One of the greatest differences between a religious and diocesan vocation is the community. I've mentioned before how many diocesans, due to shrinking numbers, spend time alone (or separated from other clergy) while religious priests have a commitment to an Order, physical or otherwise. Check out my columns on What is Religious Life? for more info. For me I've found this to be a great benefit as well as a great joy to experience.

...but every now and then, community life gets a little frustrating.

Francis wrote in his final Testament: "And the Lord gave me brothers, and I knew not what I ought do." This has become my mantra in times of frustration, knowing that Francis surely had the same issues. Sometimes I wonder how I'm supposed to live with these crazy guys for another 9 months!

Community is an aspect of religious life that can scare people away. Looking only at the surface, it's an extraordinary situation: you're agreeing to live in a Christian community with people you've never met before, who have different cultural  backgrounds, with different habits, quirks, compulsions, and ideas on how we should be living. I've met diocesan priests who've said they would never join a religious order when they were discerning their vocation, simply because of this  negative aspects of community.

To some extent those people have a point. Community life can be a strain for people. While there are many joys and benefits to living in a community (aside from living a model of community set forth by people like Francis of Assisi, Benedict, Dorothy Day, and others), it requires special gifts from God that not everyone has. Much like living with a spouse, it is a decision that should not be made flippantly or with the concept that one can "change another."

I've lived in community for well over a year now: 9 months in a smaller community in Milwaukee and over 5 months with the large group of guys here in Pittsburgh, PA. While different communities present different challenges, I've recognized three main things that a person needs if they really want to live fruitfully in a community. It should be noted that above all, fraternal love is needed. While I'm sure there are more tricks and tips, my experience has shown me these few gifts that are important to community life...especially if someone is discerning living in a community.

Patience- When I chose to live a Capuchin life, I chose to accept these guys as my brothers, not simply my co-workers or my classmates. Their level of productivity, their educational background, their ability to pay attention in class without making fart noises, etc. is not the yardstick I should use to measure my brothers by. By living the community model of Francis, my goal is: "that when they go out into the world they shall not be quarrelsome or contentious, nor judge others." -Rule of St. Francis

To be present to my brothers requires a certain kind of patience. Not a patience that is condescending or pretentious, rather a philial patience. Even if my brothers don't know how to cook, if they forget to put their empty glasses in the dishwasher, or they leave DVD's out and don't put them in the case... I can respond with love, assistance, and good intention rather than resentment or passive aggressive behavior. It is patience that recognizes our collective short-comings as human beings, and focuses on our strengths rather than our weaknesses.

Presence - Anyone who's lived in community will tell you that there are those who can live with a community, but can be cut off from the group. With different personalities, hobbies, and interests, it's easy for community memebers to slip into a clique mentality. Just like any other social group, people of similar backgrounds and interests tend to stick together. Left unchecked, we can belittle and tease each other.

The challenge of presence in community life is to go beyond the barriers of a clique mentality so we can interact with everyone in the community.  In doing this, we extend passed our Capuchin lives in an attempt to be universally present to all. Religious life is not a boys or girls club, a corporate ladder, or institution of learning. Religious life is a commitment to live together, even when we tend to fall back into traditional social roles.

Honesty - While it makes sense that a Christian community require honesty as a requirement, what I am referring to is much more than "not lying."

First of all, I live with an open sense of transparency in my community. Just as if I were living with a spouse, my life needs to be proportionally open to the other members of my community. To be unusually secretive (especially in areas where others have eagerly shared) can create distrust, suspicion, and even resentment.

Secondly, as a member of a community I have a responsibility to the community as well as to those things we hold in common. To misuse money, to wreck a car, to fail in my committments is to be dishonest in my intentions to live communaly. By agreeing to be a Capuchin, I am putting the needs of the community on par with my needs.

Thirdly, being part of a community means that there are different levels of communication and trust. Some discussions are considered external forum while others can be considered internal forum. If a brother Novice tells me about a troubling moment in his life, a story between the two of us, it is understood that his story remains between the two of us until he chooses otherwise. Wrecklessly divulging information about community members is the easiest way to create havoc while simultaneously destroying all levels of trust.

