Right Here Waiting

I'm a big fan of Staind. Not only do I like the music, it seems like every song fits into the soundtrack of my discernment. I've written before about the song "It's Been Awhile" and how I felt about my return to my faith.

It seems that stories of redemption, awakening, or enlightenment aren't just confined to stories of vocations. Average people like me, superstars like Staind; everyone has a story about their sense of self. As a Capuchin, I want to keep exploring these stories as well as tell mine to everyone I can.

So here we are...the day of reckoning.

I've willed myself to stop worrying. God's will is God's will. One of the hardest things I've had to learn in going from "sales guy" to "religious guy" is that I am NOT completely in control of my destiny. God has a plan, and regardless of what I want...God's plans and mine might not always go in sync. I still struggle with this concept, but I can accept whatever answer the Admissions Board renders.

I have little else to say until after I get the phonecall. I leave you with fitting lyrics from a favorite song:

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as I can take
And you're so independent
You just refuse to bend so I keep bending til I break

But you always find a way to keep my right here waiting
You always find the words to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I need fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes that I made along the way

But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
And I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away you would be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting


(15 minutes after this post, I was called by the Capuchin Franciscans and accepted as a Postulant for the Order)