I've often found inspiration and meaning in songs that aren't normally classified as "spiritual." There are many songs that speak truth to me about my relationship with the Divine and the Spirit, but very few could be considered liturgical, gospel, or even Christian. I've tried to collect these songs, assuming no one else would understand such inspiration.

Fortunately, friars such as Fr. Mike Scully of St. Fidelis Church here in Victoria, KS does. He's a great guy, but here's his bio from his website: http://www.frmikescully.com/:

Father Michael Scully has spent most of his 40-plus years of ministry working with youth as a religion teacher, high school administrator, youth pastor, and parish pastor. In talks and retreats for high school and college youth, his presentation, "Rock Music and Leadership," has been presented to over 30,000 young people. He also has given many parish retreats and recollection days.
Father Mike Scully is currently serving as Pastor of St. Fidelis Church, the "Cathedral of the Plains" in Victoria, KS, pastor of St. Ann Church, Walker, KS, and pastor of St. Boniface Church, Vincent, KS. His radio show Message at the Top is aired on KJLS-FM, Mix 103 (103.3) in Hays, KS.

Fr. Scully's show Message At the Top takes the top ten songs of the week and breaks down the actual message behind some of these songs. Songs like: You Found Me by The Fray, If Today Were Your Last Day by Nickelback, and even older songs from John Mayer, Sara Bareilles, and Gavin DeGraw. The biggest surprise: this is all done on the local radio station in Kansas...not on public access or on an AM station. Fr. Mike's show airs on the biggest and most popular station in this part of Kansas.

His show brings a unique twist to songs not always found from older people or even clergy. He recognizes the power and the messages that are contained in songs, and he sees that all music can teach - the question is what does it teach. Even when one of the angrier or more sexually based songs make it onto the list, he does not hesitate to find some good from what is being sung. He admits he has his favorites and a list of songs he doesn't like to hear played, but he feels that too many people dismiss the message of music...rather than recognizing how it works with in us - especially the youth.

Fr. Mike's show Message At the Top, a ministry of the Mid-America Capuchins, verified a lot of what I felt about music and it's affect on my spirituality. I dropped the Music and Spirituality aspect of my blog for a time, simply because I didn't feel people were connecting with that form of contemplation as opposed to more traditional methods (devotions, Lexio Devina, etc).

Last week I had the opportunity to "guest host" his show. I may ask to join him again, and perhaps submit one of my song reflections to his list. If I go again, I will be sure to get pictures.

If you are anywhere near Hays, Kansas on Sundays between 10-12 (the station is too small to have live streaming of their broadcasts), be sure to tune in to 103.3. It may not be the ordinary ministry of the Capuchin Franciscans, but it's uniqueness and popularity tell me that someone is listening.

Transcripts of his last show can be found at his site for Message At the Top.

Have you asked young men and women in your parish if they've considered the possibility of religious life? A new video put out by my province asks that question of everyone: if we can foster religious vocations simply by asking if somoene's ever considered that possibility, why don't we do it more often?

Here is the video as found on YouTube. Why am I not in the video as much as the rest of my fellow postulants? I was struck with a horrible cold at the time and wasn't able to participate in this video. I have enough press about me already...time to share the glory!

While the main purpose of our time in Kansas is to establish community within the Capuchin fraternity before beginning our Novitiate year, we were given a specific ministry for our time here. This ministry was something far different than what many of us experienced during Postulancy, and the actual purpose of the ministry was different as well.

We have spent our Mondays and Tuesdays working with Habitat for Humanity of Ellis County. However we've yet to actually start working outside on an actual house. Most of our time has been spent working on fund-raiser projects for Habitat to continue to build and offer houses to those who would otherwise go without.

Pictured here is me with my team of 6 other guys (another team consisted of the other 7 guys) as we (attempt) to build a playset-complete with swings, rope ladder, and a mini rock wall. The test of it all: only a few of us have carpentry skills.