Lastly, and definately not least, is the ability to be honest about issues in need of discussion. If one of my brothers is doing something that is completely unnerving, it's my responsibility to talk to him and be honest about what I am feeling. If someone is doing something that has a negative effect on me, it is important that I bring that issue up in discussion. If I bottle it up inside, I become resentful, annoyed at everyone, and want to lash out in unhealthy and destructive ways: a state of mind that is no good for any kind of relationship.

Don't let me fool you: just because I've written these three things doesn't mean I've mastered the art of community life! (Not by a longshot!) There are days that I require my solitude, where one or more of my brothers gets on my nerves. It's not a sign of a failing vocation. Spouses that love each other have the same feelings, parents feel the same about their children at times (although they would tell you it's the other way around). The part where love becomes important is when you let those petty things get in the way of the greater joy that exists.

Thanks to my brothers for the visual aids for this blog!

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.” -Karl Marx

“Let us preserve a common life and willingly share among ourselves whatever we receive as individuals.” –The Constitutions of the Capuchins Friars Minor

I start with these quotes because they describe an aspect of my current life. I doubt the Capuchins used Das Kapital in the formation of the Constitutions - any more than I think Marx used the 4th chapter of Acts in constructing his economic theory. Yet the uses of these two quotes provide two great axioms as how we as friars look at money, goods, and the sharing of our funds.

My present dilemma surrounds a ColdGear™ mock t-neck made by Under-Armor®. To prepare for the winter months, I want/need to buy something to wear under my habit. Sweaters are too bulky, shirts don’t always get the jobs done, nor do I own a single brown shirt. (I often can be seen wearing a yellow or blue shirt under my habit.) Under-Armour® provides a great solution for that problem…at the cost of $49.99.

Disclaimer: Product currently displayed may not reflect how it looks on you. "Washboard stomachs" are not a feature.

Before entering the Order, the process of buying this shirt would be simple: I want, I can afford, I buy. Even families who live on a budget have a sense of freedom with purchases, with needs and wants partially determined by what is left over after the bills are paid.

As I ponder over the purchase of this shirt, many questions have to be answered in my mind before I feel comfortable purchasing the shirt…as well as determining which funds to use:

1. Functionality – Will I wear this shirt enough to validate its cost, or will it sit in the closet? Am I going to use it strictly for an undershirt while wearing the habit, or will I wear it when working out as well? Will it last longer than 6 months? Does this shirt suit the purpose I need it for?

2. Aesthetics – Am I purchasing this because it looks nice? If so, how much of that fits into the decision? Would I be just as happy if it had an Adidas® or Nike® emblem on it? Should I even be concerned by those things? Is it made of a material that I can wear, or will it feel awkward?

3. Buying Ethics – By paying $50 for the shirt, do I feel confident that I will not have to replace the shirt within the year? Do I feel that Under-Armour® is diligent in its buying ethics from third party distributors?

Obviously not all my spending has this same dilemma. My dentist appointment and following wisdom teeth extraction requires little discernment. I have tooth pain, they need to be removed. Very little room for discussion.

However with the Under-Armour® shirt, I try to quantify my need versus my want, and compare that to what the intention of the donor had in mind for my use of the money. Perhaps other guys would have less concern buying a shirt like this. For some, they would see it as a necessity and the question would be finished. Others would see it as an affront to poverty, and choose either to save up for it or find a cheaper way to solve the problem.

After living a life in poverty and then achieving a sense of wealth, questions like these present interesting moments of thought. Knowing what it’s like to live without many “necessities” that others had (car, color TV, cable, dishwasher, laundry facilities, etc.) my definition of need is somewhat skewed. Even sitting here, in a Novitiate setting where we are to live a life without much distraction from the outside world, I type on a computer and prepare to load it onto my blog via the internet. Is that truly a necessity, or does need refer to the 4 staples: food, clothing, shelter, and love (human contact)?

Again, the purpose of this post is not to challenge current standards nor preach about poverty, fiscal responsibility, or how we should all be willing to share our goods to help others. I put forth only the new way I live life and how I make my purchases…a stark contrast from the days of selling cars or dealing poker.

This stuff is giving me a headache. I need a Monster®

(Under Armor and Monster are trademarked items. Their use here is not an endorsement by the me, the Capuchin Franciscans, or the Youth for International Socialism.)

