Breaking News: Hundreds Slain As Tension Grows

PITTSBURGH (Reuters) – Early Tuesday morning, officials arrived at a small friary in Allison Park, PA to find hundreds of bees lying dead. Very little information is being released at this time; however the use of chemical weapons has been confirmed. The chemical agent is as yet unknown; the area has been sealed off until investigators are able to determine the exact WMD agent that was used.

This latest incident follows in the wake of several “bee-on-human violence” events in the area. Parker Tiffany O.F.M Cap was the victim of TWO unprovoked attacks this past week, once while alone and the other when accompanying an Australian immigrant. The causes for those non-lethal attacks are still under investigation. In a statement earlier this week, the Press Secretary for the Northeastern Alliance of Honey Producers publicly denounced those attacks, stating neither the Alliance nor any individual queen was responsible.

Yet in a gross display of power, a community of bees has been eradicated in what people are already calling an “act of retaliation.” No group or individual has taken credit for today’s act of terrorism, yet many are pointing the finger at the Capuchin Franciscan community, currently engaged in territory negotiations with the local NAHP chapter as well as the WASP contingency. Sources show this community which was attacked had a binding and amicable residency contract with the Franciscans. No comment has yet come from the Franciscans, however sources claim that the acts of terrorism against P. Tiffany have put strains on the negotiations.

“We will defend ourselves to the death!” exclaimed the NAHP Press Secretary in a brief statement released this morning. The death count is not finished, as bees continue to fly around drunkenly in the area.

A prayer vigil for the dead is expected later this week.

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1 Response to Breaking News: Hundreds Slain As Tension Grows

August 26, 2009 at 9:55 PM

LOL, that was pretty good. was there seriously that many dead? how is the PA?