Meme: 10 Rules of Novitiate

In light of the high structure and prayerful stature that we undertake here in Allison Park, PA, there’s always new and creative ways in which to wreck havoc within a religious community. Whether by plain ignorance or a skewed sense of humor, we seem to find new ways to give the formators that "head in palm" moment.

In light of these issues, here are 10 rules which we have been given…either because of something we’ve already done or because of some Novice in the past:

1. One shall not begin a prayer with the preface: “Dear Lord Baby Jesus”

2. One shall not pretend to perform jedi mind tricks while IN PUBLIC.

3. One shall not attend prayer with a cup of coffee, can of soda, a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, or anything written by Karl Marx.

4. One shall not wear the habit with only underwear underneath (or less.)

5. One shall not play basketball, soccer, or any other contact sport while wearing the habit. Moreover, one shall not do the aforesaid activities and then sit in chapel for 40 minutes surrounded by other friars without having bathed or changed clothes.

6. One shall not ask for intercession from the “Little White Guest” around people that don’t understand.

7. One shall not add beads, tassels, patches with band names, color the knots of one’s cord for a rainbow effect, or add anything that could be defined as “flair.”

8. One shall not use songs like: "Gather Us In" or "All are Welcome" as closing hymns.

9. One shall not construct a sign that implies a sense of oppression and/or inequality of the living conditions at the Novitiate, nor shall they erect signs in front of their house, labeling it: “The Ghetto,” “The Barrio,” or “Thug’s Mansion.”

10. The intercom system is not a toy, nor is it a sports ticker, a means to perform a “price check,” a platform where one should read excerpts from their personal manifesto, a means to imitate the booming voice of God, or the reproduction of noises commonly referred to as "Beat-boxing."

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4 Response to Meme: 10 Rules of Novitiate

Qualis Rex
August 1, 2009 at 2:24 PM

Wow. SCAREY! Not allowing you to beat-box on the intercom system is just plain oppression and abuse of power!

Actually, the thought that some of those things may have happened withh previous novitiates (i.e. "dear baby Jesus") is chilling.

August 2, 2009 at 10:57 PM

See - I'd go the other way & say that the very thought that previous initiates may have done some of those things makes me giggle a little bit.

I've always had major league fun imitating the booming voice of God over any available P.A., though :)

August 3, 2009 at 8:00 AM

1. I don't know if the 5th amendment applies, but I will abstain from admitting how many of these rules exist because of my class, or because of me!

2. I've already started another list...and it's only the start of the 2nd week!

3. My limited internet usage is the purpose for any errors or coding issues in this or any subsequent blog. My apologies, but 90 minutes a week is NOT much time to work with!


Qualis Rex
August 3, 2009 at 2:56 PM

Br Vito - I have my sincere suspicions on which of the "deal breakers" you are/may have been guilty of. But in the spirit of charity I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here : P

And no worries on the code. Good job on the blog overall! You're nott a programmer by profession, so geeze, cut yourself some slack.