Stumbling After Francis

Graphic Design Blog

2012-01-14T12:39:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a Graphic Design course this semester to fulfill an Art credit for school. I chose graphic design because I wanted to be able to compliment the web design and development work that I already do. After two classes, I already see how this class is going to be a great experience and an opportunity for me to pretend to be an artist!

Rather than using paint, clay, or wood for my art medium, this art class has us working exclusively on the computer. Using Adobe Illustrator along with a graphic tablet, my art project involve drawing things onto the computer. For only the first week of this class, I have to say that it is a blast! I've never considered myself much of an artist (I still spend hours trying to decide if I like my web templates!) but this medium is a lot of fun to work with.

Rather than turning in homework on paper, all work is published to a blog. The blog, for those interested, is listed here: http://cg-s12-vmartinez.blogspot.com.

What's Up for 2012

2012-01-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

So the champagne's been drunk and the New Year is here. The other obvious question is:

What's your new year's resolution?

I usually never remember mine...it's hard enough to remember the goals I have to complete for the week! However a past Spiritual Director once told me that times of change and renewal are the best times to make new habits. "New wine belongs in new wineskins," was the underlying theme, and there's some truth to that for me. So, hoping to make "changes" rather than just "resolutions," here's a few goals I've set for the new year.

Consistent Blogging - It's the bane of any blogger: over a period of time, it gets hard to write and maintain a blog. Blogging is a habit that is built and sustained...and is maintained when I'm away from the computer. Post-novitiate formation really conflicted with my blogging habit...so I'm hoping that, being settled into school here in Chicago, I can build that blogging skill again.

Template Change - Whether it's the vocation blog for my province, my own personal website, or even stuff I've done in school, my blog has become outdated when compared to the other work I do. There is a huge need for web developers, graphic designers, and copywriters who are willing to work with religious or non-profit organizations...still building and maintaining websites with Front Page. Redoing my blog here will not only help me sharpen my skills, but it may encourage me to blog even more.

Time Management - With school, ministry, house chores, homework, and everything else that's going on my life, there's a need to make sure I have time to be present to everything. Sometimes that means cutting out the things that waste time. But currently, I'm focused on using my time wiser. Working in front of a computer screen can get a lot of things done, unless I get distracted by cats climbing Christmas trees. Web development and independent learning require a huge amount of discipline and time management when in front of the computer, and it's easy to get distracted. I'm hoping to work on that this year.

Those are my goals for the year, and I'm hoping they will allow me to do more. If you're less disciplined then I am, here's your video of a cat knocking over a Christmas tree.

Happy New Year!!

The Genesis One Code

2011-12-24T12:07:00.000-05:00

The Genesis One Code. Daniel Friedmann.
New York: Park East, 2011. 231 pp.

This month I had the opportunity to preview The Genesis One Code by Daniel Friedmann. As a student of both religion and science, it was a wonderful opportunity for me to read and critique the work of someone who'd found a way to interpret science and faith as disciplines that can point towards a common truth.

The Genesis One Code focuses on cosmology as told by the scientific community as well as through his own faith. This is an initial problem for people of different disciplines: the evidence towards an old universe conflicts with the 6-day creation narrative of the Abrahamic tradition. While these two approaches towards the creation of the universe appear to be incongruent, the focus of Friedmann's book is to show that, indeed, both the scientific evidence and the 1st chapter of Genesis point to a common truth: scientific findings regarding the age of the universe are in agreement with Genesis that the world is 13.75 billion years old (plus/minus .13 billion years).

This is a strong claim, however Friedmann shows that he is familiar with the both approaches. One of the things I enjoyed about the book is that it did not present one side to be more "correct" than the other...an approach that would have easily imbalanced a highly volatile thesis. Rather, the author systematically approaches both disciplines, explains the history and thought behind both, and provides a mechanism of thought that seemingly unifies the fields of science and religion.

I say "seemingly" because Friedmann's methodology raises some questions. The author does well to illuminate his sources as well as explain their importance to the discussion, especially when discussing the entirety of Jewish Law. However the use of these various sources does not make Friedmann's conclusion necessary. Rather, it can be argued that the presentation of the religious material confirms the scientific approach rather than independently arriving at that same conclusion. For example, if scientific knowledge later showed how the universe was 23 billion years old, it's possible that Friedmann's religious interpretation of Creation could be altered to fit that number as well.

Whether or not other readers agree or disagree, the value of The Genesis One Code goes beyond validating one's beliefs. I found it rather appropriate that the book's introduction should include a quote by Pope Pius XII:

It would seem that present-day science, with one sweep back across the centuries, has succeeded in bearing witness to the august instant of the primordial Fiat Lux, when along with matter, there burst forth from nothing a sea of light and radiation, and the elements split and churned and formed into millions of galaxies.

As Catholic Christians, we are invited to see science as something that compliments our faith, not to see it as something that contradicts it. It is, for some, a hard part of our Catholic faith. This has been especially troubling throughout the Church's history as it dealt with advances in science...a point that Friedmann makes in his book.

This is where, in my reading, the book has the most value. Daniel Friedmann, when presented with contradictions between science and religion, chose to learn both rather than picking one and dismissing the other. Friedmann presents an understandable description of the cosmology of the universe, including the Big Bang Theory as well as the Theory of Evolution. Both are not fully explained, however I found myself learning more about the structure of these theories as well as the science behind both. Similarly, the author explains the depth of the understanding of Genesis from the Judaic perspective. It is clear from the book that the author has taken time to educate himself in both areas of study. Genesis One is a framework not just to look at our beginnings, but provides an example of incorporating science and faith towards a common goal.

Genesis One is a unique read in that part of the book reads like a science text while the other reads like a Raymond Brown text...bombarded with references and various interpretations of religious thought. Thankfully, the author provides timelines and visual aids to help readers synthesize the data. If you are looking for a spiritually stimulating book, this might not be your choice. However if you are looking to read something that will increase your knowledge as well as make you think about your own viewpoints, this is the book for you. I also recommend this book for Catholics who, although have no "official" teaching on the Evolution and Big Bang Theories, are encouraged to come to their own positions that compliment faith and science. The Genesis One Code will provide an insight towards thinking of religion and science as complimentary disciplines that can both lead humanity to understanding the truth.

Image: tungphoto

Messages on the Digital Ocean

2011-09-30T21:19:00.002-04:00

Managing the insights and posts of the friars at the Midwest Capuchins blog gives me the opportunity to reflect on our effect to others through such an immense medium. The Web is a virtual sea (double-meaning intended) of information. It can sustain us, it can be a place of enjoyment and leisure, and it can be trechorous and harmful if someone is not careful. Yet for all of that, we are given the task of crafting our own vessels of insight and reflection to be cast among the vastness of the digital ocean. Like the proverbial message in a bottle, we offer a piece of who we are and hit the "Publish" button, never really knowing who will find our words.

Perhaps this is why I was struck by this story on allvoices.com about a man who's been sending messages in bottles for the past 15 years. He says that he's heard back from many of the bottles he's sent out...as people have responded with personal stories, DVD's, and other aspects of their life.

I was struck by the desire for people to connect with Harold, the sender of the bottles, and the friendships that he builds with them. Perhaps through serendipity or the Spirit at work, the people who've found these bottles have responded to Harold and created lasting relationships. His simple hobby has allowed him to hear the stories and interact with people from all over the globe.

So my heart is with all of those who are reaching out through this digital medium. When others are looking at Search Engine Optimization and Return on eInvestment, there's a part of me that likes the romantic idea of blogs as messages...drifting along the digital ocean.

Steve Jobs & His Gift to the Church

2011-09-05T13:55:00.001-04:00

I saw this article posted by Faith, a fellow Catholic blogger. It's an intriguing article by Jesuit Michael Kelly on the resignation of Steve Jobs from Apple, the impact of Jobs' innovation on global communication, and how that technology has been embraced by the Church. I found the article to be a good read and an opportunity to think about the role of social media in the Church.

Fr. Michael Kelly SJ, writing at eurekastreet.com.au, discusses the influences that Steve Jobs has had on the world and how the even the Church has embraced his technological revolutions. Fr. Michael credits Jobs and Apple for:

The transformation of publishing with the Apple IIe personal computer.
The transformation of photo and video editing with affordable software.
The transformation of the music industry with the iPod.
The transformation of telephony with the iPhone.
The transformation of computing with the iPad.

Perhaps the most important part of Fr. Michael's article focuses on the Church's response to these transformations. Fr. Michael says:

...the creation of a vibrant, participative and interactive community — something in which Steve Jobs and Apple played a key role — is just what Vatican II envisaged for the Church.

Was Jobs and Apple a blessing or a curse for the Church? I'll let you decide.

Read the article here.

Apple, the Apple logo, and Mac are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. The Made on a Mac Badge is a trademark of Apple Inc., used with permission.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

2011-08-16T09:43:00.000-04:00

It seems like only yesterday that I finished my last exam and the end of school. But with the next semester of St. Xavier University less than a week away, it's good to look back at my summer placement in Detroit and the blessings I've received from being at those ministries.

...to comfort the afflicted - My main ministry in Detroit was working at the Solanus Casey Center. While I was able to use my tech skills to help out with a few tasks, the main job of this ministry was to be open, to listen, and to be present as people came to the center...both with their stories of wonder and their personal struggles. While taking the role of porter has long been considered the lowest "rung on the ladder," as Capuchins we have great respect for the role, as seen in St. Conrad of Parzham and Venerable Solanus Casey. Sometimes people would come in with their worries, only looking for someone listen - to know that another human being cared about their struggle. In those moments, I had to realize that I couldn't help, rather just allow myself to be a vessel through with the Spirit could provide healing.

The Healing Service was another part of this ministry. Each Wednesday at the Solanus Center, people come from all over to experience this blessing of healing and seek the intersession of Fr. Solanus. To be face-to-face with people in their struggles, offering everything up to God, is a powerful experience. By witnessing their faith, I've been able to grow in my own.

...to instruct the uninformed - One of the opportunities I wanted to partake in was to spend time at our retreat house in Washington, MI. The Capuchin Retreat Center is a beautiful 95-acre area that provides a getaway as well as instruction for people looking to disengage from the bustle of everyday life. I don't think many people think about "retreat work" when they discern their vocation. Most think about direct service, youth ministry, or being pastor of a parish. After getting experience in retreat ministry, I've seen how valueable it is to people's spiritual needs.

I experienced several retreats, and was always suprised to listen to the presenters. Each had their own different style, their own way of approaching a topic. But whether they were discussing Franciscan Theology or giving a story from their life in the Order, they had a way of enlightening people that was both unassuming and connected. It's one thing to be preached at it's another to be engaged with. I was shown great examples of how we as Capuchins excel in this area.

...to visit the prisoners - A big reason I joined the Capuchins was witnessing how Ray Stadmeyer accompanied 5 ex-convicts though the R.O.P.E. program and started a business off of their baking. So I was excited about the opportunity to visit On The Rise Bakery run by the Capuchin Soup Kitchen...not just about the pastries, but to reconnect with an experience that drew me into Capuchin life.

Listening to Edward's story, between cutting cookies and making pineapple upside-down cake, I was reminded of why I chose to be here. Edward's future and health, something he rarely thought of before, were owed to the Capuchins. Each day he looked at the world with joy, positivity, and thanks to God for being where he was. And while he thanked the Capuchins unceasingly for his deliverance from crime, drugs, and violence, the Bro. Ray is quick to remind that it is by following the Gospel that the Capuchins do what we do.

...to bury the dead - While living at St. Bonaventure Monestary last summer, brother Malcolm Maloney passes away after medical complications. During my time there, I witnessed how Malcolm's health deteriorated. For many people, it's not something that we would choose to be around consistently.

However living at St. Bonaventures, with Malcolm's blood-brother Joe also there, it was wonderful to see how friar came together to support Malcolm and Joe, and to be present to the needs as Malcolm's life faded away. And in the end, Malcolm's passing was remembered as a celebration of his gifts and his vibrant personality that stuck in the minds and hearts of those who attended his funeral.

These days, my prayer is filled with these experience - constantly reflecting on where God was present. I thank God for the wonderful summer, the experiences of these past few months, and I am thankful for each day that I get to be a friar.

(I wonder what I get to do next summer!)

Feeding the Spirit: Time at On the Rise Bakery

2011-07-25T09:54:00.002-04:00

Last Tuesday I had the chance to work at one of our more unique ministries: the bakery. On the Rise Bakery opened in 2009 as an extension of the R.O.P.E. program - sponsored by the Capuchin Soup Kitchen in Detroit. The program provides a place for men, coming out of prison, to deal with issues of substance abuse, anger management, and the life skills to succeed in the world.

I first learned about the R.O.P.E. program when I was a candidate visiting Detroit. I found it inspiring to see these men being spiritually fed by the Capuchins and our commitment to the poor. What started as a side-project in one of the soup kitchens has now become a business enterprise that provides employment for these ex-felons who, because of the job market, might never get the work experience to succeed after prison.

Remembering the inspiration I felt by this program, I was eager to participate in the day-to-day operations of the bakery. The bakery runs 6 days a week - a large part of their business comes from special orders and sales at various parishes in the Detroit area. Because of the demand, the bakery runs 3 shifts...giving the men experience of a 40 hour work week. Initially I thought the work would be simple. I was obviously wrong!

My first task Tuesday morning was unloading a pallet of 50 lb. bags of flour, sugar, and other various supplies. While the lifting was hard work, Ed (the head baker and graduate of the R.O.P.E. program) reminded me that he usually unloads the pallet by himself.

The day was filled with hard work and it wasn't always cool (especially with the big oven). However Ed let us know that our presence helped him get more done. He took the time to share part of his journey and his experience of being in the R.O.P.E. program.

"There are no words that can completely say how much the Capuchins mean to me," he told us. "You are all angels to me."

Spending time at the bakery Tuesday reminded me that there are powerful experiences that remind me of my vocation. As I continue to discern and be formed as a friar, it's important for me to reconnect with those experiences...thereby continuously renewing my desire to be a Capuchin. And that something as simple as baking bread is a reminder of how we can encounter God and feed the spirit of others.

Wearing the Habit: A Social Experiment

2011-07-13T07:07:00.000-04:00

For my Intro to Communications class at SXU, I was asked to team with another classmate and conduct a test of nonverbal reaction to a specific event. The experiment was simple. In a semi-controlled setting, use one or more nonverbal expressions and record the reactions of the sample. The project was an introductory look at doing field research as well as preparing the documentation.

My partner and I thought about what to do an experiment on. One group did theirs on eating chips in a "quiet area" of the school, another did theirs on body positioning in an elevator. After brainstorming ideas for a bit, we came to the obvious decision: reactions of students when I wear my habit to school.

What follows is the form, experiment, and findings of one friar's experience of wearing a religious habit to a Catholic university.

Our experiment was one in which was used the ethnographic method by putting ourselves into the environment, carrying out the function, and recording the reactions of nonverbal cues and gestures made by students. In the following paper we will break down our research question, the setting of the experiment, the behavioral “norms” when addressing our situation, hypothesis, method, sample, data table and records, analysis, and of course the conclusion.

Research Questions: In a Catholic institution, how will people react to seeing a student, normally seen in casual clothing, wearing a religious habit. Will the reaction be positive, negative, or indifferent? Will people visually engage the student or avert their gaze?

Hypothesis: We believe that students will be caught making indecisive eye contact with the student friar, then turn away quickly (gaze aversion) when the friar (Vito) returns eye contact. We believe that most reactions nonverbally will be expressed through eyebrow movements and eye motions rather than a sort of actual body placement or head reaction. The reason we believe this will be the case is because some people will not be used to that type of clothing in their everyday life or a classroom, so there nonverbal reactions should consist of uncertainty, shock, and tentativity.

Setting: The experiment was conducted in a classroom setting. The class consisted of about 25 students (13 girls and 12 males) along with a male professor; the class was an undergraduate philosophy at a Catholic Institution in Chicago, Ill. (St. Xavier University). The normal attire for the classroom was "casual," consisting of jeans, sweatpants, t-shirts, hoodies, polos, etc. There is no specific dress code for the class.

Behavioral Norms: There are specific patterns or "norms" that exist in the context of a college classroom, specifically with regards to first entering the classroom. We based these “norms” on someone who is socially confident, outgoing, and would be considered socially amiable.

1. Make and/or eye contact with others in the classroom.
2. Maintain a sitting posture that is toward the "front" of the classroom (facing the professor and the whiteboard.)
3.Body placement that encourages open communication with the professor and possibly others.
4. Do not ignore classmates by head movements or other nonverbal cues.
5. Do not give negative body movements towards others.
6. Do not judge others negatively by eye movements (rolling of the eyes).
7. Do not stare at someone for a long time with a blank face or check someone’s entire body out.
8. Should not address someone with negative facial expressions.
9. Stay away from negative or rude eyebrow movements.
10. If looking at someone without them knowing, do not turn your entire body to the individual.

Method: Two students at St. Xavier University conducted the experiment on 11 other students (6 males and 5 females) along with a professor (male) to record nonverbal reactions of a student wearing a religious habit. While the professor was aware of Vito's status as a friar, the students were not and none had ever seen Vito wearing his habit to class. Since the experiment would take place in the context of class, our ethnographic study entailed one person to serve as an active participant wearing the religious habit (Vito) while another recorded the reactions of students. The method of our experiment was for Vito (who is a friar) to wear his Friar habit into our Philosophy classroom. We entered the classroom 5 minutes before the start time to get a clean sample of the students and professor as they saw Vito. No advance notice was to the class regarding this test. We wanted to record people’s instinctive nonverbal reactions without them knowing we were recording data. We sat in our normal seats in the back of the classroom which allowed for us to get vital reactions because people tended to naturally look into the back of the classroom when walking to their seats. The way we recorded data was simply formulating a chart in a spiral notebook that included each person we tested in the left side of the chart, their gender, and whether they reacted with a gaze aversion, positively, negatively, or indifferent. Vito faced the front of the classroom with welcoming eye contact so students would only react to the nonverbal message of the religious habit...thereby isolating the variable for the experiment. Only an experimental group was used since we had reasonable data to predict how students would react to Vito when not in his habit.

Data:

Subjects/People	M/F (Male/Female)	Gaze Aversion, Positive, Negative, Indifferent, and Reactions
P1	M	Positive reaction, smiled when making eye contact.
P2	M	Gaze aversion, Positive reaction, smiled when making eye contact.
P3	F	Indifferent, little to no eye contact with any facial expressions or cues.
P4	F	Gaze Aversion, eye contact but looked away quick didn’t want to be caught looking. Physically turned her body around during class and starred. Shocked.
P5	M	Positive reaction, smiled when making eye contact.
P6	F	Indifferent reaction with a lot of starring, taken back expression of eyebrows.
P7	F	Indifferent, not much eye contact.
P8	F	Negative stare.
P9	M	Gaze aversion, stared. Eye contact when Vito was not looking.
P10 (class sit-in, not a student in the class.)	M	Positive, but visibly stared. Shocked.
P11	F	Gaze aversion, but would continuously stare occasionally.
P12 (professor)	M	Stared way more than normal when coming into the classroom and looking at Vito. Uneasy.

Analysis: After conducting our experiment we found that 33% (4 out of 12 people) were caught in gaze aversion, turning away when they made eye contact with Vito. In the gazing we recorded a lot of focused eye contact with uncommitted body involvement - a nonverbal cue of confusion. This was our leading result, followed closely by indifferent nonverbal cues which was 25% (3 out of 12 people). These people did not have any extra eye contact when seeing Vito than normal.

When eye contact was returned and received positively(3 out of 12 people), people either smiled (female) or nodded their head (male). One person was recorded as a negative reaction which is .08% (1 out of 12 people). Her cues were negative body placement and the arching of her eyebrows.The female student displayed visible apprehensiveness from the eye contact with Vito in his religious habit, but because of the randomness of the sample, it is inconclusive as to actual reason for the reaction.

The last person recorded (.08%) was the professor. The professor noticeably stared at Vito at the beginning and throughout the class...even showing body movement (leaning back) when seeing Vito. Three times during the class, the professor displayed trouble finishing an audible thought - at each time the professor was caught staring at Vito.

Conclusion: In our conclusion, the experiment proved our hypothesis in which students, when coming across someone in a different style of clothing outside the “norm,”will react in a nonverbal sense of awkwardness and uncertainty. In an attempt to process the clothing, the students averted their eyes whenever they made eye contact with the test subject. Other aspects of the experiment worth noting:

None in the test sample (including the professor) asked about the habit Vito was wearing
Only the professor asked about the habit in subsequent classes
The language and topics of discussion by those sitting around Vito noticeably changed after the experiment.

Future Questions: How would this test have resulted at a secular institution, or a different religious institution? How would the test have taken place in another part of the country where Catholic religious garb is known more or less? How would the students have reacted if they'd not experienced Vito in "normal" clothing, but first saw Vito only in a religious habit? How powerful is the nonverbal message of religious clothing in the classroom setting to other students and to the professor?

While this little class experiment is a far cry from a published research article, I think it gives others a unique insight into what it is like wearing the habit. We earned an A on the project.

Mozilla's Mark Up: Changing the World

2011-07-11T13:26:00.000-04:00

For years, Mozilla has worked to provide free and open access on the Web for people around the globe. Even as a non-profit organization, the Mozilla Project (as they call themselves) has provided sound applications without cost to the users - most notably the Firefox web browser.

In a field where competition and profit-making are so prevalent, how is Mozilla able to operate and compete with other developers? While reading The Mozilla Manifesto, it's clear that their focus is not on making money, but allowing open access to the Web for all:

The Mozilla project is a global community of people who believe that openness, innovation, and opportunity are key to the continued health of the Internet. We have worked together since 1998 to ensure that the Internet is developed in a way that benefits everyone.

