I was in sin, the sight of lepers was too bitter for me. And the Lord himself led me among them, and I pitied and helped them. And when I left them I discovered that what had seemed bitter to me was changed into sweetness in my soul and body.

To compare the old Playboy Francis to Francis the Saint is comparing two different people. I doubt most of us will ever experience such radical conversion in our lives. The best we can hope for is to allow ourselves to be moved by specific incidents that challenge our world view; and rather than just avoid them or offer quick explanations like: "They need to go get a job," or "They should just go back where they came from," we stay with those experiences and allow them to change us.
My goal as a Capuchin friar is not to convert the world. After some profound experiences, I acknowledge that I cannot take someone through the proper stages needed for true conversion. I can only open people to experiences that might make them uncomfortable or challenge their current world view. However by tailoring their experiences around this model, and allowing people time for personal reflection, encouraging people to learn more and get involved, and showing that the ultimate motive for conversion is not simply to repair the self but as an act of love for the other, I feel that I am helping people enter into their own conversions.

Today as I drove back from Mt. Calvary, WI I decided it was time to do what every good Catholic does after an Easter celebration:

Binge on everything you gave up for Lent!

So after taking one of the postulants to the train station, I decided to go out for some food at Taco Bell. I'd been jonesing for some fast food for weeks, and decided today I would order more food than I could possibly eat and sit in front of the TV for the rest of the day. A standard Easter for most people in the US.

Along the way through downtown Milwaukee, I saw a few guests from the St. Ben's meal walking by. I hadn't seen anyone from St. Ben's in over a week; their appearance was a quick reminder of my ministry. So rather than just honking, waving, and driving by, I decided to drive around the block and park.

I got out and spoke with John and Laura, asking how things were going. They were headed to this side of town after the continuous harrassment from the police. They couldn't understand why, on this day, the police chose to harrass them and the other homeless that resided in this part of the city. I told him that with the Easter holiday, and so many people going to the Gesu Church at Marquette University, they didn't want the poor people panhandling to the pretty-dressed people as they walked in/out of church.

Without thinking, I told them that I was going to get some lunch, and did they want to go. When talking with the homeless, inviting them somewhere means that you are also treating them. They happily accepted, and turned around to their friends who they'd been traveling with. Again without thinking, I asked if they wished to go along as well. They were a little shocked by the invite, and I had to introduce myself as the chaplain at St. Ben's before they felt comfortable.

"Vito, I'm black," John said to me, laughing. "I don't eat burritos. I eat me some chicken!" And with that, we headed out to a KFC at 12:30 in the afternoon on Easter for a Sunday brunch.

As we entered the KFC (it was one of the ones with the full sheet of bullet-proof glass between the cooking area and the dining area) it was clear that the worker was not happy about working during Easter. I tried to make the ordering as painless as possible, and I think that our joy was infectious. She started out being crabby, but eventually warmed to a Mexican and four homeless people who were sitting in her dining area...enjoying lunch and life.

Halfway during the meal, an older lady walked into the restaurant, only hoping to rest her feet. Knowing John and Laura, and knowing that they could not buy food at KFC, they told her about me. She humbly asked for something, not wanting to be imposing, and I gladly gave her my mashed potatoes and a Snacker from my order. She thanked me and with a devilish smile asked if I was married...to which everyone laughed.

Later on that day, I would stop into St. Ben's as they offered their Easter meal to the guests of Milwaukee. I had a chance to meet with many volunteers, one of them being a girl whom I'd met at a Lenten retreat where I'd given a talk. She remembered me and what I had said...something that made me feel proud.

After the St. Ben's meal, I was invited, along with the other friars of my community, to eat with some hospitable parishioners of St. Martin de Porres Church...the parish that exists next door to our friary. With a wonderful dinner and great stories, it was the perfect capstone to a wonderful Easter.

And sitting here at my desk, later at night and with time to reflect, I can see where I found God today. This Easter holiday, where we celebrate the greatness of the risen Christ, I was able to see that glory at work in my life. I could see it in the joy of being surrounded by good people. I could see it in the hospitality and caring of others. But most of all, I saw it from it's very beginning: a selfish act that, but for the grace of God, became an opportunity for me to live the Holy Spirit on the most important day of all.

