Rich Reinhardt is one of my postulant brothers in the same level of formation as I am. He is also the director of the New Sanctuary Movement in Milwaukee, WI as an outreach to immigrants in this city. Working with the grass-roots group Voces De La Frontera, he has done major work in advocating for the cause of undocumented immigrants living in the U.S.

This evening he gave me a fact sheet that addresses many of the concerns that people in this country have about immigrants living in the U.S. borders. I decided to share this with all of you, in hopes that many myths surrounding immigration policy can be shown false and true dialogue can begin on the topic of immigration reform.

Myths and Facts on Immigration

"The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived, and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic."
-John F. Kennedy

MYTH: Increased border enforcement is the solution.
FACTS:

1. From 1986 to 1998, border patrol's budget increased six-fold and the number of agents doubled.
2. During the same time period, undocumented immigration doubled.
3. "Tougher enforcement" that pushes people to cross remote desert has lead to a humanitarian crisis on the border.
4. Experts, including the U.S. Government Accountability Office, have concluded that the continual and exponential increase in border-deaths which began the mid-1990's is directly related to an increase in U.S. border enforcement/border militarization. From 1995-2004 between two and three thousand bodies were found along the U.S.-Mexican border.
5. Causes of death for immigrants crossing from Mexico range from exposure and hypothermia to murder by vigilantes.

MYTH: Immigrants don't pay taxes.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants pay income, property, and sales tax using an ITIN (individual tax identification number.)
2. They pay between $90-$140 billion a year in federal, state, and local taxes.
3. They contribute $189 billion worth of wages recorded in the suspense file over the 1990's and two and a half times the amount of 1980's.
4. They contribute $6-$7 billion in Social Security tax revenue and about $1.5 billion in Medicare taxes per year.
5. While, as above, immigrants pay $90-$140 billion in taxes, immigrants receive only $5 billion in benefits, mostly through K-12 public schools and emergency medical care.
6. "Our assumption is that about three-quarters of other-than-legal immigrants pay taxes." (--Stephen C. Goss, Social Security's chief actuary, using the agency's term for undocumented immigrants.)

MYTH: Immigrants take jobs from American workers.

FACTS:

1. Immigrants have no net impact on unemployment rates. In states with the highest concentration of undocumented people there are actually lower unemployment rates.
2. Immigrants help create jobs through consumerism in automotive sales, electronic sales, restaurants, etc.
3. The Pew Hispanic Center has reported that, "Rapid increases in foreign-born population at the state level are not associated with negative effects on the employment of native-born workers.

MYTH: Immigrants don't want to learn English.
FACTS:

1. Demand for English classes at an adult level far exceeds the supply.
2. Within 10 years of arrival, 75% of immigrants speak English well.
3. 98% of Latino/Hispanic immigrants say it is important to teach their children English.
4. The rate at which immigrants today develop proficiency in English mirrors that of 19th and 20th century German, Italian, and Eastern European immigrants.
5. 91% of second-generation immigrants and 97% of third-generation immigrants are fluent or nearly fluent English speakers.

MYTH: Immigrants increase the crime rate.
FACTS:

1. Immigrants commit fewer crimes than native born Americans.
2. From 1994 to 2005 violent crime decreased by 34% and property crime by 32% as the immigrant population doubled.
3. First-generation immigrants are 45% less likely to commit violent crimes than Americanized, third-generation immigrants.

Sources

This fact sheet borrowed heavily from the website of Justice for Immigrants: The Catholic Campaign for Immigration Reform (under USCCB). Their website is www.justiceforimmigrants.org. Most of the original sources can be found there.

www.immigrationpolicy.org/index.php?content=B070201

After spending three hours at the local H & R Block, working on last years taxes at the car dealership and at the poker room, I got home to find that my habit had come from the tailor in Washington. We had our habits made in advance that they would be ready by the time we made it to novitiate. To make sure the habit and the hood fit properly, I had a chance to wear the last suit I will ever have to put on!