It's a unique approach to software development and life altogether. Quite often we are worried about what we need as individuals, what will provide us with security, information, and the tools needed to survive in this world. Mozilla's approach is that the Internet is a resource for all people to use. Think of the idea: the sharing of ideas and resources for the improvement of humanity...its a concept that is truly ~~Gospel~~ avant garde.

Mozilla's recent project is called Mark Up. In their own words, they express the idea behind this unique project:

The Web is an integral part of modern life.
It is an educator, a communicator, an entertainer, an inspirer, a collaboration of all our creative efforts.
It sparks movements and enables us to share our ideas, our thoughts, our dreams.

The Web is our creation.
We are all contributors, the ones who use the Web every day.
And all the comments and uploads we make add up to something bigger.
This is why we believe that the Web must remain open and accessible to all.

Mark Up is a celebration of that freedom.
Each person's mark is an individual expression on a continuous line symbolizing solidarity.
It is a declaration and a chance to show your support for a people's Web.

I'm reminded of Einstein's thoughts on the cosmic religious...the indescribable pursuit for oneness with the universe and all Creation. While Mozilla doesn't claim to be a religious group, the pursuit of unifying ideal, be it for the Web or for the Kingdom, gives me endless opportunity to reflect on the nature of technology and how it impacts our lives.

So, being filled with the oneness of the Spirit and the pursuit of the Greater Good, I could think of only one word to add to the Mark Up project:

"Agape"

originally posted at Midwest Capuchins Blog

Midwest Capuchins Blog Site

2011-05-23T12:17:00.000-04:00

This week marks the release of the new blog site for the Capuchin Franciscans of St. Joseph province. For the past few months I've worked with our Vocations Director Fr. Bill Hugo, OFM Cap. on a social media project to help build a web presence for the Province while also providing more information, experiences, and events. The overall goal: to allow everyone to get a better glimpse about our Order, how we live, and how we live out our Franciscan charism.

The site isn't 100% complete, but in true Capuchin fashion, we're learning as we're developing.

Since leaving the Novitiate last year, there's been a focus to update our current website. The Vocations Office for the Capuchins has a current website, but like many religious orders, relies on outside skill to develop and manage a web presence. This is significant because we, like other religious orders, have seen a dramatic increase in the number of inquirers that find our community via the Web versus traditional methods.

With some schooling under my belt, along with my own desire to learn HTML, CSS, and a little PHP, I was asked to put together a collaborative blog that allowed friars at different levels to contribute and provide a snapshot of what it is to live as a Capuchin friar.

The vocation blog will have several authors. I will be contributing weekly to our vocation blog on articles surrounding discernment as a 2nd career vocation as well as the synthesis of science and religion in today's technology. Others will write about their experiences, including our own Provincial Minister. I've already talked to other friars who would be willing to occasionally contribute their stories as a parish priest, missionary in South America, or even their ministry in the inner-city. I'm eager to see how this method of combining my computer skills with the stories and wisdom of my Order will give voice to the charism and mission of the Capuchin Franciscans.

So take a look and please share it with others!

Further Exploration for Blogging

2011-05-08T15:23:00.000-04:00

In the wake of the Blogmeet that took place on May 2 in Rome, there have been several areas to reflect and pray on when incorporating the blogosphere into the Catholic faith. The meeting touched on some very important points, however there is further encouragement to look at areas of growth for this type of ministry. As a friar in formation with the Capuchins, I have a list of important thoughts when it comes to blogging about the Church.
As I've blogged over the years and have started to incorporate other friars into this special ministry, there are areas of exploration that affect clergy and religious. While this is not a comprehensive list, this is a list of topics that I reflect on with regards to blogging as a faith tool:

Tapping into the Knowledge and Wisdom of Elders

Ever since I started formation I've always been astounded by the wisdom of the older friars. I've listened to story after story--from the missions in Nicaragua to the everyday experiences of running a parish. We have a friar who currently serves at a parish here in Chicago who is a scripture scholar, served as a missionary in South America, and still rides his bike through the rough parts of Gage Park to stay fit. Another friar, who's schooled in Liturgy and Franciscan Spirituality, has a wealth of knowledge as well. Once a month we have Theological Input with him and I'm always engrossed by his preaching.

Both of these friars have expressed interest in the blogosphere, but both admittedly know little about computers, the Web, or blogging. One of my tasks will be to build sites for both of them in such a way that they can manage the content easily while being able to share their wisdom on the Internet.

But these two friars represent the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the wealth of knowledge and experience that could be tapped into. How do we encourage or create pathways to share that wisdom with people on the Web? Is it done through simple CMS manager sites like Wordpress or Joomla? Is it an intergenerational question that challenges the old way of communicating (face-to-face) with new ways (online)? Do those of us who currently blog have the tools to introduce this form of ministry to older clergy and religious who may be confused about the role and the power of the blogosphere as a ministry tool? The wisdom of the older friars has helped me to focus on different aspects of being a friar; I think that sharing that wisdom could benefit others as well.

Healthy Understanding of Transparency

In today's world people have their identify in the real world and their identity that is stored "in the cloud." The digital self should be a reflection of the true self, however the anonymity and vastness of the Internet create new types of relationships and interactions. In severe cases an online identity can be disassociated with the actual persona. The Web becomes an escape or alternate world.

I think the challenge for Catholic bloggers is to strive for transparency in their writings, but to do it in a healthy way. If the Chuch is asking us to be the proclaimers and the missionaries of the Gospel in the blogosphere, then we are challenged to reveal more of who we are and how our faith had developed and formed us. This entire week the readings have come from Acts as Peter testifies to his commission to preach the Gospel.

The other challenge is to make sure that the digital world reflects an image of the real world. The "digital continent" is vast and intriguing, and it's common to see how people can become disconnected from the real world by spending more and more time in front of the computer. Prayer and discernment for Catholic bloggers is an area I'd like to see developed or have a hand in developing.

Collaboration Between Organizations

Staff and budgets are not available to all organizations: whether its a local church, a small religious community, or a collection of the faithful. Not every group can pay for the upkeep of a website, nor does everyone have the technical skills or a post-novice that just happens to make websites (This isn't just a singular occassion: many religious orders are receiving people who have previous web development skills and are putting them to use to help out their community).

An example of how collaboration works for the edification of the Church would be how different religious orders have united to promote vocations in the Church. The National Religious Vocation Conference is a perfect example. If you've ever picked up VISION Magazine or have ever filled out an online survey regarding religious orders and personal discernment, you've been in touch with what the power of collaboration can do. As a province, the Capuchins have worked with organizations like this and the Chicago Area Vocation Association as a way to collectively use the gifts of God for the nourishment and growth of men and women who are called to religious life.

Blogging is being recognized as a relevant way of spreading the Gospel and reaching out to others. However that ministry shouldn't be limited to those who are lucky enough to have the funds or the skillset. Similar to how the digital divide inhibits people because of their lack of technology, that gap also limits poorer parishes, Orders, or groups of people who might be able to teach us something about our faith and relationship to God and creation. I think as the popularity of blogging and social media as a form of evangelization continues to grow, there out to be a mechanism that allows groups to participate. This may be something where speakers or trainers make themselves available. Sites might incorporate participation through several organizations in one site.

Group Awareness

This was a lesson I learned the hard way...

No matter how long your Disclaimer Page might be or how much you might remind your readers that "my viewpoints do not necessarily reflect the views of everyone in my diocese/province/order/organization/etc" your words will be identified with your group. It happens in every other aspect of life: politics, religion, sports, and marketing are a few examples. In an open forum such as the Web, unique affiliations will make you the "de facto" spokesperson for your organization.

Bloggers, such as myself, need to ask the question about whether some topic or subject is better left undiscussed...at least on the Web. What areas are better left unsaid...and what areas need to be handled with caution? Another question is whether or not bloggers in community receive feedback from what they do. Bloggers can appear invasive to communities because people fear that private issues or even their image will be put on the Web for all to see.

Teaching bloggers group awareness is an area of focus for me. How does my blog inadvertantly speak for everyone? Am I being charitable to my brothers by being diligent in what I write about? Am I respectful of people's desires to be kept off of the Web? Am I encouraging of those who want to do more?

I'm already planning my trip to the CNMC in Kansas City this fall, and hope that as the year progresses, I'll be able to further develop these thoughts and areas, and hopefully provide better questions and reflection on how Catholic bloggers, especially those who are clergy or religious, can use the May 2nd Blogmeet as a springboar for personal reflection on their call to be missionaries in the blogosphere.

Results of The Vatican Blogger Conference 2011

2011-05-05T12:31:00.001-04:00

While not able to attend the meeting this year, I've still had the opportunity to look at a lot of the information and discussion that took place during the May 2nd meeting.

The Ironic Catholic Blog has a beautiful write-up about the events from Monday, and Rome Reports News Agency sent me the piece they put together for the event.

The Ironic Catholic goes over several important points that were discussed at the meeting. I will badly summerize them for you, so I highly recommend that you stop by her site to get the full picture:

While the conference sought to bring together people from different regions who blog on different parts of the Catholic faith, there are possible cultural differences in how people blog around the world.
Is there a way for bloggers to help evangelize and spread the faith in parts of the world that are hostile to religious thought?
Blogging as a Catholic is not meant to serve ourselves or our own beliefs, but to be a way to reach out to others...even in times of confrontation.
A set of ethical standards or possibly "commandments" to guide bloggers in their communication with the world.

Again, to see a much more in-depth look at these questions, go here.

Footage from Rome Reports:

We're preparing for final evaluations this week, so I'll share my thoughts on the meeting and ideas for future exploration after talking with a few of my brothers and a nice Customer Appreciation Day sub at JimmyJohns.

The Obedience of Religious Life: Why I'm Not Currently On A Plane to Rome

2011-04-30T22:43:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the life of a religious friar means that you have to turn down great opportunities, even when they come from Rome.

I was invited to the Bloggers Conference on May 2, a gathering of 150 bloggers to discuss the Church and evangelization in the blogosphere. And while I was selected to attend this very important meeting, I regretfully had to pass. There's still a sinking feeling in my stomach about missing the opportunity, but I am proud to have been considered. And while I won't be able to attend, it's another lesson in what it means to be a friar.
As a 36-year-old, I was quite accustomed to certain freedoms before I joined religious life. I woke up whenever I wanted to, I got home whenever I wanted, I bought what I wanted when I wanted it, and I lived the way I chose to. Like any other American, I valued my "freedom." And even when I made bad choices in life, they were my bad choices.

Since becoming a friar, that mindset has changed...and for good reasons. To be called to a religious vocation is, at the deepest level, a willingness to follow the path of Another. That Call is exciting and joyous, but can also be confusing, scary, and even frustrating at times. A religious vocation is a call to serve: service to the Faithful, to the needy, and to the Church. That call to service opens many doors, and I've been graced with the chance to do so many things in my role as a post-novice Capuchin Friar.

However a life of service means that one must make choices. As a student friar, many of you have read about my busy classes, the work I'm doing within the Province, and the daily struggle to identify myself as a religious friar. Each of these things are important and require a significant part of my time. And while I would love to attend the Blog Conference, a unique opportunity to take part in the Beatification of Pope John Paul II as well as discuss the sacred nature of digital media and the spreading of the Gospel through new technology, it is something that I must forego.

But I am happy for those who will attend. As Oscar Romero said, some of us will never see the fruit of our work...and that's ok. When I started this blog years ago, as a way to deal with the struggles of discerning and then to deal with the challenges of living a Franciscan life, my only hope was to make sense of what God was telling me to do. The fact that I'd been chosen to represent a segment of the blogosphere is far beyond any idea I had for blogging. However I recognize the Church's desire to seek the input of bloggers from around the world and embrace this aspect of social media.

My prayers are with those who will be attending The Vatican for the Beatification of Pope John Paul II and for those who will convene for the Blogger's Conference. May the Spirit that touched me be present amoung them.

Website Projects

2011-04-20T01:25:00.000-04:00

While its hard to find time to blog these days, especially with the end of classes coming soon, it's not because I've stopped focusing on web development. In actuality, I've built several websites since January, both for school and others. Here's a look at some of the projects I've worked on, as well as a rumor about an upcoming blog for the St. Joseph province of Capuchin Franciscans.

Communication blog at 1communicationspot.wordpress.com

While I'm not taking a Web Development class this semester, I've had to build some in conjunction with other classes. In my Communications class, one of our projects was to build a site that helped people understand some of the abstract concepts and theories behind communications. It focused on Small Group, Verbal & Non-verbal, and some of the ways that communication is seen as a social science.

It's not a masterpiece of web design, but it's an example the creating websites doesn't take a lot of work, and certainly allows room for fun and creativity.

http://1communicationspot.wordpress.com

In my Systems Analysis and Design class, my group was also given the task of creating a website. This site, however, was not for us but for another club on campus at SXU. After spending time trying to decide who to work with, our group settled on Tangled Up, a knitting club that just started this semester. They have a significant number of members and have been great clients to work with. Our website isn't completely done, however we're almost to the final prototype and we hope to get the club's sign-off soon.

http://csmaster.sxu.edu/clubs/knitaway/

I've also made a few sites for friends and people who needed simple things. I'm happy to be getting more and more comfortable with web design since it's becoming more and more useful to the Church and to the Capuchins.

For several months I've been working with a plan to have friars begin blogging as a way to encounter people on the Web and promote vocations. While there's still some time before this is officially rolled out by our Province, it's another example of how my computer skills are being used for the Capuchins.

No links for the site yet, but stay tuned!

Bridge or Barrier: More Reactions to Wearing the Habit to School

2011-04-09T17:32:00.001-04:00

"Hey, aren't you the friar guy?"

This was the question posed to me while walking the halls at college. I continue to wear my habit to SXU on Fridays and while most students just look and stare, others are beginning to ask questions about it.

Perhaps what surprised me the most about this encounter was the he approached me on a day when I wasn't wearing my habit.
It was a good opportunity to explain who I was as a Capuchin. "I'm also a student-friar," I told him. I explained the need for me and the other post-novices at the college to understand our identities in the world, in a setting like college, and how that all fits in to our commitment to live Capuchin life.

"So how come you sometimes wear it and sometimes not?"

The decision to wear my habit at school took a bit of discernment. One of the growing tendencies, much like this student, was the amount of discussion that took place when I wasn't wearing my habit as opposed to when I did. It was clear that the habit was a representation and a witness of who I was as a Capuchin, but it was somehow a barrier for people to approach me.

"When I'm a student, people talk to me," I answered. "We can talk, share info, and even collaborate on homework or commiserate about a hard test or a tough professor. When I put my habit on, my role here changes because people see me different."

I told him how people stare, but don't talk. People change their tone of voice and how they speak. People are curious, but are intimidated and don't ask questions until I take the habit off.

We had a great conversation and we even acknowledge each other in the hallway. When I look back at this event, I ponder how people react to me when I wear the habit. While I want to be able to witness the decision to live a vowed life, I also want to be able to interact with students, engage in conversation, and even share a laugh or bemoan a bad test with my classmates. Can an article of clothing be a witness and a barrier?

More and more students are starting to ask about my life as a Capuchin friar. Personally I think it's a great thing. I'm still trying to understand how the habit either encourages or impedes questions from others.

The Trenta and Some other Food Abominations

2011-02-10T14:53:00.000-05:00

Most people have already heard that on May 3, Starbucks will offer a Trenta size 31 ounce cup for coffee. The human stomach only holds 900mL; the Trenta will max it out at 917mL. But what you probably didn't know is that there are other horrible things for your body, too.

While searching through alternet.org for a homework assignment, I stumbled on to an article: 5 Ridiculous Fast Food Creations That Should Never Have Been Invented.

I don't eat the healthiest...any of my brothers can tell you that. But looking at some of these food choices makes me wonder if we hate our bodies so much that we're willing to buy into some of these outrageous food choices.

Maybe I'll just eat a banana for lunch.

Enjoy the article!

www.alternet.org article

Understanding the Confession App for the iPhone

2011-02-09T00:20:00.000-05:00

As people continue to explore the sacred nature of technology, a recent iPhone app has made a lot of buzz in the news. The Confession App released last week claims to be the "perfect aid to every penitent." What is the Confession app exactly, and how can it benefit Catholics?

We'll take a look at exactly what the Confession app is...and more importantly what it isn't.

First, the iPhone app is not a substitute. Absolution can only be given the way it has been in the past. The app doesn't change that.

Image from engadget.com

The application is a guide to help people make a good Examination of Conscience before going to Confession. The application also allows people to write down a list of their sins so they can confess them once they're talking with their confessor. Last (but not least) the application has the entire Rite printed out so that it is easy to follow, all the way down to the Rite of Contrition.

Many of you who go to confession regularly are probably thinking: "I already do that!" I'm pretty good at sinning, so when I do have to go to confession, I have to write down a long list as well. But the app is geared for people who are unfamiliar or wary of going to confession. The appeal of the app is that it reaches out to people who are estranged or have drifted away from the Church. The hope is that an app like this can make it easier for people to encounter the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

While endorsements can be helpful, they've also created a slew of headlines that tend to trivialize a time that can be healing and life-giving for people. Bishop Kevin Rhodes, recently installed bishop of Fort Wayne, IN, has given his support to this app. Fr. Edward Beck CP, a contributor to ABC News, has also given his endorcement of the application, saying: "I think this app may be a boon for the sacrament." Unfortunately I had to wade through many articles entitled: "Forgiveness via iPhone" and other attention-getters. More about the Church's endorcement can be found at the iTunes Store here.

As a friar trying to bridge the gap between technology and faith, I'm still on the fence on this application. I agree with the makers that Pope Benedict has called us to enter into dialogue with technology to spread the Gospel, and making Reconciliation easier for people is definitely one way to do it. I also think that, once all the rhetorical headlines are torn down, the app can be a tool for people to discuss the actual Sacrament to others who might not understand. Technology offers a lot of gifts, and I am always willing to use technology to further the Message of Jesus.

However, from my experience, introducing new technology into traditional rites is a tricky business. Using a phone in a prayer space, even if only to check your schedule, is still considered to be disrespectful. Clicking away on your iPad while others are waiting in line at the confessional can be seen as rude, annoying, or disturbing. Pastors already deal with parishoners who text during Mass as well. Typing your sins away or scrolling through them in the confessional is not likely to be taken well.

That doesn't mean that the Confession app doesn't have its place, or that it can't be integrated. I just feel, in my humble opinion, that discretion is the best idea when using this tool. From personal experience I've found that if you go into Confession, sit face-to-face with the confessor, and explain that you haven't confessed in a long time, a good confessor will welcome you back and give you some tips on how to better incorporate the Sacrament into your life.

Blizzard 2011

2011-02-01T23:54:00.000-05:00

Around noon today, we were informed that the university would be closed until Thursday. 3PM was the expected time for the storm to hit, dropping an expected 24+ inches of snow on the city. Since then, I've steadily watched the snow build outside our friary window.

We got home from school as the snow began to fall. One of the other friars was already warming up the snowblower, preparing for a long day of clearning the sidewalks and parking lot. It was only a steady flow of snow, but even the news stations said the Stevenson Parkway was running 3 hours late.

I grabbed a quick picture of Bro. Jerry before he headed out for some necessities. Even around 4:30 the snow wasn't as heavy as it is now. But to prepare, Jerry was heading out in case the power went out. (Currently there is no electricy in St. Agnes Friary, the other student friary across the block.)

As the night progresses, the storm gets steadily worse. There is lightening with the blizzard, and the snow is up to the bumpers of the cars (as of 9:30 PM). After dinner we heard a car in the alley spinning its wheels. Five of us ran outside to get a minivan unstuck, pushing it all the way back to the street.

By 6PM people knew what was coming. Just going outside was a chore, and watching the vehicles slowly move by let us know how bad it was getting. This is a video taken from someone downtown. It's interesting to note that Lake Shore Drive is blocked off because the 12-16 foot waves go over the barrier and turn half of LSD into a sheet of ice.

But I'm still here, the lights are still on, and I'm still arranging the furniture in my new room here at the friary. There's talk of building a snowfort and doing all the things we used to do when we had "snow days" as kids. In the end, we may just spend a lot of time trying to dig ourselves out of the friary and make sure that no one else is trapped or without necessities.

Stay safe and warm, everyone!

Prayers of safety and thanks to the Chicago photographers braving the weather to capture the amazing images of this event. www.flickr.com

...and So the Storm Begins

2011-01-31T23:54:00.000-05:00

We've heard about it on the news since Sunday. It's been on every radio station from Milwaukee to Chicago all of Monday. Friars stopped by our friary and told us of how it had already started in the outlying areas such as Benton Harbor, MI. Meetings and schools were already being closed before a single snowflake fell.

But at 9PM, the impending snowstorm finally arrived. I could hear the wind howling outside my room as I tried to get it clean before the carpet cleaners get here tomorrow.

This picture is of Damen and Archer Ave. at around 9 PM. The were already getting snowy but the roads were still drivable. It's 11 PM and the snow's still coming.

Will the storm be as bad as everyone's predicted? Will I be snowed in and not go to school tomorrow? Will my room stay clean after the people come and clean the carpets?

I'll have more pictures for tomorrow.

Update from School

2011-01-28T10:24:00.000-05:00

The first few weeks of the spring semester are under way, and I'm already realizing that my courses aren't as intense as the previous semester. I don't know if I've just gotten accustomed to the whole "college life" again or if the content of my classes is different, but I do notice a difference in the semesters. Only a few weeks in I'm confident I'll be able to do well this semester as well.

Here's a quick breakdown of my classes:

Logic and Argument: This is a common class for most people who are working on their Philosophy. I should mention that while I am still pursuing a Computer Science Major, my adult status allows me to forego some of the usual class requirements. Since I am also working on taking Theology at the Catholic Theological Union here in Chicago, I've been approved for a Philosophy major as well.

Philosophy of Economics: This is a special topics class that fulfills one of the Electives that I need to take in the Philosophy major. The class is very interesting in that it looks at property, money, value, and labor from philosophical perspectives. For a Capuchin Franciscan who's founder was keen on the economic stratification of his time, the class is very appropriate for my life.