Today, like the disciples, I saw Jesus again. And the joy of having seen Him today is so great, it moves me to tears.

May you all find the risen Christ in all that you do this Easter Season.

I apologize for taking so long to write this post. It's been about a week in the making, and required me to start over several times. What started off as a critique of this dated prayer has turned into an objective presentation...for reasons I will describe later on. -V

In a previous post, I made reference to a book called "The Storm Novena." The authors are credited as two friars from the St. Joseph Province of Capuchins: Edmund Kramer & Sylvester Brielmaier. This prayer has not been used here at St. Benedict's since probably the 1960's, and a quick glance through the booklet shows how dated it is (despite it's most recent printing in 2007.)

The history behind this prayer is still cloudy. I've heard some experiences from the older friars, but I've yet to speak about it with any of the alumni of St. Ben's, possibly pictured here, kneeling and raising their hands. However here are the things that I can say with a sense of positivity:

1. The prayer is not from the Capuchins or the Franciscan tradition, nor is it from any cultural background of anyone in the order. Many of the people in this area have German heritage, and none claim to have known anything like it before. While the book claims that two sisters from Vienna brought it to St. Ben's, it also claims it was used for people dying, "especially that of a dying, impenitent socialist." Realistically, my history tells me it came from one of the numerous groups of sisters that came to help teach at St. Ben's: Dominicans, Notre Dame Sisters, School Sisters of St. Francis, etc.

2. It's tough getting donors for a poor, black church, school, and hospital. The Miller family (Miller Brewing, Inc.) had always been gracious and supportive of St. Ben's, even when it was first built, however to maintain the ministries that existed in the 1940's required serious fundraising. I cannot say what exactly happened, but the friars I spoke with remember the children praying for the benefactors' needs, not simply their own.

3. The prayer is no longer used at St. Ben's, and will probably not be used again for some time. Like any other urban parish, the ministry of the church changes with the needs of the community. Many in this community are homeless, suffer from substance addictions, have mental or emotional issues, struggle to live above the poverty line, or reside in one of the surrounding three correctional facilities. Much of the work done at St. Benedict the Moor Church is focused on social justice.

I've had mixed feeling about talking about this prayer, simply because it is not who we are anymore. While the greatest ministry we offer grew out of the time when Vatican II was happening, this is the age of the "JP2 Generation." This book regarding the Storm Novena is extremely dated, referring to the "colored children" and "little Negroes" often, however it is part of the history of this church. While I'd like to just toss this book by the side, because of it's language or because I think it was used as a way to raise money for the schools, there is a part of history here and I've already experienced the fact that certain people are moved by that history.

So with that in mind, I've decided to do what would be the most "Capuchin" thing to do. Tomorrow I will reprint the storm novena for all to use. You may copy it, print it out, and use it however for whatever intention you have. I will include the instructions on how to pray it as well. I want to do this because I realize that while I, or even the current parish of St. Benedict the Moor, may no longer find spiritual value in this prayer, I know there are others who find this type of prayer to be very helpful. I also realize that for it to simply hide would be a disservice to others who look for spiritual meaning.

Therefore instead of paying the $5.95 for the book (which doesn't even go to the parish or the now-closed schools here in Milwaukee), I will post the entire prayer and instructions freely for all to use. If you find it beneficial to your prayer life, or if you find that God grants your request through this prayer, then may God bless you. The only thing we ask at St. Ben's is to keep us and the homeless, working poor, the imprisoned, the addicted, and the down-trodden in your prayers.

Today I held a reflection for the students of Messmer High School, an inner-city high school here in the city of Milwaukee. I've hosted reflection groups for schools, confirmation classes, and other groups from around the area. However this has been the greatest group of students I've yet had here at the meal.