Now everyone from my mother to my friends have been waiting in anticipation to see me with my habit on. And trust me, I already have a few good pictures. However, since we have not been invested in our habits, a ceremony that is a huge part of becoming a novice, it is not proper that I should publish pictures of myself en habitus.

The habit fits, and I've already folded it up and set it aside for when we go to Pittsburgh from Kansas. I may sneak a chance at putting it on again; it's one of those things that helps me focus on where I want this journey to go.

I only wish I could share the excitement with everyone. I guess you'll have to wait a few more months!

Today as I drove back from Mt. Calvary, WI I decided it was time to do what every good Catholic does after an Easter celebration:

Binge on everything you gave up for Lent!

So after taking one of the postulants to the train station, I decided to go out for some food at Taco Bell. I'd been jonesing for some fast food for weeks, and decided today I would order more food than I could possibly eat and sit in front of the TV for the rest of the day. A standard Easter for most people in the US.

Along the way through downtown Milwaukee, I saw a few guests from the St. Ben's meal walking by. I hadn't seen anyone from St. Ben's in over a week; their appearance was a quick reminder of my ministry. So rather than just honking, waving, and driving by, I decided to drive around the block and park.

I got out and spoke with John and Laura, asking how things were going. They were headed to this side of town after the continuous harrassment from the police. They couldn't understand why, on this day, the police chose to harrass them and the other homeless that resided in this part of the city. I told him that with the Easter holiday, and so many people going to the Gesu Church at Marquette University, they didn't want the poor people panhandling to the pretty-dressed people as they walked in/out of church.

Without thinking, I told them that I was going to get some lunch, and did they want to go. When talking with the homeless, inviting them somewhere means that you are also treating them. They happily accepted, and turned around to their friends who they'd been traveling with. Again without thinking, I asked if they wished to go along as well. They were a little shocked by the invite, and I had to introduce myself as the chaplain at St. Ben's before they felt comfortable.

"Vito, I'm black," John said to me, laughing. "I don't eat burritos. I eat me some chicken!" And with that, we headed out to a KFC at 12:30 in the afternoon on Easter for a Sunday brunch.

As we entered the KFC (it was one of the ones with the full sheet of bullet-proof glass between the cooking area and the dining area) it was clear that the worker was not happy about working during Easter. I tried to make the ordering as painless as possible, and I think that our joy was infectious. She started out being crabby, but eventually warmed to a Mexican and four homeless people who were sitting in her dining area...enjoying lunch and life.

Halfway during the meal, an older lady walked into the restaurant, only hoping to rest her feet. Knowing John and Laura, and knowing that they could not buy food at KFC, they told her about me. She humbly asked for something, not wanting to be imposing, and I gladly gave her my mashed potatoes and a Snacker from my order. She thanked me and with a devilish smile asked if I was married...to which everyone laughed.

Later on that day, I would stop into St. Ben's as they offered their Easter meal to the guests of Milwaukee. I had a chance to meet with many volunteers, one of them being a girl whom I'd met at a Lenten retreat where I'd given a talk. She remembered me and what I had said...something that made me feel proud.

After the St. Ben's meal, I was invited, along with the other friars of my community, to eat with some hospitable parishioners of St. Martin de Porres Church...the parish that exists next door to our friary. With a wonderful dinner and great stories, it was the perfect capstone to a wonderful Easter.

And sitting here at my desk, later at night and with time to reflect, I can see where I found God today. This Easter holiday, where we celebrate the greatness of the risen Christ, I was able to see that glory at work in my life. I could see it in the joy of being surrounded by good people. I could see it in the hospitality and caring of others. But most of all, I saw it from it's very beginning: a selfish act that, but for the grace of God, became an opportunity for me to live the Holy Spirit on the most important day of all.

Today, like the disciples, I saw Jesus again. And the joy of having seen Him today is so great, it moves me to tears.

May you all find the risen Christ in all that you do this Easter Season.