The projects proved to be more intense than I'd planned. People were grating each other's nerves, I watched as leaders clashed with other leaders, and frustrations grew due to lack of tools, improper materials, too many people in the way, etc. What seemed like a simple project became a test of patience and a revealing of personalities.

I think the ability to live in community and examine our time gave us the ability to handle the stress of this ministry. Each week, three of us share our ministry experiences. This gives us an opportunity to praise each other, voice concerns, discuss challenges, and bring up recommendations about the site.

I have a few views about our "ministry," however I've decided not to write about them yet. I'd prefer to share them with my community before posting them. My views are not necessarily positive, as I see a huge difference between this and what I was doing in Milwaukee. I think the closest Scripture passage is where Jesus starts flipping tables of the money-changers to make a point. Stay tuned for that little bit of interest.

For the community here, I must admit that we have been greatly welcomed by Kansas. People have stopped to see us work in the mall in Hayes, Kansas (aptly named "The Mall") and have thanked us for our time. In spite of my views of this time, I must say that the people of Kansas have been most hospitable. We even made it into the local paper (front page!) here.

Next Monday we actually start working on the houses. Our first task will be to rip down the old siding and put in new siding on the house. Perhaps I will give my ministry reflection next week.

Being able to talk in front of a group of people is an acquired skill. Part of being a car salesman is the ability to start up a conversation with anyone, not be embarrassed by anything that might be said, and know that if the crowd loses interest or starts to turn on you, make them laugh...even if you have to make fun of yourself.
Since I started at St. Ben's Community Meal in Milwaukee, WI as Chaplain and Volunteer Coordinator, I've had many opportunities to give talks in front of groups. Whether they be 3 college kids, 15 high school students, 22 seminarians, a classroom at Marquette University, or a confirmation class of 200+ adolescents...I've been asked to give a number of talks since I've been here.

When I first started, it was a 10 minute talk about hunger in Milwaukee. I knew nothing of hunger in Milwaukee; I was still kicking dirt from Grand Rapids off my shoes! But as with all things I've learned here during postulancy, I read and learned. I listened to people who were in the know. I took time to study, dig up facts, and even pray about finding the words to best convey the message I want to send.

Here's a few of the topics I'm usually asked to talk about:

1. Conversion - As a former car salesman and poker dealer, my life has drastically changed by no longer chasing money or climbing a ladder of status. By trying to live the Gospel and see all people as creations of God, I have come to a new understanding of life and a pursuit of a greater vocation.
2. History - Starting as a store-front Catholic church by a black layman in 1908, St. Benedict the Moor has a long history in the city of Milwaukee as a mission to the African-American population, then later to the homeless and hungry.
3. Social Justice - St. Ben's focuses not just on the immediate needs of the homeless and the impoverished. By working through agencies, advocates, and by teaching and sharing the stories of the poor and marginalized, we at St. Ben's try not just to stop the symptoms of injustice, but also work on the root problems.
4. Vocation - By allowing students, adults, and professionals to see the life of the homeless, the programs in place to address those needs, and making them aware of the problem, we encourage people not only to just think about how to fix the problem, but to become involved as well. Often times I am asked about my particular vocation to the Capuchins.
5. Personal Reflection - After participating in the meal as a guest, not as a server, there is the chance to reflect on the experience of having been at the Meal Program. This experience allows people to gain a better insight into what it's like to be dependent on such programs. Sometimes guests are asked to come to talks away from St. Ben's to talk about their lives living in Milwaukee.
   

In the short amount of time that I've been here at St. Ben's, I've been challenged to not only do a lot, but also to say a lot as well. In the beginning, I felt weird about all the talks. Part of me wanted to hide from the notoriety I'd gained. "Just let me be a simple and humble friar!" was my thought. As the process continued, I realized it wasn't all about me. There's a story to tell, a witness that needs to be given, and not everyone has the ability to stand in front of 25 people with no script and just a vague idea for a topic...and smile at the challenge of trying to make at least one person truly consider what is being said.