Perspectives on Human Communication: Along with my Computer Science I'm taking several communication classes as well. Whether it's to help my preaching skills or to aid me in working with others in the IT/IS field, there's a lot in the area of communications that will be helpful as I continue my formation as a friar.

Mass Communication This is a foundational seminar that's offered to adult students. It's only half a semester long, and it's entirely online. That makes the focus of the class evident, as the purpose is to look at the current media market and be able to view critically the messages, technology, and even the institutions that control mass media in our world today.

System Analysis and Design: This is a computer course, however systems analysts can be found in all areas of project management. The course has less to do with computers and more to do with strategic planning, cost anaylsis and feasibility, and project management. The ability to thoughtfully plan a project is almost as important as being able to code it, so this class has really been insightful to me. I find I'm already using it in my dealings with others already!

Those are my current courses. They seem easy now, but my hope is that they stay manageable as the semester progresses.

The Pain of Facing Oneself

2011-01-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

I've had to deal with a lot of pain this week, but nothing hurts like watching oneself after being videotaped.

As part of my Communications class this semester, we had to give a quick introduction of ourselves. The class, entitled Perspectives on Human Communication is not solely about standing up and giving delivery, however no communication class would be complete without the ability to stand up and talk in front of an audience. The painful part is having to watch my delivery and then compose a brief summary of how I did, and where I can improve.

Thanks to the advent of digital technology, my actual talk was able to be recorded and uploaded to the Web in a matter of minutes. It's intriguing, especially since my focus for participating in Communication classes is to further enhance my understanding of human communication and how they will eventually relate to digital technology and the message of the Church. So part of this project was actually cool: it presented me with the reality of what is capable with modern technology, and that a person's manifesto or simple introduction can be quickly uploaded onto the Web with little difficulty. (I had the ability to RSS this actual talk, however since other classmates were involved with this project, I decided it was best to limit the internet exposure to only me.)

But there is a pain in watching one's self give an impromptu delivery, even if it's in front of a few classmates. And it's magnified when you have to sit down, watch it, and then reflect on your performance. This is part of my homework that is due on Friday.

Looking at my strengths, I have no fear of talking in front of a group of people, regardless of the size. It's taken me a while to get to that point, but after giving so many talks and being asked to discuss my vocation with numerous groups and people, I don't get shy about being in front of an audience anymore. I am also able to feed off of the audience. If they laugh at a joke, I know I'm doing well. If no one is looking at me, I know I need to work harder at getting/keeping their attention.

And of course, there are areas where I could use work: I tend to use "uhh" and "umm" a lot, especially when I'm trying to complete a thought. The number of these sounds increases with the lack of preparation for a given event. For a graded speech, I usually go over the speech numerous times, with the Powerpoint going at the same time, to ensure I'm giving a seemless presentation. For a quick introduction speech, I sorta winged it...and you could tell by the number of "umm's." I'm also very comfortable in front of large groups: I think I was the only one not fiddling with their hands or holding on to something for security. I don't know if that's good or that's bad, but from this picture I look like I'm talking about something non-chalant; I don't look like someone who's being graded on their performance.

This class will present numerous challenges and opportunities for me, especially since the orations are only part of the class. On the syllabus, part of our grade will involve work on the Web - an area where I feel I have a comfortable head-start.

So after dislocating a shoulder, I'm pretty sure that having to watch myself give a speech was more painful than having the doctor reset the joint.

The Digital Nativity

2010-12-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

One of the popular videos circulating the Web this Christmas is The Digital Nativity. It tells the story of the birth of Jesus through the lens of social networking, mobile internet, and the power of Google.

Personally I find the video to be insightful. As we evolve, so does our method of communication. For a digital friar like myself, I'm always interested in how people express their faith through technological means.

Enjoy!

First Semester of School (Take 2)

2010-12-16T03:55:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, God gives us a mulligan, or a "do over."

Years after leaving Wabash College, I've felt that I misused the time and funds that were given to me to pursue a higher education. Seventeen years later I finished my first semester of school with straight A's. There's more to this than just bragging about my grades (although I'm sure there's some pride in it!), it's about getting the chance to do things the right way, and see how the Order has allowed me to mature, assess my gifts and strengths, and revisit an important part of my life: being a college student.

The last time I attended a four-year institution was when I lived in Crawfordsville, IN and attended Wabash College. Wabash is tough school; any graduate will happily tell you how they "made it through." There was a sense of pride in attending Wabash, because of test scores, grades, and my essays. Not only was I able to go to such a good school, but I earned a full-ride.

But like most first-year college students, I didn't do well. It wasn't that the classes were too hard; rather I was like most college freshmen - retaking courses I took in high school. My first semester was Music, Spanish, Calculus, and History of Christianity...and the last class was the only class I hadn't experienced already. Rather than seeing my schedule as an opportunity to get a good jump on school, I found it to be a waste of time. I ended up leaving Wabash out of academic probation.

People often tell me: "Many people have that experience with college." While I might not have had the maturity to properly handle higher education, I've never tried to make excuses for my time at Wabash. I was given an opportunity and people paid for me to have that opportunity. I spent many years wishing to have the time back...knowing I'd do things a lot differently.

Seventeen years later I've finished my first semester of college at St. Xavier University, able to do things the way I should have done years ago. And while I would have been a better student had I done this when I was "of the world," by returning to college as a Capuchin friar has prepared me for this moment, as well as for learning at the Master's level.

The first two years of Religious Formation had plenty of schooling. There are books to read, there are classes on every part of religious life. There are presentations on the life of St. Francis, understanding different Papal Encyclicals, discussing Liturgy and prayer...the list goes on. There's plenty of learning in both Postulancy and Novitiate as well as encouragement towards continuous learning. Being in religious formation also gives me the time to study. Working full time and having a family makes it tough for adults to return to school; it can be almost impossible to be a full-time student. Being part of a religious community gives me the time and space to learn and do my best in school. Being here at the friary is a lot different than the dorms at Wabash!

So my first semseter at SXU was much like my first semester at Wabash: I found myself taking a lot of classes I'd taken before. This time, I took the opportunity to get good grades while re-integrating myself back into school. There was plenty of homework, lots of papers and plenty of books to read. But I decided to put school first this time around, even when it meant not blogging for about a month or two. And I've been rewarded with my first good grades as a college student.

I return to school on the 15th of January. While I'm happy to be on break, there's a part of me that wants to hurry up and complete all my school. Maybe it's because I want to somehow erase that feeling of wastefulness from years ago. Maybe it's because I'm 35 and I'm starting ask the dreaded question: "How much time do I have left?" Either way, the opportunity to redo my college experience is a dream come true.

Getting What you Pay For with Liturgical Music

2010-12-13T11:26:00.000-05:00

A new president gets to appoint an entirely new cabinet when he's elected, but a parish priest is "stuck" with the same choir director as before. This is the topic of Fr. Z's, blog - a lead I got from @4catholics.

I can sympathize with some of the things that he brings up, but there are a few points left out that reflect the reality of running a parish-especially when it comes to paid staff and the church's available funds. This is true especially in urban and/or poor parishes. It's unfortunate that musicians can be out of sync with the presider (and the congregation), but from a friar who regularly attends Mass at poor and minority parishes, it is only a "problem" for parishes that can afford another Music Director.

Most of our priests are in poor parishes in Chicago, Milwaukee, and Detroit. Because of the ethnic focus of our Order, these parishes are mostly Latino or African-American. That often leaves them with less available funds than a suburban parish. An inner-city parish can bring in $2000 a weekend in gifts, while a suburban parish can bring in $22,000. In spite of this disparity, a poor parish still attempts to offer services such as RCIA, retreats, youth groups, CCD, and marriage encounters...but using volunteers instead of paid staff. Many of the Capuchin parishes couldn't offer the services we do without the devoted and gracious assistance of parishioners who volunteer their time. We always attempt to foster and show gratitude for their participation in the church community.

While I praise the commitment of volunteers, that doesn't mean I'm against paid church staff. I know many men and women who have attended school and gotten degrees to help in the management of parishes. These are highly qualified people, and like anyone else, they should be paid for their skill. Whether they are a youth minister, pastoral associate, secretary, or music director, all these roles require a skill set that most priests would gladly pay for. Even janitors and grounds keeping are needs not often considered. And if a parish cannot afford these services, they must seek volunteers or do the tasks themselves.

Church singers and musicians are no different. Choir directors and organists have a specific skill set. (Choir directors have a special place in my heart, because they deal with the personalities, egos, and preferences of a group of singers.) Choir directors and musicians can make $35-50k a year, all depending on their skill. In African-American Catholic parishes, the choir director can make more than the priest. Music is an important part of worship and liturgy, and these realities of running a parish influence how I look at the "problem" of religious music today.

Fr. Mike Bertram OFM Cap. leads the musicians during the
Liturgy of First Vows at St. Francis Parish in Milwaukee.

Churches that I attend have musicians that volunteer to participate and share their gifts with the parish...sometimes at all the Masses. Whether they are singers, organists, guitarists (like myself), or violinists, they participate in the Liturgy and fill a role that the parish cannot readily afford. There are great musicians that volunteer, and there are people like me who are just trying to fill a need. Either way, their gifts and their commitment are appreciated and are a blessing to the entire community.

So when I attend a Mass where the music is a little boring, or the cantor is a little off, or the song choice is not to my liking, I'm inclined to be thankful for the willingness of someone who desires to share their gift. More times than not, these people are just trying to fill a role, and will happily take any assistance that is offered. As someone who sometimes does the "fill in," my focus is to be relevant to the Mass and Liturgical calendar and to use music that is appropriate.

When you're at Mass next Sunday, and you hear Taste and See and think "Why don't they ever pick other music?" find out more about the music in your parish. Your music director may be working as a volunteer or for a very low salary to fill a need in your church. And if you have the gift of music and are willing to commit, you may be able to be to help change the music.

Trackbacked from here

Working for Equilibrium

2010-10-01T13:10:00.000-04:00

I've been in chicago for a few months now, and a student at St. Xavier for over a month. I've cooked a few times already, lead prayer a few times, and had the chance to visit my ministry at St. Lawrence Seminary in Mt. Calvary, WI. Living with all these responsibilities has caused me to do a lot of juggling. As I continue to work towards a balance or equilibrium in my life, I recognize that sometimes when you learn to juggle, sometimes you drop the ball.

Today, for example, I didn't write my Christology paper for the readings. I read the 3 chapters that were assigned, but when comparing the writing aspect with the Discrete Math & Rhetoric homework and the Computer Science exam I'm preparing for, the Christology paper was the lowest priority. We're given 5 "freebie's" throughout the semester, so there was no penalty.

The paper is an example of the concessions I now make with my life, both in education as well as in my personal life. Usually Thursdays are reserved for watching "Battlestar Galactica" with a few of the guys. (I know it's an older show, we rarely have time to watch TV programming when it's aired) Yesterday I had to pass on BG so I could attend a study group for my CS exam. Last week I skipped my Math homework to study for a different exam. Last weekend I was only able to study for one class as I was in St. Lawrence working at my ministry.

The need to find a sense of balance is huge; juggling so many things requires a firm stability and an awareness of everything that's going on. I've already talked with my advisor, and have been faced with the reality that I won't be able to give 100% to everything I want to do. I have to make choices, sacrifices, and focus on what's important. (something I've already had to do.)

As the year continues, I hope to find a better grasp of this balance.

Adventures in Academia: Trying to Write Right Correctly

2010-09-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

For the first time in many many years, I found myself lying awake...preparing for an exam that would be worth 25% of my total grade. What made the experience so nerve-wracking? 60% of the exam was based on a two-part essay question; I was being graded on my writing ability.

The ability to write large papers or answer essay questions can be tough for some people. The first time I went to college, I know students that dropped specific classes because they had essays or term papers that were due. It's a normal human experience.

Fortunately I've found it easy to write, either what is on my mind or constructing positions. Writing is a great way to construct thoughts, reflect on the day, or even work through a problem. During religious discernment, we are encouraged to write in a diary or journal. Some of us find a more public venue to discuss our thoughts.

So while writing has come easy to me, I haven't been graded on my writing for a long time. Usually I get compliments (with the occasional criticism thrown in from time to time), but I haven't had a systematic dissection of my writing done (for a grade, at least) since I was 20. Getting papers back, covered in red scribbles and lines pointing towards specific errors, hurts the ego. While I was used to it even in grade school, I get papers back and just stuff them in my folder now.

Most recently I wrote a paper that received an A-, but was covered in so much red ink, the professor's comments nearly equalled the length of the assignment! (a slightly hyperbolic statement, for those of you who are ready with your red pens)

Going back to school is about learning to be humble all over again. I realize the professors are teaching me things I will need in academia. I accept that I don't know everything (despite what the poster on my wall says). Yet there's a part of me that wants only to succeed - to write the best paper possible. It's a desire that has kept me studying and working harder than I ever did before.

So with my huge essay exam, I studied as much as I possibly could. We were given the question in advance, in order to prepare a better answer. I wrote the answer 3 times over the weekend, trying to write 2.5 pages of information in under 40 minutes. And if anyone ever asked me to give a public speech about the particular book and the positions it makes, I could easily (and confidently)speak for an hour on the topic.

Unfortunately my heart sinks at the thought of getting my exam back, seeing the paper covered in red ink, and not being able to provide the academic level of writing that was asked of the professor.

Venn diagrams, mathematical induction, and algorithmic design are things I excel at in school. As me to write a paper, and I'm no longer confident I can provide A work.

New Young Capuchin Bloggers

2010-09-17T00:33:00.000-04:00

Seems like a few more guys are interested in telling their journey of discernment and life with the Capuchin friars. I think it's important, especially in a digital world, for discerning people to share their story. I remember when i had a lot of questions, concerns, and even fears about leaving my old life and doing something so different. Hopefully you'll find their stories as enlightening as you've found mine.

Andrew Ouellette is a recent high-school graduate living in community with me and the other post-novices at St. Clare Friary in Chicago. He attends St. Xavier University along with a few of us, and is probably studiously doing his homework as we speak!

Andrew's has decided to live for a year with us as he discerns the path he feels he's being called towards. It's a big step for someone just out of high school, and will make for a great story to read about.

You can see his blog at The Franciscan Journey.

Jason Salisbury is one of the new Postulants that was recently received into the Order. He's currently living at St. Conrad's Friary in Milwaukee (my old stomping grounds)! His blog: The Summons: A Capuchin Postulant's Journey just started.

Keep Jason and Andrew in your prayers as they learn to live Capuchin life.

Trials in Academia: Making Classes Harder On My Own

2010-09-14T00:19:00.001-04:00

For my Christology class, the first book I'm reading is by Marcus Borg, entitled, Jesus: Uncovering the Life, Teachings, and Relevance of a Religious Revolutionary. It's an introductory level to the concept of the Historical Jesus and a historical-critical method of interpreting scripture. Having previous experience in this area has made the class easier, but drudging through this book has been a challenge, both for reading and reflection.

For my class, I read one chapter between classes. I then have to write a 1-2 page paper explaining my insights on what I've read. I'm not asked to write a summary, rather I'm writing a paper on what the book brings to me. Since the Historical Jesus Project can be a challenge for students who have little to no knowledge on biblical scholarship, I can imagine that students may have a pretty strong insight...even some resistance to what Borg is writing. And since Borg is part of the Jesus Seminar (a group of scholars who challenge the eschatology of an historical Jesus), readers are meant to get a rise out of the book.

Without turning this blog into a long critique of Borg's Jesus, I'll say that this book is less about historical criticism and more about proving Borg's image of Jesus: a post-modern Jewish mystic who is shaped by his experience of God. (An encompassing and well-written review of this book and Borg's points can be found here.)

I'm not against the historical-critical method (Borg actually calls it the historical-metaphorical method) of interpreting Scripture. I learned the historical-critical method through reading Raymond Brown, John P. Meier, and having Capuchin friars with Ph.D's in this area offer presentations. When other friars were reading about devotions or the lives of saints, I was reading "Death of a Messiah" and Crossan's "Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography." Even my Postulancy Director, Fr. Bill Hugo, has written about the use of the historical-critical method as applied to the early Franciscan documents...in an attempt to read the historical Francis.

With so much exposure to this area of study, I'm finding it hard to read Borg's book at an academic level. I can see why the professor might choose this text: it does challenge the current Christology of most people (Catholic and Protestant), but Borg's conclusions, bias, and desire to remove the eschatology of Jesus are overwhelmingly visible to me. I feel less like I'm reading a scholarly attempt to reach the historical Jesus; instead I'm reading a thesis for a post-modern Jesus.

While I'm sure most college students spent their weekend doing fun and/or possibly illegal tasks, I spent a good deal of time reading Meier, LT Johnson, and other scholars involved in the historical Jesus project. Reading a chapter of Borg means reading chapters by some of the great scholars in this field. My papers have turned from brief reflections into all-out critiques of this book and Borg's claims. The other guys think it's funny that I'm writing critical reviews of the text to the professor; after all, he chose it. And they think I'm crazy for putting in more research than the class requires. Maybe that's why I'm weird: I think I prefer being knee-deep in books on the historical Jesus, chasing footnotes and cross-referencing authors with an inexplicable vigor.

So in spite of my distaste for this book, the fruits come from being involved in the learning process once again. I enjoy class discussions as well: I like to hear how others are interpreting what they read. After wearing my habit to school a few times, students now ask me: "So what do you think of all this?" I happily share my thoughts, but let them know that I'm not right simply because I wear a habit, but because I've taken the time to delve into the topic. And I think it lets them know that it's okay to challenge their old world views.

Four more chapters to go. Hopefully the next book won't have me working overtime like this one does!

Today's Gift From God

2010-09-09T18:10:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's the small things that bring us pleasure. As a discerning friar, I can be so focused on the big things, that I'm surprised when something little is recognized as a gift from God.

Today at class, I was talking with a few of my classmates. When I told them I was 35, one of them remarked: "I thought you were only 25!"

While some might consider my happiness an appeal to my pride, there is something to say about being accepted and perhaps integrated with the younger culture of college life. As someone trying to identify myself as a strong student, a discerning friar, a Mexican American, a functional person with Epilepsy, and the many more pieces that make me who I am, it's good to have those moments when you no longer feel on the margins.

So while his statement may have been non-chalant, small things like that make this process of school and integration a little bit easier.

Now I Know How a Parish Priest Feels

2010-08-31T11:09:00.000-04:00

I was recently in Milwaukee at the reception of our new Postulants. Events like these bring many of the friars together. One of the older friars came up to me and said: "You write great stuff. But sometimes you go a little long."

"You sound like a parishioner after Mass!" I told him jokingly, and we had a good laugh.

it's good to know that friars from my Order keep tabs on me, even if they have some helpful criticisms along the way.

Shock and Awe: Wearing the Habit to School

2010-08-27T11:18:00.000-04:00

I made the decision to wear my habit to class at St. Xavier University today. It's only 10AM, but so the impact has had as much to do with the others as it has with me.

Initially I had weird feelings about wearing my habit to school. There were enough issues I was dealing with: being older and returning, being around an environment that was almost a different culture, and learning to integrate a school schedule with my prayer and ministry schedule. Figuring out whether or not I was going to wear the habit was another issue I didn't think I had time to reflect upon.

I also have issues with the habit being used as a means for self-promotion. I've experienced others who use their religious dress as a means of advertisement, self-promotion, even as a way of giving some sense of validity in what they say. My understanding of being a Capuchin Franciscan is to not see myself as "above" anyone else. Wearing the habit to school seemed like a selfish and attention-getting practice. I view my habit as something important to my life, not a costume to evoke reactions.

So my decision to wear my habit came as a surprise, but I think it came from a place of wanting to be comfortable at school. Unfortunately school is still the same: people walk looking down or into their cell phones, they wear ear-buds to block out the noise of others, and they wear blank expressions on their faces. I don't think it's ill-intention, but it's the first week of school and people are out of their element just like me.

So as a way to be comfortable with the current school surroundings, the thought of wearing my habit made sense. While I have the same sense of anxiety and shyness as most people in unfamiliar surroundings, I am okay with people staring at perplexed.

Since I've been here, I've gotten a lot more looks than usual. The point is not for the looks, however. I catch a lot of people staring, and use it as an opportunity to simply smile and say "Hi." Even as I write this, I can see someone over my shoulder staring at me. In a weird way, I'm okay with it.

But perhaps the best part is that I'm not becoming the same type of person: walking with my head down with ear-buds in my ear. That is not the person I want to be, nor is it the person I feel was called to live this life.

New School for an Old Car Salesman

2010-08-24T17:03:00.000-04:00

It was 1995 when I last stepped into a classroom, expecting to receive a grade. For the past few months I've been excited for this chance to learn at a higher institution. Now that I'm here, with all the reservations and complications that I bring with me, I find that it is something still new; the first day of school notwithstanding.

To give everyone an idea of my course-load, I should explain something about my goals here. Most importantly, the Order requires me to complete several college-level classes to prepare me for ministry. This is something they have all Post-Novices do. For example, I must take a class in Ecclesiology, Eucharist, and Pastoral Ministry. But I'm also require to take a Public Speaking class, as well as being strongly encouraged to pick up a second language. There are a number of classes that are required, many of them are fulfilled by a college's core curriculum. They are required before I can take solemn vows.

I'm also discerning a call to the priesthood. Since priests are required to have 32 credits of Philosophy, taking Philosophy is very important. However, because we are religious and not diocesan seminarians, we are encouraged to pursue an undergrad different than Philosophy. Some in the house are studying for music, others for Psychology, and we even have someone who's studying Pastoral Accounting. All of these skills are important for a group of guys living together, and many will go on to the Master's level.

Earlier this year, I talked about how I'd decided to pursue Computer Science. I'm excited to get started, and everyone recognizes that in a religious community, the options I will have are endless.