(taken from our Triduum Retreat, directed by our Provincial Minister John Celichowski)

First read John 21:1-19

During his years as the head of what was then the Soviet Union,
Nikita Krushchev denounced a number of the policies and atrocities of
his predecessor, Jozef Stalin, who was responsible for the deaths of tens
of millions of his countrymen. Once, while he was criticizing Stalin,
Krushchev was interrupted by a heckler who cried out, “You were one
of Stalin’s colleagues! Why didn’t you stop him?”

“Who said that?” Krushchev roared in response. The room was
absolutely still. Nobody moved a muscle. After a long moment of tense
silence, Krushchev said quietly, “Now you know why.”

Fear is a powerful motivator in our lives. It drives us to do some
things: we cram for a test because we fear failure; we turn the car
around and return home one last time to make sure we didn’t leave the
oven or iron on; and we build our arsenals and armies to protect us from
attacks or threats to what some call “our way of life.”

But just as it compels us to do some things, fear also keeps us from
doing others: we fail to apologize for fear of appearing weak or getting
into another fight; we don’t ask some one out for a date or for their hand
in marriage because we fear rejection; we stay in the comfort zones of
our current lives and ministries rather than risk being or doing something
different because we fear failure. As we saw in the example of Premier
Krushchev, fear can also prevent us from stepping forward and speaking
out when we should.

What are you afraid of right now? Which fears are driving you,
and which ones are holding you back?

Jesus knew fear. He confronted it very powerfully in the Garden
of Gethsemane the night before his death. Most of the gospels describe
it as “anguish,” a feeling so powerful that one of them describes him
almost literally sweating blood. Throughout that night and just before
his arrest, it drove him back and forth from the place where he was
praying to his disciples, only to find them asleep and overwhelmed.

The disciples had to face their own fears; and “when the chips
were down,” they failed. All of them, save the beloved disciple, fled and
went into hiding.

None of them, however, failed as spectacularly as Peter, who
denied as many as three times that he even knew Jesus—the same Jesus
to whom he had vowed only hours earlier that he was prepared to die.
He couldn’t even admit that he knew him! Confronted at once with his
own cowardice and failure, Peter could only run away and weep bitterly,
entombed in his fears.

It must have been emotionally exhausting and perhaps became
even more so when Peter and the other disciples—driven behind locked
doors out of fear that those who killed the Lord were coming after
them—were confronted by Jesus, wishing them peace and showing them
his wounds but also challenging their lack of belief.

In the gospel passage we just heard, Jesus came once again before
Peter and the other disciples. The resurrection stories remind us of
something we easily forget: Jesus reveals himself to us, personally, over
and over again. He shows himself to us as communities at least as often
as individuals; and he often does so in the midst of our ordinary lives. In
this particular passage, it was in the midst of Peter and the disciples
engaged in their regular jobs, doing something they’d done thousands of
times before.

Like Peter and the other disciples, however, we so often fail to
recognize the Lord’s presence or action…until something unusual or
miraculous happens. Perhaps we’re still afraid, in the midst of the
increasing secularism and skepticism of our age, to acknowledge him.
After all, to do so has consequences. For Peter, the biggest consequence
seemed to be being reminded of his failure.

For the church today, perhaps the biggest fear is not so much that
Jesus is no longer present and working but that he is no longer doing so
with us. If the gospel is so powerful, how is it that fewer people seem to
be following it?

I sometimes wonder whether its this fear, along with the stated
concerns about Catholic identity, that are causing such a stir at Notre
Dame about President Obama’s commencement address and honorary
degree. Our Catholic teaching on abortion and the sacredness and
dignity of human life—not only at conception and in the womb but also
in the refugee camp, the AIDS hospice, the pre-school classroom, and
the prison—is pretty clear but even many of our Catholic elected
officials do not seem compelled to follow it, much less our non-Catholic
President. Indeed, more often than not our politicians on both sides of
the aisle seem far more persuaded by their respective party platforms.