For most groups looking to learn more about St. Ben's Community Meal, we offer reflection sessions for people. This consists of a history and talk about the history and change of St. Benedict the Moor from its creation in 1909. People are then invited to eat (not help) with the other guests at the meal. After waiting in line, getting a meal, and interacting with the other guests at the meal, a reflection is done about their experience that's directed by either me or Br. Dave. For many groups, this is a jarring and eye-opening experience; often times groups have never had any type of interaction with the homeless.

For whatever reason, be it sociological, cultural, or whatever, the students from Messmer thrived and openly engaged with the guests at the meal. While recognizing the plight of the guest's situations, they also recognized their own personal privileges and realized that they had much to learn from the people who were eating at the Community Meal. Rather than try and force kids to talk about an experience that they couldn't yet understand, they gratefully participated in the reflection, and wanted to continue and interact with people down in the meal hall after we were done.

I have another talk with students this weekend, a group that will be fasting for 36 hours for Lent. While I have no idea what kind of reaction I can expect from them, I have found the "goal" of my talks: that they may be as energized to be involved and to be present with the poor community as the class from Messmer I had today.

Being able to talk in front of a group of people is an acquired skill. Part of being a car salesman is the ability to start up a conversation with anyone, not be embarrassed by anything that might be said, and know that if the crowd loses interest or starts to turn on you, make them laugh...even if you have to make fun of yourself.
Since I started at St. Ben's Community Meal in Milwaukee, WI as Chaplain and Volunteer Coordinator, I've had many opportunities to give talks in front of groups. Whether they be 3 college kids, 15 high school students, 22 seminarians, a classroom at Marquette University, or a confirmation class of 200+ adolescents...I've been asked to give a number of talks since I've been here.

When I first started, it was a 10 minute talk about hunger in Milwaukee. I knew nothing of hunger in Milwaukee; I was still kicking dirt from Grand Rapids off my shoes! But as with all things I've learned here during postulancy, I read and learned. I listened to people who were in the know. I took time to study, dig up facts, and even pray about finding the words to best convey the message I want to send.

Here's a few of the topics I'm usually asked to talk about:

1. Conversion - As a former car salesman and poker dealer, my life has drastically changed by no longer chasing money or climbing a ladder of status. By trying to live the Gospel and see all people as creations of God, I have come to a new understanding of life and a pursuit of a greater vocation.
2. History - Starting as a store-front Catholic church by a black layman in 1908, St. Benedict the Moor has a long history in the city of Milwaukee as a mission to the African-American population, then later to the homeless and hungry.
3. Social Justice - St. Ben's focuses not just on the immediate needs of the homeless and the impoverished. By working through agencies, advocates, and by teaching and sharing the stories of the poor and marginalized, we at St. Ben's try not just to stop the symptoms of injustice, but also work on the root problems.
4. Vocation - By allowing students, adults, and professionals to see the life of the homeless, the programs in place to address those needs, and making them aware of the problem, we encourage people not only to just think about how to fix the problem, but to become involved as well. Often times I am asked about my particular vocation to the Capuchins.
5. Personal Reflection - After participating in the meal as a guest, not as a server, there is the chance to reflect on the experience of having been at the Meal Program. This experience allows people to gain a better insight into what it's like to be dependent on such programs. Sometimes guests are asked to come to talks away from St. Ben's to talk about their lives living in Milwaukee.
   

In the short amount of time that I've been here at St. Ben's, I've been challenged to not only do a lot, but also to say a lot as well. In the beginning, I felt weird about all the talks. Part of me wanted to hide from the notoriety I'd gained. "Just let me be a simple and humble friar!" was my thought. As the process continued, I realized it wasn't all about me. There's a story to tell, a witness that needs to be given, and not everyone has the ability to stand in front of 25 people with no script and just a vague idea for a topic...and smile at the challenge of trying to make at least one person truly consider what is being said.

I'm sad to think that in less than 3 months I will be off doing something completely different. Then in the coming August, another poor soul will take my place, hoping to soon become a Capuchin, and will be asked to give a 30 minute presentation on a meal program they haven't fully understood yet. But I think that's part of the flavor of religious life. I know I will miss what I've learned here, as I start counting "days left" instead of "days here." But I know I will take what I've learned and continue to tell my story. Most of all, I know that someday I will find myself back at St. Ben's, perhaps then I will be in "full garb." And when I do return, I'll remember why I missed it in the first place.