Jesus said to his disciples:
“If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." Get the rest here.

"Where two or three friars are gathered, there is bound to be conflict."

Community living holds a significant difference from the corporate world. If you've ever been to a corporate meeting or a "team building" event at your work site, you realize that the theme is: "Let's do this together...but let's do it my way." One must prove themselves worthy, beneficial, or important for their opinion to be heard by management. Because of this mindset, we often work at jobs where "...my boss is a complete idiot!"

Oh, how we wish for the days when our opinions were heard and things could truly be done the right way!

As a friar living in community, I sometimes miss being told what to do. "But isn't that what obedience is...doing what you're told?" you may ask. Yes, however the Order soon realized that living obedience is easier when you follow someone's directions...and much more complicated when forced to come to a group consensus. But treating each other equally as brothers-in-Christ, we (try) to achieve solutions that benefit everyone.

For example: In the car business, I was not simply told to sell cars. I was told how to sell cars, what habits and tasks would improve my chances of selling cars, I was chastised for not selling the proper amount of cars, and if I challenged what was being taught...the sales manager has many years of success at the car business, and it's hard to tell a successful person they are wrong.

In a religious community, the emphasis is on being obedient to the community. Discussions of house jobs, liturgy, politics, where to park the cars, how to use the dishwasher, how to live poverty, and the ever-violent question of: "Is this what Francis would have wanted?" have existed since the beginning of the Order. Perhaps that was Francis' ultimate challenge: we're not called to live obedience - we're called to live together as brothers in this community.

Yet perhaps the most confusing (and possibly the hardest to live ) part of this Gospel passage is that when everything else fails, you should treat your brother as if he were a Gentile or tax-collector. Knowing that Jesus broke bread with such people and called such people his brethren, what message does that give me when everything I try fails? Perhaps the reality of today's world would rewrite the passage as: "Treat them as you would a telemarketer or one of those drivers that waits until the last second to merge in construction areas (those people give me an angry face!)."

So day to day we try to live as Gospel people and as brothers to each other. There are times when I fall short of that ideal, but my decision to live in community provides me the example and the strength to work with others in ministry. At the best of times we exemplify the Christian community as written within the Bible. Our task is to make everyday a task in living in community.

Parts of this blog post may have been stolen from a homily given by my Novice Master. While I forgot to get permission to use his words for my reflection, I feel this blog post is proof that I in fact DO pay attention. -V

I’ve been here in Allison Park for a week now…still getting into the routine of being a Novice. I tried to think of different ways that I could explain the experience to all the readers. Oddly enough, the best metaphor I can think of is how much this is like being back in elementary school!

I don’t want to imply that we are treated as children, nor do I want to give the impression that this program is either juvenile or unchallenging. However there are aspects to being a Novice that remind me of the days spent in grade school…just without the shyness, being picked on, or that strange awkwardness when talking to girls (OK…maybe I’m still a little awkward!)

1. The Uniform – Since being invested last Sunday, we often wear our habits to prayer, classes, ministry, and to meals. Like kids wearing new clothes for school, we’ve spent the last week playing with the habits, twirling the cords around, making and remaking the knots, accessorizing different side rosaries, and taking pictures en habitus in unconventional poses. We’ve already been admonished by the Novice Master for “inappropriately wearing the habit,” i.e. hiking up the habit to increase air-flow to the legs when it gets hot. (…As if I’m supposed to know that’s not appropriate. It’s not like I’ve spent a lot of time in a dress!)

2. Hot Lunch – Since most of our lives are surrounded by prayer and contemplation this year, we have a cook that comes in to prepare our meals. We each take turns assisting the cook and summarily doing the dishes, however our meals are prepared for us…a change from my experience as a Postulant. On the weekends we are forced to cook for ourselves. I plan on making macaroni & cheese with hotdogs this Saturday for everyone…I’m not ready for another turkey dinner.

3. Sit Down & Be Quiet! – Along with praying the hours of the Divine Office, we as Capuchins strive to spend an hour a day in contemplative prayer. In the morning and evening we spend time in the chapel to meditate as a community. If you are fidgety or have a short attention span…contemplation can be a struggle. If you didn’t get enough sleep the night before, 35 minutes of meditation at 6:30 AM can be an exercise in fighting sleep. I often spend that time in contemplation, praying the rosary, or doing spiritual/liturgical reading. (I am reading A Violence of Love by Oscar Ramero and the USCCB document on Music in Liturgy…not exactly grade-school material.)