Yet even in the face of this, the Lord’s voice to Peter and the other
disciples in the upper room and behind the locked doors, echoes to us:
“Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you” (John
20:21). He has sent us; and, if we look at it honestly and recall the rest
of the New Testament and the first several centuries of the church’s
history, in a world far less hostile to the gospel.

Symbolized in the disciples miraculous catch of 153 fish (said by
some ancient scholars to mark the number of known species and thus the
universality of the Church—our mission remains to gather all together,
and Jesus continues to feed us in the midst of it. Despite our failures,
Jesus invites us to make the risk of love and to feed and tend those
whom he has placed in our care; and he asks that we surrender our own
wills and lives to that mission…just as he did.

Like he did with Peter, he never admonishes us, “…and don’t
screw up again.” Instead he simply asks, “Do you love me?” and urges
us to feed and tend to those in need, who belong to him, not us.

In December 1914, a terrible fire swept through the laboratories of
Thomas Edison in West Orange, NJ destroying over $2 million in
equipment and much of the great inventor’s life’s work. His son Charles
later reflected on the experience of witnessing his father’s white hair
blowing in the cold winter air and his face glowing as he gazed upon the
inferno. “My heart ached for him,” Charles said, “He was no longer
young, and everything was being destroyed.”

Rather than being overwhelmed by the tragedy, however, Edison
told his son to call his mother. “Find her,” the inventor said, “Bring her
here. She’ll never see anything like this again as long as she lives.”

The following morning found the 67 year-old Edison walking
among the charred remains of a lifetime of work, hopes, and dreams.
Instead of mourning what had been lost he remarked, “There is great
value in disaster. All of our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can
start anew.”

Happy Easter!

Yes, today I turned another year older today. I actually celebrated my birthday on Thursday, as we celebrate all events on our community nights. I had plenty of cake (twice), was sung to by many different people, and even had a burly man with a mustache make a comment about birthday spankings. So despite being in religious life on my first birthday, it was pretty normal for me.

My mom and my Godmother called me, both to remind me of the story of when I was born and I was "so little then!"

Maybe I just have other things on my mind this year, but I'm not all that excited about my birthday. I don't fear or loathe aging at all, I just see it as passing time now...another birthday that will occur as I try to decide how to spend the rest of my life.

I appreciate all the well wishes and birthday cards I got this year. While the day wasn't as exciting, I realize that this year is the most time I've ever been wished a happy birthday.

It's almost ironic: I could have cared less about anyone myself only a few years ago. Today I carried on as if it were no more special to me, yet others continued to remind me that I was in their thoughts and prayers on this day.

On March 24, 1980, Archbishop Oscar A. Romero was shot and killed while holding up the Eucharist before the alter in a small shrine in El Salvador. The murder, thought to be a political assassination carried out by the death squads in El Salvador, rocked not only the country but the entire world.

His ecclesiastical appointments were met with concern at first. His conservative theology stood in direct contrast to the many liberation theologian priests all over Latin America. However during his term as bishop, his friend (a Jesuit priest) was shot and killed by the roaming death squads. Outraged by his friend's death and the inhumane treatment of the people of his country, he spoke out against the murder and oppression of political violence.

And for that voice, he was silenced.

The story of Romero is both tragic and inspiring. His choice to stand in opposition to the political leadership and to violence reminds me that there are times that I need to make a stand for what I believe in.

The death of Archbishop Romero, the birthday of Cesar Chavez, the movie Che starting this weekend, and the recent visit of Luis Gutierrez from Chicago have all served to remind me that my ancestry and my culture are important parts of my vocation. While I doubt I'll be as revolutionary or as profound as the men I've just mentioned, I hope to learn something from their struggles and do more as a Latino male to be present to my culture.

All text comes from "The Storm Novena," originally published in 1947 by two friars from my Order. Enjoy. -V

What is a Storm Novena?