Unfortunately there are a few conflicts in such a course-load. Computer Science and Philosophy aren't truly compatible studies, as opposed to Computer Science and Math. None of my courses overlap or compliment each other. Instead of having open electives to explore different learning, many of my elective classes are Philosophy classes. This leaves me with little room to explore.

Thankfully, when you're as ~~old~~ mature as me, you've developed a greater focus for learning. I do need to complete the core requirements, classes in the Arts & Liturature, World Studies, Culture Studies, and a three other sciences for the Bachelor's in Science. While my course-load is narrow, there's a little bit of room to explore.

The first day of school here was pretty dull. I like the professor (I still have another class tonight), I have homework to complete already, and the shorts women wear got a lot shorter at some point. If I'm self-conscious about anything, it's still about my age.

Between the excitement, the anxiety, and the realization that I'm in a place where God wants me to be, as a student friar, I'm still excited about this opportunity to learn again.

Perhaps this time I'll be more interested in what the professors are saying, and not trying to make the people around me laugh. But you know what they say about old car salesmen and new tricks. =)

School Dis-Orientation (August 9)

2010-08-21T23:06:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to Transfer Orientation with two other post-novices at my school: St. Xavier University. It's a required seminar that each student must take before joining. But instead of being oriented with the school I realized the disturbing reality of returning to school as a 35 year old.

Back in Novitiate, the thought of returning to higher education was exciting. I have a lot of regret about how I misused my last college experience, and there's a huge part of me that wants to be challenged. I realize that I am the type of person that likes to learn, and that my weakness comes from a lack of patience more than anything else.

So coming in, I felt that being older would give me a distinct advantage. Well, it also proved to be a reality shocker for me as well.

While I don't think I was nervous going into the orientation (I was with 2 others that I already knew!), I realized the age difference right away. It seemed like those my age were the ones in charge: the people working in Financial Aid, the people who were Department Heads, and even the head of security looked about my age.

It wasn't until we sat down and talked to some of the other students that I finally heard: "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"Sir!?" I surveyed the other transfer students, and realized I was the oldest student.

There are several different struggles I will have to tangle with as I return to college. While the age difference was only a slight embarrassment, I realize that my interactions with students, faculty, and staff will also be shaped by my age difference. I'd like to think it's a good thing, but I've already had a few experiences where I feel the need to remind people that I'm not a "regular college kid."

Since I haven't identified as a Capuchin with many people at the university; although I don't forsee that as being a big issue at a traditionally-Catholic school. But it is still a part of this experience of returning to school.

And I haven't even started to discuss what it's like for a celibate man to return to college! I don't think I need to go into details.

Needless to say, the journey back to school proves to be just as intriguing as the rest of my vocational story. Who knows what will happen, but I'm sure it will all make for great blogging throughout the year.

I'm sure there's a movie about this somewhere.

Chi-Town is My Town!

2010-08-17T18:27:00.000-04:00

Even though I've been in the city for a few weeks, yesterday was our first real "introduction" to the city of Chicago. It's important to know the history of where you live as well as the history of the people who live there. As a way to get us started, we a trip downtown on a beautiful day.

We started with a guided boat tour at about 9:30. In spite of the heat that plagued the city for the past few days, this was a wonderful day to sit in a boat. We went out onto the lake (Lake Michigan), and then into the Chicago River to get a good look at the architecture while we learned the history of the city.

Afterward our boat tour, we stopped at the Cultural Center to look at the old library. We were encouraged to take in the many concerts, shows, and free art that is available through the city.

Before lunch, we stopped at the Art Institute, a great place that I've been to several times. We looked at some of the old religious art they had, especially the paintings of St. Francis.

The purpose, other to open us to the gifts that Chicago provides, is to create a sense of ownership. Some of us will live here for 8 or more years as we finish post-novitiate and then scholastic studies. The idea is to warm us to this town, which is now our home. Part of the post-novitiate program is the integration of religious life with the realities of school, ministry, and real life. This was our introduction to the reality that is Chicago.

Saying Yes (From August 17, 2010)

2010-08-16T18:32:00.000-04:00

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" a little voice in the back of my head asked.

"I mean do you really know what you're about to do? What you are giving up?"

I don't think it was the voice of the Enemy or some malignant Force trying to steal my vocation at the last minute. Rather that little voice that spoke came from me. It's a voice that people who've made commitments are probably familiar with: a voice that - after all the planning, excitement, invitations, preparation, and prayer - drives home the greatest question of the day: Am I doing the right thing?

And so as I processed down the aisle at the start of the Liturgy for First Profession, that little voice spoke up.

"This is it!" was my mantra for that day. While trying to finish up last minute preparations and stop and thank everyone for coming, by the time the other Novices and I gathered with the Provincial for a private prayer prior to the start of the Liturgy, the thought of living the vows was far from my mind. So when the music started and the Mass began, I found myself asking if I was really ready for this.

I thought it an odd question to respond to. I'd spent over a year discerning the course of my life. I'd then spent 2 years with the Capuchin Franciscans - first as a Postulant, then as a Novice. With the amount of time and resources for prayer and discernment, how could I not be ready?

I wrestled with this question even as the Mass continued, wondering how many other people have gone through the same thing. It is the on-going dilemna that by choosing to commit, one also chooses to disconnect from other areas of life. And at that time, I think there was a part of me wondering about the things I was giving up.

But in saying "No," one is saying "Yes" to something else. And while that voice teased and touched areas of my life that I will continue to try and understand as a vowed friar, I realized that these past few years have been an experience in the many things I choose to say "Yes" to. It was an acceptance that while it will not always be an easy or pleasant life, it is a choice I will make and hope for a little help from my brothers and my God along the way.

So when I stood before my Provincial, I was able to look him in the eye and make my commitment to the order. I'm sure I won't hear the last of that little voice, but maybe that's okay. Maybe it's the reminder that I have chosen a wonderful and exciting path in my life.

Since Taking the Vows...

2010-08-15T05:26:00.000-04:00

I know it's bad form for a blogger to take a month-long hiatus from his/her craft, but taking vows to the Order of Capuchin Franciscans has been a pretty big deal.

Numerous guests came to visit, I was able to attend several different functions for the province, I was struck with tonsilitis and a middle-ear infection, I've started my preparation for school at Saint Xavier University, and this week starts different orientations regarding life as a post-novice as well as being orientated to this year's ministry at Saint Lawrence High School in Mt. Calvary, WI.

In spite of being so busy (and a little deaf), it's been a great month here in Chicago. Even in this short span of time, so many things have happened, I'll need several blog posts to catch up on all the events.

But before getting into other business, there remains the biggest and cause for the most reflection: the taking of temporary vows.

It's currentlyy 4AM and I'm waiting for my ears to pop, so I'll keep this blog short. Tomorrow I hope to have up pictures of the First Vows ceremony.

Peace and thanks for all your prayers. I hope to be a presence on the Web as I used to be!

Today I Profess Simple Vows

2010-07-31T08:30:00.001-04:00

This morning I look out the window, wondering if rain on the day I take vows is either good or bad luck. While something so important is about more than luck and weather conditions, it's a unique feeling to capstone a long journey with the simplicity of the rain.

In 3 hours I will stand before my Provincial Minister, surrounded by friends, family, and friars of my Order, as I profess my vows for a period of one year. A lot of people have asked me if I'm nervous, if I'm thinking about backing out; people talk to me as if I were the bridegroom.

In all honesty I'm not nervous. I don't feel worried or anxious. I've spent many years getting to this point - many nights in front of this screen documenting my thoughts, experiences, and feelings on how I want to live my life. I've challenged myself to face my fears, I've been brave enough to look at who I really am, and I've learned to deal with the praises and the criticisms of others. While I don't claim my journey to be without it's pitfalls, (there's a reason I named this blog Stumbling After Francis instead of Following Perfectly After Francis), my life has been filled with a grace that I've needed in my life - a grace I've been happy to share with others.

So today is the culmination of this journey. It is not the end, rather an important waypoint on a journey that must continue - a journey with many more waypoints to go.

I'll have pictures later today.

Thank you for all your prayers.

Summing Up My Novitiate

2010-07-11T10:49:00.000-04:00

With 10 days left of Novitiate, I know I'll be taking a break from blogging for about a month. My schedule from now until the end of August is already filling up, not the least of which is my profession date on July 31st.

But before going on break, I know there are many people that wanted me to put my Novitiate year in some form of perspective - to give understanding to year that is spent to allow people the time, space, and support to discern their call to religious life. While I can't speak for everyone else here in my Novitiate, nor for the guys who decided to leave during the year, I can do my best to explain what the Novitiate year has meant to me.

The beginning of my Postulancy year was defined by an experience I had before Postulancy even started. I've written and talked about my experience with the homeless person on the side of the freeway yet was unable to face - a self-conceived contradiction in light of my desire to become a Capuchin Franciscan and be present to the needs of the poor and marginalized. My Postulancy year was spent attempting to break down those walls and be able to embrace people that made me uncomfortable.

Having found a desire to work with the poor, homeless, and marginalized, I felt confident in my vocation as well as my resolve to be a Capuchin. I must admit...my first thoughts of Novitiate were simply: This is just a year before I get to the real work. I am and always will be someone who values myself by my work; the idea of Novitiate away from ministry and work seemed counter-productive to my Calling.

But eventually I would develop another experience that would define my Novitiate. I returned to that experience of being in a vehicle and wanting to be separated from the homeless person sitting at the corner, but this time was able to see myself.

Novitiate is a time to work, but internally. I spent lots of time looking at myself, what made me tick, and learning how to handle the good and bad aspects of my persona. Rather than focus all my energy outward, the time at Novitiate was spent looking inward...sometimes facing demons and memories in the silence of prayer.

Each vocation brings a person's gifts, but also their brokenness. My competitive nature, my desire to be right, my eagerness to disagree with people, and my other short-comings come from a place of turmoil, sometimes pain. The hardest part I've had to learn is that while my experiences are very different from the others I live with, theirs are just as valuable as my own.

Being a Novice has allowed me to open up and investigate parts of myself, while learning to be okay with who I am. I could write volumnes on the academic nature of the vows, Franciscan Spirituality, and how the history of my Order has progressed throughout the years. Ultimately, the year is not about absorbing facts, but learning to integrate this life with my own, and seeking the guidance of the Spirit as I discern where my life is to lead.

These next few weeks will be in preparation for me taking my vows. I have packing to do, appointments to make, placement tests for college, music to practice for a Mass, and family and friends to visit. My schedule is already full from now till the end of August. As Capuchin life swings into full-gear back in Chicago, it's the lessons I've learned here that will help me continue to live this life.

Thanks for all your prayers. I may be away from blogging for a few weeks, but I hope to return with more pictures, insights, and an account of this crazy journey that started so long ago.

Perhaps as a capstone to this blog, I'll be pretentious and quote my own words. In my defense, these are the words of a man who I used to be, the person I hope to reconcile with as I continue to understand myself as a Capuchin Friar:

In two years, I may be a novice, I may be a seminarian, or I may still just be me. In the end, that's not what's really important. The important part is opening my heart, and living my life to my beliefs. If I can at least do that, I will be happy the rest of my days.

Peace and blessings

Final Retreat

2010-06-27T07:15:00.000-04:00

Today begins the final retreat for the Novitiate year. As of today, there are 20 days left until I return to Chicago.

Unfortunately there won't be any internet access, so I'll be "off the grid" for a while.

One topic of note: I've been recommended for vows, and after making the request to my provincial, I've been approved to take first vows on July 31, 2010 in Milwaukee. There's a lot of thoughts tied into it, however part of our final retreat is to take 10 minutes to discuss the Novitiate year, explain what we've learned, and how it has changed us. It sounds like a great blog article...unfortunately I've decided to wait until after the retreat to share this bit of personal reflection.

Thanks to everyone who's kept me in their prayers this entire time. After this week, it's all about Chicago, returning to college, and living a vowed life.

What's It Like To Pursue Religious Life?

2010-06-20T23:04:00.001-04:00

For those of you who've kept hitting the F.A.Q's button on the menu, I've finally gotten around to getting the page up! Sorry about the delay.

I get a lot of questions about my vocation, how everything worked, and how I made it through difficult experiences in my journey. Even when I started blogging four years ago, I wanted to be able to help people going through the same issues I was. Figuring out what God is asking of us can be a tough job; it can be even tougher if we don't know where to seek help. Hopefully by putting up the page, it will give some people access to ask questions while giving them a chance to ask their own.

Enjoy, and never hesitate to ask questions...especially when God's involved. You can either click the F.A.Q button on the menu or click here.

Peace.

World Cup Soccer: The Good, Bad, and The Ugly

2010-06-18T22:28:00.002-04:00

While much of the world's attention is focused on South Africa as some of the greatest names in soccer (or football, if you prefer) play for their nations, there are plenty of peripheral stories tied into this competition. What might surprise some people is existence of stories that involve the World Cup and faith.

Unfortunately, not all the stories have good endings.

The Good: The World Cup isn't the only tournament going on in South Africa this summer. In Atteridgeville, the South African World Peace Cup began on June 5th, involving 26 teams from different nations.

The Peace Cup is an initiative by Damietta Peace Initiative, a Franciscan inter-religious peace organization that has had success using ~~soccer~~ football as a mechanism to bring about peace, respect, and dialogue through the use of sports. Fr. Kees Thönissen OFM Cap opened the games, noted the aims of this tournament:

"bring about value change through the immediate experience of the 'other' as a human being with unique qualities and skills."

You can read more on the Peace Cup here.

The Bad: A man in South Africa killed while trying to watch the World Cup on TV.

As reported by iol.co.za, David Makweya, 61, was stabbed and received severe head injuries at his home Sunday night while attempting to watch the Germany-Australia game. Apparently the death was a result of an argument: his family wanted to watch a Gospel show, according to sources.

You can read more here.

The Ugly: During the one month period of the World Cup, it is estimated that 40,000 prostitutes and sex workers will be imported into South Africa. [sacbc.org.za]

The South African Bishops want to bring global attention to the problem of human traffiking in their region. With the influx of people and money from the World Cup, the risk increases for impoverished people to be exploited for money. The biggest push by the South African Conference of Biships is to bring about legislation to help victims of human traffiking, while prosecuting those involved (which has become a booming business in South Africa and neighboring Mozambique.

South Africa is recognised internationally as a 'hot spot' for human trafficking – being a country of origin, transition and destination for trafficking – and there is the fear that trafficking of women and children will increase significantly during the World Cup.

You can read more here.

These events shouldn't depress or detract you from watching the World Cup. Rather they serve as a reminder of the humanity and the issues that still go on behind the scenes.

Human traffiking photo from Tampa Bay Informer.

What's In A Name (Day)?

2010-06-15T23:15:00.001-04:00

Today I celebrated my name day. For people outside Catholic Christian culture, this can be a point of confusion. Do I have another name? What kind of "celebration" is it? Where did the tradition come from? Searching online lead to only a few sites, so I thought I'd take some time to explain exactly what a name day is, and how I choose to recognize it.

The concept of a name day goes back to the Middle Ages. It started with the Orthodox and Catholic churches as a way to combat, what they felt, was a pagan celebration. Birthdays were considered to be festivals for the rich, for kings, and for flase gods. (see Natalis Invicti)

There were other theological issues as well The Lore of Birthdays is often sited for this:

The custom of birthday celebration started by the Romans religions and was developed by the Greeks. They believed that everyone had a protective spirit / daemon / angel who attended his or her birth and watched over him in life. This spirit is assigned to the birthday boy or girl by determining the God or Goddess born on the day the celebrant is born. Through birthday celebrations, these spirits will visit the venue of celebration.

In response, the Church began focusing on the correlation between a person's birth and the calendar of saints. The celebration took on religious importance, as it tied the individual with a given saint or martyr. (It's important to note that because different calendars exist in different regions and faith traditions, a name day is not always the same for two people.)

The idea of name days has never really taken hold in the US the way it has in Latin American and Eastern countries. In some places, the celebration of the name is just as important as the person's birthday.

As a religious, I'm constantly aware of the liturgical calendar and the various feasts and memorials throughout the year. Today (June 15th) is the memorial of St. Vitus, this is considered my name day. (In Serbia, Vidovdan is celebrated on the 28th.)

Personally, there's not a whole lot involved in celebrating my name day. There's a special intention for me during our communal prayers, and everyone tells me "Happy Name Day," but that's about it.

But still, there is something important that comes out of this day. I am reminded that I belong to a different kind of life. As a religious, the name day ties me to my Church and my faith, giving me opportunity to reflect on the journey I've made in my life. It reminds me that I'm part of something unique.

My name day is a celebration of being a Catholic, a Christian, and a Capuchin. There's no cake, no presents, not even a card. But it is a day that makes me happy to be alive.

A Christology of Debtors and Creditors

2010-06-14T09:10:00.000-04:00

Reflecting on the Gospel reading from this Sunday, I saw a lot that spoke of the relationship of debtors and creditors. Having had the experience of both sides, I find it a very interesting and challenging metaphor for the Kingdom of God. In our world where debt and credit are shared as much as blame and personal worth, are we able to truly forgive the debts of others, and expect others to do the same.

I should start out with two stories from my own experience:

For those of you who've followed my blog for a long time, you'll know that I struggled with paying off my personal debt. Religious orders usually require you to be free of personal debt before joining, and I knew that if I were to pursue a vocation, it was something I had to do. It was tough dealing with the lack of funds, but it provided me with a new outlook on money, finances, and personal responsibility.

When I started working for Elvis and making more money than I knew what to do with, I made great efforts to call my creditors and make arrangements to pay off my debts. By wanting to pay off lump amounts all at once, this should be easy. I thought to myself. What actually happened was a labor of patience. Company after company that I called seemed more interested in chastizing and berating me for not paying, rather than just accepting the money I was offering to pay back the debt. Most of these companies were collection agencies, but it seemed like they were trying to collect some cosmic retribution for the lack of payment in the past. Each phone call made angrier, hastening the process to pay off everything.

Months later, I would get a phonecall from one of the sales guys I worked with at my old sales job. He was having financial trouble and hadn't found a golden parachute after the restructuring of the last car lot. He asked to borrow $500. Willing to share out of my abundance, I lent him the money. (This is part where you wince and say: "Bad move!")

As you can imagine, he didn't pay me back as he said he would, and any attempt to call his house or knock on his door was futile. Eventually I had to leave for Postulancy in Milwaukee, and I had to forget about the debt.

In light of the Gospel, how do I see the role of debtor and creditor as witness to the Kingdom of God?

Traditional theology would have us believe we are debtors, and that Jesus paid the debt that none of us were capable of paying back. Because of the price paid by Jesus' death, we are capable of achieving Heaven; making Jesus the focus of forgiveness of debts, both past and present. It's a theory that Anselm started with, and it's continued for a while.

But perhaps there's another way to look at this metaphor. What if we're willing to look at ourselves as the creditors, people so eager to blame, to assess personal value, and to hold onto transgressions. What if we start to see Jesus as the creditor who chose to take the status of a debtor, as an example of how we should treat each other and each others' debts. And what if, as an example of the the love and compassion of the Kingdom of God, we could rebuild lives, mend relationships, and even, dare I say it, change the world...simply by letting those debts we tally as human creditors - fall away.

Or maybe I'm just an idealistic Franciscan who's been reading Duns Scotus.

Jesus Saves...as the 12th Man?

2010-06-09T16:03:00.001-04:00

You know it's World Cup time when Jesus laces up to hit the pitch.

Today's Pittsburgh Post-Gazette had a picture of the Child of Miracles from St. Gabriel the Archangel Church in Mexico. Since 1990, the statue has been dressed up in the uniform of the Mexican national team and considered the 12th man.

Last year, the statue was suited up for the Mexico v US game, a huge victory for the Mexican team as well as their national pride. This year, as Mexico prepares for Group A, Mexico will be in the spotlight as their group contains the host team, South Africa. As usual, the people of San Gabriel Church will be praying for the victory of the team.

I've written before about a Theology of Football ( Fútbol in this case), but I think the inclusion of a suited-up Jesus adds a little twist. Are people just including Jesus in their everyday experience, or is this simply sacrilege?

I'll let you decide.

Working Out Some Bugs

2010-06-06T18:28:00.000-04:00

...with this new template. Hopefully it will be completely functional by this weekend.

Peace and blessings. - @vitoofmcap

Corpus Christi

2010-06-05T19:35:00.001-04:00

For the feast of Corpus Christi, I decided to use a prayer written by Fr. Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap., a wonderful man who passed away earlier this year. I hope his words will give some insight into the meaning of this day. Peace. -V

At the Last Supper, Eternal Father, Jesus spoke much about You to His apostles, He also prayed to You for them and for all who would believe in You through their word. In these hushed moments charged with the drama of leave-taking and approaching capture, condemnation, crucifixion and death, His thoughts turned to You. His Heart yearned to make us one with You even as You and He were one.

And He found the perfect way to accomplish this by giving us the living memorial of His sacrifice on the cross. He turned the painful leave-taking from the apostles into a perennial, living homecoming for them and all who would follow them in faith. He did not leave us orphans, but gave us Himself in sacrifice, in communion, in abiding presence. In doing all this, he reminded us that by being one with Him, we would also be one with You. "Whoever has seen Me has seen the Father." His words bring home to us that by being one with Jesus in Holy Communion, we are drawn into the very mystery of divinity and of creation, the mystery of the Eternal Father Who sent His Son, and Who though Him created all things. We recognize that in Holy Comunion we are swept into a new crative moment for the powers of our soul.

Over and over during the short years of His live on earth Jesus spoke of doing the will of His Father. His first word in the Temple asked: "Did you not know I had to be in my Father's house?" His last words from the cross asked forgiveness from the Father for those who put Him to death. In a moment of complete desolation on the cross, He cried out to the Father. With head bowed, His lips moved in final obedience and resignation: "Father, into Thy hands I commend my spirit."
Teach us, Father, to follow along the way of Jesus, in His way of begging You to forgive, of crying to You from the depths of our need, of bowing to Your will in every part of Your plan for us in this world, in the final breath expressing that our work is complete. Eternal Father, may the fruit of this union with Your Son in Holy Communion help us ever in times of greatest need to echo His words in the Garden: Father, if it is Your will, take this cup from me; yet not my will but Yours be done.

