I found out this weekend that G.T Autos, the dealership where I'd made my success in the car business, is now for sale. While I haven't sold cars in years, I found myself sad at the news.

Most of all I am sad for Elvis, my old boss. When I started, as you can read in my older posts, we got together with the intention of making a boatload of money...and we did. I remember checks and piles of cash stored away as we claimed ourselves as kings of the car sales world. His goal was to create a large enough business so he and his family (I'm pictured with his dad above) could be set. I only wanted to pay off my past debt and prepare the way for Capuchin life.

Even though my Bosnian boss couldn't understand who the Capuchins were or why I was going, he fully supported my in my decision. He and his family were Muslim, and while they were not of my faith, they respected my choice to follow this vocation. He was energetic, funny, and I knew he would succeed at his dream.

With the bad economy and the hit to auto makers, part makers, and sales lot across Michigan, I suppose it was only time before he closed up shop. I feel bad for him and his family. All of us have dreams, and when those dreams are taken away it forces us to change direction and find a new way to live.

In a way I also feel guilty. Perhaps my leaving was so well-timed, I wonder if I sub-consciously knew what was going to happen and made plans for it. It seems ridiculous, yet I feel that I found a way out of the business before I faced any of the loss.

I also realize that my "fall-back plan" is now gone. Where I to leave the Capuchins, Elvis always promised me a job at the lot. With the lot gone, I am at the mercy of the economy should I try make that decision. I've never considered leaving religious life, yet I'm a person who likes to have "all bases covered." As selfish as it sounds, I have a sense of anxiety about the closing of G.T Autos.

I remember my last discussion with him: "You're lucky you got out when you did. Things have gotten really bad. I don't know how much longer I can keep the doors open on this place."

Sometimes it's hard to feel you've done the right thing when you know others you care about are suffering hundreds of miles away.

For most people, July 4th is a time of celebration. And since it hasn't completely turned into a day/weekend of binge drinking (e.g. St. Patrick's Day or Cinco de Mayo), something tells me that many people feel there is an importance to the date that supersedes us as individuals. It's a day that we can celebrate our freedom from oppression from the British rule...

...and then use that power to enslave, eradicate, displace, conquer, acquire land, then expel the indigenous...all in the name of Manifest Destiny.

I struggle with the sins of founders, and recognize the imitation of other leaders to achieve what we have through the same means. We wonder about the evils committed today, yet explain away the evils of our forebearers. In 100 years from now, will we forget the drive to end abortion, saying only: "That's how things were back then." In 100 years, will our descendants see any kind of evil in stem cell research with human embryos, or will we tell ourselves: "Yes it was bad, but look what we've done with that knowledge!" I realize I am making broad arguments, but I wonder if we as a country have found a way to explain away our bad deeds...so we can feel proud to wave our flag and to love our country.

All of this can surely be debated, however it is not the prime example of why I do not share in the usual July 4th celebrations:

When I was 16, my mother and I went downtown to see the fireworks on the 4th of July. It was our first year in Grand Rapids, MI...a much bigger town than Davenport, IA. I wasn't the out-spoken challenger of authority that I am now; I spent most of my childhood as a quiet poor kid surrounded by wealthy white kids...some of which had no problem telling me where I "belonged."

That evening when we got downtown, we found a place to sit and watch the fireworks. This (white) couple behind us starts making comments.

"Why do they always get in the way?"
"Why do illegal immigrants need to be here on the 4th of July?"
"I bet they don't even speak English."

There's two ways to experience this sort of thing. Being a quiet kid, I chose to not do anything. Underneath, I felt horrible...even guilty for having been "in their way."

My mother, on the other hand, whipped around and tore into the couple. Ironically enough, it was a middle-aged family with their 7 year-old son listening intently to the argument that now ensued. I remember hearing the man threaten to throw my mom into the fountain that was nearby; I remember the wife to tell her to "Shut up!" I remember the boy watching intently...all while the "Star Spangled Banner" played and the sound of fireworks filled the sky.

"United We Stand." No thanks, I'll pass.

Unfortunately, I've been forced to view my world without the rose-colored glasses. And if by reminding people of our past transgressions as a country labels me as "unpatriotic, unthankful, or even un-American," it won't be anything I haven't already lived.