A Storm Novena consists of nine visits to the Blessed Sacrament in one day, praying on one's knees, and with outstretched arms, to obtain a speedy and unfailing answer to prayer. The Franciscan sisters mentioned above, define it in these terms: "Storm" means a sudden, forceful assault in the shape of ardent prayers on heaven at the throne of our divine Lord, so that he(sic) will take immediate note and answer them readily. One, so to say, storms heaven with implicit confidence, in accordance with the Gospel story recorded in Saint Luke 11:5-13, which reads: "Let us suppose that one of you has a friend to whom he goes at the dead of night, and asks him, 'Lend me three loaves of bread, neighbor. A friend of mine has turned in to me after a journey, and I have nothing to offer him.' And suppose the other answers from within the doors, 'Do not put me to such trouble; the door is locked, my children and I are in bed; I cannot bestir myself to grant the request.' I tell you, even if he will not bestir himself to grant it out of friendship, shameless asking will make him rise and give his friend all that he needs. And I say the same to you; knock, and the door shall be opened for you. Everyone that asks, will receive; that seeks, will find; that knocks, will have the door opened to him. Among yourselves, if a father is asked by his son for bread will he give him a stone? Or for a fish, will he give him a snake instead of a fish? Why then, if you, evil as you are, know well enough how to give your children what is good for them, is not your Father much more ready to give, from heaven, his Holy Spirit to those who ask him?" Thus man has power over God.

It is performed on our knees to indicate our total helplessness and dependence on God; with extended arms - similar to Moses, who, as long as he prayed with extended arms, sustained his army in fighting successfully; then also to remind the heavenly Father of his divine Son on the cross - in virtue of which all our prayers have their power, whether they be expiation, reconciliation, adoration, or pleadings for help. Praying with extended arms was a favorite manner of prayer employed by Saint Francis of Assisi in memory of our crucified savior. When Saint Gertrude asked our Lord to teach her how to pray so as to commemorate his passion, our Lord answered. "When you pray, spread forth your hands so as to represent to God the Father the memory of my passion, in union with that love with which I stretched out my hands on the cross; and if you do this habitually, without fear of ridicule or reproach, you will pay me an honor as great as is shown to a king when he is solemnly enthroned."

"The prayer of him that humbleth himself shall pierce the clouds." (Eccl. 35:31)

In the seventeenth century, a certain John Flavel asserted that "Man's extremity is God's opportunity." Yes, indeed, Percy Maxman contends. "Invincible is the spirit of man that stands firm in reliance upon God."

Whatever perils may confront humanity, faith in a power above and beyond ourselves can assert itself and dispel fear and doubt from the mind. Dr. Alexis Carrel once said, "Our deepest source of power and perfection has been left miserably undeveloped."

How We Make Our Storm Novenas

The first visit is always introduced by an act of Perfect Contrition:

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen.

To which are then added the following invocations at each visit:

1. O Sacred Heart of Jesus --
have mercy on us and grant us our request.

2. Our Lady of Perpetual Help --
pray for us and obtain our request.

3. The Memorare:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, and sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence I fly unto thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother! To thee I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

4. Saint Joseph, Friend of the Sacret Heart --
pray for us and obtain our request.

5. Saint Jude --
pray for us and obtain our request.

6. Saint Anthony --
pray for us and obtain our request.

7. Saint Conrad --
pray for us and obtain our request.

8. Saint Benedict [the Moor] --
pray for us and obtain our request.

9. Saint Roch --
pray for us and obtain our request.

10. Saint Dominic and Saint Francis --
pray for us and obtain our request.

11. Saint Theresa, Little Flower of Jesus --
pray for us and obtain our request.

12. Ye Blessed Martyrs of Uganda --
pray for us and obtain our request.

13. Saint Martin de Porres --
pray for us and obtain our request.

14. All Ye Holy Angels and Saints --
pray for us and obtain our request.

Our children are constantly reminded of the great power of prayer, by means of which God shares his creative power with man. Mere words created the universe. Mere words, at Mass, change bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ. Mere words create what we ask. The success of a good prayer does not depend on ourselves or even our good will, but entirely on the merits and satisfactions of Christ, and its efficacy is based on God's infinite willingness to hear every prayer. Bear in mind the life of Christ and "all that Christ earned is ours. The passion of Christ belongs to us as really as though we ourselves had suffered it. (Saint Thomas.) And we offer these inexhaustible treasures to God in exchange for his favors. Redemption was placed within our reach but not within our grasp. A child may want an apple from a tree. It cannot reach it. However, if his father lifts him up he can pluck it. Thus, prayer is the means placed at our disposal to receive God's gifts. No request is ever refused, so that, when once we enter the portals of heaven, we will find that not a single prayer sent up to heaven remained unanswered or unrewarded.