More prayers by Fr. Christopher Rengers can be found his pamphlet: Thanksgiving After Communion, printed by New Hope Publications. The entire pamphlet can be ordered at www.newhope-ky.org. His writing is reproduced here in the spirit of Fr. Christopher, who spread the Gospel with every move of his body.

The Last 47 Days...

2010-06-01T10:07:00.001-04:00

47 days left of Novitiate. Some of us have eagerly been counting since the winter. This Memorial Day weekend made it even more apparent that our year is almost over; soon we return to our respective provinces to take First Vows.

So like most terms, there's a desire to "check out." In high school we called it "Senior-itis." The year's almost done; we're almost out of here; let's just coast the rest of the way.

But is that the best way to spend the most unique year of my life?

When I was a Postulant, I remember friars telling me: "There's no other year like being a Novice. Don't let it go to waste." But I remember finding it hard to enjoy the Novitiate at first because there was nothing to do! In reality there was nothing external to do, which is always a good distraction to not worry about what's going on inside.

Looking back at the year, I started to see the internal opportunities I've taken - things I've tried to change about myself: quitting smoking, more exercise, better use of silent prayer, discussing my feelings instead of bottling them up; new things I've started to do: waking up sooner, living in a communal setting, working with elderly in assisted-living; and things I have to accept about myself as an individual.

Someone who knew me 2 years ago might not recognize the person I've become, but I think that's for the better. And if I've accomplished so much in the time I have, perhaps there's a few more surprised in store for me during this last month and a half.

The end is in sight; my prayer is not to focus too much on the next leg of the journey until I've walked the rest of this road.

An Uncomfortable Chair

2010-05-28T19:34:00.002-04:00

Mental prayer is a big part of Capuchin life. It's an important time for me to spent time with God in a manner that best fits me. Sometimes I pray the rosary or other devotions, sometimes I sit in silence and try to be open to what the Spirit is telling me. Sometimes I write and end up posting the composite here online. Regardless of how I pray, the time is always beneficial and is usually focused on good thoughts and ideas for the future.

Sometimes, however, those thoughts are shadowed by others...making mental prayer a disturbing or even torturous time.

Sometimes my mind is filled with the other desires and longings that many others have.

I desire to be passionate and intimate as a lover.
I desire to be nurturing and loving as a parent.
I desire to be powerful and secure as a provider.
And I desire to be free and without responsibility like someone who is their own master.

All of these are very human desires, and in spite of what people my believe, choosing a vowed life as I have doesn't mean that those thoughts or desires go away. And depending on your point of view, I've had the benefit/burden of experiencing these feelings before joining the Capuchins.

So this morning during morning prayer, as I tried to be at peace, I played the "What If?" game. What if my situation was different? What if I was still in a relationship? What would it be like if I were raising a child?

In the midst of all this, I heard a voice in the back of my head tell me: "That's a pretty uncomfortable chair, isn't it?"

Learning to live the vows of religious life is never over...even after formation. I remember Fr. Michael Crosby telling me in a sit-down: "Everyday I actively choose to live this life." In a way, it's good to know that I won't change because of the life I've chosen or the path I've taken, even though I've changed from who I was before.

But on mornings like this, I if it gets any easier.

In Ronold Rolheiser's book The Holy Longing, he paraphrases Socrates in saying:

"We are fired into life with a madness that comes from the gods and which would have us believe that we can have a great love, perpetuate our own seed, and contemplate the Divine."

I'm glad that I have the fire to love and to be present to others, but learning how to channel that energy and "unquenchable fire" (as Rolheiser puts it) is still a work in progress.

How Great is Our God: For Fr. Dan Anholzer

2010-05-20T19:20:00.003-04:00

On Monday I saw the New Jerusalem.

The church was packed; about a hundred people sat in the vestibule while numerous others watched via closed-circuit TV in the activities building next door. The sea of faces presented every age, shape, and color - all of whom had been touched by this man's life. And in one spirit-filled voice, we sang as God's people:

"How great is our God?
Sing with me...how great is our God?
How great, how great
Is our God?"

Dan was provincial when I was accepted as a Postulant into the Order. I remember his phone call because it was an important part of my vocation journey. I remember Dan's jovial voice and his excitement for me as I said "Yes." That "Yes" was the first of many that I would say as I continued to follow the path of a Capuchin friar. Dan was an important person to me.

It was easy to see that Dan was important to many others as well. As I stood in St. Joseph's Church in Saginaw, packed in with a rainbow of different people I could feel the love. He was loved by his friends; he was loved by his Capuchin brothers; he was loved by this parish here in Saginaw, MI. You could see the love in everyone's eyes. You could hear it in the words of our Provincial Minister's homily. You could feel it in the hugs with everyone there.

And in the end, while we sang that Chris Tomlin song, the song Dan requested be played at his funeral, I thought of Revelations and the New Jerusalem:

He will dwell with them and they will be his people and He shall be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, crying or pain, for the old order has passed away."
-Rev 21:3-4)

By the end of the song, my tears of loss were tears of joy for having known such a loving, God-filled, joyous Servant of God.

Thank you, brother, for giving us all a glimpse of the Kingdom to come.

Break from Blogging

2010-05-16T11:15:00.000-04:00

Just a short notice that I'll be away from the computer for a few days. Today we leave for Saginaw, MI for the funeral of our brother, Fr. Daniel Anholzer, OFM Cap - friar and former Provincial.

When we return, we begin another Day of Recollection where there's no computer access until the day is over.

Peace and blessings until then.

-V

Listening to the Holy Spirit

2010-05-13T10:54:00.001-04:00

A reflection on the Holy Spirit as we begin the novena for Pentacost:

The Holy Spirit can be hard for us to understand at times. We understand the role of the Father as creator and liberator, we understand plainly the role of the Son as the deliverer and savior. But it can bbe hard to put our finger on the role of the Holy Spirit, and for one important reason: we can choose not to listen to the Spirit.

So what if this year we see the Holy Spirit not just as a dove, a tongue of fire, or a breath of wind...but as music - a Divine Score proceeding from the Father and the Son to guide, inspire, encourage, and assist us in spreading the loving message of the Gospel?

Music is not just something we listen to - it's something we experience. We can be given a CD by someone we know and be told how great the music is. We can hear about the talented artist who wrote it, the message of the lyrics, and even the rhythm that permiates that music. We can even half-heartily listen to the CD while watching TV or working on something. We can never know the full beauty of that music until we experience it ourselves.

In the same way the Holy Spirit is something that must be experienced. Trying to tell someone about the Spirit can be as confusing as trying to define irony; the experience of the Spirit is important in explaining what the Holy Spirit is and how it works. Such is the importance of the Gospels.

So it helps to think of the Holy Spirit as a marvelous piece of music - and having different volumes. Sometimes the Spirit is just background music: we acknowledge it is there - quietly giving us inspiration. Other times that music is so loud it knocks us down and makes us look at our lives.

We have the ability to take that Music and reflect it our lives. Some have the voice to sing the song of the Spirit. Others have gifts and talents through which they are able to play that song in new and different ways. But still each person influences that song with their experience and the story of how the Spirit has worked in their life. Even if that music that we were given is given to a symphony, each person from the conductor to the bassoonist adds their own individuality to that great song of the Spirit. And combined together, they offer a unique reflection of that original song and share it with others, who will in turn share it themselves.

It is a beautiful metaphor in which to seek the Holy Spirit. But it is also a reminder that we can let other things mute the sound of that music. Our own desires can dull that music, our compulsions and aspirations can make us forget about that wonderful melody which inspires our lives.

As we prepare for Pentacost, let us remember that it is through prayer that we can fully listen to what the Holy Spirit is ~~saying~~ singing to us.

I encourage you to take time and try to hear that beautiful music of the Spirit in your prayer.

New Blogs

2010-05-12T11:05:00.001-04:00

As if I'm not busy enough, I decided to add two more blogs to my workload. It's not that I have more to write about, but I think it's best to keep my ideas in Order. I know I sometimes jump from topic to topic, and that can be hard for readers to follow. So to help me stay focused, and to help my readers, I've added two new blogs.

My Rosary Habit is a place for me to put up pictures of the my habit rosary work. I find I write most of my blogs when I have wire and bead in-hand, so rosary-making has become an important part of my religious life. I just wanted to provide a specific blog for it.

Friar Tech is an idea that's been going on for a while. As you may know, my focus after Novitiate will be on Ordination as well as the use of social media, the Web, and modern communications as a way to spread the Capuchin charism as a ministry. This area is limitless in its application, and each day I think of new ideas either as a ministry, as a way for my Order and/or Province to respond to the needs of the poor, reflections on what joyful simplicity means with Web use.

I don't plan to abandon my vocation story. For over three years I've been stumbling as a Christian, as a Catholic, and now as a friar. My goal is to focus in on those areas that are important to me, and make my stories clearer for the people who want to read them.

Thanks to all of you who've followed my life and have kept me in your prayers. I hope the next three years can be just as momentous.

Evaluation Time: I'm Not What I Do

2010-05-08T20:30:00.001-04:00

As the Novitiate year comes to an end (71 days to go!), my third and final evaluation takes center stage. I am required to write personal evaluation of my time here as well as several evalutions of my peers here in the community. Evaluations are done a lot differently than my days selling cars, but I still get anxious about the process.

Back at the car lot, my progress meetings were held monthly. I remember days just sitting in my manager's office dreading the same speech every time: "So how do you think we can improve these numbers?" For many years my value was determined by a spreadsheet that figured in the number of cars I sold, the amount of calls I made, number of appointments, profit on each car, etc. The list goes on. And no matter how good or bad the numbers were, there was always room for improvement.

Even looking back, I find it hard to find fault with this kind of evaluation. Hard work and performance equals success. Success equals freedom and security for yourself and your family. Success means that you can get everything you need and some of the things you want.

As a self-confessed Type 3 on the Enneagram, I still value my self by what I do. I remember my apprehension with evaluations because I ~~felt~~ still feel that my work defines who I am. It's a hard aspect of my life to deal with, and American society promotes the Type 3 personality type: The Achiever. Just taking a look at my Postulancy Evaluation from 2008 shows how much of a salesman I still am.

Thankfully the evaluation system for religious formation focuses on much more than just numbers. I'm encouraged to look at myself and seek out my own areas of strength and weakness. I'm challenged to look at the commitment of vows, express my understanding of those vows, and discuss how I intend to live that life. I am judged as a human being rather than by the work I do. I am offered suggestions and accolades based on my past evaluations.

But it's hard to think differently after you've learned to hate episodes like evaluations. So while I write my evaluation and take time to think about what I've done through the year, I'll have to try very hard not to define my life as a Capuchin only by my skills, my gifts, and my accomplishments.

If you're interested to learn about your personality type, go to enneagraminstitute.com. If you don't have the money to take the RHETI test online, check out your local library for more books on the subject.

Mother's Day eCards from ForThisWePray.com

2010-05-07T22:17:00.001-04:00

Luckily I remembered to get my mom a Mother's Day card this year. But for those of you who forgot or just realized this Sunday is Mother's Day, the guys at Regis College have created something great for this season:

Joseph Schuner, SJ, president of Regis College and the genius behind the prayer site http://www.forthiswepray.com/ have Mother's Day eCards available.

4 different styles of cards are available for use, all of which have scripture quotes and are ready to send out. And when you're there, why not add a prayer for your Mom to their list of intentions. The community at ForThisWePray.com takes the prayers of visitors and adds them to their own prayer intentions at the community. It's an innovative way of taking the power of prayer and moving it onto the Web.

Thanks to Joseph and his community at Regis College for making these gifts available.

And Mom, if you're reading this, your card is in the mail...I promise. =)

A Prayer for the Memorial of St. Joseph the Worker

2010-05-01T11:46:00.001-04:00

Heavenly God,
We thank you for the meal that has been set before us this evening.
We thank those who tilled the soil and tended the flock, and the hard work they do.
We thank those who've harvested the field and pick our fruits and vegetables.
We are thankful for those who travel, shipping the food from one place to another, either on land, sea, or air.
We are thankful for those who stock the shelves, who bag our groceries, and provide a place for us by our food.
And we are thankful for those who've prepared this meal before us, that through their work we are able to share in the breaking of bread.
May we always remember that together we are all people of Your Creation. May we be thankful for the work that others do for us, and as Your followers may we never value the productivity of a person over their humanity.

Amen.

It necessarily follows that each one has a natural right to procure what is required in order to live, and the poor can procure that in no other way than by what they can earn through their work.
-Rerum Novarum

My Church, Scandal, and Penance

2010-04-30T21:44:00.000-04:00

A few days ago, I was (abruptly) asked for my insight regarding the abuse scandals of the Church. I didn't feel I knew enough about the topic and I didn't want my personal statements to be interpreted as that of my entire order. But reflecting on the fact that I am a friar and seek to build relationships, and that I have a voice in this vast blogosphere, I slowly found the words to articulate my thoughts. I was also inspired by the words of Davide Russo, a young Italian seminarian. Regardless of what you may think, know that my statements are rooted in my faith, my commitment to being a Capuchin, and the words of Jesus to love one another.(John 13:34) Peace. -V

As a member of the Roman Catholic Church (by my baptism, not just by my vocation as a religious friar) I experience the Church as a Sacrament; I am part of a salvation message, a flock, to spread to the prophetic teachings of Jesus Christ. These are the words of my Church (Lumen Gentium) , and it's something I profess each day a baptized member of this Body.

Similarly, when the Church is weakened because of scandal, abuse, or any other sins of It's members (or attempts to hide those transgressions), I am also weakened. I want to defensive. I want to think that others are attacking me or persecuting me. I want to shout the words of the psalm: Will you be angry with us forever, drag out your anger for all generations?(Ps 85:6)

But in the depth of my heart, I know my "sufferings" will never amount to those who've been abused, harmed, or kept quiet. Rather than seek martyrdom, I think it's best to seek forgiveness and to do penance. Francis of Assisi saw penance as a means of conversion - a way to open our hearts and better perform our roles as disciples of Christ.

For my part, I pray for those who've been harmed by the Church. As we are trained to prevent and identify signs of abuse, I make sure people aren't put into situations that could allow a predator to take advantage of a child. I try to be honest and transparent in my interactions with those I minister to. And in everything, I try to love as Francis did.

If people are angry, if they lack trust in the Catholic Church institution, if they wish to say mean or hateful things, it is because the Church, my Church, has done wrong. That is my cross to bear as a religious and as a member of the Catholic Church. But it is a cross of penance, not persecution. As a Capuchin I am called to seek a life of penance, to make peace with others, and to reflect the love of God to others.

At all times, moved by the spirit of conversion and renewal, let us devote ourselves to works of penance according to the Rule and Constitutions and, as God inspires us, so that the paschal mystery of Christ may be more and more at work within us. -Capuchin Constitutions 102:3

Pictures of Easter at Calvary

2010-04-27T22:15:00.001-04:00

While it is still the Easter Season, I realize I've taken a while to post the many pictures of the Triduum celebration when I went back to my home province in Calvary, Wisconsin. Sorry for the delays, as I tend to find other things to fill up my time. Remember that if you're looking for more pictures from the Triduum retreat, they can always be found at the Vocations Update Page.

Formation Row: Mitch, me, and next year's novices MJ and Stephen.

The yearly Triduum Retreat in our province is an opportunity for candidates, friars in formation, Cap Corps members, and other members/affiliates of the province to get together for a spiritual and exciting time together during Triduum. For me it was an opportunity to reunite with my home province after spending so many months away at Novitiate.

However the retreat isn't just about connecting and having a good time. Fr. Gianluigi Pasquale, OFM Cap. was our presenter for the weekend, and presented some very interesting thoughts for reflection during the several seminars that weekend.

Gianluigi shows off a doodle made by Br. David Hirt, post-novice.

Of course the Easter Triduum is a liturgical period from Holy Thursday until the Easter Vigil. The following are various photos from the different liturgies. Note: Since the Holy Thursday Mass and Procession involved the student body of St. Lawrence Minor Seminary, pictures of that Liturgy are not listed, per our policy regarding minors and the internet. Thanks for understanding. -V

Morning prayer in the chapel at St. Lawrence Seminary

Veneration on Good Friday.

Future novice MJ and Cap Corps volunteer Christina serve as acolytes for the Easter Vigil.

Again, if you want to see more pictures, be sure to check out our provincial Vocations website at http://www.capuchinfranciscans.org/.

The Digital Continent - Our New Mission

2010-04-26T22:51:00.000-04:00

is is an article I've been working on for quite some time. It seemed coincidental that the Pope would talk about this same subject. The decision to pursue a Computer Science degree in conjunction with my Masters in Divinity for Ordination takes a little explaining. It is my hope to stimulate minds as well as further discern the possibilities of my decision to seek this focus as a Capuchin friar. Enjoy. -V

For years the computer and the Web have provided more than just a tool or a modern means of communication. Technology now allows us to exist in another space so to speak; it allows us to be in a new type of universe. Similar to the advent of cheap printing during the Age of Enlightenment, the use of computers and the Web have created a technological revolution.

Today we find ourselves in the midst of a new awakening: the Digital Revolution. We can see changes in the way people communicate, the configuration of the economy and power structures, and how we express ideas. While the Church now looks to take advantage of this new techonology, there are still many questions that need to be asked about how far the Church is willing to get involved with the world of Cyberspace.

The Church has responded with enthusiasm and wariness. Much like the Pope's recent address regarding the use of the Web, the conversation usually couples the advantages of the Web with some sort of caveat. Fart too often I hear the discussion on the Church and Technology to be a two-pronged answer. It's not that I think those dangers should be downplayed, rather it shows the Church's continued unfamiliarity with an important part of our culture today.

So what does this have to do with me? Let's start with the Pope's address:

"I exhort you to walk the roads of the digital continent, animated by the courage of the Holy Spirit. Our confidence is not uncritically placed in any instrument of technology. Our strength lies in being Church, believing community, able to bear witness to all the perennial newness of the Risen One, with a life that blooms in fullness in the measure that it opens up, enters into relation, gives itself gratuitously. -Pope Benedict XVI"

While many believe the doctrines of Science and Religion to be diametrically opposed, there have been many people throughout history who've merged the two schools of thought to seek the path of God. As technology becomes easier to access and a bigger part of our culture, the missionaries to this "digital continent" will require people who can guide, form, and assist them as they make the Web their new ministry frontier. With the the proper schooling and experience as a priest, friar, and computing consultant, I hope to provide (among other things) a support mechanism for people as they choose to venture into this "land."

Pragmatically, the schooling may prove to be the easiest part of this endeavor. There are numerous questions yet to ask regarding different aspects of the Church, and each day I think of new ideas that are possible for this type of ministry. By exploring this area of study, and writing about it as I learn, I hope to evoke thoughts, inspire dialogue, and perhaps challenge previously held concepts.

If you're willing to think about your faith in a new setting, you may be interested in this series of ~~blogs~~ ramblings. The actual talk the Pope gave can be found here.

Art by Designnrg. Click picture for original location.

A Visit From the Minister General

2010-04-22T19:15:00.002-04:00

Last weekend was spent cleaning, primping, and making the Novitiate pretty for the arrival of the Minister General: Mauro Jöhri.

Coming from a business background, a visit from "the big guy" is usually an occasion for worry and CYA. However the General's visit wasn't to yell about how we were doing things wrong, rather he wanted to visit the North American & Pacific Capuchin Conference (NAPCC) novitiate. The collaborative model that we use to bring together novices from different provinces in the US, Canada, and the Pacific is a model that Mauro supports, and wanted not just to see how it was going, but to get our input about the experience.

So rather than coming in and raising hell, we had a nice sit down discussion with the Minister General where he asked about our personal experiences being in novitiate under the NAPCC model.

A great aspect of being a Capuchin is that even our leaders don't take themselves too seriously. While his words were translated from Italian (his second language) into English, you could still feel that Mauro did not want to be treated as "someone above," that he had a good sense of humor and of fraternity, and that while his task of being the Minister General was very serious, he didn't take himself too seriously. This is an aspect of Capuchin life that I am proud to be a part of.

He stayed only for a day, but I did manage to pin him down for a photo op:

Not to be outdone, Br. Erik asked Mauro to take a picture of the two of us.

It's good to be a Capuchin friar!

A Night of Music and Witnessing

2010-04-21T20:54:00.001-04:00

It's becoming so hard to maintain a constant blog schedule. Between days of recollection, a visit from the General Minister, making rosaries, and other such projects, I can make plenty of excuses to not write. Hopefully I can get turned around again. Thanks to my readers for your patience! -V

After a week of picking songs, the stress of trying to make a band, a few small arguments, and a few outbursts by yours truly, we performed at the Catholic Underground event in Pittsburgh last Saturday. It was a blast!

The event was mostly college aged people with plenty of priests and religious also in attendence. I was downstairs setting up, but I could hear the wonderful music as the Eucharistic Adoration took place in the church above me. Afterwards everyone came downstairs for food, drinks, conversation, and a little friar music.

Most of the songs we ended up playing were Praise and Worship songs, however I don't think the song selection was the biggeset selling point for us. During each song, we each took some time to talk about our vocational journies and explain how God's worked differently in each of our lives. The opportunity to witness our experiences was wonderful, and we were thanked numerous times for our participation.

There were plenty of cheers and laughs, especially when we ended with The Climb by Miley Cyrus...an unusual selection with a rather positive message. Regardless, it was definitely a great experience.

If you've never attended a Catholic Underground event, check out their website to see when the next event takes place and check it out. We had a great time, and hopefully we'll be able to go back before Novitiate ends (87 days...not that I'm counting!)

