I've often found inspiration and meaning in songs that aren't normally classified as "spiritual." There are many songs that speak truth to me about my relationship with the Divine and the Spirit, but very few could be considered liturgical, gospel, or even Christian. I've tried to collect these songs, assuming no one else would understand such inspiration.

Fortunately, friars such as Fr. Mike Scully of St. Fidelis Church here in Victoria, KS does. He's a great guy, but here's his bio from his website: http://www.frmikescully.com/:

Father Michael Scully has spent most of his 40-plus years of ministry working with youth as a religion teacher, high school administrator, youth pastor, and parish pastor. In talks and retreats for high school and college youth, his presentation, "Rock Music and Leadership," has been presented to over 30,000 young people. He also has given many parish retreats and recollection days.
Father Mike Scully is currently serving as Pastor of St. Fidelis Church, the "Cathedral of the Plains" in Victoria, KS, pastor of St. Ann Church, Walker, KS, and pastor of St. Boniface Church, Vincent, KS. His radio show Message at the Top is aired on KJLS-FM, Mix 103 (103.3) in Hays, KS.

Fr. Scully's show Message At the Top takes the top ten songs of the week and breaks down the actual message behind some of these songs. Songs like: You Found Me by The Fray, If Today Were Your Last Day by Nickelback, and even older songs from John Mayer, Sara Bareilles, and Gavin DeGraw. The biggest surprise: this is all done on the local radio station in Kansas...not on public access or on an AM station. Fr. Mike's show airs on the biggest and most popular station in this part of Kansas.

His show brings a unique twist to songs not always found from older people or even clergy. He recognizes the power and the messages that are contained in songs, and he sees that all music can teach - the question is what does it teach. Even when one of the angrier or more sexually based songs make it onto the list, he does not hesitate to find some good from what is being sung. He admits he has his favorites and a list of songs he doesn't like to hear played, but he feels that too many people dismiss the message of music...rather than recognizing how it works with in us - especially the youth.

Fr. Mike's show Message At the Top, a ministry of the Mid-America Capuchins, verified a lot of what I felt about music and it's affect on my spirituality. I dropped the Music and Spirituality aspect of my blog for a time, simply because I didn't feel people were connecting with that form of contemplation as opposed to more traditional methods (devotions, Lexio Devina, etc).

Last week I had the opportunity to "guest host" his show. I may ask to join him again, and perhaps submit one of my song reflections to his list. If I go again, I will be sure to get pictures.

If you are anywhere near Hays, Kansas on Sundays between 10-12 (the station is too small to have live streaming of their broadcasts), be sure to tune in to 103.3. It may not be the ordinary ministry of the Capuchin Franciscans, but it's uniqueness and popularity tell me that someone is listening.

Transcripts of his last show can be found at his site for Message At the Top.

Twice a year, there is a special ceremony I like to go through. It's completely for appearances, it's totally unnecessary, and it shows that I still treat some objects better than another human being! I'm speaking about my pride and joy: my electric guitar.

My Les Paul is the one item that reminds me of my old life. It's an object I wanted since I was in high school. Even when my mother could only able to afford to buy me a cheap Washburn beginner guitar, I loved it as if it were a '59 Custom with a cherry sunburst finish. In the evening, I'd listen to guys who could make their own Gibsons sing and cry in my headphones.

After deciding I wanted to live a more simplistic life, I remembered that desire from my youth and how I thought my life would be complete if only I had that guitar. Already knowing that this was a false idea, I entertained the idea of buying one. I knew I would play it for a month then put it away. I knew if I spent $2000 I would chastise myself for wasting money. Yet the memory of that kid, dreaming of playing with that thick Gibson sound, would not go away. I knew that part of discernment was reconnecting with what gave you true pleasure, and remembering those dreams you once had. I also knew that it would hurt to spend money on such a magnificent instrument and still suck at playing guitar.