If you live in the Milwaukee area and are looking for someone to talk to your group about the St. Ben's Community Meal, please call 414-271-0135. Ask for Br. Dave Schwab or Br. Vito Martinez. You can also see St. Ben's Website for a description of some of the programs we offer at the Community Meal.

Months ago, I wrote about the song Life By the Drop by Stevie Ray Vaughan. Often I mention songs that strike me as personal, spiritual, and reflective of my life. I write song lyrics here because they are no different than a great poem, story, or scripture passage in that they help me contemplate on life. And much like these other objects of meditation, their meaning can change as time goes on.

I also previously wrote about Don, a volunteer at St. Ben's that had fallen off the radar during the Christmas break. He'd fallen off the wagon after being sober for over two years. It's been a tough experience for me because it defines the greatest risk I face in my ministry. I don't worry about losing money or being injured, I worry about losing people I actually care about. I see how easy it is to not get close to people simply to protect my own feelings, yet that is not what I want in life. I want to care, to show empathy, to let people know that I will help if and where I can. I know I cannot save the world, but I can be present to those I meet...that is one of the reasons I've chosen this life.

I listened to this blues song again, listened to the voice of SRV and his 12-string acoustic. I found new meaning in the words that came through the headphones. I heard the singing of someone who will struggle their entire life with addiction. I heard the resignation that life will continue to be ups and downs. I could hear the words of someone aspiring to live a better life, but realizing he could only live a day at a time.

Wednesday evening at the meal, I saw Don again. "Brother Vito! Man, I missed you!" We embraced like brothers long since separated.

He has started to help out again, yet our relationship has changed somewhat. Sadly I am careful now about certain things with him. Places where he had full-access now require permission from me or Br. Dave. He checks in more about what he's doing. And while I want to trust him as implicitly as I used to, prudence tells me I need to be wary...just in case.

I don't know if I'm trying to romanticize this interaction between Don and I to better fit into my sense of "solidarity with the poor," or if I just refuse to admit exactly how deeply affected I've been by this situation. This notion of agape, selfless love, is a great concept. Living it, especially when you worry about that love and trust being misused, is not as easy as told in the stories of the saints. This morning at prayer, I prayed not just for those who suffered from addictions, but for their friends, family, and loved ones who continue to love after their trust has been shaken.

It's 3:45 in the morning; I really should be in bed. Yet the thoughts of those with alcohol addictions, their families who continue to love them, and the struggles that they will face...these things are at the forefront of my mind. At times like these, I simply listen to the music and try to offer those concerns, prayers, and my own fears to my Creator.

I don't have any theological argument for my final thought, but I think God must listen to the blues. For if indeed the Lord hears the cry of the poor (Psalm 34), the truest lamentations I ever found are in the blues.

Michael is one of the many volunteers at St. Ben's Community Meal. He's always there to help, and has done so for quite a long time. However Mike isn't one of the people that tries to feel better about himself by volunteering. Mike is poor himself...a paycheck away from living on the streets. He is aware of his situation, and works hard to stay above water.

Mike is a member of an ever-growing demographic in this country: the working poor. He has a full-time job, "pulls his weight" as some boot-strapping politicians might say, yet life is still a struggle for him.

Wednesday at the community meal, he showed me something he had written up, a brief description of his current life. It is very real, and I thought it something that should be shared with everyone. While his written personal reflection had no goal other than a story, I could see the plight of the working poor as I read his paper. He allowed me to post it.

His story has given me inspiration for something bigger and more profound, but I think I should be true to his story, one author to another, and keep my idea for a later time.

Enjoy.

To the working poor stress is a constant companion in their effort to support themselves. This world is one of constantly monitoring how to most effectively use what little they make.