4. Nap Time – At different times during the day, we are given personal time. One of the things that’s encouraged here is the use of rest during the day. We spend about 3 hours in communal prayer a day, not counting personal/private prayer. A lot of time that is spent out of prayer and classes is used in exercise. Therefore it has become essential, especially for me, to lie down at some point during the day and take a nap. Sometimes I only need 15 minutes of rest, sometimes I’ll take 3 hours of sleep if I have the time available. I’ve found naps to be greatly beneficial to me, so much so that I feel they should be continued past Kindergarten.

5. Schedules – Our lives here are greatly structured. If you want to know where I’ll be next month on the 5th at 7:00 AM, I could tell you with a great deal of certainty. The structure allows us to focus on ourselves…the biggest part of this novitiate year. I thought it might be tough for me, being confined to a rigid schedule of prayer, work, classes, meals, and even scheduled fun we call: “fraternal recreation.” However I’ve found the experience quite liberating, not having to schedule my own projects or tasks.

This is my first-week experience of being here at novitiate. I recognize that I’m still in the “honeymoon” phase, and that by this time in January I could be writing a blog entitled: Why Novitiate is Like a Freakish Nightmare from Which I Cannot Awake!

In light of the high structure and prayerful stature that we undertake here in Allison Park, PA, there’s always new and creative ways in which to wreck havoc within a religious community. Whether by plain ignorance or a skewed sense of humor, we seem to find new ways to give the formators that "head in palm" moment.

In light of these issues, here are 10 rules which we have been given…either because of something we’ve already done or because of some Novice in the past:

1. One shall not begin a prayer with the preface: “Dear Lord Baby Jesus”

2. One shall not pretend to perform jedi mind tricks while IN PUBLIC.

3. One shall not attend prayer with a cup of coffee, can of soda, a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, or anything written by Karl Marx.

4. One shall not wear the habit with only underwear underneath (or less.)

5. One shall not play basketball, soccer, or any other contact sport while wearing the habit. Moreover, one shall not do the aforesaid activities and then sit in chapel for 40 minutes surrounded by other friars without having bathed or changed clothes.

6. One shall not ask for intercession from the “Little White Guest” around people that don’t understand.

7. One shall not add beads, tassels, patches with band names, color the knots of one’s cord for a rainbow effect, or add anything that could be defined as “flair.”

8. One shall not use songs like: "Gather Us In" or "All are Welcome" as closing hymns.

9. One shall not construct a sign that implies a sense of oppression and/or inequality of the living conditions at the Novitiate, nor shall they erect signs in front of their house, labeling it: “The Ghetto,” “The Barrio,” or “Thug’s Mansion.”

10. The intercom system is not a toy, nor is it a sports ticker, a means to perform a “price check,” a platform where one should read excerpts from their personal manifesto, a means to imitate the booming voice of God, or the reproduction of noises commonly referred to as "Beat-boxing."

While the main purpose of our time in Kansas is to establish community within the Capuchin fraternity before beginning our Novitiate year, we were given a specific ministry for our time here. This ministry was something far different than what many of us experienced during Postulancy, and the actual purpose of the ministry was different as well.

We have spent our Mondays and Tuesdays working with Habitat for Humanity of Ellis County. However we've yet to actually start working outside on an actual house. Most of our time has been spent working on fund-raiser projects for Habitat to continue to build and offer houses to those who would otherwise go without.

Pictured here is me with my team of 6 other guys (another team consisted of the other 7 guys) as we (attempt) to build a playset-complete with swings, rope ladder, and a mini rock wall. The test of it all: only a few of us have carpentry skills.

The projects proved to be more intense than I'd planned. People were grating each other's nerves, I watched as leaders clashed with other leaders, and frustrations grew due to lack of tools, improper materials, too many people in the way, etc. What seemed like a simple project became a test of patience and a revealing of personalities.

I think the ability to live in community and examine our time gave us the ability to handle the stress of this ministry. Each week, three of us share our ministry experiences. This gives us an opportunity to praise each other, voice concerns, discuss challenges, and bring up recommendations about the site.