I'm sad to think that in less than 3 months I will be off doing something completely different. Then in the coming August, another poor soul will take my place, hoping to soon become a Capuchin, and will be asked to give a 30 minute presentation on a meal program they haven't fully understood yet. But I think that's part of the flavor of religious life. I know I will miss what I've learned here, as I start counting "days left" instead of "days here." But I know I will take what I've learned and continue to tell my story. Most of all, I know that someday I will find myself back at St. Ben's, perhaps then I will be in "full garb." And when I do return, I'll remember why I missed it in the first place.

If you live in the Milwaukee area and are looking for someone to talk to your group about the St. Ben's Community Meal, please call 414-271-0135. Ask for Br. Dave Schwab or Br. Vito Martinez. You can also see St. Ben's Website for a description of some of the programs we offer at the Community Meal.

In January, a video was made by our development office as a way to help promote vocations in our province. The concept of the video wasn't simply aimed at getting people interested in the Capuchins, rather getting people simply to ask the question: "Have you ever thought about religious life?"

This 5 minute video is part of a new push called The Vocation Project, a new way to reach out and continue to seek vocations to the Capuchin order.

One of the first things people might notice: I'm not in any of the videos. Well, you might not notice that; everything isn't always about me! The day that the camera crew came in to shoot the footage, I was in my room blogging about how sick I felt. Unfortunately I wasn't part of the footage.

Regardless of my presence, the video is wonderfully done. Enjoy.

P.S. Yes, we have an XBox 360 in the house. It was a Christmas gift to the community.

When I returned to Milwaukee on Saturday, I found a message in my mailbox: Call Melissa at InTheNews about your article. Call her right away. I've been in the media for my vocation story, this blog, and a few other things related to my choice to be here. Specifically, she was talking about this story that was printed the week after Christmas. And like many other inquiries, I assumed she was following up my story for another one.

What I didn't realize is that InTheNews, Inc. is actually a company that mounts and displays newspaper articles for business, restaurants, and people who want to immortalize their newspaper fame for all to see. This call was not about my vocation or about Capuchin life; this was a sales call.

After being on hold for a minute and listening to their nice background music, I quickly understood what was going on. Melissa told me how wonderful my article was, and how she worked with other people in the Grand Rapids area. She told me how I could get my article framed and into a plague for only $199. They would even do the work first, and if I didn't like it, I could return it and not pay anything. What a deal!

As nicely as I could, I told her she mustn't have read the article, otherwise she would have seen the key words poverty and humility. I said that neither I nor the Order had $199 to spend on a plaque, and that I have no need to show off my story (I didn't tell her I had my own blog for that!).

I have a talk at Marquette University next week, and Dick Gordon's The Story has asked for another interview before I leave for Novitiate in May. Part of my media attention comes from being a salesman, and knowing who I need to talk to in order to get a message across. But as I've told many people before, the highlight of my interviews and talks is not really about me. I've come to realize that people are genuinely inspired by what I am doing, and by the spirit that has moved me to change my life. By approaching media attention from this angle, I feel more like a witness than I do a celebrity.

Then again, by the time I finish this entire process, I'll have enough material for a complete screenplay about my life and conversion. If you're reading my blog, Martin Scorcese, I got something you need to read!

Over the Christmas break, I had an interview with my hometown paper where we talked about me, my religious vocation, life here in Milwaukee, and of course this blog. I feel that he did a great job on the article, and presented my current life in an accurate and thoughtful way.

Now I'm sure it's a faux pas to write about people writing about yourself, but the mention of my blog on a bigger level has gotten me to ask myself some serious questions. As I was reflecting over this concept of being a "blogger" while still fighting off my cold, I came to a very clear understanding: I am not a blogger in the commonly accepted use of the term.