Back in 1980 to 1986, I went to UWM (University of Wisconsin @ Milwaukee) both full time some years and part time other years. I never got a degree. I dropped out in 1986. I dropped out to learn from the school of life. Only the school of life, I finally realized, was a harsh teacher. The total number of years that encompass my years as a member of the working poor include 13 years prior to college and 19 years after, totalling 32 years in all.

I am a member of the working poor. Although I am 55 years old now, I don't look like it. (he doesn't) I do feel like 55 on the inside. I live in the Riverwest area. I've had assorted jobs and have been working at G&K Services for just over 4 and a half years now. The business is located in the New Berlin Industrial Park. It's an hour and 20 minutes bus ride one way, so having a functional car is important.

Fortunately I own a quality used car, a 1996 Honda Accord, which I financed with a loan. I also financed a nice bedroom set. I have two loans to pay off. I make $10.71 an hour. I have medical coverage which costs me approximately $65 per month out of pre-tax income. Plus I set aside 10% of my pre-tax income to put into a 401K. I have virtually no savings. How is it possible for me to survive, when the on-going costs of life: rent, utilities, phone, out-of-pocket medical expenses, car insurance, food expenses, etc. eat up most of what little income I make - nevermind the unforeseen expenses that pop up like landmines.

My approximately 18 to 20 thousand dollars per year income has even been reduced by the state economy. Instead of working 40-50 hours per week during this time of the year, which is the busy season of the year at G&K, I am only working 31 to 35 hours per week. So even though it's tough to survive at 40 hours per week at $10.71 per hour, my income has been significantly reduced even further. Plus the possibility of lay-offs loom in the near future.

I figure there is an expectation made by society that when a person becomes a member of the working poor, he or she assume the responsibility of paying my bills, whatever bills are incurred, on time despite one's level of income. I don't know if I am the puppeteer, juggling all my financial responsibilities, or if I am the puppet being buffeted by the cold, hard reality - trying to survive in a world that requires that I make a better income to somehow come out on top.

I don't want your pity. I want to help you understand what my life and others like mine are like. I believe I have raw talent and ability. I volunteer quite regularly at St. Benedict's Meal Program. I've been there 16 years now. My volunteer effort there makes use of some skills and talents my day job does not. This helps me to feel productive and worthwhile, and feeds my sense of spirituality. I continue to believe in who I am, in what talents and abilities I have, and in the hope that I can better my economic status. I hope because without hope one's quality of life slips immeasurably. I know that to have a car, a decent bedroom set, and the ability finance them, put me in a better position than others who are also working poor but make less in wages. To have the ability income-wise to afford medical insurance and a 401K also puts me a few steps ahead of those who make less in wages. That is small comfort for me. The financial realities of survival continue to intrude and have an impact on my life. I know that in a practical and realistic sense, a huge challenge is before me.

My apologies for not posting an update since Christmas Eve. I was without internet for most of the week at my mother's house. It was a good experience to be in an environment devoid of the internet when it is accessible from almost any other location.

Today I went back to work at St. Ben's. I admit I thought about things while I was gone: the people I was missing, the needs that had to be addressed, and perhaps my personal desire to "stay busy" rather than simply enjoy some time off. Being back at St. Ben's after the break was a good feeling; I was where I belonged. For a man pursuing his vocation, that sense of association at my ministry reminds me that I am on the right path.

Unfortunately after all the Christmas carols are sung, and all the happy-ending stories are finished, I was again face-to-face with the evils of this world.

I learned today that Don, a friend and a great volunteer to the program, fell off the wagon after 2 years. For most people, the experience is nothing new. "An addict is back in rehab? No big surprise!" That would be the standard sentiment. Maybe I would have said the same thing years ago.

Don was a great help, a great sense of inspiration for others, but most of all he was a good person to talk with. Having been sober for over 2 years, he was in an advanced program in Milwaukee. He was on his way to getting his own apartment, was doing a lot in the community to help others, and was always a great source for me to tap into when I needed to learn more about what was happening in the city. Because of this, he'll no longer be in that program and is most likely without a place to stay at this point.