I have a few views about our "ministry," however I've decided not to write about them yet. I'd prefer to share them with my community before posting them. My views are not necessarily positive, as I see a huge difference between this and what I was doing in Milwaukee. I think the closest Scripture passage is where Jesus starts flipping tables of the money-changers to make a point. Stay tuned for that little bit of interest.

For the community here, I must admit that we have been greatly welcomed by Kansas. People have stopped to see us work in the mall in Hayes, Kansas (aptly named "The Mall") and have thanked us for our time. In spite of my views of this time, I must say that the people of Kansas have been most hospitable. We even made it into the local paper (front page!) here.

Next Monday we actually start working on the houses. Our first task will be to rip down the old siding and put in new siding on the house. Perhaps I will give my ministry reflection next week.

Yes, today I turned another year older today. I actually celebrated my birthday on Thursday, as we celebrate all events on our community nights. I had plenty of cake (twice), was sung to by many different people, and even had a burly man with a mustache make a comment about birthday spankings. So despite being in religious life on my first birthday, it was pretty normal for me.

My mom and my Godmother called me, both to remind me of the story of when I was born and I was "so little then!"

Maybe I just have other things on my mind this year, but I'm not all that excited about my birthday. I don't fear or loathe aging at all, I just see it as passing time now...another birthday that will occur as I try to decide how to spend the rest of my life.

I appreciate all the well wishes and birthday cards I got this year. While the day wasn't as exciting, I realize that this year is the most time I've ever been wished a happy birthday.

It's almost ironic: I could have cared less about anyone myself only a few years ago. Today I carried on as if it were no more special to me, yet others continued to remind me that I was in their thoughts and prayers on this day.

In August of 2008, I started my postulancy with six other men. Five of those guys represented the mid-west province while sixth comes from Canada in an agreement for a collaborative postulancy program. Before leaving for New York, one of the five from our province was asked to leave the program. The feeling that was hardest to understand was why I felt good about it.

Community is still a new way of living for me, and there are things that make me adjust my thinking every day. There are times when I feel annoyed with everyone; sometimes it's because of the way they chew their food or talk on their phone. Living with 6 (now 5) other men requires a special kind of personality: one that is willing to change and adapt to a new environment.

The person who was asked to leave had a problem with change...at least that's how I viewed it. As we grow older, we become used to a certain way of life. This guy was 46, and pretty set in his ways. Unfortunately, a community requires a person to be flexible, understanding, and have the ability to "let things slide" every now and then. If you lack these abilities, living in community not only becomes hard, it becomes destructive to others around you.

While a person leaving a tight community can cause serious feelings, I felt very little when he left. In a way, I'd already seen him as separate from the other Postulants living at St. Conrad. In some way, I saw him simply as a guest who'd overstayed his welcome...a nuisance that had not realized he didn't belong. Along with this disconnection, much of my anger in community became directed at him. Any little thing he did wrong was a glaring example of how he did not belong with the rest of us.

At the end I was up until 4AM, writing an email to my formator about how far apart he had grown from the rest of the group. The next day, it was clear that he was going to be asked to leave.

I look back and see that I may sound like a heartless bastard. A man gave up his career and put his life on hold in order to follow a call he felt to the Capuchins. Shouldn't I be more respectful of his input? Shouldn't I feel a greater sense of loss?

In reality, the lack of feelings for this move scared me for some time. Perhaps my selfishness was shining through, and his leaving to leave didn't affect my life. Maybe I could have feelings for the people I worked with, but history shows that my empathy rarely ever makes it back to where I'm living. If I am brother to all creatures on the earth, how could I turn a blind eye to someones pain?

While I've only lived in community for 5 months, I've developed a keen understanding of how this life can bring a person up or weigh them down. A community can be fulfilling and detrimental; the difference lies in how it's members treat each other. Each of the other Postulants saw problems with him, articulating similar experiences and sharing thoughts. So while I feel bad that he was unable to complete the program, the community has gotten better because of it.

We were told it is a very different experience when someone is asked to leave as opposed to someone who chooses to do so. We've had the former. Tomorrow, we lose another postulant who chose to leave.

His decision has been less easy to digest.