May your day be spent with friends, family, and those you love.

-V

The phenomenon of finding spiritual messages in secular music is not my own. For many people discerning, be it a religious vocation, love, a new start in life, there is something unique about a music that speaks to our very hearts.

One of my brothers asked a buddy and I to play a song for his vocation story. In spite of the over-acting and ridiculousness of the event, there is a greater irony that something as cheesy as an 80's rock song could speak to the very thoughts that someone has about joining a religious vocation.

Enjoy...and remember that God speaks to us in many ways...sometimes through our adoration, sometimes through silence in meditation, and sometimes with a sense of the absurd. =)

P.S. I was a huge fan of Whitesnake when I was a kid!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/video/video.php?v=1173531371118&ref=nf

No I don't know where I'm going
But I sure know where I've been
Hanging on to promises in the songs of yesterday
And I made up my mind
I ain't wastin' no more time
Here I go again
Here I go again

Though I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord I pray you give me strength to carry on
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

Here I go again on my own
Walkin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was known to walk alone
And I've made up my mind
I ain't wastin' no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
And I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days

Have you asked young men and women in your parish if they've considered the possibility of religious life? A new video put out by my province asks that question of everyone: if we can foster religious vocations simply by asking if somoene's ever considered that possibility, why don't we do it more often?

Here is the video as found on YouTube. Why am I not in the video as much as the rest of my fellow postulants? I was struck with a horrible cold at the time and wasn't able to participate in this video. I have enough press about me already...time to share the glory!

While the main purpose of our time in Kansas is to establish community within the Capuchin fraternity before beginning our Novitiate year, we were given a specific ministry for our time here. This ministry was something far different than what many of us experienced during Postulancy, and the actual purpose of the ministry was different as well.

We have spent our Mondays and Tuesdays working with Habitat for Humanity of Ellis County. However we've yet to actually start working outside on an actual house. Most of our time has been spent working on fund-raiser projects for Habitat to continue to build and offer houses to those who would otherwise go without.

Pictured here is me with my team of 6 other guys (another team consisted of the other 7 guys) as we (attempt) to build a playset-complete with swings, rope ladder, and a mini rock wall. The test of it all: only a few of us have carpentry skills.

The projects proved to be more intense than I'd planned. People were grating each other's nerves, I watched as leaders clashed with other leaders, and frustrations grew due to lack of tools, improper materials, too many people in the way, etc. What seemed like a simple project became a test of patience and a revealing of personalities.

I think the ability to live in community and examine our time gave us the ability to handle the stress of this ministry. Each week, three of us share our ministry experiences. This gives us an opportunity to praise each other, voice concerns, discuss challenges, and bring up recommendations about the site.

I have a few views about our "ministry," however I've decided not to write about them yet. I'd prefer to share them with my community before posting them. My views are not necessarily positive, as I see a huge difference between this and what I was doing in Milwaukee. I think the closest Scripture passage is where Jesus starts flipping tables of the money-changers to make a point. Stay tuned for that little bit of interest.

For the community here, I must admit that we have been greatly welcomed by Kansas. People have stopped to see us work in the mall in Hayes, Kansas (aptly named "The Mall") and have thanked us for our time. In spite of my views of this time, I must say that the people of Kansas have been most hospitable. We even made it into the local paper (front page!) here.

Next Monday we actually start working on the houses. Our first task will be to rip down the old siding and put in new siding on the house. Perhaps I will give my ministry reflection next week.

Finding things to do in Nowhere, Kansas can be tough...especially if you're used to living in a metropolis such as Chicago, Philidelphia, or the Bronx. For most of us, the only entertainment for our Saturdays here is dinner and a movie. I've never been much of a movie buff, but it seems that "movie-going" is a common activity when you have limited funds and options.

Yesterday about 8 of us went to see the new movie My Sister's Keeper, a story about two sisters: Kate who is battling cancer and the other, Anna, who was genetically engineered to be a perfect donor to keep her sister alive. It is an extremely powerful movie; and I found two specific parts that gave me pause and gave me the opportunity to contemplate on my own thoughts and actions.