Catholic Underground in Pittsburgh

2010-04-16T22:35:00.000-04:00

This Saturday at the St. Matthew's Parish in Lawerenceville, PA we'll be playing music for the Catholic Underground here in Pittsburgh.

Fr. Kim Schreck from the Pittsburgh Cathedral and I spoke last Friday in a chance meeting, and asked if we had a band at Novitiate. There are several of us that play instruments, but we never put together any group before. However Fr. Kim thought it would be a great opportunity and a great witness for us as Capuchin Novices to interact with those who attend the Catholic Underground.

For those who are unfamiliar with Catholic Underground, it was started in New York City by the Franciscan Friars of Renewal. It's an opportunity for young adults to participate in Eucharistic Adoration, Evening Prayer, and a social enviroment with music, art, drama, and anything else that speaks to spreading the Gospel in a way that reaches out to today's generation.

This week has been a little stressful for us guys here as we've worked hard to provide a good set of music as well as a great witness of what it means to be religious, young, and to love God.

If you're interested in attending, check out the website for Catholic Underground Pittsburgh for times and directions.

Getting Back into the Swing of Things

2010-04-13T12:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't written more. I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and really trying to figure out where I am right now. There have been times this past week I've felt stretched: between being a novice in Pittsburgh and being a friar in Chicago; between being a "Father" at a church and being a "Father" as a parental role; between defining myself by what I do and defining myself by the journey I'm taking.

All of this is deep, and perhaps someday when they ask me to write my memoirs of Religious Life I'll write it. But as of late, I've been keeping a lot of thoughts between me and my directors who can help me sort through things.

However I'm starting to fall back into the swing of Novitiate. St. Catherine of Sweden here in Pittsburgh is having a Garage Sale to drive money, and I'm trying to finish a Wall Rosary for them to sell. I'm still studying up on my math to prepare for the placement test I'll have to take in the fall. And a few of us were asked to play music at a Catholic Underground event here in Pittsburgh...an event that's had me practicing (and sometimes stressed) until we play on Saturday.

I still need to get pictures up from Triduum in Milwaukee. Give me some time as I get back into the swing of blogging, especially after taking the long break for Lent.

Losing Focus?

2010-04-09T23:44:00.000-04:00

99 days left of Novitiate. It seems so close, yet so far.

I should explain up fron that there's a difference between my vocation and my focus. In my prayer and my thoughts I am happy at the thought of taking first vows this summer. I enjoy Morning Prayer & Mass with the commmunity (even if I'm not a morning person), and when people ask me where I see myself in 5 or 10 years, I answer: "As a Capuchin." I have no fear of losing my calling to be a friar, priest, and whatever else God has in store for me.

But I wonder about my focus. I'm having trouble being present to the Novitiate Program lately. The chance to go home (I already talk about Chicago & Milwaukee as home) for Easter has a huge effect on me. It reminded me of the ministries and encounters that got me initially fired up about being a Capuchin. I got to see friars from my province, friars who pray for my success and perseverence. It is a warm feeling to have so many people rooting for you; it's like having your own cheering section.

The drive back from Chicago to Pittsburgh was tough. I felt like an inmate who got 4 days leave. The days were wonderful, but I had to deal with the hurt of going back to Pittsburgh and leave everyone behind. I don't know that I've mentally returned here to Novitiate. I dont know that I completely ever will.

Another big factor in my life has been reconnectiong with my daughter. There are a lot of emotions here, and despite my usually habit of "diving in," we've been taking things slow. This time around I have the support of other fathers (with their own adult daughters), spiritual advisors, and plenty of psychologists (there are plenty in the Order). I feel better equipped to talk to this 19 year old woman who still calls me Dad. By talking openly about our thoughts and establishing good boundaries, I feel I can be a positive influence in her life.

There are those who worry, and I acknowledge their concerns. Some know the story of my break-up with my ex, others experienced it. But I think there's a part of me, maybe the part that never knew my own father or had anyone willing to take up the job, that considers it a gift from God to hear: "You are and always will be my Dad." Is that me being responsible? Idealistic? Am I trying to prove that I'm better than the man that fathered me? These are the things I talk to God about.

I think these events are both positives and can help me be a better friar. I just need to get my head back in the game.

Back With 102 Days to Go!

2010-04-06T11:50:00.000-04:00

Sorry there's not more to tell. I just got back from Milwaukee and Chicago for the Easter weekend. Quite honestly, after experiencing the warmth and the comfortability of my home province, I found it very hard to come back to Pittsburgh.

But there's about 3 months left of Novitiate and then I go back to Chicago. I'm excited about the possibilities in ministry and the future that I have with the Capuchin Franciscans of the St. Joseph Province. I just need a little perseverence to get through the time.

Peace and a Joyous Easter to everyone. I'll post more about the trip soon!

After the Cheering

2010-03-27T19:04:00.000-04:00

I've watched the movie Rudy more times than I can count, but I always cry at the end of the movie...without fail. And in all honesty, who wouldn't? Rudy's lifted up on the shoulders of his fellow players after years of hard work, struggle, negative feedback, roadblocks, nay-sayers, and even a father who wasn't willing to appreciate his son's dream...it all comes together at the end of the movie.

It's a moment of achievement for everyone. We should all be inspired.

I find it easy to parallel this image of awe-inspiring inspiration with Jesus as he's helped onto the colt's back...preparing to enter into Jerusalem as a king. The multitudes are singing; cloaks cover the road. The words of the Pharisees are drowned out by the elation of the disciples.

It's a great day to be one of the faithful, but it lasts only for a few days.

For many who are searching to connect with God, or those doing their best to follow a religious vocation like me, our faith can be just as elating. There are moments in life when we know we have spoken with the Divine, we know why we are here, and we are positive on how we will live the rest of our lives. The grace of God allows that, and anyone who's had a "God moment" will tell you how the immensity of such an encounter can barely be put into words.

Yet our lives are not full of these moments. The "Rudy Moments" are rare (at least in my experience), and they are the strongholds that provide us refuge in times of great desolation. Yet in these moments of desolation, the times when we call out for God and we wonder if anyone is really listening...these are the times when we learn to grow our faith the most.

In reading and reflecting on the Gospel for Palm Sunday, I thought about the challenges I face as a novice and what the Scripture is saying to me. And one of those challenges is to be able to perservere even when I feel that I'm not as close to God as I should be, or I'm not being good enough to wear the habit and cord. I still remember the moment I felt called to a religious vocation, but it resides in my mind with numerous concerns for schooling, dealing with celibacy, living in community, and even living with my own doubts.

My challenge is to be one of the multitude that continues to praise my faith, even after the cheers, crowds, and other festivies have gone. When Jesus was crucified, only a few of his disciples were there. And when sky darkened...those disciples came back - beating their breasts in guilt. Even when it's hard to be a Catholic, a man, a friar, or even a Mexican-American...the challenge is to keep the faith and remember the presence of God.

Picture from 1SkyWalker

4th Sunday of Lent: The Prodigal Friar

2010-03-14T10:49:00.002-04:00

For a guy like me with an interesting conversion story, it's hard not to see myself in the eyes of a wasteful kid, telling his father: "I am not worthy to be called your son." But there are times when I remember what it was like to waste money on things like the newest clothes, the best phone, a $30 pre-flop bet with 9♦10♦, or just wasting time and energy on needless things.

...and in spite of my conversion, I sometimes miss those spending sprees.

Perhaps that doesn't make me as saintly as some of the other friars here in Novitiate. Not that I need anyone else to tell me where I stand, but I sometimes feel like the odd friar out. There are smart guys here, holy guys, and guys who will one day go on and become Provincials of their provinces. And while I trust the plans of whatever God wishes for me, there are times I just want to ask: "What am I doing here?"

Dealing with college this week has brought out a lot of feelings of waste. As I talked with a Student Advisor at St. Xavier's University in Chicago, I realized how much grant money and time I threw away the first time at college. One is able to see such things in the passage of time, and all the staff at St. Xavier's were quite familiar with returning students regretting ill-used time. Yet as we talked about fulfilling requirements that most students my age have accomplished, I still felt guilty about my previous college experience.

In my provincial's weekly homily, he writes how he wishes we could see the 2nd part of that story - how the Prodigal Son works hard, provides for the family, and counts himself as equal to "the good son."

The problem with that ending is that the Son, or me (as I'm obviously reading into the story), gets to a place where they feel worthy. Will I ever be worthy of this vocation, regardless of how I live? Do I want to be at a place where I feel worthy, or will I just be self-righteous at that point?

For a competitive guy like me, the story of the Prodigal Son (or the Prodigal Father, depending on your interpretation of the parable) presents a challenge to be happy with my imperfections and my history. My background is vastly different from the other Novices here...does that make me any better or worse? Often these ideas of being "better than the others" is self-induced - a carry-over from the days of selling cars.

Perhaps the Epilogue to the Parable of the Prodigal Son is his ability to accept who he is, and know that his father loves him.

Third Sunday of Lent: Rejection, Worries, and Cultivation

2010-03-07T11:14:00.002-05:00

Week three into my Internet fast, and I'm still struggling to stay away from being online. Like I mentioned last week, there are many needs that are met through email and research online. Yet it seems that staying away altogether would be a better option than trying accessing the internet and actively trying to stay off Facebook or Twitter.

And, of course, this seems to be the time when I need to be online the most.

This week I got my first ever college rejection letter. Even in high school, I was accepted to each school I applied to (granted I only applied to schools I knew I'd get into last time). It shouldn't be surprising: I was a huge slacker in college, and I'm amazed I they didn't laugh at my transcripts! But when I got the letter last week, my ego still took a hit as I read the words: "we regret to say that your application has been declined."

My future isn't completely bleak: I was accepted to St. Xavier University in Chicago before receiving the rejection letter from another college. And because I goofed off/dropped so many classes my first time around, I will have to complete core classes all over again: creative writing, math, history, etc. Part of my problem when I was 18 is that I thought those classes, classes I'd taken in high school, were a waste of my time. Now as I look at my future and entering college again, I'm thankful to take classes I will already have knowledge in...as it will make my transition a lot easier.

I've also worried about how this blog is doing. While I try not to worry about blog hits, links, bounce rates, and the other statistics that Google Analytics tracks, I've noticed a decline in readership that troubles me. I know there are more important things than what my rank is or how many people I'm reaching, but as a task-oriented person, anything that shows "decline" can feel the same as "failure."

On the plus side of all of this, I recognize that I have a lot more time for other things. I've been asked to make another side rosary for a friar, I finished a prayer project I've been working on, I'm trying to write a book (as if writing this blog isn't enough!), and since the weather's getting nice again, I've ready to get the soccer ball out again. I'm playing my guitar a lot more, and realize that I'm actually getting good at it!

Perhaps that is one of God's gifts that I've received from all of this: while I'd love to be connected and working online a lot more, the ability to disconnect and tap into my other gifts and desires is a treasure worth enjoying...especially here in Novitiate.

So many that's what Lent is about. Rather than just giving up something for 40 days that we will continue doing right after Easter, but (like today's Gospel) an opportunity to cultivate and nurture ourselves that will allow us to share our gifts and bear fruit for others long after these forty days are done.

I'll blog again next Saturday; next Sunday we leave for our silent retreat in Wheeling, WV.

As for my rejection letter from college, I decided to save it. Thanks to an idea from my Novice Master, I decided to save it for a later project: my Wall of Humility. In the future, whenever I get too full of myself, I'll have a few things on my Wall of Humility to bring me back down to earth.

Peace,

Week 2 of Lent: Understanding the Internet and "Separation from God"

2010-02-28T14:06:00.001-05:00

It feels like no matter what situation I try to put myself into, the simplicity and of the internet has made this week extremely hard. I feel there have been times when not using the internet would have separated me from God, an ironic twist for a Capuchin who's trying to understand "joyful simplicity" and "dependence on God" in a digital world.

First and foremost, I'm still awaiting a response from last week. I feel bad: my response came after an away auto-response from my email account. It's possible she won't try to contact me until after Easter...or maybe even later. All I can do is pray and not let this near-miss bring me down.

However there have been other issues. In preparation for Post-Novitiate (this fall), I found out I got accepted to St. Xavier University in Chicago. I'm still awaiting word from DePaul University as well. The thought of returning to college is exciting; I feel like I have the chance to make up for the time I wasted my time at college. I'm also excited because with the ever-growing digital world and it's effects on the world, my Order has encouraged my desire to work in either Interactive Media (web development,design) or Computer Science in conjunction with my schooling for Ordination. There are infinite possibilities for a priest who's also at the forefront of technology, and I'll talk about it more as Novitiate comes to an end in July. Needless to say, with that kind of focus, staying away from the internet has been tough.

Another "task" I picked up was making an homily blog for my provincial minister: Fr. John Celichowski. For the past few months, I've been getting his homilies in my email. John's an excellent preacher, and reading his homilies is great for my own reflection on the Sunday readings. Hoping to share his homilies with a broader audience, I set him up on blogger with John, Capuchin as his blog. Of course, one cannot set up a blog without internet, but I feel that it was for a good reason.

The biggest even this week was dealing with the death of a resident from my ministry. In the short time that I was here in Pittsburgh, I got to know her and her family quite well. When she died, we (the Novices) were asked to speak at the funeral. I was elected from the guys to speak at the eulogy, so I spent a lot of time thinking of what to write. However the day of the funeral, the Snowpocylpse returned in full-force, and our Novice Directed canceled all activities. Not able to deliver the eulogy, I decided to email a copy to the family, and one of them would read it. In spite of the weather, they were very grateful for the words.

From these experiences, I'm trying to discern a course of action with the internet. This morning, I listened to a Benedictian priest talk about how Facebook, Twitter, iPods, and technology can "block out" God, yet as I remove more and more of these things from my life, I see that, just maybe, God can be found in all this new technology. This week has been full of opportunities to see God in others - with the internet as a facilitator. Where does that leave me with regards to giving up the internet for Lent?

Perhaps the question isn't "Does technology block out God?" but "Do we use technology to block out God?" It's a reflection I sit with at meditation...wishing I had my iPod to hear something relaxing.

Until next week...

1st Sunday of Lent: The Right Time to give up the Internet?

2010-02-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

So the first 5 days of giving up the internet haven't been that bad. The first thing I noticed is all the extra time! I've taken that time to do plenty of reading, some homework, and other fun things that don't involve me being in front of the computer by myself. Quite honestly, being here in Novitiate seems like the one time in my life when it is feasible to actually give up the internet.

Although I've learned through experience that there's never a "right time" to give something up. Whether it's smoking, dieting, or any other change one is making, it's easy to rationalize why it's not "the right time" to give something up. And even here, when I think nothing could be so important that I wouldn't need the internet, it's funny how life surprises you.

Those of you who've followed my story for a long time will remember me writing about my daughter. While not of my blood, I tried as best I could to treat her as my own. It can be hard for any child to allow someone new to be a parental figure at the age of 15, but she welcomed the opportunity to call someone "Dad" and to have a father figure in her life. Looking back, I am amazed at the amount of openness and love to be as forthcoming as she was.

After the break-up with my ex, I knew I'd have to "break up" with her daughter as well. Anyone's who's been in a relationship with a parent knows that they build a relationship to their child as well. It's a heavy guilt to bear, and it took a long time for me to deal with it.

My readers will also remember that last year, I sent her an email. She was no longer a teenager, rather a woman at 18. I wanted to tell her, as an adult, how moving and wonderful it was to experience life as a father...if only for a little while. And my heart broke again from never getting a response.

So on Fat Tuesday, when I'm checking my email for the last time, I'm dumb-founded by what I see in my Inbox...the response.

It was wonderful to hear from her, and she apologized for taking so long to get back to me. Without saying too much, she wrote the words any estranged father dreams of hearing: "You are still and always will be my dad. Please email me soon. I love you, Daddy."

With this and with the emotions of everything, it was hard to think why I should stay away from the internet. Surely Jesus didn't expect his disciples to fast during a time of joy. So it has been a struggle to stick with staying away from the computer. Quite honestly, I want to check my email ever 15 minutes!

So I have to ask myself: "Is this the right time to give up the internet?" The timing appears to be horrible, but prayer and reflection is helping me find God at work in all of this. Even working with my spiritual director, perhaps there's a way to continue to be present to my fast while being present to my Capuchin charism of being loving and compassionate. Which is the greater pennance: giving up something, or opening my heart to a floodgate of emotions that scare me? Again...things I have to take to prayer.

So for now, I await her response. I won't go into the contents of what I wrote, but I told her it requires a lot of love to allow someone back into your life as easily as she has.

Until next week...

Giving Up The Internet for Lent

2010-02-16T21:35:00.001-05:00

After spending time discerning what would be best for me to give up this Lent, I and a few brothers here in Novitiate have decided to give up the Internet for Lent. Not just Facebook, or YouTube, or checking email...the entire internet!

So what would move perfectly normal guys to give up the internet?

First, we as Capuchins are called to live a "Joyful Simplicity." While much of the world is now on the internet, at work, play, or even prayer, our charism is to strive to live a simple life. Secondly we are striving for a greater reliance on God. While God won't answer some questions as simply (or biasly) as Wikipedia might, the goal is for an overall submission to the Will of God - a mindset not often praised in an individualistic and too often greedy culture.

But we as Capuchins are also called to be a Gospel Witness, an example of Christ through the life and Rule of St. Francis of Assisi. While our lives of vows are one witness, our poverty and desire to disengage from social norms and excessive goods is who we are. Even in our Constitutions:

The Church recognizes voluntary poverty, especially in religious, as a sign of the following of Christ and proposes Saint Francis as a prophetic image of evangelical poverty. 59:3

With these focal points for our Lenten fast, I and two other Novices (including Matthew Janeczko, author of the blog New Sandals) have decided to give up the internet completely. This is how it will work:

1. The task is to go without the internet until Easter. That means no emails, no chat, no research, no Hulu.

2. Recognizing that we as Capuchins are a Gospel Witness and that our call is not only to a life of Penance but a life of Spreading the Gospel, I will continue to write one blog a week to chronicle this time. Matt has agreed to write as well, however he wishes not to blog; out of courtesy I will include his blogs here along with mine.

3. The task isn't just to not use the internet, rather to find more prayerful ways of spending the time that might ordinarily be spent here. There are plenty of books I need to finish, a few prayers that I haven't finished, and a Chaplet that I'm continuing my work with.

Quitting the internet did require a little planning.

For the first time, I used the Auto-Response feature on my email to let people know I wouldn't be answering until after Easter, along with information on where to mail or call me. I will also have moderation on for my comments here. Without any oversight, I wouldn't want anything "unseemly" posted without my knowledge.

I also realized that the internet is something I do unconsciously. I walk past the breakfast nook, grab some cereal, and think: "I should check my email." The guys here know of my intention to stay away from the internet; the use of force has been authorized should I try to break the fast!

Obviously there are times when I may have to log in. I'm waiting for a response from two colleges that I've applied to for the Fall. There are notices from my Province that need to be filled out, and just recently, I got an email that I never thought I'd ever get a response to. So I realize it will be hard to give up the internet, even with everything that's going on right now.

But we can't do it without your help!

We need your prayers. Not just us, but there are plenty of people in this world who have internet-related addictions: whether they are related to gambling, video games, pornography, or shopping. Along with these people, there are those who are victims of sexual exploitation, as well as those for whom the internet is a boundary (as opposed to a bridge) to God. I will be keeping these people in prayer. I hope that this fast will raise awareness towards these concerns.

So keep an eye out on Sunday, and may your Lent be a time of clensing as well as spiritual growth.

Peace and all good,

Bro. Vito Martinez, OFM Cap.
Capuchin Franciscans of the St. Joseph Province

Listening to Daughters by John Mayer as I have an important email to write on Sunday. Stay tuned!

The Web and Lent

2010-02-14T11:54:00.000-05:00

I've decided that for Lent this year, I will give up the web. Not just Facebook, or Twitter, or YouTube, or the amount of time...my intent is not to use the internet during Lent.

Sound crazy? Let me tell you how I decided on giving up the web for my Lenten fast:

Being in Novitiate allows for a prayerful and a reclusive feel, allowing us to focus solely on our vocations without the influences of the outside world. Because we are a Franciscan order, we are defined by how we exist in that outside world, making Novitiate a balancing act between the external and the internal.

The internet provides that external interaction for me. But more importantly, the web provides a limitless field of possibilities for ministry, catachesis, parochial services, and so forth. Not to mention, I feel it's incumbant on us to develop a sense of ethics and morality based upon scripture, the Magisterium, and the Capuchin Constitutions.

With those things being said, I think it's fair to say that this idea kind of scares me. I am old enough to remember life without computers, car rides with no cellular phone or MapQuest directions, doing homework on a typewriter, and keeping contact either with a phone or a letter (that's snail mail for the younger readers.)

However I am young enough to see the many possibilities available to the Order and to the Church by taking advantage of today's technology. I see it in the many other Catholic blogs that I read, the information that is shared for everyone to use, the mobilization and organization that is capable by gathering people around an issue. My little corner of the web here in this blog opens into a vast sea of ideas and opportunities.

Recognizing the opportunities as well as the dangers involved with the Web and internet usage, I've decided to take my time this Lenten Season to reflect on my attachment to the Web by giving it up for Lent. My goal is to give it all up: email, wikipedia, blogs, music, news, etc. For a tech-savvy person as myself, it won't be easy. In fact, I don't think I'll be able to do this by myself...which is kind of the point for Lent.

What will happen is that on Ash Wednesday I will put up a blog for the season. Each Sunday I will add a reflection on how I'm doing, what struggles I'm facing, and what graces I've received in such a task. I recognize that the Web is as much a means of witness as it is a waste of time, and I wouldn't want to abandon a ministry completely for this. So I decided that while there is importance for me to give up the internet, it is just as important that I document and share the experience the best way I can...here.