1. I rarely read other people's blogs. I know there are people out there that write great things, Kicking and Screaming and The Ironic Catholic were a few of the first blogs I really tried to follow. But between class, homework, ministry, and community, I simply don't have time to read what is being written. For those who have time, I would encourage you to check them out. Both are better experienced at blogging than I am!

2. I'm bad about links and referrals. I suck at consistently writing posts, too. I know these things are essential for people who want to increase traffic to their blog. There is a part of me that would love to have a ton of readers, but I'm happy to be present to the handful of people who continue to follow my journey. Their continued presence reminds me that I'm not just talking to myself (and that I need to be better about spelling and grammatical errors).

3. I have no agenda. Sure, I pull the soapbox out every now and then, but this isn't a soundboard for my personal philosophies. Perhaps this is more of an online diary than a web log; it's a place where I put down my personal ideas and reflections rather than a pulpit to spew my liberal Capuchin agenda. I realize not everyone adheres to my flavor of theology. I realize not everyone experiences God and The Church like I do. And like everyone else, sometimes I need to break out and post a rant about something that pisses me off. But since this is a time of conversion for me, I have to be honest with myself and say I'm not sure of a lot at this point.

4. I have no clue what I'm doing. My favorite boss once told me: "I don't care if you screw up, but admit when you don't know something." I don't know if I'm writing memoirs to one day look back upon. Maybe I'm telling a story in hopes that someone who's possibly considering a religious life might see my story and think: "He seems as screwed up as me. Maybe I too can have a vocation!" Perhaps this is merely a therapeutic way for me to handle change, conversion, and to come to grips with the fact that God has given me a job, and deep down I still don't know if I'm good enough to be the man he expects of me. I have doubts, I have fears, I have sadness...even as my new life here continues to bring me happiness. Because of this, sometimes posts only make sense to me.

5. I do my best writing late at night when I'm trying to get to sleep. We've all done term-papers at the last second...drinking massive quantities of caffeine while typing away at the keypad. One night you may scribe (what you think is) the greatest thesis ever conceived by the mind of a mortal. The next morning it looks like the ramblings of a retarded chicken, high on crack.

I like to let my mind wander at those moments and just hit "Publish" when it's all done. I realize a good blogger would take time to make sure his/her content is relevant and even cognitive before posting it, but I find that spontaneous thought can reveal more about a person's inner self than any canned text which has been filtered and edited a few times.

So for the many of you who have begun to visit this wonderful place because of a link or referral, I welcome you whole-heartedly. But I warn you that I am not a certified blogger. I am a person living through a unique experience, learning a new part of my life. For those interested, I encourage you to follow along. For those looking for another opinion on Barack Obama, abortion, liberation theology, how to fix the economy, or recent comments about the Jonas brothers...there are better blogs out there for you than mine.

Peace and all good,
Vito Martinez, Capuchin Postulant

Months ago I started on a project: an idea to put the concepts and the hopes of my future participation with the Capuchin Franciscans into picture or even video. Already hearing something deeper in music, I wanted to look deeper into other media and find a way to reflect the feelings I had about what I wanted to do, what I planned to do, and about how I was giving up my "old life" to begin something even greater.

On top of that, I wanted to show how esoteric my choice was, and that it was the antithesis of society's apathy. I was looking to make a statement about myself, the world, and how I was soon going to change it.

I made the video 4 months ago. I made it before actually living this life. Now that I am here, it still makes sense.

The music is by Jimmy Eat World. The photos are from various photographers; only a few are mine. This video is only my reflection on life...nothing more. I thank all of them for finding that something in each piece, so that I might create something that speaks to others.

Last night I had the opportunity to speak with my formators regarding my past 4 months living here in community with the Capuchin Franciscans. We spoke for about an hour, and one of the responses upon seeing this document from the formators was: "It looks like we're trying to get you canonized!" I've decided to share the document for others to see.

Thanks for your continued reading, and I hope you continue to follow my story.