Warning: I'll never give a "complete spoiler," however I may discuss parts of the movie that are not in the previews. If you want to be completely compelled by the story, you may want to stop reading here. If you're okay with knowing a little more, I invite you to keep reading. -V

In contrast to the other movies we've watched since being here in Kansas, our drive home was done in silence. 8 guys sitting in complete silence in one vehicle might be unnerving, however I found it to be quite peaceful. As the van rolled down the freeway in a comfortable silence, my mind retraced the movie I'd seen. I was surprised at how much it had affected me, in spite of myself.


When we got back to the friary in Victoria, I decided to walk out into the field. I looked into the sky and all around me. Rather than seeing buildings, street lights, cars, or the things I've been used to seeing...I saw the beauty of being in a place like Kansas. I thought to a scene in the movie where Kate (Sofia Vassilieva) is taken to the beach to spend a day with her family. In the scene, you see Kate taking in the beauty of her surroundings, happy in the fact that she is with her family and spending time enjoying life instead of battling cancer.

As I walked under the big Kansas sky, I wondered why it was so hard for me to simply enjoy the beauty and peace that existed way out here. Does one need to be completely removed from all beauty in life before we value it? How am I able to better see the wonder of God in all around me?

The second part that truly got me thinking was the part played by Alec Baldwin. As Campbell Alexander, he has been hired by Anna (Abigail Breslin) to represent her in a suit against her parents for Medical Emancipation. Mr. Alexander is shown as an injury lawyer who's commercials appear frequently on TV. His representation of Anna pro bono is considered to be an act of gaining notoriety.

Later in the story, this movie shows something not often seen in modern media: Alec Baldwin has a grand mal seizure. And as people in the court watch with horror as he goes through an epileptic episode, Abigail speaks a truth that only someone in my (or the lawyer's position) could understand:

"[He] wanted to help me because he also knew what it was like not to be in control of your own body."

As I think as to how I approach my faith, my ministry, and my future with the Capuchins, much of my plans and desires surround the concept of power. Giving power to those who don't have it, using power to bring about needed change, empowering others who have no voice. I wouldn't say I am "power-hungry," rather I am "power-conscious." I know who is in control, I seek to understand, to work with it, and if need be - to undermine and subvert it. This is not a unique spirituality, however it is something that has been in me for a long time. I never knew why I saw the world in such a way...until now.

The fact that I could have a seizure here, or while driving, or in my sleep, or doing any host of things is always a possibility in spite of the control that medicine provides. For all the control and power in the world, I cannot control my own body. It is disempowerment at it's most basic level. Viewing my world from that aspect, from a movie shown on a big screen, I found a way to make sense of why I am the way I am and why I look at the world as I do.

I never imagined that this movie would provide me with such an internal look at my own self, and for that I am grateful. For years I have found God in the unlikeliest of places. Songs, artwork, the ramblings of homeless person. There are several other scenes that I found inspiring and worthy of reflection. But if I keep talking about it, you may never get the same pleasure I got, Dear Reader.

First, a quick explanation of where I've been for my readers and people who have prayed for me:

During the transition between Postulancy and the Pre-Investiture Program (previously referred to as Pre-Novitiate) I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my image of God and his/her transcendence and/or eminence in the world around me. Having spent that year in Milwaukee, working in direct ministry with the poor reshaped some of my ideas that may have been unformed or perhaps under-examined. Rather than confuse everyone with a lot of weird thoughts that have gone through my head, I decided to take a break for a bit.

At this same time was my transition from Postulancy in Milwaukee to "a state of limbo" here in Victoria, KS. Between vacation, a week long retreat, and saying goodbyes and hellos to new people, not to mention adjusting to a brand new community...I simply didn't have the time (or sadly the inclination) to write much on the internet.

So here I am back again, and I thank those of you who continue to follow along on my journey. My time allotted to me on the internet is not what it used to be, so my posts may become shorter. Regardless, here's an insight into what has happened since being in Milwaukee.