In the end, I chose to buy an Epiphone Les Paul Standard. A slightly less-quality version of the guitar that's made off-shore instead of in the U.S. Some of the electronics were different, but beyond that there is little difference. I figured I could live with a $650 mistake rather than a $2000, but I would still be feeding that inner child.

And just like I said, I played it for a month, got frustrated because I couldn't play "Samba Pa Ti" the way Carlos Santana did, and within a month it sat in it's custom case in my closet. But rather than forget it completely, I started doing something different: I kept listening to that inner voice that wanted to still be that guitar rockstar. I realized it wasn't about fame, or money, or being the desire of women, it was that ability to create music so intense that it stirred emotion in your heart. Whether it came from a Les Paul, Fender Strat, or a cheap guitar, I knew that was the dream I was chasing, and it was something I could still attain...even as I prepared to become a Capuchin.

During our lifetime, we go through cycles where we develop certain desires. A lot of the time, we don't even know what to do with them, we're just aware that we want. And as we grow and become adults those wants change, and our ability to be satisfied requires more than an expensive guitar, or a pony, or a 1979 Chevy Monte Carlo SS.

While my Les Paul ran quite a bit of money (relatively speaking), it's more than just an object to me now. My desire to play guitar is something that connects me to my youth: that idealistic state where I could close my eyes and imagine I were Carlos Santana, Jimmy Page, Stevie Ray Vaughn, or any of a number of guitar greats. That ability to envision myself living out a dream, a simple dream, helps me to connect with my inner desires and focus on what I see as important.

So twice a year I take off the old strings, get out the guitar polish and an old rag, and spend my time as I go over every square inch of the instrument, polishing it to a perfect glow. I know that by tomorrow I will have fingerprints on the body from playing it, but by taking that time to care for the one last investment I still own, it reminds me that some of the greatest dreams in our lives don't involve a perfect job, a perfect spouse, or even the perfect house and car. Sometimes our greatest dreams are so simple, we confuse them with useless pursuits.

This is about the time where I tie everything together to show how my childhood dream to play guitar is a direct reflection of my vocation. I'm sure you all saw that coming.

But right now, my guitar's restrung, I'm hooked into the system, and 20,000 fans are waiting for me to play Europa.

You're never too old to chase your dreams.

Only recently we at the friary joked that by taking the Lectionary, Sacramentary, Liturgy of the Hours, and all the other numerous books we kept and put them onto iPhones, not only would we be saving money and saving trees, but we'd be following the wishes of St. Francis who strictly forbade the brothers from owning books. Of course the older friars didn't see much humor in the idea. But for as fast as technology continues to grow, I wasn't surprised by what I found in my email this afternoon.

The iBreviary is the next innovation in prayer resources developed for the digital Catholic. I received an email from one of the developers Fr. Paulo Padrini, sharing some information about his application for the iPhone and how it already "has gotten the applause and encouragement of the Vatican."

-Available readings in English, Spanish, French, Latin, and Ambrosian

- has the three major Hours, Daytime Prayer, and Compline. Also has the daily missal as well as the principal Catholic prayers.

-The cost is only $.99 in U.S. dollars, with funds going to dixit.it, an online ministry in Italy aimed at younger Catholics.

Before writing about this application, I wanted to get some first-hand experience with it. One of the Postulants has an iPhone, and he promptly paid the 99 cents to put the iBreviary to the test.

The program can be tricky at first. It's original language is in Italian, and we had some trouble figuring out how to change the languages. We had to go into the iPhone settings, select "English" as the language, and then get back into the program. Without directions, it can be confusing to some people.

After transposing to English, we took a look at one of the psalms for today: Psalm 51. To my surprise the translation is very good. I must assume that the translations were all written and are not transposed by the application. Compared to the four-volume Liturgy of the Hours, the text was very close. I am not a "purist," so the fact that it wasn't 100% was not an issue.

The fact that today's Hours were available without using 5 different bookmarks was a nice change of pace, however those that are familiar with praying the Office will see that the program is not entirely the same as having a breviary or psalter:

-There are no Antiphons available for any of the psalms or canticles.