This month he and I were going to have a real urban plunge event. I was to spend a weekend living homeless. He'd had experience living homeless, he knew the programs and the services available, and he knew where people gathered. It was to be an experience that would help me better understand exactly what it means to be homeless. For obvious reasons, that project has been put on hold.

I've not seen him since I left for Christmas vacation, and the word is that he's sleeping out on the streets. When I think about it, I realize how much it hurts. I don't even know his last name, yet his pain and addiction are keeping him from living a productive life. Just as if my family member where suffering, I wish I could do something to take that cross from Don's back.

As a grown man, I feel tears well up as I look back at the text and realize that I've been typing about him in the past tense. My heart goes out, and even if he makes the same mistake again and again, I'll never think of him as anything but my brother in Christ.

It's been intense experience for me, and it's given me one reflection: How heavy must the burden be for God to watch us treat each other in this way. To watch war, oppression, hunger, hate, and injustice...knowing full well that we're capable of making the best choice for all. Yet we as a society have continued to fall off the wagon over and over. How much it must hurt God to watch us fail over and over. What kind of pain it must be to carry the sins of Man, and then to continually forgive?

Most of all, I think I can better understand infinite depths of God's love as he continues to love us despite our transgressions. Some people wish they could be God. Personally, if I had to live with the pain and the sorrow of watching loved ones hurt themselves and others, I don't think I could handle that much pain.

(Don's name has been changed in this post for obvious reasons of privacy.)

I've been doing prison ministry here at St. Ben's for a few months now, and I must say it's one of the greatest experiences I've had since being here. Sure I was nervous and hesitant to do it at first. In fact, I was a little concerned about what would happen to me if I showed up. What if they decide not to let me leave and lock me in!?

Obviously fears are fears and I overcame them to take part in this unique and fulfilling ministry. I find it fulfilling because I realize I share more with these guys than I could ever have imagined. Many of them grew up without a father and without a male role model as I did. Many of them come from poor homes, have experience with crime in their family, drugs, and dealing with hunger and extreme poverty. To live that life you have to be tough, and you can only trust yourself. You gotta hustle to get whatever you can, and you definitely cannot show weakness or let someone punk you out.

Many aspects of our lives are intertwined, and even though I'm here in Milwaukee because of religious life and they may be here to serve 16 months, for the people I meet at Bible Study in the MSDF (Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility) we have a lot in common.

When I think of the greatest examples of prison outreach, I immediately think of The Man in Black: Johnny Cash. Now I'm comfortable admitting that I really can't stand country music, but I own the At Folsom Prison CD. I own it for a specific reason, it's one of the most well-known examples of prison ministry.

After a living a life of drugs, fame, and trying to find what made him happy, Johnny Cash got sober and pitched the idea of a live recording at Folsom Prison to Columbia Records. He wasn't exactly the perfect image of a "good Christian," however his life, he change, and this outreach to the imprisoned reflect a lot of what I see in what I do. I don't see the album as a simple marketing at, I see it as the embodiment of Matt. 25:36 "I was naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me."

Despite his rocky life, Johnny Cash found a way to live his life, find happiness, and express his faith in a way that touched millions of people. And while I've never been a fan of country music, I respect Johnny Cash and boldly proclaim myself a Cash fan.

I hear the train a comin'
It's rollin' 'round the bend,
And I ain't seen the sunshine,
Since, I don't know when,
I'm stuck in Folsom Prison,
And time keeps draggin' on,
But that train keeps a-rollin',
On down to San Antone.

When I was just a baby,
My Mama told me, "Son,
Always be a good boy,
Don't ever play with guns,"
But I shot a man in Reno,
Just to watch him die,
When I hear that whistle blowin',
I hang my head and cry.

I bet there's rich folks eatin',
In a fancy dining car,
They're probably drinkin' coffee,
And smokin' big cigars,
But I know I had it comin',
I know I can't be free,
But those people keep a-movin',
And that's what tortures me.

Well, if they freed me from this prison,
If that railroad train was mine,
I bet I'd move out over a little,
Farther down the line,
Far from Folsom Prison,
That's where I want to stay,
And I'd let that lonesome whistle,
Blow my Blues away.