1. After leaving Milwaukee and returning to Michigan for two weeks, I had to face the reality that even though I'd left the safety and comforts I'd lived with as a Sales Manager, things were not the same. Many I knew were now unemployed, or barely making enough to pay for rent. Several times I heard: "You were smart in choosing to go to the Capuchins." Part of me wanted to be offended; I certainly hadn't joined the Caps as an "economical safety-net." In spite of that, I'd arrived back into Michigan with $400 of vacation money, a "corporate" credit card for gas and necessities, and a vehicle provided by the Order. I had to realize that part of my life was privledged as a friar, as much as I might hate to admit it.


2. After returning from Grand Rapids, MI, I took a week long retreat at Monte Alverno Retreat Center in Appleton, Wisconsin. My concern was that I'd spent the last 9 months working hard, and now I would spend the next year in prayer and contemplation (which translates to "nothing" for a workoholic like me.) I took some time with a fellow friar Keith Clark, and was able to develop a better prayer life and understanding of myself in that time. I won't say it changed my life, but it gave me a framework in which to grow during this next year as a Novice.


3. After a warm send-off, were were "cast out" to the heated plains of Victoria, KS. Having grown up in Iowa I am used to rural communities...however this town is EXTREMELY small. Not much lives out here except angus cows and wheat. There is very little to do on the weekends except see a movie and eat out at a restaurant. The schedule here is far more structured than Postulancy...but I will go into that later.


4. The four of us from our province (and the extra guy from Canada who joined us last year) have found that we've integrated with the other guys from across America. Along with us five are 3 guys from the Pennsylvania province, 2 guys from the New York/New England province, 2 guys from the California province, 1 from Mid-America, and one from the Guam Vice-province. In spite of our many differences we've found that we get along rather well. This has only been the first month, however. We'll see how things progress during this next year.
   
   


5. I'm spending a lot more time studying and working with Liturgical Music. I don't know if I sound better or if I just don't care if I sound bad when I sing, but I've become an "impromptu music director" for our group during this time. When we get to Allison Park, Pa. next month we will have someone to help us with those things. However as I've been involved here, I've found that it's something that I enjoy, and that maybe God still has music as a focus of my vocation. Only time can tell.

This is my mileu at the moment. This next stage of my formation will prove to be a test of my prayer-life, my ability to adapt in community, and my willingness to allow God to use me to whatever ends. I thank you for following my journey this far, and hope you will continue to do so as I progress.

Peace and all good,
Brother Vito Martinez, OFM Capuchin

Rich Reinhardt is one of my postulant brothers in the same level of formation as I am. He is also the director of the New Sanctuary Movement in Milwaukee, WI as an outreach to immigrants in this city. Working with the grass-roots group Voces De La Frontera, he has done major work in advocating for the cause of undocumented immigrants living in the U.S.

This evening he gave me a fact sheet that addresses many of the concerns that people in this country have about immigrants living in the U.S. borders. I decided to share this with all of you, in hopes that many myths surrounding immigration policy can be shown false and true dialogue can begin on the topic of immigration reform.

Myths and Facts on Immigration

"The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived, and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
-John F. Kennedy

MYTH: Increased border enforcement is the solution.
FACTS:

1. From 1986 to 1998, border patrol's budget increased six-fold and the number of agents doubled.
2. During the same time period, undocumented immigration doubled.
3. "Tougher enforcement" that pushes people to cross remote desert has lead to a humanitarian crisis on the border.
4. Experts, including the U.S. Government Accountability Office, have concluded that the continual and exponential increase in border-deaths which began the mid-1990's is directly related to an increase in U.S. border enforcement/border militarization. From 1995-2004 between two and three thousand bodies were found along the U.S.-Mexican border.
5. Causes of death for immigrants crossing from Mexico range from exposure and hypothermia to murder by vigilantes.

MYTH: Immigrants don't pay taxes.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants pay income, property, and sales tax using an ITIN (individual tax identification number.)
2. They pay between $90-$140 billion a year in federal, state, and local taxes.
3. They contribute $189 billion worth of wages recorded in the suspense file over the 1990's and two and a half times the amount of 1980's.
4. They contribute $6-$7 billion in Social Security tax revenue and about $1.5 billion in Medicare taxes per year.
5. While, as above, immigrants pay $90-$140 billion in taxes, immigrants receive only $5 billion in benefits, mostly through K-12 public schools and emergency medical care.
6. "Our assumption is that about three-quarters of other-than-legal immigrants pay taxes." (--Stephen C. Goss, Social Security's chief actuary, using the agency's term for undocumented immigrants.)