-There are no tone indicators (the underlines) for those who choose/are obliged to chant.

-It lacks the flexibility of observance that an actual breviary does. If you/your order celebrates a specific saint or feast day with special psalms and antiphons, there's no Index with Commons and/or Intercessions to observe specific days of obligation. (Example: We as Franciscans observe the feast day of Thomas Aquinas with antiphons from the Common of Doctors, while the Order of Preachers observe the feast day of their founder with specific psalms and readings.)

Overall, I think the iBreviary is great for people new to the Divine Office or for religious who are "on the go" and are looking for a cheap and efficient way to pray the Office. If you pray the Office daily and are intent on the observance of those obligated feasts, this probably isn't for you.
Check out your iTunes Store; it's worth the $.99 cents and the money is going to charity.

While I don't think we at St. Conrad's Friary will be replacing our books with digital screens just yet, I have long waited for The Church to embrace the digital age. Perhaps my generation will be the one to help use the digital tools to better spread the Gospel.

It's been a while since I updated my blog. I like to use the "I've been busy!" excuse, but that's just another cop-out. I apologize to all my active readers.

Seriously though, I have been amazingly busy. With the continuous rise in gas prices, I've sold more Honda Civics and Toyota Corollas in the past month than ever before. Last week I got a check for over $2000...another reminder of what I am giving up. I try to get into the dealership in the morning to handle emails, update inventory, secure financing, and eventually handle all the other small details before I can even get ready to sell cars. Elvis' future brother-in-law will soon be working with me to take over my position; I'll have more things to worry about.

In my free time, I've been playing a lot of soccer as well as walking. I'm unsure about the walk to Milwaukee for several reasons now, but I haven't stopped working out. In the past 2 weeks I've lost 10 pounds simply by eating a little less and being more active. I've yet to give up my "Beef Jerky and Gatorade Breakfast," but I think being active is doing a lot to help shed the pounds.

I've continued to save my money, but I'm a spender at heart and I've tried to find constructive ways to spend my money. I continue to give to whatever causes I can find, but things like golf outings and support walks cramp my work schedule. Even now, 72 days away from entering the Postulancy, I worry about work before anything else. Either I'll be a workaholic Capuchin or I'll run wild with my newly found freedom.

The funny part is that I don't worry about work for the money...perhaps that's also the best part. By the first of July I should be done working full-time at the dealership. People ask why I work as hard as the owner to make sure everything is working properly. I know I wouldn't like to continue this line of work, but since I'm here, I feel a sense of responsibility to ensure that the dealership continues to grow and remain profitable. In the grand sense of things, my big paychecks mean that the business is growing; if I am making money than so is everyone else.

I've already saved more money than ever in my life. I've bought some pretty outlandish things along the way, but I've tried to keep my expenditures limited to things 1. I can take with me to Postulancy, 2. things I intend to share with the others in the Order, or 3. things that will help me grow. Let's take a look at what I've bought so far.

1. NikeiD shoes. Looking back, I probably should have skipped these and just bought a pair of Birkenstocks, but I thought it would be cool to get an extra pair of shoes for soccer (and there will be lots of soccer when I leave.) For those of you that don't know, NikeiD's are the shoes where you customize them over the internet. Not the most practical of purchases, but not the most expensive. Cost: $160 (included was a blue/maize soccer ball with Ronaldinho's signature on it.) Check them out here.


2. New Glasses. The old glasses I have constantly fall off my face, and my eyes feel like they're on fire each time I try to put in my contacts. I know that the Order will pay for any new eyeglasses, but I figured I might as well buy some myself and save the Order some money. I actually did pretty good on these; Lenscrafters tried to charge me over $500 for a set of glasses when Pearlevision was able to get me rolling for $375 with everything included. I think my frames, while a little retro, will fit on my face and last a little longer than the old ones.