Peace and all good, Vito

December 2008 Evaluation
The community perceives Vito in a very positive light. As one professed friar put it, "If I had come as a visitor, I would have thought you were already professed." This statement reflects the maturity and wholesomeness that Vito exhibits. He has made a life-changing transition: giving up a girlfriend and a promising career in car sales and testing out a life of voluntary poverty, chastity, and obedience.

One thing everybody notices is Vito's outgoing, almost exuberant personality. His laughter and spontaneity are infectious. Community members describe him as "a good communicator," having "excellent relational skills," "a natural leader," a self-starter." In the classroom he shows an eagerness to learn, makes intelligent contributions, asks good questions. The community appreciates his skills in cooking, his musical gifts and prayer leadership, and his willingness to keep our cars well maintained. His ministry supervisor at St. Benedict's gave him high marks for his caring presence with poor people. Sometimes those who are very gifted provoke envy or criticism from their peers, as if they are showing off or trying ot grab the spotlight. Nothing like this emerged in the evaluations, which indicates that Vito is simply being himself and not trying to impress anybody.

At the same time, Vito himself says he worries about being too competitive, wanting to be "the best postulant." Perhaps that self-awareness is what prevents him from acting out a competitive tendency. In addition, he is trying to develop a deeper spirituality, one that places God at the center rather than himself. It was refreshing to read his self-evaluation, wherein he states that he sees the down-and-out people he serves as no different, basically, than his former customers or himself. Rather than thinking of them as needing help, he says, they need our friendship, our humanity.

One area of concern was noted by a number of community members. Is Vito so driven, so engrossed in serving others that he is neglecting his own needs? They wonder if he works too hard, is too involved outside the house? He is sometimes absent or late for community prayers (going to bed late?), and he sometimes misses his turn at doing dishes. But at a deeper level, they do not want to see him get burned out.

We definitely want to affirm Vito for his positive presence among us and for his growing commitment towards Capuchin life. He is a truly gifted man with clear leadership abilities. He appears to be building his life on a solid spiritual foundation. He shows a good understanding of Catholic theology and history. We commend him for his determination to lose weight and to quit smoking. But we will press him on his lack of good balance, especially in getting adequate sleep and being too involved outside the community. We will also ask him how he envisions his future ministry possibilities and his plans to further his education. We truly hope he will persevere in a Capuchin vocation.

For all those who have continued to check in while I took a hiatus from the blog thing, I thank you and apologize for not keeping up on my life. Between the interviews, the peer and self reviews, and the business of the holiday season I simply forgot about my continuing story here as people asked about things I'd experienced years ago in my discernment journey.

I recently did another interview with Dick Gordon on The Story. I feel embarrassed and sometimes wary of all the attention I get from numerous interviews and articles about my conversion, but I try to look at it from the aspect that people are genuinely interested in what I've experienced. Maybe they've begun a conversion of their own, maybe they're simply trying to understand why I would move from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Life is good, and I have a Volunteer Appreciation Dinner to set up tomorrow. Download and listen to the interview here. My interview in the show starts around minute 29.

(I was recently interviewed for the St. Ben's Newsletter. I have one great story about this article to share: I'd just met the man in the picture with me. I was asked to stand together with him in a photo opportunity. Rather than be fake and try to put myself with someone, I simply told him: "Hey, I know I don't know you, but this man is gonna take a picture of us together so they can raise more money. So you're not the only one who feels awkward." We joked and talked...and the picture that was taken was thankfully not staged, but something real - something I've always tried to be.)

New Friar Finds Joy at St. Ben’s Meal
Former Used Car Salesman Seeks to Grow in Faith Filled Service

Growing up, Br. Vito Martinez remembers how his mother worked hard as a community organizer to better the lives of the poor. They themselves didn’t have much but rather than seek his fortune as an adult Br. Vito has spent several years seeking God’s plan.

Today Br. Vito is a postulant, someone who is in the initial discernment process of a call to be a Capuchin. As a part of that discernment he volunteers at St. Ben’s Community Meal.