MYTH: Immigrants take jobs from American workers.

FACTS:

1. Immigrants have no net impact on unemployment rates. In states with the highest concentration of undocumented people there are actually lower unemployment rates.
2. Immigrants help create jobs through consumerism in automotive sales, electronic sales, restaurants, etc.
3. The Pew Hispanic Center has reported that, "Rapid increases in foreign-born population at the state level are not associated with negative effects on the employment of native-born workers.

MYTH: Immigrants don't want to learn English.
FACTS:

1. Demand for English classes at an adult level far exceeds the supply.
2. Within 10 years of arrival, 75% of immigrants speak English well.
3. 98% of Latino/Hispanic immigrants say it is important to teach their children English.
4. The rate at which immigrants today develop proficiency in English mirrors that of 19th and 20th century German, Italian, and Eastern European immigrants.
5. 91% of second-generation immigrants and 97% of third-generation immigrants are fluent or nearly fluent English speakers.

MYTH: Immigrants increase the crime rate.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants commit fewer crimes than native born Americans.
2. From 1994 to 2005 violent crime decreased by 34% and property crime by 32% as the immigrant population doubled.
3. First-generation immigrants are 45% less likely to commit violent crimes than Americanized, third-generation immigrants.

Sources

This fact sheet borrowed heavily from the website of Justice for Immigrants: The Catholic Campaign for Immigration Reform (under USCCB). Their website is www.justiceforimmigrants.org. Most of the original sources can be found there.

www.immigrationpolicy.org/index.php?content=B070201

After spending three hours at the local H & R Block, working on last years taxes at the car dealership and at the poker room, I got home to find that my habit had come from the tailor in Washington. We had our habits made in advance that they would be ready by the time we made it to novitiate. To make sure the habit and the hood fit properly, I had a chance to wear the last suit I will ever have to put on!

Now everyone from my mother to my friends have been waiting in anticipation to see me with my habit on. And trust me, I already have a few good pictures. However, since we have not been invested in our habits, a ceremony that is a huge part of becoming a novice, it is not proper that I should publish pictures of myself en habitus.

The habit fits, and I've already folded it up and set it aside for when we go to Pittsburgh from Kansas. I may sneak a chance at putting it on again; it's one of those things that helps me focus on where I want this journey to go.

I only wish I could share the excitement with everyone. I guess you'll have to wait a few more months!

Today as I drove back from Mt. Calvary, WI I decided it was time to do what every good Catholic does after an Easter celebration:

Binge on everything you gave up for Lent!

So after taking one of the postulants to the train station, I decided to go out for some food at Taco Bell. I'd been jonesing for some fast food for weeks, and decided today I would order more food than I could possibly eat and sit in front of the TV for the rest of the day. A standard Easter for most people in the US.

Along the way through downtown Milwaukee, I saw a few guests from the St. Ben's meal walking by. I hadn't seen anyone from St. Ben's in over a week; their appearance was a quick reminder of my ministry. So rather than just honking, waving, and driving by, I decided to drive around the block and park.

I got out and spoke with John and Laura, asking how things were going. They were headed to this side of town after the continuous harrassment from the police. They couldn't understand why, on this day, the police chose to harrass them and the other homeless that resided in this part of the city. I told him that with the Easter holiday, and so many people going to the Gesu Church at Marquette University, they didn't want the poor people panhandling to the pretty-dressed people as they walked in/out of church.

Without thinking, I told them that I was going to get some lunch, and did they want to go. When talking with the homeless, inviting them somewhere means that you are also treating them. They happily accepted, and turned around to their friends who they'd been traveling with. Again without thinking, I asked if they wished to go along as well. They were a little shocked by the invite, and I had to introduce myself as the chaplain at St. Ben's before they felt comfortable.

"Vito, I'm black," John said to me, laughing. "I don't eat burritos. I eat me some chicken!" And with that, we headed out to a KFC at 12:30 in the afternoon on Easter for a Sunday brunch.

