How Others Feel When I Lose Control

This morning at work, I was in the process of selling 2 cars. It's always a nice bonus to show up to work with customers already on the lot. The day looked so optimistic.

One moment I remember walking on the lot, prepared to greet another customer. The next, I remember sitting on the couch inside the dealership...surrounded by co-workers, friends, and a paramedic.

I'd had a seizure while at work.

I sat there, with everyone looking at me with a sense of concern (and maybe some sympathy...I hate when people feel sad for me), feeling the bruises and pains during the aftermath. I was told that while walking across the lot, I took a step and went down to the pavement like a toppled tree.

Epilepsy is an interesting condition. Not only are there the physical symptoms, but you have to be able to let loose of pride. You have to be able to handle an embarrassing moment, and accept the reality that life will always be this way.

For those times that I like to talk big or I get too full of myself, the siezures are a snap back to my reality.

I was called by Bossman, Uncle, and some friends to offer a kind word. "Don't worry about anything," I was told from Uncle. I think he was implying not to worry about my job. That sets my mind at ease. They easily could have cut their losses and hired a new salesguy without an abnormality.

Regardless of the amount of money I can make at this job, the sense of acceptance and family, something I never expected, outweighs the monetary benefit of my new job. Perhaps that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn here. If they can accept me for who I am, maybe I can better accept myself.

My body is still sore. I'm going back to bed.

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3 Response to How Others Feel When I Lose Control

August 17, 2007 at 8:06 PM

God Bless! I will pray for your rapid return to work and seizure free days.

August 17, 2007 at 9:17 PM

I never considered the humility aspect of epilepsy, but there it is. In the past I worked with seizure-sufferers, but they had no issues with pride; they were developmentally disabled, and those most prone wore headgear to protect them.

But I guess I have wondered what it must be like for someone to wake up with medics around them. In EMT training and afterwards, I did several ride-alongs, and I know the seizure patient was often very embarassed. We kept things very business-like, tried to protect their privacy. I can't imagine going through this on the other side. (I did faint in church once, though....not the same thing but I know "the looks from people.")

You're in my prayers, and thanks for the perspective.

August 18, 2007 at 1:39 PM

What a pita! It's good to know that your new boss isn't a jerk; many people are very uncomfortable about any sign of physical weakness. I think it's their own fears they project onto others.

Stay in bed and feel better soon!