Evaluation Time: I'm Not What I Do

As the Novitiate year comes to an end (71 days to go!), my third and final evaluation takes center stage. I am required to write personal evaluation of my time here as well as several evalutions of my peers here in the community. Evaluations are done a lot differently than my days selling cars, but I still get anxious about the process.

Back at the car lot, my progress meetings were held monthly. I remember days just sitting in my manager's office dreading the same speech every time: "So how do you think we can improve these numbers?" For many years my value was determined by a spreadsheet that figured in the number of cars I sold, the amount of calls I made, number of appointments, profit on each car, etc. The list goes on. And no matter how good or bad the numbers were, there was always room for improvement.

Even looking back, I find it hard to find fault with this kind of evaluation. Hard work and performance equals success. Success equals freedom and security for yourself and your family. Success means that you can get everything you need and some of the things you want.

As a self-confessed Type 3 on the Enneagram, I still value my self by what I do. I remember my apprehension with evaluations because I felt still feel that my work defines who I am. It's a hard aspect of my life to deal with, and American society promotes the Type 3 personality type: The Achiever. Just taking a look at my Postulancy Evaluation from 2008 shows how much of a salesman I still am.

Thankfully the evaluation system for religious formation focuses on much more than just numbers. I'm encouraged to look at myself and seek out my own areas of strength and weakness. I'm challenged to look at the commitment of vows, express my understanding of those vows, and discuss how I intend to live that life. I am judged as a human being rather than by the work I do. I am offered suggestions and accolades based on my past evaluations.

But it's hard to think differently after you've learned to hate episodes like evaluations. So while I write my evaluation and take time to think about what I've done through the year, I'll have to try very hard not to define my life as a Capuchin only by my skills, my gifts, and my accomplishments.

If you're interested to learn about your personality type, go to enneagraminstitute.com. If you don't have the money to take the RHETI test online, check out your local library for more books on the subject.