As we entered the KFC (it was one of the ones with the full sheet of bullet-proof glass between the cooking area and the dining area) it was clear that the worker was not happy about working during Easter. I tried to make the ordering as painless as possible, and I think that our joy was infectious. She started out being crabby, but eventually warmed to a Mexican and four homeless people who were sitting in her dining area...enjoying lunch and life.

Halfway during the meal, an older lady walked into the restaurant, only hoping to rest her feet. Knowing John and Laura, and knowing that they could not buy food at KFC, they told her about me. She humbly asked for something, not wanting to be imposing, and I gladly gave her my mashed potatoes and a Snacker from my order. She thanked me and with a devilish smile asked if I was married...to which everyone laughed.

Later on that day, I would stop into St. Ben's as they offered their Easter meal to the guests of Milwaukee. I had a chance to meet with many volunteers, one of them being a girl whom I'd met at a Lenten retreat where I'd given a talk. She remembered me and what I had said...something that made me feel proud.

After the St. Ben's meal, I was invited, along with the other friars of my community, to eat with some hospitable parishioners of St. Martin de Porres Church...the parish that exists next door to our friary. With a wonderful dinner and great stories, it was the perfect capstone to a wonderful Easter.

And sitting here at my desk, later at night and with time to reflect, I can see where I found God today. This Easter holiday, where we celebrate the greatness of the risen Christ, I was able to see that glory at work in my life. I could see it in the joy of being surrounded by good people. I could see it in the hospitality and caring of others. But most of all, I saw it from it's very beginning: a selfish act that, but for the grace of God, became an opportunity for me to live the Holy Spirit on the most important day of all.

Today, like the disciples, I saw Jesus again. And the joy of having seen Him today is so great, it moves me to tears.

May you all find the risen Christ in all that you do this Easter Season.

(taken from our Triduum Retreat, directed by our Provincial Minister John Celichowski)

First read John 21:1-19

During his years as the head of what was then the Soviet Union,
Nikita Krushchev denounced a number of the policies and atrocities of
his predecessor, Jozef Stalin, who was responsible for the deaths of tens
of millions of his countrymen. Once, while he was criticizing Stalin,
Krushchev was interrupted by a heckler who cried out, “You were one
of Stalin’s colleagues! Why didn’t you stop him?”

“Who said that?” Krushchev roared in response. The room was
absolutely still. Nobody moved a muscle. After a long moment of tense
silence, Krushchev said quietly, “Now you know why.”

Fear is a powerful motivator in our lives. It drives us to do some
things: we cram for a test because we fear failure; we turn the car
around and return home one last time to make sure we didn’t leave the
oven or iron on; and we build our arsenals and armies to protect us from
attacks or threats to what some call “our way of life.”

But just as it compels us to do some things, fear also keeps us from
doing others: we fail to apologize for fear of appearing weak or getting
into another fight; we don’t ask some one out for a date or for their hand
in marriage because we fear rejection; we stay in the comfort zones of
our current lives and ministries rather than risk being or doing something
different because we fear failure. As we saw in the example of Premier
Krushchev, fear can also prevent us from stepping forward and speaking
out when we should.

What are you afraid of right now? Which fears are driving you,
and which ones are holding you back?

Jesus knew fear. He confronted it very powerfully in the Garden
of Gethsemane the night before his death. Most of the gospels describe
it as “anguish,” a feeling so powerful that one of them describes him
almost literally sweating blood. Throughout that night and just before
his arrest, it drove him back and forth from the place where he was
praying to his disciples, only to find them asleep and overwhelmed.

The disciples had to face their own fears; and “when the chips
were down,” they failed. All of them, save the beloved disciple, fled and
went into hiding.

None of them, however, failed as spectacularly as Peter, who
denied as many as three times that he even knew Jesus—the same Jesus
to whom he had vowed only hours earlier that he was prepared to die.
He couldn’t even admit that he knew him! Confronted at once with his
own cowardice and failure, Peter could only run away and weep bitterly,
entombed in his fears.

It must have been emotionally exhausting and perhaps became
even more so when Peter and the other disciples—driven behind locked
doors out of fear that those who killed the Lord were coming after
them—were confronted by Jesus, wishing them peace and showing them
his wounds but also challenging their lack of belief.