2. Instruments. A while back I wrote about the thrill of finally getting a Les Paul. However the attaining of the item wasn't as much of an experience as I'd hoped. The Les Paul was a thing (a beautiful thing, be that as it may), but that didn't mean I wasn't interested in music. Last Friday I stopped into Guitar Center to see a beautiful Ibanez eCoustic (acoustic guitar with built-in pick-up, EQ, and outputs). It was used but was in excellent condition. I played it and fell in love. I walked out the door with it that day. $250

I don't know if I thought about what I'd do with both guitars or whether divine inspiration took a hold of me once again, but I realized that I needed to buy a bass guitar as well. It was as if I'd ordered fries and not gotten the ketchup. This Monday I called up Firehouse Guitars, asked them to get a bass guitar for me and I walked in to get it.

The bass is something I started playing a LONG time ago; I set it aside soon after I got my first electric Lyon guitar. But soon after I got the bass, I remembered what I had missed: that feeling of notes as well as rhythm. Instruments like the flute, the violin, and the trumpet require notes to be in tune and follow within the parameters of the chords. Percussion instruments require no notes, but only the proper time in which the sound is created. But the bass is the perfect fusion of both types of instruments...setting the backbone for the songs melody as well as establishing a rhythm for the song.

Instead of getting a regular bass guitar, I decided to go with a fretless bass. The sound is slightly different from a regular bass, sounding more like an upright bass. The sound is more warm for jazz, but I already knew that I'd use it mostly for Liturgical music.

Since I didn't have a bass guitar and I wanted something that was going to give me the option of 1. having nice amps for my guitars/bass, 2. something that would be reasonably priced, 3. something that wouldn't take up much room, and 4. something I could play my bass along to "I Will Survive" by Cake and other favorites. Along with the bass I bought Guitar Rig 3...a software program that allows everything I just listed as well as providing an abundance of sounds for almost any instrument I wish to plug in. Also included is the CUBASE software for software recording. It seems that things have changed so much from the days of sitting in a recording studio and spending a ridiculous amount of money. Total cost of bass, software, and other goodies: $600


I don't have much left to buy...my time is running out at the job and my work may be done after June. I have plenty of money in the bank so I'm not worried. It's just the realization that all this buying is the result of hard work at a job that has provided everything for me. Would my life be about buying more small things, or would I be looking at a house, a large investment portfolio, or maybe reinvesting my money into the dealership? Perhaps I'd repeat my life and decide it was time to find a woman to "complete my life." Or maybe without the constant chase of money, I will realize my true calling from God. Maybe this money I've spent is the building blocks on which my ministry will begin. Perhaps in Milwaukee I become part of the local parish musicians. Perhaps there sprouts an idea about using music to reach out to people, to encourage under-privileged kids to experience what it's like to learn an instrument instead of learning how to sell drugs. I'm just rambling, but maybe, just maybe, I'm not spending...rather I'm investing.

The mood was perfect so I added a new track to my playlist. "Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin...a great song with an awesome guitar and bass line.

Yesterday marked a new page in my life: a day where my debt is less than my monthly income. After paying off a 12 year old credit card debt, I'm down to $2300 in total debt, and I feel great!

I wanted to reward myself, since this is something I've worked on even before I decided to pursue a vocation. However I didn't want to spend the money foolishly, like a trip to the casino or something stupid.

Instead, I reverted to one of my childhood dreams, a callback to some of those desires I gave up when I chose to follow more "worldly" careers. As I've delved back into that part of my life, I find myself writing again, as well as something I haven't done in years: play my guitar.

I admit I'm nowhere near as good as I was years ago, but I am relearning fast, and I have the patience to learn things I didn't have when I was young. Hard songs and chord progressions take practice and time....when I was a kid I just wanted to be Carlos Santana right then and there. Now I know that with work and effort you can be anything.

Since I lacked the self-discipline to keep up with my guitar skills, my gear never improved either. As new advances in guitars and amps became available, I chose to spend money on other hobbies or interests. Starting playing as a schoolkid did not give me the funds to buy that better equipment either. In the time I had the money, I'd given up on my guitar already. I feel sad for the lost time.