(I was recently interviewed for the St. Ben's Newsletter. I have one great story about this article to share: I'd just met the man in the picture with me. I was asked to stand together with him in a photo opportunity. Rather than be fake and try to put myself with someone, I simply told him: "Hey, I know I don't know you, but this man is gonna take a picture of us together so they can raise more money. So you're not the only one who feels awkward." We joked and talked...and the picture that was taken was thankfully not staged, but something real - something I've always tried to be.)

New Friar Finds Joy at St. Ben’s Meal
Former Used Car Salesman Seeks to Grow in Faith Filled Service

Growing up, Br. Vito Martinez remembers how his mother worked hard as a community organizer to better the lives of the poor. They themselves didn’t have much but rather than seek his fortune as an adult Br. Vito has spent several years seeking God’s plan.

Today Br. Vito is a postulant, someone who is in the initial discernment process of a call to be a Capuchin. As a part of that discernment he volunteers at St. Ben’s Community Meal.

“I am serving this year as a chaplain and volunteer coordinator. I help people get new ID’s, bus tickets and I refer them when needed to the Capuchin House of Peace and other agencies,” Br. Vito said. “I really see it as the classic 'Porter' of the old friaries. The brothers
would designate one person to answer the door and attend to the needs of the poor – that’s me!”

Vivian is one of the homeless Br. Vito has gotten to know. “She came one day feeling very depressed. She just wanted to tell someone her story of how as a poor woman she had become a prostitute.” Br. Vito added, “Even though I grew up poor myself I was very shaken by what Vivian shared.”

Listening compassionately to the poor at St. Ben’s helped confirm for him that he is on the right path. Br. Vito noted, “Many people burn out over time. To do this with love my entire life I seek strength in prayer. One of my favorite prayers from St. Francis of Assisi asks God to grant us “true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity…”.

Br. Vito continued, “I also have the support of Br. David Schwab as Ministry Director. Br. Dave empowers me to do as much as I can for the poor. And he has helped me to learn how to do this work daily based on his own life in ministry.” Br. Vito also credits his life as a Catholic with helping him to grow in ministry. “Daily prayer, the celebration of the Eucharist, and playing the guitar at Sunday Mass all help sustain me,” he said.

To learn more about Br. Vito and his journey you can read his blog at: http://vocationstory.blogspot.com.

This week will be another that I'll remain busy. Sometimes I envy the guys who only have to go to their ministry a few hours a day during the week. Because of the nature of mine, I sometimes have engagements on the weekends, during holidays, and usually when the other guys have time off. Like tonight is our "basketball night," however I won't be able to go because I have my ministry. I'm learning about ministries and sacrifices.

A "plunge," or "Milwaukee Experience" as it's also known, is an opportunity for high school students, college students, or anyone to get a first-hand look at the life of the poor, hungry, and homeless of Milwaukee really live. Most event start off with a tour of St. Ben's Church along with a history lesson of the Capuchins and their work with African Americans and the homeless in MKE. Afterwards, they get into line with the other guests to not serve the meal, but to sit and eat along with the other guests.

The group gets to see other places of ministry such as some shelters, movies regarding social justice, and participate in a Service Project while they are here in MKE.

Tonight we have two groups: a group of guys from St. Lawrence Seminary and a group of girls from DSHA (Divine Savior, Holy Angels)...both high school. While the SLS guys will get rooms here at my friary, the girls will stay in some of the rooms above the church on their sleeping bags. It seems kind of wrong to have kids come and sleep on the floor, but this is an immersion experience...and I suppose if I wanted to be hardcore, they could sleep under the porch of the friary and really get a first-hand look!

For a deeper explanation on what the plunge is, you can check here on St. Ben's website.

Hopefully I don't mess anything up!

Daytime Responsory:
Clothe yourself with gentleness,
and be renewed in faith,
which is the flesh of the Lord,
and in love, which is the blood of Jesus Christ.
-Faith, indeed, is...