In the gospel passage we just heard, Jesus came once again before
Peter and the other disciples. The resurrection stories remind us of
something we easily forget: Jesus reveals himself to us, personally, over
and over again. He shows himself to us as communities at least as often
as individuals; and he often does so in the midst of our ordinary lives. In
this particular passage, it was in the midst of Peter and the disciples
engaged in their regular jobs, doing something they’d done thousands of
times before.

Like Peter and the other disciples, however, we so often fail to
recognize the Lord’s presence or action…until something unusual or
miraculous happens. Perhaps we’re still afraid, in the midst of the
increasing secularism and skepticism of our age, to acknowledge him.
After all, to do so has consequences. For Peter, the biggest consequence
seemed to be being reminded of his failure.

For the church today, perhaps the biggest fear is not so much that
Jesus is no longer present and working but that he is no longer doing so
with us. If the gospel is so powerful, how is it that fewer people seem to
be following it?

I sometimes wonder whether its this fear, along with the stated
concerns about Catholic identity, that are causing such a stir at Notre
Dame about President Obama’s commencement address and honorary
degree. Our Catholic teaching on abortion and the sacredness and
dignity of human life—not only at conception and in the womb but also
in the refugee camp, the AIDS hospice, the pre-school classroom, and
the prison—is pretty clear but even many of our Catholic elected
officials do not seem compelled to follow it, much less our non-Catholic
President. Indeed, more often than not our politicians on both sides of
the aisle seem far more persuaded by their respective party platforms.

Yet even in the face of this, the Lord’s voice to Peter and the other
disciples in the upper room and behind the locked doors, echoes to us:
“Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you” (John
20:21). He has sent us; and, if we look at it honestly and recall the rest
of the New Testament and the first several centuries of the church’s
history, in a world far less hostile to the gospel.

Symbolized in the disciples miraculous catch of 153 fish (said by
some ancient scholars to mark the number of known species and thus the
universality of the Church—our mission remains to gather all together,
and Jesus continues to feed us in the midst of it. Despite our failures,
Jesus invites us to make the risk of love and to feed and tend those
whom he has placed in our care; and he asks that we surrender our own
wills and lives to that mission…just as he did.

Like he did with Peter, he never admonishes us, “…and don’t
screw up again.” Instead he simply asks, “Do you love me?” and urges
us to feed and tend to those in need, who belong to him, not us.

In December 1914, a terrible fire swept through the laboratories of
Thomas Edison in West Orange, NJ destroying over $2 million in
equipment and much of the great inventor’s life’s work. His son Charles
later reflected on the experience of witnessing his father’s white hair
blowing in the cold winter air and his face glowing as he gazed upon the
inferno. “My heart ached for him,” Charles said, “He was no longer
young, and everything was being destroyed.”

Rather than being overwhelmed by the tragedy, however, Edison
told his son to call his mother. “Find her,” the inventor said, “Bring her
here. She’ll never see anything like this again as long as she lives.”

The following morning found the 67 year-old Edison walking
among the charred remains of a lifetime of work, hopes, and dreams.
Instead of mourning what had been lost he remarked, “There is great
value in disaster. All of our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can
start anew.”

Happy Easter!

Yes, today I turned another year older today. I actually celebrated my birthday on Thursday, as we celebrate all events on our community nights. I had plenty of cake (twice), was sung to by many different people, and even had a burly man with a mustache make a comment about birthday spankings. So despite being in religious life on my first birthday, it was pretty normal for me.

My mom and my Godmother called me, both to remind me of the story of when I was born and I was "so little then!"

Maybe I just have other things on my mind this year, but I'm not all that excited about my birthday. I don't fear or loathe aging at all, I just see it as passing time now...another birthday that will occur as I try to decide how to spend the rest of my life.

I appreciate all the well wishes and birthday cards I got this year. While the day wasn't as exciting, I realize that this year is the most time I've ever been wished a happy birthday.

It's almost ironic: I could have cared less about anyone myself only a few years ago. Today I carried on as if it were no more special to me, yet others continued to remind me that I was in their thoughts and prayers on this day.