I will explain the various invocations in detail later, as some of the saints may not be recognizable to anyone who is neither in the African-American Catholic community or in the Franciscan/Capuchin community. -V

I apologize for taking so long to write this post. It's been about a week in the making, and required me to start over several times. What started off as a critique of this dated prayer has turned into an objective presentation...for reasons I will describe later on. -V

In a previous post, I made reference to a book called "The Storm Novena." The authors are credited as two friars from the St. Joseph Province of Capuchins: Edmund Kramer & Sylvester Brielmaier. This prayer has not been used here at St. Benedict's since probably the 1960's, and a quick glance through the booklet shows how dated it is (despite it's most recent printing in 2007.)

The history behind this prayer is still cloudy. I've heard some experiences from the older friars, but I've yet to speak about it with any of the alumni of St. Ben's, possibly pictured here, kneeling and raising their hands. However here are the things that I can say with a sense of positivity:

1. The prayer is not from the Capuchins or the Franciscan tradition, nor is it from any cultural background of anyone in the order. Many of the people in this area have German heritage, and none claim to have known anything like it before. While the book claims that two sisters from Vienna brought it to St. Ben's, it also claims it was used for people dying, "especially that of a dying, impenitent socialist." Realistically, my history tells me it came from one of the numerous groups of sisters that came to help teach at St. Ben's: Dominicans, Notre Dame Sisters, School Sisters of St. Francis, etc.

2. It's tough getting donors for a poor, black church, school, and hospital. The Miller family (Miller Brewing, Inc.) had always been gracious and supportive of St. Ben's, even when it was first built, however to maintain the ministries that existed in the 1940's required serious fundraising. I cannot say what exactly happened, but the friars I spoke with remember the children praying for the benefactors' needs, not simply their own.

3. The prayer is no longer used at St. Ben's, and will probably not be used again for some time. Like any other urban parish, the ministry of the church changes with the needs of the community. Many in this community are homeless, suffer from substance addictions, have mental or emotional issues, struggle to live above the poverty line, or reside in one of the surrounding three correctional facilities. Much of the work done at St. Benedict the Moor Church is focused on social justice.

I've had mixed feeling about talking about this prayer, simply because it is not who we are anymore. While the greatest ministry we offer grew out of the time when Vatican II was happening, this is the age of the "JP2 Generation." This book regarding the Storm Novena is extremely dated, referring to the "colored children" and "little Negroes" often, however it is part of the history of this church. While I'd like to just toss this book by the side, because of it's language or because I think it was used as a way to raise money for the schools, there is a part of history here and I've already experienced the fact that certain people are moved by that history.

So with that in mind, I've decided to do what would be the most "Capuchin" thing to do. Tomorrow I will reprint the storm novena for all to use. You may copy it, print it out, and use it however for whatever intention you have. I will include the instructions on how to pray it as well. I want to do this because I realize that while I, or even the current parish of St. Benedict the Moor, may no longer find spiritual value in this prayer, I know there are others who find this type of prayer to be very helpful. I also realize that for it to simply hide would be a disservice to others who look for spiritual meaning.

Therefore instead of paying the $5.95 for the book (which doesn't even go to the parish or the now-closed schools here in Milwaukee), I will post the entire prayer and instructions freely for all to use. If you find it beneficial to your prayer life, or if you find that God grants your request through this prayer, then may God bless you. The only thing we ask at St. Ben's is to keep us and the homeless, working poor, the imprisoned, the addicted, and the down-trodden in your prayers.