“I am serving this year as a chaplain and volunteer coordinator. I help people get new ID’s, bus tickets and I refer them when needed to the Capuchin House of Peace and other agencies,” Br. Vito said. “I really see it as the classic 'Porter' of the old friaries. The brothers
would designate one person to answer the door and attend to the needs of the poor – that’s me!”

Vivian is one of the homeless Br. Vito has gotten to know. “She came one day feeling very depressed. She just wanted to tell someone her story of how as a poor woman she had become a prostitute.” Br. Vito added, “Even though I grew up poor myself I was very shaken by what Vivian shared.”

Listening compassionately to the poor at St. Ben’s helped confirm for him that he is on the right path. Br. Vito noted, “Many people burn out over time. To do this with love my entire life I seek strength in prayer. One of my favorite prayers from St. Francis of Assisi asks God to grant us “true faith, certain hope, and perfect charity…”.

Br. Vito continued, “I also have the support of Br. David Schwab as Ministry Director. Br. Dave empowers me to do as much as I can for the poor. And he has helped me to learn how to do this work daily based on his own life in ministry.” Br. Vito also credits his life as a Catholic with helping him to grow in ministry. “Daily prayer, the celebration of the Eucharist, and playing the guitar at Sunday Mass all help sustain me,” he said.

To learn more about Br. Vito and his journey you can read his blog at: http://vocationstory.blogspot.com.

Almost four months ago, I stopped writing my journal. Here I am again, putting my thoughts into text - mostly as a way for me to construct my thoughts, think prayerfully, and have something to reflect on later in my life. While I can't guarantee much for the reader, I can guarantee that these are my true feelings, expressions, works, and thoughts as I work through this year of my life.

For those of you unfamiliar with my story up to this point, I highly suggest (if at all interested) listening to the interview I did with Dick Gordon on NPR. While that life seems long ago, it's an important reason of why I am here, and the first opportunity I had to really be a witness for what I believe.

I will try to journal as often as possible, but as you will soon read my schedule is quite hectic. However I've learned that keeping a journal is an important part to discernment, to one's prayer life, even to the spiritual well-being of a Postulant. So I continue again, hoping not to let my God-given talent go to waste.

The following link is an article I wrote for Vocation Update, a newsletter about vocations in our province. While I wrote the article at 2AM, I think it gives an accurate account of what MY experience has been here in Milwaukee as a Capuchin Franciscan. CLICK HERE

Ant. Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep.

As I became more sure of my vocation, I found myself telling everyone I could. Only months before, I hid this part of my life like a dark secret, ashamed or maybe unworthy of the desire that stirred inside of me. These days, I'll tell almost anyone about my vocation story: strangers, customers, even talk radio shows.

For those unfamiliar with NPR, one of it's more endearing programs is called The Story. It's a candid look at regular people in America doing extraordinary things in their lives. I remember years ago hearing a story of an 80 year old man who decided to join the seminary after his wife of nearly 50 years passed. It's a show that brings stories of interest, wonder, hope, and even laughter.

Several weeks past I sent them an email about my life and what I was deciding. In short time I was contacted by the studio and scheduled for a phone interview. Today I went into the local NPR studio at Grand Valley State University and recorded my story with Dick Gordon. I'm not sure if there was an empty slot or if they found my story extremely interesting, but my story will air tomorrow on NPR.

For you readers, you will know most of the story that I talk about. If you wish to listen, check your local NPR station to see when the program airs in your area. If you miss it, it will be available from their site: www.thestory.org. I'll find a way to link the interview after it is posted.

The important thing for me is to tell my story. It's not about fame, or feeling important. It's part of the ministry. This is part of what I've been called to do. And while my voice wasn't always steady, and I was quite nervous during the whole ordeal, I enjoyed the opportunity for others to hear my story and hopefully find something good in even the most mundane of circumstances.