So keep me in your prayers, and be sure to check out the last article I write for beginning of Lent on Wednesday. God knows I'll need em!

Peace,
Bro. Vito Martinez, OFM Cap

In My Thoughts And In My Words...

2010-02-11T14:21:00.001-05:00

With so much time spent in prayer, there's a danger of prayer becoming dull. Some days it feels like the words in the Breviary run together, or sometimes I can sit through the Office of Readings and not really "hear" anything said. There are times when I think I can recite the Benedictus in my sleep.

The danger I worry about is letting prayer become something other than communication towards God. If I don't actively take charge of my prayer life, prayer becomes a chore rather than a gift.

One of the prayers I've worked hard to keep is the Confiteor. With a Penitential Act each morning and Examination of Conscience each evening, there are plenty of opportunities to recite the Confiteor. For those of you unfamiliar with the Roman Catholic liturgy, it often goes like this:

I confess, to Almighty God
and you, my brothers and sisters*
that I have sinned through my own fault.
In my thoughts and in my words
in what I have done
and what I have failed to do.
And I ask the Blessed Mary ever Virgin
All the Angels and Saints
and you, my brothers and sisters
to pray for me to the Lord our God.

*(since we're a men's community, we only say "brothers.")

Living in such a small and intentional community as the Novitiate House here in Allison Park, I soon realized that there were few occassions of sin that didn't in some way involve one of the other guys I lived with. Whether it was getting upset, forgetting a commitment, etc., being here meant that we were the Recipient as well as the Donor of less-than-brotherly interaction (a nice way of saying what I really mean). Nevertheless, in the beginning or the end of the day, our plea to God to forgive our sins was said in unison with those whom we sinned against. It was a stark difference from being in a church, where I felt it was just me talking to God about my faults.

Recognizing this, I didn't want the Confiteor to be lip service. If I wanted to honestly confess to my brothers that I had sinned, I realized I'd have to do a lot more than just recite the prayer. I found it almost hypocritical to stand across the chapel and see someone whom I was having issues with, asking for their prayers.

Not wanting to think my prayers as hypocritical, I did something the next night that changed my entire prayer experience of the Examination of Conscience...

...I looked the other guys in the eyes as I talked about my faults.

Ordinarily one wouldn't think that reciting a prayer while looking at another would be a huge issue. In prayers of thanksgiving, petition, and blessing, we often look at the focus of our prayer - whether it's the meal we're about to eat, the person in the hospital bead, or the couple that's been married for 50+ years. Looking and praying isn't beyond our capabilities.

But I looked at my brothers as I told them how I had sinned by my own fault. I realize that God is the one who forgives, yet there is a humbling sense to admit fault and wrongdoing to another person. And when the prayer had finished, I wondered why I felt more embarassed to express my shortcomings to my brothers than to my Creator..."whom I should love above all things."

Understanding how I present my sins to God soon became a topic for contemplative meditation. Recognizing God's over-abundant love and grace, I wanted to understand how I could better open myself, in a sense of humility and love, to that love and grace. I realized that this question arose out of a desire 1. to connect at a deeper level with my prayer and 2. to build a better relationship with my brothers, even when I wanted to put bleach in their laundry! (just kidding guys...I know you read this too!)

With those thoughts, I continued this practice of looking at the other friars during the Confiteor -acknowledging my failings and asking for their prayers for me. It was (and still is) a humbling experience, but I soon realized I wasn't alone in this slightly unnerving practice. As I exchanged glances with the other friars, they would look away, look down, or close their eyes - probably experiencing some of those same anxieties as I was.

Yet as time has progressed, I can see that others have picked up on what I'm doing, and are mindful to look back at me. I see it as a testimony of how willfully entering into the experience of prayer can effect others. I don't know that it's cause me less occassions to sin, but I realize that I'm willing to be open and honest to my brothers and to my God about what errors I've made - an important task in a Religious Order that looks so much for transparency.

Thanks to the other guys for posing for me!

Please Scholastica...Make it Stop!

2010-02-10T13:26:00.000-05:00

From today's 2nd Reading in the Office of Readings for the Memorial of St. Scholastica, virgin and sister of St. Benedict, according to the Dialogues by St. Gregory the Great:

Scholastica, the sister of Saint Benedict, had been consecrated to God from her earliest years. She was accustomed to visiting her brother once a year. He would come down to meet her at a place on the monastery property, not far outside the gate.

One day she came as usual and her saintly brother went with some of his disciples; they spent the whole day praising God and talking of sacred things. As night fell they had supper together.

Their spiritual conversation went on and the hour grew late. The holy nun said to her brother: “Please do not leave me tonight; let us go on until morning talking about the delights of the spiritual life.” “Sister,” he replied, “what are you saying? I simply cannot stay outside my cell.”

When she heard her brother refuse her request, the holy woman joined her hands on the table, laid her head on them and began to pray. As she raised her head from the table, there were such brilliant flashes of lightning, such great peals of thunder and such a heavy downpour of rain that neither Benedict nor his brethren could stir across the threshold of the place where they had been seated. Sadly he began to complain: “May God forgive you, sister. What have you done?” “Well,” she answered, “I asked you and you would not listen; so I asked my God and he did listen. So now go off, if you can, leave me and return to your monastery.”

I don't know who's praying for all this snow, but please...make it stop!

Franciscan Prayer: The Word Made Flesh

2010-02-09T08:23:00.001-05:00

This is the 5th installment of Fr. William Hugo OFM Cap.'s articles about Franciscan Prayer. To view all the articles, you can start here.

In the last Update on Franciscan prayer, I examined Francis and Clare’s gaze at the self-emptying life of God visible in the enormous act of creation. We saw the four steps of prayer outlined by Clare (gaze, consider or meditate, contemplate, and imitate) as they are visible in the actions and prayers of Francis.

Francis and Clare also gazed a lot at Jesus. A lot! Perhaps the important word to consider in understanding this focus is Incarnation. This is the theological word we use to refer to the Word of God (the 2nd person in the Trinity) becoming human. Many people mistakenly think Incarnation refers specifically to Jesus’ birth, i.e., Christmas.

Incarnation includes Jesus’ birth, but properly refers to Jesus’ entire human and historical existence, in other words, from conception (Annunciation) to death. No one moment is more important than another, though some moments are more dramatic for Francis, powerfully disclosing what God is like. How does this fit into Franciscan prayer?

The Incarnation as a whole and in each of its moments becomes the event at which Francis and Clare most commonly gaze. When they move from gazing to considering, again they experience a selfless God. To be precise, they are overcome by considering that a God they imagine to be powerful, great, glorious, and able to do everything and anything in the superlative, actually takes on our human nature that seems so utterly constrained by littleness and limits.

I am accustomed to describing this insight as God jumping off the tallest pedestal to live on the floor with his creatures. However, if one stays with the gazing and considering of Francis and Clare, one sees God in Jesus
leaping off time after time after time, until one realizes that the eternal God is eternally leaping to the floor. Then, perhaps the best metaphor for God is someone standing on the floor next to the pedestal that we humans put there, but which God never climbs. He’s too busy emptying himself on the floor.

The baby Jesus and the crucified Christ are but moments on this continuum of salvation. However, for Franciscans, these two moments most dramatically disclose God’s selfless vulnerability, littleness, humility, poverty, and minority. This is why we see so many works of art depicting Francis with the crucified or the baby Jesus.

Well, I’ve run out of space to discuss how this gaze-consideration-contemplation led Francis and Clare to the desire of imitation. Remember, Franciscan prayer by Clare’s definition changes our lives. That’s for the
next installment.

My Testament of the Snowpocalypse

2010-02-06T12:57:00.000-05:00

Friday afternoon was the preparing for the storm. People left work early. Notices on the television continued to run about future closings. Weather announcers exchanged predictions about exactly how much snow would fall.

While the exact amount is still being debated, one account says that Pittsburgh only got 5 inches of snow. But as you can see from the pictures, it was a lot more than that.

So rather than write a long, boring post about how much snow actually fell, I just took pictures as a way of getting out of shoveling snow. Enjoy.

Here, brothers Matthew Anselmi, Nathaniel Santos, Brian Stacy, and Ken Cole stop and pose for a group shot. I tried to get more of the novices in the picture, but they were ~~inside being lazy~~ fulfilling other roles this morning!

Anthony stops from his effort to get through the 12" of snow on the driveway to get to the road.

Matthew Janescko, author of the blog New Sandals, poses after losing a snow fight and ending up face first in a snow bank.

Not to be thought of as a "slouch," I got evidence of me actually working before going off and taking everyone's picture.

Capuchin Habit Rosary Information

2010-02-03T19:28:00.002-05:00

Edit: I've created a separate blog to display my habit rosaries. The address is: http://habitrosary.wordpress.com/

This is my display page for my habit rosaries. These rosaries are not for sale (at least not until the Provincial tells me otherwise), rather they are for friars of my order: the Capuchin Franciscans. Instead of sending out a huge email everytime someone needs one, this page is so that friars can look and choose what they want for their own habit rosary.

In the Franciscan tradition, these rosaries aren't made with precious beads and/or metals. As friars, we need a habit rosary to be durable, simple, comfortable, and functional. I use wood for the beads and the crosses and a tough Rhodium plated chain to prevent rusting or easy breakage. These rosaries hang from the cord to about the knee, allowing the friar to pray while standing or walking.

(By clicking on each picture, you can view a larger image and see the rosaries better.)

Here we have the "Franciscan Crown" or "Seraphic Rosary." This is a seven-decade rosary which is used to pray the Seven Joys of Mary. It uses a San Damiano Crucifix instead of the normal beveled cross. It can also be used to pray the traditional Mysteries of the Rosary. Many thanks to Br. Anthony for modeling this rosary!

The traditional 5-decade rosary can come in two types. The first is to use cord, such as this rosary Br. Nathaniel has. While rope does appear more "rustic," these rosaries are usually smaller and cannot be fixed if they break. Walking around with our rosaries on our hips can cause accidents - any religious will tell you of an experience of getting their side rosary stuck on a chair, on a pew, etc. I make a "break-away" to ensure that the rosaries don't snap, however accidents and wear & tear still happen.

This rosary that Br. Quan is wearing is the standard rosary I make. The crucifix (which Br. Nathaniel is inspecting) is special and was sent to me by a women's religious community in Peru. The actual cross is a 5" medium cherry stained & beveled cross. The dark reddish color is what most friars prefer, and like this rosary, I try to use beads of that color exclusively.

These are some of the things I use in the rosaries I make. I hand make the Break-Away as well as the front Cord-Over (soft yet tough wire that secures the rosary without digging into your stomach). I include a small medal to represent the specific province of the friar (for example, I am from the St. Joseph Province), as well as offering an optional St. Benedict Medal that is worn near the belt. Many of the old habit rosaries were kept on the cord/belt by hoops similar to a keychain. Belt key holders are cheap and provide and make the task of putting on/taking off a habit rosary very simple. And in the tradition of momento mori, I include a Skull of Adam on to the rosary...a tradition that one can find on old habit rosaries.

If a friar has need of a new or replacement rosary, contact me at St. Conrad Friary in Allison Park, Pa with your preferences and I will get started on it right away.

I'll add more pictures as I take them.

Peace,
-Vito Martinez, Capuchin

My Greatest Reading: My Last Visit to Fr. Christopher Rengers

2010-02-01T08:58:00.002-05:00

This weekend I was asked to do the reading at the funeral of Fr. Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap. In preparing for it, a reflection of my experience of him formed in my mind. I decided to write it down, in hopes that it may be a witness of how great a man Fr. Christopher was.

"I like how you read."

The voice was barely audible over the oxygen maching running behind his wheelchair. Apologetically I asked him to repeat himself. With some strain he repeated himself: "I LIKE HOW YOU READ." He never showed the effort involved in speaking louder, but I could see it in his actions. I felt warm from the compliment, but guilty for causing this frail man pain.

It was the feast day of St. Basil, and I remember entering into the nursing home with a little reservation on seeing the retired friars. I watched my grandparents pass away in a nursing home, and there's a cultural aspect of "sending away the elderly" that I grapple with. And so there are times when I just don't feel up to the visitations. It sounds selfish; it sounds un-Franciscan. Yet it is an honest thought.

These are the times when I have to pray for strength and perseverance. Usually a quick prayer and a brief reflection on why I'm visiting retired friars in the nursing home renews my spirit. I realize that it is for the benefit of the "old guys" just as much as it's a benefit for us "young guys." (I've given up trying to argue that I'm not a "young guy" at 35 years!)

And so with a positive and open attitude we went to see Fr. Christopher that day. We'd been told that he wasn't feeling well and that he was resting a lot, yet when we entered his room, he was still eagerly working on some project or answering mail. For as much as Fr. Christopher worked, he always seemed to set it aside when we came to visit. It is as if he knew what was most important; a balance that even I still struggle with.

And so that day we prayed the Office of Readings in his room. The other Novice and I alternated between the Psalms, and then I read the readings. As I read, Fr. Christopher's eyes were closed. You could tell he was allowing the readings to sink in, the way a child may bask in the light of sun on a warm summer day. At different passages, he would nod his head.

"I like how you read," he told me when I finished. "You're very clear and you take your time. Sometimes I enjoy it more to listen to others read than just reading to myself."

He continued talking a little longer, but even in my strain to listen, I could only pick out a few words here and there. I'd like to think he told me I would be a great preacher someday, or that our arrival made his day better. Or perhaps he imparted some great Capuchin wisdom that was meant only for us two Novices that visited that day. Yet we couldn't hear him, and neither of us were comfortable with making him talk any louder than he could at the time.

All these things I sit with now, as I am surrounded by Capuchins here in Our Lady of Angels (formerly St. Augustine's) Church in Pittsburgh. As I prepare to read to Fr. Christopher for the last time, I look and see the old faces of Capuchins mixed with the new faces of guys preparing to join. I see love, not sadness. Even in the short time I had to know Fr. Christopher Rengers, I find it hard to feel sad at his passing. For it is people like Fr. Christopher, those who devote their entire being in the love and understanding of God and God's followers, that truly have earned their eternal reward. Guys like me, still learning the difference between selling a car and Hermaneutics look to friars like Fr. Christopher as a model for how we can be better Capuchins.

Remembering those words: "I like how you read," I prepare to take the ambo as Fr. John Pavlik finishes the Opening Prayer. While I stand before hundreds of people in this church to honor the passing of such a man, my goal is simple: to remember Fr. Christopher's face that day in the nursing home, that serene look of someone basking in the light of the Lord's Word.

For Christopher...

2010-01-27T19:14:00.000-05:00

Father Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap, died Monday at the Vincentian Home in Pittsburgh. He was 92.

Father Christopher was a noted confessor, spiritual mentor and author. His intense devotion to Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Joseph was legendary. Many regarded Father Christopher as a saintly Capuchin friar and priest.

He was born March 9, 1917, to Bernard and Elizabeth (Thinnes) Rengers in Pittsburgh. He was baptized at the St. Joseph Church in Bloomfield (Pittsburgh).

Father Christopher is survived by his brother, Gerard Rengers of Evans City. He also leaves many nephews and nieces to mourn his passing.

He entered St. Fidelis Seminary in Herman in 1930. Father Christopher entered the Capuchin Order in 1936 and professed his first vows as a friar on July 14, 1937. He made his solemn profession three years later. Father Christopher was ordained to the priesthood on May 28, 1942.

Father's advanced education included philosophy studies at the St. Fidelis Friary in Victoria, Kan.; theology at the Capuchin College in Washington, D.C.; and psychology at St. Louis University in St. Louis, Mo.

Father Christopher wrote numerous published works, including two Lenten books; a biography of Jacinto Marto, who was one of the three children who were blessed to encounter the Blessed Virgin Mary at Fatima; "The Stations of the Cross for the Elderly"; and a very popular book, "The Thirty-Three Doctors of the Church." He wrote many articles that appeared in various periodicals. Even until a few days before his death, Father Christopher worked on various scholarly and devotional projects.

His first priestly assignment was as chaplain at Visitation Academy in St. Louis, Mo., from 1943 to 1945. His next appointment was teaching at St. Joseph Military Academy in Hays, Kan., and serving as pastor of the St. Severin Church near Hays. Father Christopher was transferred to Herndon, Kan., as parochial vicar of St. Patrick Church in Tully, Kan., and chaplain for Atwood Hospital in Atwood, Kan.

In 1950, Father Christopher was assigned to St. Joseph Parish in Dover, Ohio, and in 1951 he became pastor of St. Patrick Church in Mineral City, Ohio. His ministry in Ohio ended in 1959.

For the next 16 years, Father Christopher labored at St. Charles Borromeo Church in St. Louis. He began his ministry in St. Louis as the Capuchin friars' promoter of vocations. In addition to his regular duties, Father Christopher helped the poor, elderly, immigrants and mentally disabled.

He founded The Capuchin Troupe, a group of amateur actors who performed Father Christopher's dramatic versions of the Passion of Christ and Our Lady of Guadalupe. The troupe performed in many parishes in Missouri and Illinois. In St. Louis, Father also began in earnest his ministry to promote devotion to St. Joseph, designing and promoting the St. Joseph Medal.

In 1975 Father Christopher was transferred to Capuchin College in Washington, D.C. In addition to his ongoing projects, in the nation's capital Father Christopher founded the Queen of the Americas Guild, dedicated to Our Lady of Guadalupe. Twice each year he headed a pilgrimage to Mexico City and the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Father Christopher was concerned about many social issues, including the right to life of the unborn. On Jan. 21, 1977, the night before the March for Life in Washington, D.C., he celebrated an evening Mass in the crypt church of the Basilica of the National Shrine. After Mass, Father Christopher and his small group of worshippers maintained a nightlong vigil. That unnoticed beginning has become a nationally televised Mass in the upper church of the Basilica, featuring Cardinals, bishops, priests, religious and an overflowing congregation. The all-night vigil is carried on by thousands of young people from around the country.

At the age of 87, Father Christopher's health necessitated close medical attention and he was assigned to St. Augustine Friary in Pittsburgh in 2004. Four years later, he took up residence at Vincentian Home, where he died.

RENGERS - Visitation and viewing for Father Christopher Rengers, OFM Cap, who died Monday, Jan. 25, 2010, will be from 2 to 4 and 6:30 to 9 p.m. Thursday at the St. Augustine Friary, 221 36th St., Pittsburgh. A wake service will be at 7:30 p.m.

The Mass of Christian Burial will take place at 10:30 a.m. Friday at Our Lady of the Angels Church, formerly known as St. Augustine Church, 200 37th St. Burial will follow at the St. Augustine Cemetery.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/butlereagle/obituary.aspx?n=christopher-rengers&pid=138997089

I had the pleasure and the grace to visit Christopher during my Novitiate. He complimented me when I read from the Breviary, blessed us all each time we visited, and gave me encouragement when I told about my Epilepsy. I keep his Guadalupe prayer card in my room, and my rosary that he blessed has been put away.

Franciscan Prayer: God's Method - be small

2010-01-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

In the last Update on Franciscan prayer,we explored God’s passionate desire as a starting point for prayer. Francis and Clare started there, and they are now revered among the church’s greatest mystics. How did they do it?

To use Clare’s four-fold method, they began by gazing at God’s life. Very visible in Francis’ writings is his view of God creating. Perhaps at first blush, Francis’ focus seems a sentimental consideration of the various creatures. A deeper analysis uncovers Francis’ piercing stare at a God who can’t stand to hold everything in. So, Francis’ God bursts into an enormous act of creation.

Now Francis is going beyond a gaze to a meditation, or a consideration, to use Clare’s terminology. As Francis begins to consider this aspect of creation, he comes to know a selfless God who has no interest in holding anything back. God is not so big that he reserves what he has to himself. This God shares everything, including his existence. Francis senses the feelings displayed on this stage; God and his creation are tight!

Also notice that Francis’ consideration shows little concentration on the hierarchy of these creatures. Of course we can find those passages in his writings that ooze amazement at the human creature that is destined to be in the image and likeness of God. But instead of exploring all the different levels of creatures like Thomas Aquinas might, Francis intuits that all creatures are brothers and sisters, a metaphor that focuses on creaturely equality. Like human brothers and sisters, all creatures come from the same source.

Once we can appreciate this movement in Francis’ prayer, we begin to experience what was described in earlier Updates on Franciscan prayer: when you gaze and meditate upon God, you also learn about yourself and others. In this case, that all creatures are brothers and sisters. Actually, many of Francis’ surviving prayers seem to reflect Clare’s third stage of prayer, contemplation, during which the person praying basks in her relationship with God discovered during the gazing and considering stages. So, Francis left behind prayers that are nothing more than exclamatory names and adjectives for God.

If while reading this you feel even a twinge of desire to do something new or different because of this prayer experience, then you already have experienced the beginning of Clare’s 4th stage of prayer, imitation. Being in contact with this selfless, unassuming and small God typically leads us to desire to be the same.

Francis and Clare will gaze on more. So, stay tuned for future Updates.

10 Best Admonitions of 2009

2010-01-23T13:13:00.001-05:00

Now that we're past the halfway point of our Canonical year, we've kinda gotten into a routine with chores, prayer, etc. Learning to get into those routines provided plenty of amusement for us (and plenty of headaches for the Novitiate formators). While no one's been kicked out (yet) for doing anything stupid, there's a good list of candidates already!

With the help of the other Novices, I compiled the top ten reasons we got yelled at in the first part of Novitiate. No one really yelled, but since I've heard many of these admonitions from my mother when I was a kid, the experience is easily paralleled.

Enjoy, and remember that 21 guys living together in community is a recipe for ~~comedy~~ trouble.

10. Be careful! Since we've been here, we've managed to break a lot of stuff. The tractor's been broke about 4 times, doors fall apart, tiles come off the floor, toilets stop working, and that's just the top of the list. Mysteriously, no one knows how anything got broke!