Br. Ernie Bedard OFM Cap., a post-novice from the New York province, has decided to stake his claim on the internet with his new blog Reflections of a Capuchin Friar. Ernie is several years ahead of me in his journey to become a professed Capuchin friar, currently studying theology in Boston instead of Chicago like my province.

I encourage you all to take a look and give him a warm welcome. From the looks of his first post, he's got a great insight on our sense of Franciscan spirituality that may be beneficial to some of you. Hopefully he'll prove to the rest of you that not all the OFM Caps are crazy like I am!

You can find his blog here.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with today's blog entry. My postulant brother is a tool; I just wanted to share that with everyone on the internet. =)

The pic does reflect the sense of comfort we've gotten from being here in Milwaukee these past 7 months. It is only within the past few weeks that I've really started to reflect on how this time will soon come to an end.

Friday I spoke with two guests about how I'd soon be leaving for Pre-Novitiate and then Novitiate. They were clearly upset that I would be leaving soon after having only been there for half a year. While I didn't say it, part of me knows I will miss them as well.

In spite of the time winding down, I don't feel that I'm winding down at all in my ministry. I've already started planning events for 2010 when I'll be in another state. I've got people asking me to come speak at events they are holding later on in the year. And within the past week, I've bought about 5 new books for education and reflection.

I knew that the initial formation would be tough to handle, especially with all the moving. However I already miss my ministry at St. Ben's, and I haven't even left yet. Part of me has already considered postponing studies in Divinity so I could return to St. Ben's sooner, even if I do so only as a professed lay brother.

These next few weeks will be tough. I pray for strength, guidance, and wisdom.

I've talked several times about my ex-girlfriend's daughter, and how that relationship has been one of the hardest for me to deal with in choosing this life. Some days are better than others, and lately I've learned to forget about the decision to leave her and her mother.

It's been over a month since I sent her an email, and I've still heard nothing. I think I've resigned to the fact that there are two (more) women in this world who want nothing to do with me. I'd really hoped to hear something. It would have made a great post to write about; it would have been something far more special to me than another post. However if this is how things will be, then she will be my greatest sacrifice in choosing religious life.

As usual, there are songs that stir my mind. John Mayer's song Daughters came out when we were all still a family, and the song made me feel good about trying to be a surrogate father. While looking for new songs to play on guitar, I crossed this song again today.

This time, it had a much different feeling and message for me.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world.
But she's just like a maze
Where all of her walls are continually changed.

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand.
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me.

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers that turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.

Ooh? See that skin
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left - cleaning up the mess he made.

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.

Boys you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone with warmth from
A woman's good, good heart.

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.

Today I held a reflection for the students of Messmer High School, an inner-city high school here in the city of Milwaukee. I've hosted reflection groups for schools, confirmation classes, and other groups from around the area. However this has been the greatest group of students I've yet had here at the meal.

For most groups looking to learn more about St. Ben's Community Meal, we offer reflection sessions for people. This consists of a history and talk about the history and change of St. Benedict the Moor from its creation in 1909. People are then invited to eat (not help) with the other guests at the meal. After waiting in line, getting a meal, and interacting with the other guests at the meal, a reflection is done about their experience that's directed by either me or Br. Dave. For many groups, this is a jarring and eye-opening experience; often times groups have never had any type of interaction with the homeless.

For whatever reason, be it sociological, cultural, or whatever, the students from Messmer thrived and openly engaged with the guests at the meal. While recognizing the plight of the guest's situations, they also recognized their own personal privileges and realized that they had much to learn from the people who were eating at the Community Meal. Rather than try and force kids to talk about an experience that they couldn't yet understand, they gratefully participated in the reflection, and wanted to continue and interact with people down in the meal hall after we were done.

I have another talk with students this weekend, a group that will be fasting for 36 hours for Lent. While I have no idea what kind of reaction I can expect from them, I have found the "goal" of my talks: that they may be as energized to be involved and to be present with the poor community as the class from Messmer I had today.