Fortunately, as I've come back into my love, I've rekindled the old dream of mine; the one thing I truly wanted:

This is a 1979 Gibson Les Paul. It is a maple body with maple headstock. Rosewood fretboard with abalone inlay, two humbucker pick-ups, grover locking tuning machines, shown here in cherry sunburst. This is not an instrument, rather a work of art. Guitarists from Paul McCartney, Peter Frampton, Zakk Wylde, Slash, Carlos Santana, Jimmy Page, Bob Marley, and John Lennon all used Les Pauls.

In the words of Chazz Michael Michaels, I could not love a human baby as much as I love this guitar.~

I know I will never own one, however since that time, Gibson bought a smaller company called Epiphone, allowing it to release guitars like the SG and the Les Paul at more affordable prices. So rather than spending the $3000 it would cost for a Gibson Les Paul, an Epiphone can be purchased starting at $400-$500. I'm negotiating as we speak.

Now I thought about this, actually gave it some serious discernment. Was I just getting this guitar to satisfy some childhood dream of owning an icon of great music, or was I making an investment into something I loved? Sure I'd started playing guitar again, and I had my acoustic to keep playing on. Isn't that all I really need? Do I need this beautiful piece of handiwork?

I go through this same thing each time I buy something; last time it was my winter coat. I thought of buying something cheap that would get me through the winter. However my eye caught on a real nice leather coat with a liner and hood for $200. On the one hand, buying cheap is how I should plan on living. I don't need to buy what I want, rather what I need. For the past year and a half, that has been bills. However buying quality is a better value in the long run, as long as you're not splurging. A mink coat would have been over the top, or a team coat for the same cost. My last leather coat lasted me 10 years; it lasted so long I grew out of it. The new coat should last me another 10 years, as long as I don't put on another 100 pounds.

Guitarists the world over love the Les Paul because it is a quality instrument. The crafting, the make, the electronics are all top notch. I don't need the super expensive Les Paul or a really awesome paint job, I'm looking for a guitar for an intermediate player that will last 15+ years. If I am serious about playing guitar, this is the one I should buy.

I've had recent experiences that have hastened my return to music, and now that I'm going back in that direction, I think it's time to make a childhood dream come true, even if it's only the cheap version of that dream.

That and I hear chicks dig guitar players.

I see those generated video projects on YouTube and it seems so simple to make. I get a great idea, think of some images, songs, even a few key quotes...

Then I load it all into Macromedia Flash and I scream at my computer when the test video looks nothing like the graphic I just made. I'm not the computer tech I once was, but I have the knowledge and the basic understanding of using tools such as Flash and Dreamweaver. I know enough to get myself frustrated.

That "little idea" I had has grown into something mind-consuming, and I've been scrounging the Internets looking for images, information, statistics, and ideas for this little project of mine. And when I finally put in images and symbols and motion tweens, it all gets jumbled together by the evil computer machine and doesn't match my perfect vision. That's when I start screaming and throwing temper trantrums.

I know part of it is due to my lack of true schooling with Macromedia products. I'd love to take the time to actually learn how each of the buttons and tools work. But I also tend towards a perfectionist-which is rather interesting since I never claim to be perfect. I've suffered through several of these video projects before, and what happens is my focus on detail, my desire to get everything perfect, and my complete dissatisfaction with anything that does not fit into my mental picture. If I actually worked and lived like this, I'd be a pretty annoying guy to be around.

This trait only manifests itself when I sit down to play my guitar, draw, or create in any other form of media. As I get deeper and deeper into this project, I'm going to try and not let frustration get the best of me. I think the idea is great, and the premise is a noble one. Hopefully when I finish it, I will have created something nice and taught myself a little about patience.

Don't ask how long it took just to finish this part:
Edit: The image is too big for the regular area, so I added the code permanently to the bottom of the page.