9. Clean up the bathroom. With 21 guys, you'd think the bathroom situation wouldn't require much attention. Yet there is a beautiful absurdity when you go into the restroom and see an empty roll of toilet paper on the roll but an economy size bundle of toilet paper sitting on the floor just under it.

8. Act civilized at the dinner table. Remember that scene from Doubt where the silent meal of the sisters is contrasted with the loud, crude, and boistrous meal the priests are having? Sometimes we are as loud as those priests...sans the drinks and smoking at the dinner table!

7. Finish everything off. Capuchins have a wonderful charism of leaving 2 drops of milk in a container and putting it back into the fridge
for another friar to find. But that charism also extends to leftovers (something we always have with so many mouths to feed). However while the leftovers are eaten, no one down-sizes the container. Sometimes we have a serving of chicken sitting in a large container made for an entire turkey.

6. Check the disposal. The description of this one is better than anything I could make up: "If the garbage disposal is making a really loud noise, turn off the disposal. Then, check to make sure that nothing that shouldn't be in there isn't."

5. Put stuff back where it belongs. We have a cook that makes the meals during the week. Because she knows where everything belongs (more than we ever will) she can get frustrated when we put stuff back in the wrong place. We've been told to just leave things out if we don't know where they go, but in our attempt to be helpful, we sometimes put things back in the wrong spot.

4. Make sure you Music Folder is in order. Before any concert or solemnity, Fr. Gerard tells the schola (repeately) to put their folders in order so there isn't a bunch of page-turning during Mass/Prayer. Inevitably, someone "forgets" to do this and they spend half the time searching for the next song they're supposed to sing.

3. Hang up your habits. Again, the description from the Formator is better than anything I can ever write: "I don't know what's happening; perhaps some novices are just spontaneously combusting. But whenever I go into the Rec Room, I see a habit sitting on the couch. And all I can think is: 'What happened to the novice that was sitting inside it? Surely he would have hung it up if he took it off.'" Sarcasm is quite abundant here in Allison Park.

2. Don't bug the librarian. We have a library under the house, and one of the Novices works as the librarian for books checked out. However with new books coming in, and in an attempt to switch from the Duey Decimal system to the New System, a librarian comes in sometimes to help with that conversion. It seems like a simple request, but when you're stuck in one place and have to see the same 20 faces everyday/all day, new fpeople can become swamped by questions.

1. Take down the lights.Trying to leave the lights up until later in the year, we tried to rename the "Christmas lights" as "Ordinary Time lights." While we thought this to be a great idea, the Formators weren't interested.

175 days to go! (even though I said I wasn't counting)

Rosaries as a Habit

2010-01-21T21:44:00.002-05:00

So for the last few weeks, I've spent a lot of time making rosaries. It's no small task, and with so much time to spend on prayer and personal reflection, I've certainly had plenty of time to make a lot of them!

Taking the time to actually learn how to make rosaries can be time-consuming, but like I said: when you got plenty of time, you can learn just about anything! Since the beginning of the year I've spent a lot of my "free time" (that is, time that isn't scheduled for any specific task) learning and perfecting the skill of rosary making.

I first got inspired to return a favor.

When I joined, I asked a friar in Peru about a side rosary. I wanted something wooden and that looked "ethnic." Thankfully Br. Hugo Mejia asked a sister in South America to make me a corona. (Traditional 7-decade rosary) Inspired by that sister's gift, I decided that I wanted to learn that skill as well...as a way to help out the novices coming next year.

The first real rosary I made wasn't actually a rosary. I've been working with the chotki as well as a devotion to the Divine Names of God. Using this traditional prayer method with a meditation on the Names of God, I decided to first make a side rosary to allow me to pray the names while walking. I am still writing down everything for this specific chaplet, since it's more complicated than most other chaplets. I should have that information posted soon.

Happy with my work, I decided to venture into making other rosaries. Above is a picture of a seraphic rosary or corona. The process required a lot of work, and there were times learning when I think I broke more wires and beads. But eventually I was creating rosaries! Since I started I've gotten some other novices started on making rosaries as well. Even as I write this blog, one of the other novices is looking for beads online.

Have I gotten too into this? Well, I did spent my last stipend entirely on rosary parts! However I feel good in entering a skill that allows me to reach a prayerful experience as I work, and I like being able to give away what I make to people who like it. I've even had a friar approach me about making 2 habit rosaries for him!

So if you don't see me online, you can probably find me in my room making more rosaries.

-Peace

Reflections on The Wedding at Cana or "Don't tell me what to do!"

2010-01-17T15:08:00.002-05:00

Jacopo Robusti Tintoretto - Wedding at Cana

Growing up as a shy kid, I wasn't as eager to "show off" my talents as I am today. In fact, I can remember specific incidents where I felt pushed into doing something because my specific gift or talent was needed. I remember being at a family gathering around 16 when someone asked if I played guitar. I'd been playing for only a year, and without any instruction. In my mind I sounded like Carlos Santana, but in reality I sounded like a dying alpaca. Not wanting to embarrass myself, I quickly shook my head and found another conversation to join.

Almost immediately, my mom came up to me: "They want to hear you play the guitar. Why don't you want to play? You play at the house all the time?"

At age 16 a boy doesn't often articulate his feelings well, and my only argument was: "Because I don't want to!" It started a brief argument(which I quickly lost), and I ended up pouting as I strummed through a few songs.

Similar incidents have happened in my life since, most prominent of them being my discernment of religious life. Often times, just describing the difference between a friar and a monk can take 20 minutes. Explaining the depths of my vocation can be an hour long conversation...usually followed by the exact same talk with another person 10 minutes afterwards.

So when I had a chance to reflect on the Gospel this Sunday about the Wedding at Cana, I tried to look at this Gospel through a different lens than usual:

Jesus and his disciples are there at a celebration, having a good time. And in the midst of everything, Mary comes up to him and asks him to do something. He resists at first (for reasons he can only articulate in metaphor), but Mary knows her Son. Eventually he has the servers fill the jars, and the glory of God is shown in His first sign...after being pushed into it by his Mother.

Praying and reflecting on this image, I came up with two big points for personal reflection and challenge this week:

1. Sometimes I need a swift kick in the butt to get on the proper track. If you ask any of the novices or formators here, they'll tell you my favorite line is: "Don't tell me what to do!" (a sarcastic statement I use as we learn Obedience) It can be an issue of pride when someone corrects or tells me what I should be doing, but I've found that, like Jesus, Moms tend to be right. And if this story presents a model of Mary encouraging her Son, than it also provides a model for me to be humble and listen to those around me.

2. I don't always know what my gifts and talents are, or sometimes I want to be selfish or shy about them. Earlier I stated that discussing my vocation story can seem like a chore, but with reflecting and understanding I see that I'm not doing anything...rather The Spirit is working in others through me. So while I may be challenged to continue to talk about myself and my life conversion, the challenge is to remember that it's not about me! Perhaps something I say or write will challenge someone, or give another person the insiration to do something...things I could never know. I may not like being pushed into doing things, but my challenge is to remember there are more important things than my pride.

I think I need to go call my mom now. Peace!

A Prayer for Haiti

2010-01-15T16:28:00.002-05:00

This simple prayer was written by the Pastoral Director of my ministry. It is reprinted here for all to use (with permission, of course!) Please keep those affected by earthquake in your prayers.

Prayer for the Victims of the Earthquake in Haiti

Dear God,
We ask you to give comfort and strength to the people of Haiti. May they know of your love and care thorugh the actions and prayers of the world community. We pray that they may receive spiritual and material help through the generosity of the world community.

We pray also for those who ahve died, may they rest in the peace of your Heavenly Kingdom. May their families and friends find solace through their prayers and the prayers of others.

Amen.

Halfway There!

2010-01-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

With the Christmas Season finished and the first week of Ordinary Time underway, we've reached the halfway point of our Canonical Year. To see the difference of summer from when we first arrived is a start reality of how much time I've been here. With all the land that we have here at the Novitiate to plow and shovel, the frigid cold and the burden of snow is a stark reminder that our time here is not all fun and games.

For some, there is the desire to start marking off the days until Novitiate is done...similar to how someone might count the days until they're released from prison. Perhaps there exists some level of anxiety that parallels these two experiences. For me, there are times I just want to get home.

What is unique and telling about my life in discernment and formation is that "home" means something very different. For me, "going home" is about getting back to my province in the Mid-West, getting settled into the post-novitiate house in Chicago, and starting work on studies and specific ministries. The experience of working in the car business - spending long hours at work, putting in extra time to complete a task, etc. - is an example of who I am. I'm excited about working again (be it school work or ministry); I think I've started to find the balance from my old "Work Hard, Play Hard" mentality.

I certainly don't want to diminish the growth and prayerful experience I've had in these first six months (8, if you count the two months spent in Victoria, KS). I've read more about prayer, theology, spirituality, papal documents, Canon Law, etc. than I ever thought I would. The benefit of having the time to process all these different things as well as having the support and feedback of numerous friars is an experience that I can't truly convey in a single post. Six months into this life, and I realize that I will never have another year like this in my life.

So while I had a "Countdown Till Postulancy" years ago on my blog, I won't be counting the days until First Profession. I realize that this time is precious (even if I miss being away from my family, friends, and my province) and the best thing I can do as an aspiring friar is to soak in everything, learn all I possibly can, and keep praying for my and my brothers' vocations.

And in the meantime, we'll find new ways to deal with all the snow.

Prayers: A Franciscan Benediction

2010-01-10T19:44:00.001-05:00

While there is no historical basis that this prayer came from Francis, it's easy to see that it exists in the Franciscan tradition and is based on the teachings and life of Francis of Assisi. I've seen this prayer in different forms - I've posted it for reflection and for inspiration as we look at our own baptismal calls and how we will live them out after experiencing the celebration of God's incarnation and self-emptying love to live as one of us.

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done,
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Franciscan Prayer Part 3: God's Insatiable Desire

2010-01-07T09:43:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to continue this Series of articles written by Fr. William Hugo OFM Cap. (formator, Franciscan scholar, friar, and a good friend). But with the many visitors we've had since Christmas I haven't had a chance to write as much as I'd like. My apologies to those who've been interested in this series on Franciscan Prayer.

Many people approach me with the question, “What should I do to pray?” The question might suggest that they think prayer starts with them. Instead, I imagine Francis and Clare of Assisi starting with God, and, in particular, with God’s desire. Since it is obvious that we can desire all kinds of things that lead us away from God, it is important to examine our desire. But when we start by considering God’s desire, I find that questions about our desire fall into place.

When Francis and Clare gaze at God, they see big desire. First, God expresses so much desire that the result is creation. God wants to share himself by creating others. But then, for reasons we might describe as sin or limitation, creation becomes separated from God, and God absolutely hates that! Ever since the breach between God and creatures, God has desired to heal it, and every moment of God’s existence is filled with God’s work to accomplish this. Now that’s desire!

Perhaps you are wondering why I refer to God’s desire rather than God’s will. I’m fairly convinced that, when most people hear God’s will, they begin to wonder what concrete things God wants them to do. This often seems to be about what’s in God’s head. Francis and Clare seem to focus less on what God wants done and more on whom God wants. God wants his creation back. This spiritual intuition is more concerned with God’s heart than his head. It’s full of passion that seems akin to sexual passion. Well, it should, and that is why I prefer to talk of God’s desire over his will.

The relationship of two people in love is never simply about scant looks back and forth. That is more akin to infatuation. A love relationship begins when people interact on a personal level, and the responses of one grow out of the actions of the other. Our relationship with God is similar. It’s about passion for a person, and it begins with God’s behavior of creating us and then a host of other actions to which we get to respond. Our choices become clearer once we’ve experienced God’s desire.

The next article on Franciscan prayer will focus on how Francis and Clare increasingly understand God as they experience his desire. How does God express it? What is God like? What is he willing to do to be successful in passionate pursuit of us?

(William Hugo is Director of Postulancy and teaches Franciscan spirituality and history. He authored Studying the Life of Francis of Assisi: A Beginner’s Workbook, Franciscan Press, 1996.)

Previous articles can be found here.

The Canticle of Francis

2010-01-01T15:58:00.001-05:00

Most people are familiar with Francis of Assisi's Canticle of the Creatures. In Italy this song is still used as means of learning the language. The words and depth of this canticle about "Brother Sun" and "Sister Moon" have lasted through the centuries.

Last Transitus I adapted Francis' canticle to be used for a procession to for the vigil. I've heard "All Creatures of Our God and King" and "Canticle of the Creatures" enough times at this point that I wanted something new. So I decided to write my own version.

Unfortunately I've not done anything with it since. I decided to share this version to either be read, sung, or chanted. I've included the tone changes and, should anyone be interested, I can share the music I used originally when writing it.

Enjoy.

The Canticle of Francis

Francis of Assisi

adapted by Br. Vito Martinez, OFM Cap.

Unto you Lord, Most High, your praise we sing

You reveal your glor-y in all things

To you alone all blessings do belong

None of us worthy to speak your Holy name

Praise be to You, My Lord, through Brother Sun

Bringer of day, he greets us with the dawn

Ví-brant and warm his rays of light

And bears likeness to you, O God on high

Praise be to you, my Lord, through Sister Moon

And through the stars that gleam and light the sky

Praise be to you, my Lord, through Brother Wind

He brushes our face, then races through the trees

Praise for the air, both cloud-y and serene

Breathes in life to all creatures of our King

Praise be to you, my Lord, through Sister Water*

Useful, humble, precious, a-nd pure

Praise be to you, My Lord, through Brother Fire

Illumines the night as he guides us on our way

Beautiful, playful, ro - bust, and strong

Giver of warmth, he dances for us all

Praised be to you, through Sister, Mother Earth

The off’ring of bread and wine, she grants to us first

Sustainer and the gov'ness of our lives

Abundance and beauty we see in all she provides*

Praised be to you, my Lord, through Sister Death

From her hand no mortal can escape.

* While the last part of each line is a three-note interval, some strophes have a 4-syllable ending. In those instances I've either shortened "fire" to one syllable or shortened the length of the note: "all she.."

"Stay A While!" (A Priest's Invitation During Mass)

2009-12-27T15:37:00.000-05:00

One of the things that people find annoying at Mass is the people who leave early...usually right after receiving Communion. I understand that the church is packed, parking is a pain, and the game (whichever sport that may be) starts 20 minutes after Mass; but going to Mass is a committment of one's faith not an extra that is squeezed between a night out and a day of vegging out. It's disrespectful to God, the presider, and the gathered parish community.

So I was pleasantly surprised when I attended a recent Mass and heard the presider say:

"Out of respect for our Lord and for the Lord's people gathered here today, I ask you all to stay until the Mass is finished."

I found his statement to be thought-filled, respectful, and in keeping with the spirit of the Liturgy. People leaving early is something all parish priests have to deal with. As I am still discerning a calling towards the priesthood along with my vocation to the Capuchin Franciscans, innovative and respectful priests such as the one who presided on this occassion inspire me to continue considering a life as a priest.

After the blessing, he pleaded again. "Before you go," he called to the people trying to sneak out, "Stay a while! Grab a hymnal...and join the rest of us in song for the Christmas Season." Unfortunately we were sitting too far up front to see how many people were trying to leave early.

It was a respectful and challenging attempt to reach out to parishioners...definitely something for me to remember for later days.

A Poetic Christmas Homily from a Capuchin

2009-12-24T09:26:00.001-05:00

My provincial minister, John Celichowski OFM Cap. wrote a wonderful homily for Christmas. Since he has posted his homily on our website: www.thecapuchins.org, I decided to include it here. If you choose to you all or part of this homily in your worship or own homily, I humbly ask that you give recognition to my provincial.

Peace and God Bless this Christmas season. -Br. Vito Martinez, OFM Cap.

Twas the night before Christmas
Two Thousand and Nine.
Not a creature was stirring.
I was standing in line.

I’m a last-minute shopper,
And so there I was
In the check-out at Wal-Mart
When I felt a great buzz…

My cell phone, now hung
By my belt with some care,
Urgently asked me
To answer it there.

The line wasn’t moving,
So I picked up the phone.
My wife called and said,
“Well, I’m here all alone.”

“The children are sleeping,
All tucked in their beds,
While visions of Zhu Zhu pets
Dance in their heads.”

Since I was still out
My wife wasn’t shy
To add to our list
Of stuff we should buy.

So with a chuckle and sigh
I finished more shopping,
Checked out and drove home
Without even stopping.

I got just in the house
When I heard such a clatter,
I ran to the front door
To see what was the matter!

Away down the porch stairs
I flew like a flash,
But I slipped on the ice
And fell down with a crash!
When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear
But a miniature sleigh and
Eight tiny reindeer!

They were scrunched in the back
Of a small SUV,
And Santa in front
With a small Christmas tree.

It was perched on the dashboard
And made quite a sight
With ornaments, garland,
And plenty of lights.

Santa pulled to the curb
And got out of the truck.
He noticed my stare
And said, “I had some good luck.”

“The old sleigh was too heavy
And became quite a junker
So I traded it in
When they had ‘Cash for Clunkers.’”

“Can you give me a hand?”
He asked as he gathered our stuff
“I’ve got a large sack
But it won’t be enough.”

So I helped the saint out
And we brought the gifts in.
To be blessed with so many
Almost felt like a sin.

As he dragged in our gifts
With a grimace and frown,
He saw our old loveseat
And asked to sit down.

His tired expression
Then started to change
When he saw some fresh cookies
Cooling off on our range.

So I went to the kitchen
And fixed him a plate
With a nice glass of milk.
He said, “This is great!”

Santa ate the whole platter
With barely a word,
Then he sat back in his chair.
The man barely stirred.

He went strangely silent,
The jolly old elf.
His eyes tightly closed,
He went into himself.

It seemed like forever,
But the silence soon broke.
His eyes then grew misty,
And Santa Claus spoke:

“I don’t get it,” he said
As he looked ‘round the room,
“While folks should be happy,
It’s all gloom and doom.”

“Folks losing their houses….
Can’t find any work….
To say, “Merry Christmas!’
Makes me fell like a jerk.”

Barack got the Peace Prize
While expanding a war
And Congress’ fighting
Makes everyone sore.

The nations of the world
All argue and bicker
While the oceans are rising
Ever quicker and quicker.

“But what worries me most”
Santa then said to me,
“Is what I see here…”
And he glanced toward our tree.

“Does it look fake to you?”
I asked with concern.
“We wanted a real one
But feared it might burn.”

“Is it the garland,” I asked,
“Too little or too much?
“Or the ‘Transformers’ Santa
That sits in our hutch?”

Santa then shook his head.
“No, look over there.”
Then he pointed his finger
Toward the back of a chair.

And there, in a corner,
Near some gifts for our pet,
Stood an old family heirloom:
Our Nativity Set.

It was still in the box,
Like some garbage we’d tossed.
An old Christmas orphan
Forgotten and lost.

“So often I see that,”
He said with some sadness.
“And Jesus gets lost
In this gift-giving madness.”

The stores now gear up
For the holiday scene
Within only a day
After we have Halloween.

“What is Christmas?” he asked.
He then went on to say,
“It’s a time to give thanks for
God’s loving way.”

“Long, long ago,
In a land poor and cold
Our Savior was born,
The One promised of old.”

“Emmanuel came,
A child fragile and poor.
He was laid in a manger
In a world so unsure.”

“His mother and father
Were amazed when they saw
The shepherds and magi
Approach him with awe.”

“The angels had told them,
‘God’s with you, don’t fear!’
But they’d almost forgotten
When the found themselves here.”

“The Light of the World
Thus came to our earth,
To bring us new life
Through a new kind of birth.”

“He reached out to sinners,
The sick and the lost.
His mission was short.
He paid quite a cost.”

“He challenged injustice.
He made the lame walk.
He fed the five thousand.
He made the mute talk.

“He taught his disciples
There’s victory through loss,
And then…he showed them:
He died on the cross.”

“That wasn’t the end, though.
Christ rose from the grave!
The world that destroyed him
Was the world he would save.”

“That,” Santa said,
As he rose from his seat,
“Is the true meaning of Christmas
The gift that’s most sweet.”

Then he reached ‘round that chair
And opened the box,
That stood there behind it
Right next to the socks.

He took out the statues,
The straw and the stable,
And laid them all out
On our living room table.

He finished and stepped back.
Then he knelt down to pray.
Santa slowly got up
And went on his way.

But I heard him exclaim
As he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good night!”

Apologies to Clement Clark Moore -John Celichowski, OFM Cap.

A Technical Writer's Night Before Christmas

2009-12-23T19:05:00.001-05:00

Sent to me by one of the friars. Enjoy!

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn."

Christmas At Novitiate

2009-12-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

My presence has been light on the internet these days as we prepare for Christmas this Advent. For all of us, spending time away from home can be a tough challenge, and so we've learned to adapt to this holiday this year.

The Australian novices have had a wonderful time here in the states with the recent snow here in Pittsburgh. The first big snow was a wonderful time - a change from someone like me who's so used to snow, that I only see it as a nuisance. Having the Australians here allows us to reconnect with our own sense of wonder, whether its the snow or a large display of The Chipmunks when we went to see Avatar.

(left to right) Nate, Quan, John, and myself

Christmas can be a tough time, especially for some of the guys here who've never spent the holidays away from family before. An ex-car salesman like me has spent plenty of holidays doing things instead of being with family. Some of the guys haven't been away from home for extended periods of time, and sometimes you can see it on their face. Please keep these guys in your prayers.

For the most part it has been a joyous Advent as we prepare for Christmas. While there were won't be a liturgy of Eucharist here, I am doing the music for Mass at the local retirement community I minister to on Fridays. I'm not the best singer, nor do I claim to be the best Music Director, but the Pastoral Director there is excited about having music for the Feast of the Nativity.

Christmas Day I will have the Homily from my provincial, John Celichowski, posted online.

From our Novitiate house to yours, may you all have a wonderful holiday season.

Peace,
-Vito

Novice Br. Rich Rienhardt viewing a light display in Hardwood Acres.